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Hey guys
LA I’m glad you’re doing ok. It’s been exactly 4 months since my break up too. Thanks to Kevin, my family, my friends and you guys, I sort of moved on. It’s surprising even for me cause it was a 10 year old relationship and I was engaged to him when we broke up. I learned so many things specialy about myself. I see everything clear now. That relationship wasn’t good for me and now I know it is his loss. Everyone said so, but It took 4 months for me to realize it myself that I can do a lot better and I sure deserve more.
So to LA and the other oldies, yes I’m ok and happy. Even though I’m like a rechargeable battery sometimes, but it’s getting better and better everyday. Besides I know now that’s its natural.
To the others, keep reading Kevin’s email, and stay on NC. Believe me, you’ll get what you deserve. Time heals everything. In fact,I was such a mess during the first two and a half months that I was sure I can never get through this. I drove 400000 kilometers, cried for 90 days, lost thousands of meals,God knows how many sleepless nights, and I lost the whole eyelashes of my left eye, but I finaly saw the light, stood up and I became happy again. ALL BY MYSELF. So however hard it is now, keep up, it’ll get better like a blink of an eye. Good luckJulia
Thank you for your response.
It was very brave of you. Bravo. I wish I could do something like that but I think he won’t even read it. Plus his mom made everything worse. I know she was trying to help but she told him something that I told her, which I knew made him mad. It may cause him not texting me back last week. I wish I could have say what’s on my mind to him. Cause after our visit( last week) I know he thinks I have moved on 80% percent then again he knows my heart is still open for him. So nothing I can do except the needless hopeless NC. I’m so glad for you and I hope you can get through this from the bottom of my heart. I know we haven’t met but you were a true friend. I hope we both can move on and be happy again.Julia
Thank you.you really help me. I donno how I should start, besides , strange things happen to me every day and they’re all holding me back. Like I just saw his best friend in front of a hospital when I was visiting someone. But it was not during visiting hours. It was late at night. Now I’m afraid he might think that I was hanging around the hospital(the best friend live in a building near there)so I may see him or his friend. Although I said a simple hi to the guy and told him that my friend is here and I had to give her something.then I said I have to go and I asked him to not to tell my ex that he saw me. When he asked why,I said cause I know he does not wanna hear from me and I myself don’t want him to hear from me either. He was a bit shocked to see me and I don’t know if it’s me but I felt like he was afraid I might ask him sth about my ex. Like he knows something’s that might get me upset. Maybe my ex is dating someone from this new circle of friends. When you have 10 years of baggage with someone, it’s very hard to move on. Everything is holding me back. It’s like the NC is broken again cause I saw his friend and even though is told him not to, but there’s a good chance that he will. I feel like I should move to another city to avoid everything and everyone from his circle. But it’s not possible right now. Plus the thought of moving on really scares me I donno why????!!!!i still can’t believe how my ex could do this after all his support and promises and his deep love for me. I know he has moved on already but I don’t know how to accept that.
mhyy
We were also engaged when he brok up with me. Actually I think our problems started getting serious after the engagement( even though it was his idea and it took him a while to get me on board) he started to NOT take everything seriously and we ended up fighting like crazy for three months to the point where he finally said we’re not right for each other and left. And he hasn’t contacted me since. And I heard he’s living his life with no regrets apparently. So restarting NC is sort of an obligation for me. Cause when there is no contact at all, you’re already on NC. And of coures I don’t wanna be the one who will contact in the future. He already knows how I feel and I told him that I accept his decision. I’m no more than a memory to him. At least that’s what I felt after our visit. So I restart NC to find a way to move on. Any suggestion?Julia
I’m right where you are. Maybe we should do this together. I feel that I should start the moving on, even though it’s veryyyy scary for me, but I’m so completely hopeless and weak. That’s what happens when someone you’ve been with for ten tears,leave you while you’re engaged and avoid you completely for 50 days.i kept all the doors open for him,( I’m mean from my family and our friends and everything)but he hasn’t contacted me once. He even didn’t ask about me. He’s trying to change his lifestyle and I believe he has succided. It’s not that he doesn’t wanna be with me, it’s that he thinks it’s the right choise for both of us and apparently nothing can change his mind. Out of sight out of mind, that’s what he thought I think. What should we do to move on Julia? How do we should kill the hope?Julia
Actually I’m not confortably contacting him at all. I’ve done my part and he just walked away. He’s so scared of seeing me or talking to me. Like the other day during our visit, he said that he once saw me in a gas station, but he had hided so I don’t see him. He’s escaping from me cause ( in my opinion) he think he made the right choice and seeing me may mess up his head. He kept saying that I didn’t wanna see you so soon or in near future. I got confused cause he was talking with a sad tone and he was looking at me like something very valuable that he can’t have. When I asked him y didn’t u give us a chance, he said I gave my self 100 chances. It’s like he thinks he doesn’t deserve me but still can’t walk the line. That’s so confusing. I just can’t figure out if it’s the “the grass is greener”syndrome or he’s tired of me or what. What do u think it is?Dear Julia
Thank you so much for your words.I feel like I should stay on NC for good. There’s no hope. He’s just a totally different person. I know that he still loves me but I’m like a good memory to him. Besides he didn’t give me an specific reason for the break up and he just said we aren’t each other’s person. After 10 years of closeness and supporting, I’m having a hard time to let go. And it makes it so much harder knowing that he’s living his normal life. How long do u think should stay on NC?hey guys
anyone here remember my story? long story short after almost 2 months of NC during which he completely ignored me till we bumped in to each other and talked. i acted like a completely moved on person. happy and changed and bla bla bla. he was all crying and sayin that he did it for the both of us( after 10 yearssss????)but later, after two days, i got really freaked out and i did the most stupidest thing. i called him and when he didn’t answer me i texted him saying that there’s stuff going on my mind and i need to talk to you and if u don’t wanna talk please text me back so i dob’t wait. he did not answer the text. i’ve done the horrible. guys please tell me what to do? i feel horribleHey guys
I need some advice. So after 50 days of NC, I wasn’t planning to contact my ex though to my special situation( me contacting him didn’t seem appropriate and I wasn’t comfortable doing that)I bumped in to him two days ago and we talked. I was all happy and he noticed the changes in my body, appearance and behavior. He was a bit shocked I think to see the changes. Specialy when he started sort of crying and I could see that he was surprised by my calmness and my happy attitude.but even after this time, he said( without me asking of course)that this break up had to be done cause we fight a lot. And he said I will remember you and our relationship till the end of time. I acted so cool about what he said and I acted like a completely moved on and a very happy girl.
He didn’t contacted me during NC and even after this visit he hasn’t contacted. I just talked to his mom and she said that he was so upset after he saw me and he seemed quite sad and when his mom had started to argue with him about me( cause she’s on my side )he said( whith a sad and partly angry tone)don’t worry about her she was so happy and bla bla bla when I saw her. She dyed her hair and she got so much thiner and etc.
it’s simple. I still want him back. But his mind is made up even after I did all those things. I am a completely different girl and I could sense that he saw it to but still no news. What should I do guys? Pleaaaase help.Thank you so much dear AndyK for your response. Actually some new things happened just a couple hours before and I desperately need advice from you guys. Is someone online? Please guys it’s urgent
Hey guys
I need your help and advice. My situation is basically hopeless. I feel like I should keep NC for good and move on. I’m in day 45 of NC and he hasn’t contacted me even once after the break up. We’ve been together for 10 years. We started having problems around 9 months ago. We fought a looooot. And even though it was all his fault and I had good reasons , he was the one who initiated the break up and told everyone that we made this decision together. He just said I’ve changed to who I was 10 years ago. He didn’t even come with me to see a therapist so we can work it out. He said to one of our mutual friends that if we see a therapist, I’m AFRAID that he may help us!!!!!!!!!!We got engaged 5 months ago and he broke up with me over text!!!!! He hasn’t contacted me since. ( excep the one time that we bumped in to each other and another time before that which was both before these 45 days)
He told me not to wait for him and he’s never eveeeeer getting back in this horrible relationship. And now it looks like after this time he is too happy and calm about the break up. He’s living his life. He has changed his life style and his circle of friends. He even started dating(I’m 90% sure). Everybody talked to him about changing his decision. His parents, his friends, his cousins , his aunt, and he didn’t listen. When I asked his mom about giving back the ring he gave me, there wasn’t even a little reaction there.
Day 45 and he looks happy and calm and seems like he has completely moved on and didn’t feel my absence. Instead he feels relief. Even though I still love him so much,I think he was not man enough cause he just made a lame excuse for me and everyone else about us fighting when he wasn’t even willing to solve the problems.
So I’m basically hopeless cause I’ve done my part and contacting him after NC(in my situation)will show him that I still want him back and I’m needy. So in my case I just have to go with the flow. He’s the kinda guy that I don’t think he will ever contact me again. It’s over for him. And even if someday he regret this, my familly who were veryyy close with him won’t accept him anymore.
I can’t contact him. He won’t contact me. And there’s no other way. He wants new things and he’s getting them. I have two questions for u guys
1.what should I do about the ring? Looks like he doesn’t care at allll!!!
2.i read every article there is about how to move on and I dide every thing you are supposed to do during NC. I’m still so sad and desperate and I can not accept the fact that I had lost him. I have to let go like they say if it’s meant to be, it will be(even though I know it won’t) what should I do to move on? Other than the things we all already know cause I’ve done all of them????Thank you guys I donno what I could do without you
Daniel
Thank you so much. I just donno why it can’t bring myself to the point that I can kill that hope in my head. Cause honestly there no hope. He’s never gonna comeback. It’s been two months. I tried everything. Gym, friends,dates and a lot of other things ,haven’t heard a word from him, it’s like he’s enjoying himself but I still cry every day like it just happened todayDaniel I’m not sure if I should contact him after the NC. He is completely changed and he’s so different from the guy I knew for 10 years. Do you think it might be the gig thing?
One more thing, first week of the break up we were arguing on the phone and he himself told me that the guy you used to know is dead and I’m back to who I was before you. Of course I don’t get it.
I’m not comfortable with contacting him in anyy way. Letter, text or etc. I feel like of done my part. And I don’t think contacting him would do any good. Cause even his parents talked to him and he just said that I know she( me)is the perfect girl…bla bla bla, but it doesn’t work and my decision is final. Again, I donno if it’s the consistency thing Kevin talked about or not?? And even if it is, how could I get through his defense mechanism ???
