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Yes! It’ll be great if we can grab a drink together. :/
Argh everything is so complicated and sometimes I just don’t think its fair for us to suffer mentally like this.. we deserve to be happy ! Cause YOLO. We should really start living for ourselves and I bet the right ones will come to us at that righr time.Hahaha high five at that tarot part!
I have not contacted my ex in a week since it’s time to rebuild connection but I just don’t feel ready I want to learn to be completely happy and confident by myself.
Hope you guys have some advice to add for me! 🙂Awww 🙂 <3
I’m planning to do the same! NC for another 30 days. I was so desperate I went and search for online tarot reading hahaha which just completely demotivate me as my results is ‘ I have to move on ‘ LOL. Maybe I should just believe for the meantime. I know I know.. I was feeling like this too! When I thought I was finally progressing better, something hits me and I just .. breakdown. Breaking up with someone you love so much is like.. losing a part of you. But eventually we have to learn to be happy alone. Easy to say hard to achieve! ;/ I wish we could just meet up for coffee haha 🙁 I mean you and me 😉
I agree with desertrat , all one! Sometimes we get upset because of things that happened in social media. And I bet a lot of relationship fall apart because of assumptions and misunderstandings due to social medias :/ Love was so much simpler and getting along with your partner was so much stress-free before the internet era. Although I never lived in that era but I won’t doubt what I mentioned is false.
Let it go abit. He may be just doing it because of his confused emotions or just to get your attention. At the end , its our mindset that is the most important. I guess both you and me still have to make more improvements on this 🙁 Maybe after give it some more time you can start communicating with him, try to create an emotionally safe environment for both of you to communicate. Don’t let a mini loophole crush all your faith and your efforts dear!
Hey all one! I’m sorry you have to go through this emotional wind whirl again 🙁
But in my opinion , he may be just struggling to deal with his own emotions. You see as the dumper themselves, they tend to ‘distract’ themselves from what they don’t want to deal with ( during the few weeks or even months) because they thought that they’ll be better without us. While we’re struggling that time. But we’re starting to deal with this emotions since day one. And getting better since, they’re the opposite.
Also, it’s an app you both used to use together in the past. But all that is in the past. He may be doing it to get or attention, or he unfriendly you because he thought it’ll make him feel ‘relieved’. I thought you mentioned you deleted this app if I’m not mistaken? Anyway. as for my case, I was freaking out when my ex deleted our photos in his instagram.. I bet my ex also deleted that couple app we used to use.. but then I’ve realise our old relationship is over. My advice is don’t let this affect you too much. Afterall if you both get back together in the future maybe using that app will.. remind you and him of the failed relationship ( the negative emotions and memories)Stay strong all one. I understand your feelings 🙁 But you’ve come this far, it’s okay to have some mini challenges and pullbacks in between but that doesn’t mean all hope is gone. I’ll be here to hear you out anytime 🙂
Hey all one! I have a different background story from you but I would love to share some insight with you! My ex bf have this super duper huge crush on a girl for like YEARS and he finally thought that he should not kept chasing her then he met me. We eventually spent more than 3 years together and everything was literally perfect until college hits us. Then after we broke up.. I noticed he went and talk with his crush again.. maybe it’s just me thinking too much but I got a feeling like he want to chase her back. Well ‘sadly’ for him, she already has a bf. I was scattered at first, I mean thought he wanted to end us mainly because of college stress.. But seriously every situation is different. I don’t think it doesn’t mean that the your ex bf can get over you just like how he get over his ex gf. Afterall you and the ex gf is a two completely different person. Thats means its a two completely different love story. so my meaning is allone, let’s not think too much and worry about things that are out of our control. Because we can only focus on our own feelings, not another person’s. I have this anxiety inside me that things I don’t wish to happen will happen too, that’s why the key here is to grow a new mindset – we may not get them together with them at this very moment. That’s why we need to learn acceptance. It doesn’t mean resignation, because we didn’t give up, it just mean we don’t choose to deny the reality, that this very moment – another person’s feelings toward us is out of our control. So why not we be the best versions of ourselves instead? And in the path of growing up we may finally get back with them in the future, or we found a another person that is finally worthy of all our efforts and won’t let us shed tears like our ex’s did. Life is so unpredictable, you know. And our best bet is learn to have a positive mindset towards everything, after all yolo! No one deserves to be unhappy all the time because of another person ! Because we are responsible for our own happiness. It’s a tough process but we can do it ! I know we can! Lastly, what is meant to be yours will eventually be yours . I strongly believe and stick to living with this statement . Stay strong!
Damn I’m suffering so much right now 🙁 I’m not sure how to initiate a conversation with him. I really just want to catch up with him on a friendly basic first because I really miss our friendship too. ( how we used to play games together and share to each other the things we nlth loved) Yes I agree it’s so hard when you still love them so much. All I know is getting an ex back is not some science experiment where you just follow every step. It’s more like an art where there is no definite steps and rules and in order to succeed we first have to build a comfort zone with them for a good emotional connection. So that’s why we have to grow up mentally enough to be ‘present’ when talking with them and not bothered by the past or what may happen in the future. Like they said you have to really get over them and learn that they nau not come back at all. Which I haven’t succeed on doing as it hurts so much to picture him even holding another girl’s hand.. And I believe what’s most important is we still choose to believe and that hope and determination is our key to success. For now I feel we should do something to improve our mentality health more first regarding all these pain we’ve been through. And take the one we used to be (the one they felt in love with at the first place ) as a role model. Maybe you’re a cheerful, positive person to him? So work on that and learn to respond according to the present moment instead of letting the past or the future bother us. Is this very moment that matters! Show him what’s he’s been missing!
Aww haha! At the end of the day, we should just leave everything to God, because we may not see it now, but I believe God has it all planned for us.
I notice this sit is just about NC and the pre meetup . now I’m stuck between give more NC or try re-establishing contact and what is the right way.. 🙁 Right after I sent him the letter we seem more okay with everything but eventually I feeel the distant.. the steps that we should take after the letter and meetup is harder than it was before :/Hey all one! I can see the hurt in your voice.. I wish I could give you a virtual hug now! Stay strong friend! 🙁
And please please don’t give up here! After you’ve been holding on for so long.. don’t give up here maybe there’s just a big loop hole before you reach your destination ? At least after you try your very best then maybe you will realise you don’t deserve this pain and finally moving on for good but you haven’t give your very last best shot right?For the ‘accidental’ call I feel there is more story to it. Have you ever thought that maybe he still miss you and actually did hope to get another chance with you so he called to catch up but the way you say you’re going on a movie with a friend is letting him know that you’re spending time with someone else and not thinking of him. Therefore he puts his defences up and ‘act like it doesn’t matter’. And he choose to let you see this side of him to let you know that all this doesn’t matter to him at all.
So don’t let this mini storm hold you down al right. I know it’s a very hard process.. when thinking, we’re the only one fighting. Every day, waking up feeing like part of your heard is ripped.. but it’s all worth it in the end, I know that. We may end up together again with our ex, stronger than ever. Or we’ll learn how to pick up all our pieces and move on because we DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. We deserve to have someone that love us like we love them. So don’t throw everything away when there is still hope. Don’t let this ‘accidental call’ bother you because there may be more story behind it like all the other said. Send him the letter after 2-3 weeks and ask him about that catchup. At the meantime, take this time for more internal changes. Practice awareness and acceptance ( you can search more on this) and try meditation ( to learn to take control and calm our emotions) . Statistics proves that most reconciliation happens after 60-90 days and I feel there’s a solid prove behind it. So keep holding on 🙂 We’ll be here to give you advice when you need us!
You’re welcome. You can check out my posts 🙂
For now it has been two months ANC. So far he did initiate contact with me during the first month. We went out twice to catch up. Now after I sent him the letter and agreeing with the breakup we wished each other all the best and stuffs like that. Now I’m just gonna give the situation more time. I feel NC is essential as it helps me to see things more clearly on what went wrong. I read stories that sometimes some people take months or years to get back with their ex..After some time of NC let’s say 2 weeks it should be more of an ANC! Like you two can keep in touch a little about each other’s life. To build emotioanal connection, and continue be the better you and eventually plan a meetuphey I know how you feel girl! Don’t lose hope everything is gonna be fine. And you’re not stupid . You are just reallyy in love with him.
Do the complete opposite of what your gut tell you to do. Don’t just keep that hope that he will text you and putting yourself in worrying about everything. I know it’s hard….but first you need to pick yourself up and show your best form. Show him that you’re OKAY WITH IT. Although it’s just an act.. but you know if you do the opposite it’ll only push him away further right? I know it’s hard and hurts like hell.. when my ex bf of 3 years told me we should ‘let go’.. I was just like you begging and trying to convince him that we can work this out.. I kept thinking how did he chooose to forget everthing about us that happened these 3 years? He told be that he wanted to prioritize himself now not US and want me to do the same..
Just be patience and give him sometime, give YOU some time. Take this time apart to reflect on yourself and the relationship. From the way you described him, I feel that he still love you and cared for your relationship together. But he wants to feel like a man, he wants to strive for his dreams he wants to feel like he’s doing something great with his life and not depending on anyone on it. He appreciates that you’re always there for him, he truly does.. just like my ex bf. For now he needs time for himself, to find himself. So don’t try to force him or rush things alright.. I feel like you should take this time apart and become the better you. If you two are meant to be NOTHING will come into your way, in time things will fall back in place and you two would be stronger together than ever. Good luck!
‘Being able to walk away creates attention’
That was what I’ve always kept in mind. The first two weeks of NC I was feeling like sh*t.. I miss him badly I cried myself to sleep every night I prayed hard every night. But I know I CANNOT initiate contact and I WILL NOT show any signs of me missing him this bad.. Avoid logging on to social media if that helps. Make him feel like you’ve really got over him when you’re just ‘kinda got over him’. Yes I’m feeling exactly like you before.. I was thinking ‘why can’t we just try to make this work again?’ , ‘is there anything worst than losing me?’ , ‘maybe if we try we can make things work..’ I wrote tons of long ass mgs.. which I didn’t send to him at last.. but it helps me to start to take control of my emotion.
You see the reason that our relationship will fall apart, is because there is something really wrong. But we’re humans we make mistake and love don’t come with instructions. And hey don’t lose hope just yet, during the first week of NC, I could feel that my ex bf didn’t even know I exist anymore, it hurts like hell. And I’m too broken to get up and do things.. and so I allow myself to ‘grieve’ I cried my heart out, hear sad songs , look at our old photos and just.. endure the pain. Yes believe me this actually works.. not to make me miss him any lesser lol.. but after some period of time you would feel bettter, you will suddenly realised that you are the one responsible for your own happiness.
Give him time. It take about two weeks for my ex bf to start approaching me. He needs to enjoy his alone time for awhile, which he haven’t been feeling since you two have been together. Guys needs their own space more than us girls. I believe any guy out there would agree. And so after that ONLY HE WILL start to think about you, about both of you. Your beautiful memories. And even if he misses you, he MAY OR MAY NOT say it. You know how important a guy’s pride is to them right? And it’s a difffrent story before and after the breakup.
Now it’s okay to allow yourself to grieve.. so you can move to the next step : picking up your pieces. Although it may feel like it will last forever.. but it won’t, trust me. I’ve been through that sh*t ;( And it only happens one week ago right? It’s too fast for a meetup.. even if he agrees and you guys meetup and you got back together… it’s still the same old relationship.. and maybe it would end up the same. Please readd through Kevin’s guide again if you haven’t really.
Tyring to talk him back it’s not gonna work. Just like when it first started.. did he talk you into falling in love with him? No right. Actions, your inner beauty and your personality is what attracts him. And for what you’ve said you’re afraid that will happen.. You know what they say ‘ Be a women that attracts a man, not attracted to a man’. And be that it mean you’re gonna have to start living for yourself, and start striving for the better you. Love is worth fighting for. I feel that they say we are too young in love is because we lack of experience, but through this progress I realise what they meant by ‘experience’. There isn’t the right time to be in love, it’s just a matter of, if both of you are doing it right.
Btw he just asked me how’s everything going, and I replied him politely. Talked to be about his exams and stuffs, wished him good luck. Just stuffs like that, nothing too personal. There is still hope my friend. Don’t lose all hope here! Hope my advice helps
Awwww :'( I have tears in my eyes when I read your reply.. and it kills me inside. Everything you said about your him reminds me so much of my him 🙁 I still feel that he still loves me too.. He was my first everything and we’ve spent 3 years together.. I know his room is full of my stuffs and so does mine.. I wondered if he’d cleared everything away.. I still remembered when he told me he don’t ever want to lose me.. and that he’s afraid that we met at a young age because the future is so terrifying.. and told me that e doesn’t deserve me because I was too good for him..and he even cried in front of me before thinking about all these stuffs.. And by that I know he truly loves me.. So do I.. I was looking at the roses he made for me out of paper while writing this.. it makes my heart hurt so badd knowing that everything is gone now..
Yeah mine happened last year too. Because he saw me crying so painfully so he end up just holding me tight in his arms…but he never mentioned about wanting to break up that time. He just told me that both our future are very important now.. and that he wants me to focus of my studies too, instead of US. And so he started always busying with studies and also, he going through some family problems.
But I was still not thinking straight.. I can’t adapt to his sudden changes lol :'( And so instead of focusing on myself I start focusing on chasing him instead.. Basically I tried to be always there for him even when he doesn’t need me.. It was my biggest mistake ever 🙁 I wished I had realised everything earlier..the right way to deal with everything..
After we broke up.. we did went out once.. everything was doing well.. we were hanging out like we used to before.. before he leaves he told me we should go out again and gave me a hug. But I flunked everything up again because I was telling him we should get back together that very night.. You see? I should have give him more time. So girl trust me you know that pleading and trying to console him won’t help now right? 🙁 At least not for the second time.. I couldn’t believe it all too when e told me we should ‘let go’… but I know that, just like your ex.. when my ex bf told me that e’s hurting too.. I mean I bet tat they won’t just forget about everything and un-love us? I bet it took them lots of guts to say something like that to the one they loved..
And you know what’s the real purpose of NC? It’s not to let you completely giving up on the relationship, just take is as a time apart to think things clear for yourself and for him, for your relationship too. Take this time apart to do something for yourself, improve yourself, mature your thinking. He needs time to do the same thing too. And trust me, if you two every get back together, your relationship will be stronger than ever.
Stop worrying that he may choose to give everything up, or talk with every girls or stuffs like that.. because it’s not like we can control anything, right? Imagine if he did and you try and ask him not too and continue begging him.. it won’t make him want you.. he’ll only want to wiggle away further..
I’ve been doing NC for a month now. He did contacted me after about 2 weeks, he was busying with his exam so I did wished him good luck. He never blocked me on anywhere yet, and sometimes still tag me in photos.. I guess its a good sign because it mean he haven’t shut all his doors from me. I asked him out for a catchup btw. Planning really just to catch up with him. I mean hey.. I miss him. I miss his presence.. His smile.. But I don’t ever want to push him away again.. so at the moment I’ll just be me. I want to show him the better me.
I’m afraid of what may happen though.. sometimes I have the thought to just blah everything to him.. including telling him let’s try to work things out one more time.. But what if I flunked it up again? lol 🙁 I’m afraid as hell.. we were not talking now maybe he just agree to meetup because he wanna be polite or whatsover.. but you see the point here? We can just try to be our better self.. sad but true.. still NC is needed to have some space for both of you to ‘heal’ and if we ever get back together with them it’s gonna be a new and better relationship, our old one is dead..
I may not give you the best advice.. but I just want you to know that I am going through the same pain 🙁 So if you need someone to talk to or give some suggestion, just leave me your email alright . I’ll hear you out! I know it sucks to go through this alone especailly is there’s no one that really understands around 🙁
Hey there hang in there alright 😉 I miss my ex bf badly too, especially the feeling when.. he holds me in his arms 🙁 Been having NC for more than a month now, and I want to let you know that it really works, not just for your relationship but for yourself too. Nomatter if me and my ex still end up together, I just know that this (temporary) separation is essential, as I’ve grew up a lot mentally.
Been together for more than 3 years, but we drifted a apart since college. I understand the reason now, it’s because we’re moving on onto a new stage of our lives, and we need positive changes to make things work. We were both in a growing phase and what me and him should do is focus on ourselves more. But I was worrying too much about US, that I ended up caring too much , loving him too much and ended up pushing him away.
But this distance made me realised my priorities, and what is the right way to love someone. And the right love to myself too. So I guess NC is really essential , take this time to reflect of your relationship and yourself too. Don’t let your emotions get it your way and think, what is it thenn went wrong in your relationship? What is it that you’ve done wrong. And remember the old relationship is gone now, if we were to get back together, it’s going to be a new relationship. With the better us. And maybe we’ll be stronger than before. Just keep the faith. And bear in mind what is the right thing to do now . Things will better soon!
I asked him out and he agrees without hesitation. I hope all is gonna be well.. *fingers crossed*
Hey there! Just to let you know we are all going through the same thing.. We bf of 3 years told me we should ‘let go’ because of our studies..and that I’m putting too much effort on us instead of our studies. Yes it hursts o much because mostly we ended because I was loving him too much. And I can tell you that trying to talk with him especially when the break up is still fresh doesn’t work at all .. yes it worked once for me because I was crying so bad I knew he still loved me so he decided to give another go but BUT I’m still the clingy, needy me..
So after the second time, I tried my best to put back all my pieces together. Had been NC for more than a month now. He did initiate contact with me several times.. after about 1-2 weeks.. and show signs that he misses me too sometimes. But I decided to give it time, be patience. I’ve stopped logging onto social media that often, and spending more time with my family, with my close friends, started doing my hobby again and start studying hard. NC helped me a lot, although I miss him, but I’m not desperately to get back together with him anymore. Because the reason that every relationship reach this point is because there are things that needs positive changes.
I hate that people just said to me ‘move on’ , and ‘you’re so young do you know what is love?’ But I freeggin feel that me and him is meant to be..so does you and you ex .. And remember , he LOVES YOU TOO. When he say those words to you he’s hurting too, when you’re going through a hard time he’s too. Just give some time to him to get away all those negative emotions blocking him from you. At the meantime, be the BETTER YOU.
I know it’s hard but YOU can do it! :’) The first two weeks would suck because that’s when the memories came rushing back in your head like a movie. Just give it some time okay. Action speaks louder than words. If you believe in it then fight for it!
