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It sounds like you both agreed on the three months of no contact. Is that correct?
I agree two weeks is not enough time, I meant to say two more weeks. But I almost think given the amount of times we’ve tried to work things out maybe more is necessary. Truthfully, we never had much space. A few days of not talking and only a few weeks without seeing each other before we’d end up dating again. We can’t even help ourselves and it has caused a lot more damage because we know about one another’s attempts to rebound and even though it’s not my business it hurts me to find out these things and made it hard to work things out. We all seem to be dealing with stubborn people- my situation is no different. He seems determined to be done this time; I think that hopelessness is making it harder for me to focus on me. Ugh.
Amy,
Hold back unless he brings it up again. Then calmly ask what makes him think that because you haven’t been doing so– that seems very strange to me.
You can’t force him to be open with you if he is lying; but by remaining calm he may be more likely to be more forthcoming. In my experience, guys seem to think women overthink everything so bringing up the past may frustrate him more than anything
How long are all of you planning on doing no contact for? My ex and I tried to get back together soon after breaking up twice. It clearly wasn’t enough time apart (although the most we had gone without talking was about 5 days).
We have been broken up finally, finally since early June but are only at two weeks without contact. I am having a hard time staying away from his social media account. I saw he added a girl he had hooked up with during one of our off periods on Instagram and it bummed me out– al though a part of me wonders if he’s immature enough to do this because he knows I’ll see it. Point is, I feel like if I’m still feeling this strongly after two weeks I’ll need more than an additional two weeks. A part of me hopes he’ll realize that he took me for granted, another part of me thinks that’s pathetic. You all seem to have a good perspective and are farther along in this process so any advice or insight into when I might start feeling better would be great.
I also apologize if this is hijacking– I suppose that’s what you get for forming such a wonderful support group 🙂
I have a feeling he will reach out to you. This is a big deal and he probably pictured you being there. That said, I wish you could do more to distract yourself. Sometimes I just walk around and listen to books on tape or hike with my dog or even meditate. Honestly, I’m the skeptic who would always brush off meditation but I now realize the practice of mindfulness is helpful in pretty much every area of your life.
The common thing in every article, “program”, or advice column is just to make yourself a better person. If this attracts him, great. If not, you reap all the benefits. I’d be lying if I said I weren’t still hopeful, I totally am. But I’m just doing my best to be more self-centered (in a positive way) it has been helpful on many levels.
Leogirl,
What is the update?
I had the misfortune of passing my ex driving home another girl over the weekend. At first I acted cool about it. The reality is that one night stands don’t necessarily mean anything… Except for, you know, the disrespect when you’ve purposefully kept an ex on the hook. So eventually I got upset with him because I know I will be unable to move past this and now we have no chance of working it out. He then got mad at me for getting upset and told me I left him feeling broken…In my opinion, HE left himself Needless to say, we haven’t talked all week.
There is definitely something to be said for knowing that you tried everything on your end (makes it easier to be fully done instead of wondering what if) but man does it sting when you start to see someone’s true colors come out.
I don’t want to be harsh with you because that doesn’t help anyone, but I don’t want you to hold out for this guy that doesn’t seem to be prioritizing you in the way you need or would have prioritized him. Unless he shows signs of a STRONG effort (not bread crumbs) I would stick with NC or LC
Also, I want to give you both some encouragement because this will get easier as time moves on. As long as you keep going forward it gets easier. He might move on, he might come back– either way, you’ll be fine. But don’t settle for less than what you deserve or it won’t be worth having.
Leo girl,
Your story made me so sad and my heart aches for you, but if it makes you feel just slightly better, it is stopping me from making the same mistake. After a confusing week post-Break up, I finally asked my ex to stop talking to me. He made it 2.5 days before reaching out. I responded “glad to hear it,” (3 hours later) which I thought was fine because no response seems colder than I’m willing to go but it didn’t invited any more conversation.
Of course today, I gave in an texted him about an accomplishment at work. The conversation was good and brief and it is very apparent that he misses me BUT it’s a step into backsliding. I know once we are chatting a little we’ll start chatting a lot and I’ll go back to him without him making any improvements and me doing all the work to make it work. OR there’s always the possibility of him sleeping with someone else without us having a defined boundary line. Which would kill me.
I hope I don’t offend you by using your story as a cautionary tale. What I mean to say is that I feel empowered to stop this cycle in its tracks so thank you.
