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He’s a rebound. Leave her alone and do No Contact. You want her completely stuck with this other guy – no option of going to you. Why? She will burnout faster. Right now, she is staying with him because in any way he lacks, she can still go to you.
If you do NC and take yourself out of it, she is left with nothing but him. Which she doesn’t really want. If she did, she wouldn’t keep talking to you.
Just try NC. It will work. Let her suffer with that loser! She will miss you and come back. But you can’t miss someone that won’t go away!
Dara, he is an alcoholic. It is not like he’s just drinking and it’s not a problem.
Does anyone else have some insight on how to handle this sort of situation? I’m just lost at what to do and how to deal with alcoholics.
Oh, and another thing. He hasn’t tried to contact me at all – not even to apologize for showing up so drunk to my place. I’m pretty hurt by this, as I at least deserve an apology.
Az, thank you so much for your advice. It’s true, I was really angry about everything and reacted rashly.
I guess what I mean by getting him back is, I don’t want who he is right now back. I don’t want this drunken liar back. I want him to get sober and be the man he has been for the last five years. THAT is who I want back. I want my NC and not being in his life to be a huge wake up call to try harder to clean up. I just can’t be with who he is right now. 🙁
I feel like my Ex is also doing no contact to me, too! It sucks because I really want to hear from him (even if I wouldn’t answer, it’s just nice to know he cares). But once this is over, we will both be more clear-headed.
You should absolutely remove your status. Don’t change it – that will alert everyone on Facebook. There is an option to just hide it from your profile. Do that. You don’t want him to change his first, you will feel awful. I would suggest also removing him as your friend (so you both can’t see what each other is doing). The less he knows about your life during NC, the better. Leave it up to his imagination.
That said, continue NC. Stay strong. If this was over a silly argument, he absolutely will miss you once he isn’t so attached to his anger. NC gives you both the time and space to think clearly. Make him miss you! And good luck!
Wow, this sounds very similar to my situation. In my case, I broke up with my boyfriend over his drinking and lying about it.
So, coming from your girlfriends perspective, I’m still hurting even though I ended things. No one wants to watch someone they love suffer. And addicts bring everyone down with them. Every time you told her you were getting better, you gave her false hope. That deceit is really hard to get past.
That said, congratulations on actually getting better! I hope my ex has your strength. You are doing everything right by cleaning up and taking care of yourself. Finish out NC and then call her to meet with you. Then, you can explain that you have been sober for X amount of time now, and you will do anything in your power to makeup for everything you put her through. We understand lying is apart of addiction, but it still hurts. It’s very hard to walk away from someone you love, especially when they’re suffering. She didn’t want to do this, she felt like she had no choice.
By giving her some space and distance, it’ll take the edge off of her pain. And it gives you more time being sober, so when you do talk, she will know you’re serious about cleaning up. At least, that’s why I’m doing NC with my ex. I’m hoping more than anything he will be a month into his sobriety and doing whatever it takes to earn my trust back.
She still loves you. Give her time and hang in there!
