[Napoleon]

Kaila, neither did I knew I was this strong. This is life testing you, if you can endure a traumatic breakup you can endure almost everything. For me there was a point when the pain was so terribly unbearable that I thought my heart would just explode and I would just die right there. It was then my instinct to “survive” kicked in. I was willing to do everything in order to live a life worth living.

Traumatic experiences like this are necessary catalysts to stimulate our self-consciousness. It’s at these points in our lives that we do our best introspection, we have our ‘moments of clarity’;. It’s a wake up call. You have two options: throw in the towel or fight with all your strengths.

During these 4 months I did a lot of reading, talked with smart experienced people and draw my own conclusions, these are the lessons aI learned:
– There is no soul mate. It’s a myth! It’s illogical from a evolutionary point of view. This false belief hurts your healing.
– Never be afraid to lose your partner. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
– You need to be happy and feel good when alone/single. Only then you’re ready to have a relationship. If you aren’t happy alone, any relationship you enter will be bad.
– Romantic love isn’t as idealized in Hollywood movies. It’s just a combination of some hormones which leads to sub-conscious decisions that motivates a person to find or select the best partner possible that he/she can get in order to reproduce. It’s nature in action – ruthless and cruel. Basically your partner left you because he/she thought they can do better.
The good news is that you can be better :). Knowing is half of the battle. If you deny reality it will work against you.

Here some sites with really good information:

For those who are still trying to get their ex, very inspiring:
http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/yess-you-can-attract-your-ex

A blog especially for men with some harsh true, for understanding the women mind:

The Best of Rational Male – Year One

I recommend this article to everyone:

There is no One.

A blog for helping women understand men better and improving their dating skill:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/p/about-this-blog.html

Those two last sites I posted avoid political correctness so read it with a open mind.
If you any question just ask.

[Napoleon]

You must have faith and let her alone. By contacting her it will push her away even more. It’s probably a rebound. You know what Kevin says about rebounds. So chill out 😉

[Napoleon]

Suddenly feeling really down. The thoughts of her with another man are killing me.

I know that feeling! It’s horrible. I feel for you.

I don’t know for sure if my ex is seeing another guy. But I’m most certainlly she is. One day I passed by her work and saw her car parking late night. I just assumed she went on a date with another guy. Actually seeing it made me feel angry and my feelings for her start decreasing. I felt more motivated to hit another girls.

Right now I think we must accept our exes went date another guys. The best thing we can do is also date another girls and hope the best for the future.

[Napoleon]

That’s exactly what I plan to do @munya . I’ll give it a month, if I find it too hard to handle it I’ll just move to another gym.

I’ll be honest with you I think handled the break up pretty well. I even surprised myself. But the day I saw her walking by at the gym my hands and legs started to tremble. I had to make a tremendouslly effort to keep my posture just to walk straight. It was so unexpected!

If I saw her again I’ll be better prepared.

Like you said it’s hard to know why she joined the gym. One thing is certain, she knows I’m feeling better otherwise she wouldn’t join the gym. When she break up with me she told me that didn’t want to hurt me and would respect my space. I have told her back then that we should avoid seeing each other because it would be too hard for me.

Ya seeing an ex facebook sucks really hard. That’t why I removed her. LOL

[Napoleon]

Divjun thank you for replying 🙂

Yesterday I started believing that I really didn’t saw her. I start believing my mind was playing tricks, since I only saw her face partially and it didn’t make any sense she joining the gym, but today I got the confirmation, from a friend, that it was really her.

Now I must do my job and play it cool like Fonzie :). Honestlly I don’t really know if I want her back. A part of me just wants to hug her, other part remembers all the suffering and just doesn’t wants to suffer again.

One thing is sure! I’m not he same person I was two months ago. I’m better, I don’t need her. Maybe I want her. Let’s see.

[Napoleon]

I fast read your story. First don’t aplogize so much! Second don’t talk about your past relationship, talk about good memories. Do no contact again, and by all means, meet another women, only then you may contact her.

[Napoleon]

Arjum I’m sorry to tell you this but you need to grow some balls! You must put in mind that friendship isn’t a option. Don’t be happy for her, she left you god dammit. By displaying that emotinonal crap your pushing her away.

My advice to you:

1. Don’t contact her in any circunstances for at least one month (I would recommend even more), even if she begs you.
2. Make yourself more attractive!
– More muscles, less body fat
– New clothes
– Build your confidence!
3. Meet other women
– the hotter they are the better, if your ex knows your seeing other women that’s even hotter than her it will blow her mind.

Never ever say that you sill care or love her. She must feel that you don’t love her anymore. Don’t talk about emotions, real men don’t talk about emotions, at least in the attraction phase. Talking about emotions demonstrates weakness. Weak men are so unattractive!

Basically this is what your ex is trying to communicate you:

“I really need a confident strong man to take care of me, but everytime I reach to you , you display so many pathetic traits of a weak man. Now I’m sure I made the right decision leaving you! I’m glad I’m with this new guy”

“Maybe next week I’ll try to reach again just to see if you had grow some balls. I really hope you would just ignore me, it would mean that you’ve some self-control which is very attractive in a real man. Maybe then my attraction for you will grow.”

Don’t get offend by this but you need to awake pal. I’ve been seen another women and talk with many guys who has success with women and believe me! Nice guys finish last!

[Napoleon]

I’m glad it helped 🙂

I found out this article 3 weeks ago and read it almost 10 times so far lol. It’s so uplifting 🙂 I believe it 100%!

I woke up this morning missing my ex really bad, and I didn’t even feel minimally tempted to contact her. I know if I do it I’ll push her even away. When she broke up with me I was so insecure and weak, no wonder she left me. I believe she wonders why I didn’t contact her yet.

Yesterday at my grandparents home I saw my 4 year old cousin playing with some toys, there was this fire truck toy completed neglected by her side so I decided to grab it and give it to my another 5 year cousin across the room. When she saw it, she completely freak out, she left the toys she was playing with and wanted the fire truck so bad.

This to tell there’s this instinct that operates in peoples subconscious to desire what they can’t have, especially if they know it was theirs before. That’s why false friendships and contact soon after a break up just can’t work. Your ex will only desire you when they really feel they might lose you forever. Hell, I first attracted my ex using this principle without even realizing.

Believe me your exes will regret, they can’t throw a lot of years out of the window just like that, a long relationship like that indicates there was real love and attraction at some point. If it you had once you can have it again, but it’s very important to change your life for the best.

Some years ago I read a novel, about a man happily married, and suddenly his wife left him and disappear without any apparent reason. It was a spiritually crusade of self-improvement and in the end of the journey the man finally finds his wife, that’s when he realized that in order to be able to find her, he first had to find himself.

This book ended with the following quote: “The taste of things recovered is the sweetest honey we will ever know.”

Not you, but your exes one day, if they’re lucky, will understand this quote better than anybody.

So go back to work, end with this self-pity nonsense, it may seem counter intuitive but self-pity is addictive.

Write your goals, there’s a lot you can improve, one day at time.
When the novelty of your exes new relationships ends and nostalgia start kicking in their butts, that’s then the roles will reverse.

In my life I never gained nothing by being negative but gained a lot by being positive.

Stay strong

[Napoleon]

Hello everybody, here some info that could make you feel a little better and keep you motivated. You’re not alone, you may feel that your situation is the worst
in the world, I felt the same way.

I’ve been dumped by my ex-girlfriend a month ago from a 8 year and half relationship.
I’ve been doing non contact since the second day of the break up. Until now I don’t know nothing from her.

@LAbound like you, we’re “kind” each others first, she told me that she saw me like a friend and didn’t feel the passion, but still loved me.
To keep it short she lost the attraction big time, I became more needy and insecure on the last year, it was a vicious cycle. When she break up with me I couldn’t
believe I thought I was gonna die.

I agree with you @LAbound when you say the advantage of being in a long relationship is that the bond is strong, for that I feel the non contact period
Should be longer.

Anyway, I have the luck of having a very good friend which I talk a lot and helped me lift my confidence.

Same as me he was dumped after 8 a year relationship (2 years ago). To make things worse there was some cheating involved in the final days of their relationship.
In the first 3 days after the break up he only ate a small cheese sandwich (he was alone in another country) he cried like a baby and he told me that he
was so close to throw himself out of the window just to end his suffering.

A week later with tears in his eyes he closed his fist and with all his rage he smacked againt the wall and he promised that he’ll become stronger and improve his life and make his ex regret the day she left him.

Guess what, a year later she regretted big time, her life isn’t that great now, she dated a couple of assholes.
On the other hand my friend has a excellent girlfriend which loves him deeply.

His ex told him that it was all an illusion, she thought that it was for the best, I guess that the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
My friend still admits that has feelings for her, but he would never hurt his current girlfriend going back with his ex. His goal was achieved, she regretted!

Happened to another friend of mine too, dumped from a 7 year relationship, a year later she comes back crying. He told her the following:
“A year ago I couldn’t imagine my life without you, now I can’t imagine my life with you!” She cried like a baby.

What those two my friends had in common? They become a better man and became happy, their exes became re-attracted! Unfortunately for their exes they had really moved on.

Back to me, I’m focusing in myself, I already lost some body fat and gained some muscle, bought some great clothes, restored my social life. I’m really focus
in self-improvement, changed my diet completely, I changed some things that initially I thought impossible, and still I feel I can improve much more.
Is it easy?! Hell no, far from it!! But the pain of the discipline is nothing compared with the pain of being dumped by the women you loved more than life itself.

Think like this, anytime you contact them and you aren’t feeling real good you’re pushing them far away, it’s true, I’ve seen it in another relationships.
Our best chance of getting them back is non contact and a LOT of self improvement. Don’t be friends of you ex! Just don’t! Use only false friendship in the last
stage of getting them back.

My friend already told me that he’s 90% sure that my ex will regret the day she left me, he tells me that I look better than the time when I was with my ex.

Still, now a month later I don’t feel prepared to contact her, it’s too soon, I will wait at leat more 3 more months.
I have a checklist that I need to do before contact her. I’m not confident enought…yet.
I really doubt that she contacts me, she is very proud, let’s see.

Don’t get me wrong I still feel a lot of pain, is normal, but use this pain as a fuel. I’m guessing you’ll do anything for going back with your exes. This is it,
the price you need to pay, you best bet. Just do it!

This is the law of nature, only the strong survive, you see it everytime in the jungle when the lion kills the zebra, diseases, etc, life is not fair, period.
It’s the same with relationships. Love is beautiful but it is cruel if it wasn’t, nobody would leave nobody.

Here a post that helped me a lot: http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/yess-you-can-attract-your-ex

And here’s a motivation video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JAHAFvcr2o#t=45 😀

Happy new year

[Author]

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