[Palmtrees22]

When do you think you’ll get there? When do you think I should make that call? I can’t tell if this is actually hopeless or I’m just growing impatient.

[Palmtrees22]

Do you think you’d feel better if you were the one to ultimately walk away?

[Palmtrees22]

i don’t really know what it is. Sometimes I think it’s because we’ve gone through this cycle before it’s hard to believe it’ll ever end. Times I have thought it was definitely over, we ended up trying (the wrong way) to work it out so its hard now, when he’s still talking to me, to pull myself away. But yeah, maybe I’m just sticking around for what seems “easy” even though it is clearly NOT easy.

[Palmtrees22]

Oh and in regards to the birthday thing– we already had this debate, but I still maintain you should base it on your own ability to handle it if he doesnt respond. if it won’t be too big of a set back, then go for it

[Palmtrees22]

Amy,

I feel you, although we are in contact I feel a little like going so fast at first undid all the progress we made in no contact and now I’m just getting texts because he’s bored on occasion. I’m feeling ready to give up but I honestly just don’t know how. Every time I’ve thought it was over in the past he has come back, which makes it difficult to believe it will ever really be over. I change my mind about whether I want to keep trying or not every few hours, it’s exhausting.

[Palmtrees22]

Remind me how old she is?

[Palmtrees22]

Also, fishing, it bothers me a lot that she jumps into relationships right after being with you every time. Not only is she messing with you feelings but someone else’s as well. It seems a little selfish for lack of a better word.

[Palmtrees22]

Soupy,

Thanks for the encouragement. How are things going for you? Any updates regarding your ex’s daughter?

Fishing,
I am 27, my ex is 33. I think part of the problem is we are both at a point where continuing feels like a potentially lifetime commitment. We both want marriage and a family and are concerned about “wasting time” with the wrong person.

[Palmtrees22]

Maybe I’m delusional and he has no interest at all. ?

[Palmtrees22]

Well yes and no. We went a month without a word to one another so that habit was kicked in that time. He then came to me wanting to start things up again and we moved too quickly and realized we needed to back off and couldn’t jump right into things. But you are right that I shouldn’t be reading too much into it. I’m doubtful that it will escalate, so mentally I’m trying to move on, without saying that to him and jeopardizing any warming up that he might be doing.

[Palmtrees22]

I like the idea of a deadline, but I’m not sure when that should be. And again, I wish I knew if these small touches from him were signs of progress or just signs of his boredom. I know I feel better when I let him take the lead, so maybe I’ll just do that… Continue letting him initiate things and if it doesn’t pick up soon I’ll know it was meaningless.

[Palmtrees22]

It might not sound like it but I can totally understand your frustration. I’m in a bit of a holding pattern myself and unsure what to do (wondering if these texts are a slow way to start anew or a way to ensure I’m still hanging on by a thread). I definitely agree that there are situations in which the best thing is to let go; however, I believe that depends less upon what the other person is doing and more upon the emotional state of the person who is waiting it out. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of good work to better yourself and I would hate to see your ex cause you to back track because you’re so frustrated. At the same time, you do see determined to make it work- in which case my advice is to continue giving space.

It’s a hard space to be in, not being sure if you want to hang on or let go. I waiver with it every day and I’m currently in a state of inaction, which is driving me crazy, causing a loss of sleep, unfortunate thoughts about what may be going on on his end, etc. but I feel as though all I can do until I’ve made up my mind is take a pause, because I’ve already tried to ask him to go away and immediately regretted it.

[Palmtrees22]

Fishing, I read your story on the other page and it sounds like your history with your ex is turbulent to say the least. I am sorry you are feeling hopeless right now, but I think your ex’s request for space seems like potentially the best thing for your future; sometimes people need a chance to press the reset button. You might have scared her when you sent those aggressive texts (something she is likely sensitive too) she has been in a bad situation before and likely wants to avoid another one. Anything reminiscent of her past probably sends her running further and faster and I’m afraid her birthday maybe came a little too quickly on the heels of your latest incident for her to be happy about it. On the bright side, I don’t think this means your situation is hopeless, I think it needs more time. If you can harness the patience to let her heal (which will be longer than the time it takes you to heal), then I think you’ll experience more success. Try not to be overly discouraged by her lack of response- she’s trying to clear her head, which is not a bad thing.

[Palmtrees22]

Hopefully tomorrow you’ll feel better when it is not her birthday anymore. Keep us posted!

[Palmtrees22]

Yeah, I don’t mean to complain about what would have seemed like a gift while we were in no contact, because I understand the agony you are in. This is harder for me for some reason, we are all different.

[Author]

Posts