[ms.n.u]

I’m currently 26 and on another “break” with my ex. Like @atea1234, my ex had tried to take a break when we were younger to “see what was out there” and “get some stuff out of his system”. we tried an open relationship, but i couldn’t deal with it and i wound up giving him an ultimatum that we had to be in a committed relationship and move in together or nothing. he agreed to move in together but wound up cheating on me within a year because i pressured him. the moral of the story is that i pressured him and never let him do what he needed to. i tried to persuade him to come back any way i could and i tried to control what he was and was not allowed to do while we were on previous breaks or in an open relationship. i did all of this to try to prevent myself from feeling pain. now, six years later, tons of my friends are getting engaged/married and my ex still isn’t ready to commit. the pain is way worse now.

the advice i wish someone had given me years ago was 1) if you want a relationship for the long term, you can’t think in the short term. even if there is short term pain (i.e.: a break) if that is what your partner needs you need to give it to them freely. there is always a chance this person will come back, but they might come back with resentment and baggage if you don’t let them be free. and 2) work on yourself during this time. i’m just realizing the true difference between “wanting” my ex and “needing” my ex. i used to think it was so romantic that i couldn’t live without him. now i just see it as impractical. make sure you want your ex but find a way to be ok on your own. it will definitely be hard and you will be miserable at times, but it’s the best thing for you in the long term.

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