Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Haha aww 🙂
Yes that sounds like a good plan! That way she’ll learn to be more appreciative of her chance to meet you. Great plans you’ve made there 😉 But remember to be flexible! It’s okay to have some slight changes but just remember your main goal in point, to show her that you’re striving for yourself too and not miserably missing her like she expects you too.
Anyway I would appreciate too if I get a guy’s view on my post! 🙂 Please check it out when yiu are free pal! Keep doing what you’re doing for now. I bet she’s gonna fall hard for you when she finally get to meet you !Aww I understand completely what you’re going through 🙁 I actually felt the urge to just let it all go. I mean he was my first serious boyfriend, my highschool sweetheart, my closest person on Earth, my best friend. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything. I don’t even have someone that would be willing to hear me out. They thought I was the one who was loving him too much when in reality it wasn’t like that at all.. I was there for him when no one else was. He was too. We knew everything about each other and still loved each other’s flaws. I enjoyed myself loving him because anyway.. I don’t have any close friends :'( I literally feel so alonein this world..I know he agree on this point top because we were so alike.. he used to don’t have any close friends too without me. But eventually he found a group of friends in college and I don’t have any.. It hurts so bad it made me depressed. And he’s a guy he can get through loneliness better, and I can’t.. But my class ended for now and he’s still in college. Also, That’s why towards the end I end up depending on him too much.. Because I feel alone in college.. but all along we were really doing great, we love the same things and enjoyed the same food. His mother treat me like his daughter and his bro is my best friends too. Argh..sometimes these memories are killing me. :'(
Yes I feel we really should move on so that we can be happy without them. I meam of course we miss them but we cannot forgot that we should love ourselves too. Sometimes I really wished to just tell him: ‘I miss you as my best friend, can we be that again? ‘
But then I realised, I cannot do that. I’m not strong enough to do that. Because I still want him to be the first one I will call when I’m happy and when I’m sad. I want to share with him, how’s my day and I want to know his, too. I want to tag him in photos that remind me of him without hesitation. You used to do that too, remember? And I know I can’t accept, when I know there’s gonna be there for him thorough everything. To sit on the passenger seat I used to seat and hold his hands and get his kisses and lie on that side of the bed that uses to be mine.. no I can’t accept this all I’m crying while writing this :'( Sorry for mumbling it’s just a rainy and sad day here and I miss US so much …I feel there’s nothing we can do now besides staying strong. I don’t have any friends that are that close enough to hangout with me everytime .. but at least I have family that loved me. We just have to have faith that everything would be better soon. But for now we still need to learn to pick ourselves up. For me I have to study as I have an exam coming soon.. how about you? Are there any task that you need to complete? I wish we twp could just catchup for a drink haha.. Although it’s possible that we must have been living in different parts of the world 🙁 Anyway I just tagged him in a video of a cute dog, because we used to love dogs alot. I’m not expecting anything back . I didn’t text him I just simply want to let him see that cute doggy. Maybe he’ll think of the times when we took care of a rescue dog together and the way my eyes always light up when I see a dog :’)
hello! @achappy ! Sorry for the late reply 🙁
Wow that’s great news! It seems that she still genuinely cares for you and wants to be treated like your gf. Maybe it’s her plan after all to come get her clothes by herself just to see you. It’s good news too take she calls you! And even initiates to have a conversation with you. And I feel you did a good job letting her know that you’re ‘not available’ and she can’t just break up with you then suddenly want to wiggle back in.Well you do want her back do you? The way she breaks up with you seems like just a harsh decision. I hope there are no major problems leading to your break up. For your case I feel that all you need to do is play a little hard to get and don’t reveal much in your text. Then when she comes back, meet her up and try to talk things out , let her take the lead. Don’ show your intention until she show signs she’s really interested. Ohh btw when is she coming back? In two weeks? or during the weekends to ‘pick up her clothes’? Well about that snapchat, she’s obviously trying to seduce you 😉 Don’t fall into her traps .. yet! Maybe she bought that PS4 as she was picturing to play it together with you too. But stilll..Don’t show your vulnerable side to her so she will realise it’s a mistake letting you go. But if you need to reply her just be polite and casual, nothing more than that. Great to hear that things are doing well, good luck!
Awww 🙁 I understand dear.. there must have been so many questions now on your head I know. My ex did the same.. he broke up with me right after we came back from his family trip and we were still so close together during that trip. He was lying on my shoulders and we hold hands all the way on the way home..
You know… I feel sometimes a true reconciliation really does happen. But it won’t happen in a month or two it takes at least 6 months to years. Provided that the relationship had a good foundation and both party appreciates what they’ve been through and somehow still have feelings for each other and they connect at a later phase in life when they’re both more mature. At the meantime they may even date other people but none were serious. True love don’t just fade away because bonds don’t break easily.
Sometimes the best chance is to simply move on . I’m not saying that you should without trying some options. But what’s really important is our mindset. For now I’m really not rushing to be back together with my ex any more. Because I trust in God that if we’re meant to be then we’re meant to be , nothing could stop us. We’ll take several detours but surely, we’ll find back each other. So I hope you could do the same , just let go. Not give up but let go.
But it’s his longest one right? So the feelings are much deeper compared to those that only lasts for a few months. I bet he still have you in his heart but sadly, he’s curious of all the other options there. Boys this end ( like my ex too) loves freedom. I mean in all aspects. And your best bet would be move on and show him what’s he had been missing out. He maybe still won’t see it but soon he’ll realised he misses you, provided that you two shared quite a perfect relationship together.
This guy need to grow up and realise what he really wants in his life. He seem like my ex . Except that my ex haven’t dated anyone besides me but I did . Which all, I didn’t even bother to remember. I can’t imagine my ex dating another girl.. it hurts to even imagine ;/ But I’ll learn to accept that because since we’re over now. I am confident enough to say that he won’t find another girl that love him as much as I do too. I just don’t feel like I’ll ever date another guy again for now..
It’s okay if you have so many questions.. that’s why breakups are so exhausting.. we never really will get an definite answer. I feel that you don’t take what he said too seriously, because every relationship is different and I bet the one with you was his best and the most unforgettable one. Well if you feel like you’re ready.. it’s okay if you reach out first. Just a genuine question on how he was doing. I mean if you feel really cared to have him in your life then it’s okay if we make the first move first. If he have a mature thinking he would at least reply. Then start buidling positive interactions from there
Hey @scatteredtracks ! How are you doing? Hope you’re staying strong and sticking well with NC. Remember to always be patience. It’s okay to make mistakes in the past it’s just that there’s no use to dwell on it. We should look forward in the future and aim for positive interactions.
I too have the feeling that if we ever tried again we COULD work it out. But at this moment they don’t want us to be in their lives. Sad to hear right? :/ But it’s just a true fact that we have to gain now. But note that I said ‘at this moment’ ! 🙂 Sometime people need to experience what they thought are better before they finally realised it isn’t . So take this time apart to GROW dear. I mean really, just have faith that everything will be okay. I know memories keep popping up and every songs remind you of him , and it’s really okay to miss him, but you must learn to be happy without him. I still have a lot of work to do on this too.
Well if we’re really made for each other, we’ll end up together even after we end up dating other people. I would rather really give it time to really become a better person and try again with him then getting back with him now and because nothing eally change it’ll only turn into another breakup and this time no turning back :/
Hey @Platinum ! Sorry for the late reply 🙁 I was busy with my college stuffs haha.
You see I guess your ex and my ex have big similarity here. I bet your ex is quite young too? And so do we. And it’s their first ever serious relationship with someone. And like your ex too, my ex used to take me as his role model in his studies. Because I used to always have good results. And also he’ll be always very happy when I bake him something ( I love to bake! ) Just like you said he loves it when you give him drawings 🙂 And like you too, me ex and I are each other’s best friends. And my point is.. we both shared an awesome relationship with them, and it’s not like they don’t love us anymore but they want to explore other options out there, they want don’t want to forever settle down while they’re still young. They want to be ‘free’. And they thought that their life without us would be wonderful. So for now, just let them be, seriously, they don’t know what they’ve been missing. Boys are like that, they only start to realise when they finally lose it forever.You’ll get to talking terms with your ex too Platinum! You see me and him broke up in June. Abit earlier than you. And I’ve been through NC and talked with him after NC and slowly build everything up. You just done your NC . And even if he haven’t contact you, there may be many reasons behind this. He may be missing you like crazy but don’t want to text you because he broke up with you he want you to feel like he’s ‘okay’ that’s why he still remain silent. Ohh, and PRIDE play a huge game here, especially for a young man like your ex. Or maybe like you said, he’s trying his best to forget you. Basically he won’t just forgot everything is 19 months because that’s not even possible for a human unless he’s a robot! He’s only hiding from it, and I bet it’ll come back to him. And it’s gonna be 10x worse. And unfriending your family.. is only ‘game’ for him to make himself feel better to be able to forget you, at least to him. So don’t worry too much . My advice is give yourself and him some more time.
Hopefully he’ll initiate a contact with you soon. And if not , it’s okay if you make the first move. Because I bet you’re like me, I really do miss and appreciate me and my ex’s friendship , I don’t just appreciate him as my lover. Note : it’s okay he’s abit resistant towards you at the beginning! Because it’s just a natural reaction for him as a dumper. Because in his mind now he wants to act like he’s okay without you, although this isn’t the truth at all. Slowly build up some contact, like ask him how has he been and make sure you genuinely want to know, and show that you just care for him as a friend. Don’t say things that pressure him. And it depends if you wanna send him that letter with text message or not to send. If things feel good maybe you can ask him out for coffee. But before that you have to build some connection with him first.
Stay Strong! I’ll always be here to here you out <3 And always like Brad said, both my ex and yours may be having GIGS. :/
You know man NC for 30 days doesn’t work to every situation. And the reasons you guys broke up seems like something that can be solved. Because you both still have strong feelings for each other and unlike most of the people here, she’s trying to make contact with you. I feel you did a great job by sending her that message! It work on letting her now that you’re living your life to the most busying with your stuff and not being miserable as she expects. And wow a 14 hour shift! She must be just completely stressed out. Maybe that’s why you guys have nonsense arguements. It’s a good sign that there’s no major problem leading to your breakup. Maybe some time a part will prove everything. So since she’s there alone , it’s okay if you show her some care like asking her to take care or stay safe. But remember just on friendly basis. You can ignore her snapchats and irrelevant questions though. But make sure you keep your lines here for now. Maybe just play a little hard to get, and also reflect on the relationship, on what really went wrong and what you can do on your part to make things better. I agree with your last sentence! Time will tell. But some stuffs need to be re-adressed. You’re going to meet her in 2 weeks right? When you meet her up in 2 weeks, show her what she’ve been missing. A new and more attractive you! 🙂
Yes what are the reasons she broke up with you? Seems like she still cares a lot for you.
Hey dear! I’m sorry you’re going through this and I want you to know I’m here for you and I know how much it hurts 🙁 An emotional lost is worst than a physical one because you feel it over and over and over again..
I understand you wanted to sent that message so bad but trust me.. don’t! At least not yet! If you sent it now.. what if he says some things that hurt you even more? Will you finally feel so relieved it ended and walk away? No.. right? It’ll hurt so fucking more.Me and my ex was in a first serious relationship too.. we were each other’s first real love.. but you see, the fact that they broke up with us means that they’ve lost a lot of feelings for us. And we are the complete opposite of their situation, because they ended it, we’re feeling like our whole world is falling apart.. while you know what? They feel like their whole world just started. If we ever begged them again. or trouble them with emotional questions like the one you planned to sent.. you’ll only pushed him away because right now his mind is still not wandering on you like you did for him.
And NC doesn’t mean you’re moving on, it’s just a prove to him you’re moving on and you can’t live without him although you’re just ‘kinda’ over him . Silence is a girl’s loudest cry.. and he need to realised that he’ve lost you for good or maybe just realised you won’t be hanging around wait for him like a dummy.. Boys don’t appreciate that kind girls.. they like the chase , they want things they thought they can’t get. That’s why NC will protect you.. it’ll protect you for saying things you shouldn’t at the time because you’re still in a very emotioanal state. People can feel it in the tone we talk to them, you want to approach him when you’re in a stable and ‘happy with yourself’ mode or wait till he contacts you..
I’m struggling too to make it clear that we me and him may not ever get back together.. Honestly every morning I wake up I still feel so empty.. I’m half a heart without him :/ I want to text him so bad and ask if he wanna try to work things our again.. But my mind is clear on what I should do. They dumped us.. if we ever do things like this we’re just disrespecting ourselves and feeding their ego 🙁 It hurts so much I know I’m still hurting.. but I feel it’s not fair for us to go through all the suffering.. someday when we become a better person we’ll find someone that deserve us, even if they’ve become a better person too already or someone else in this world :/
Yes of course you know him, but things will be different because we are no longer a couple. And he may not be the same kind of person he was before the breakup. I used to think that I know my ex, but I guess I just don’t anymore too.
I’m not saying these are fake hopes but believe me.. you’re constantly on his mind. And he may be just struggling on what is the right thing to do. Letting him come to you is the best thing. But keep in mind that in may not happen in 30 days, maybe it’ll take 40 or 50 or 60 or more.. because everyone process a breakup differently. Sometimes you have to let him have that enough time to experience things without you that’s when only he’ll realise.. It’s a a freaking dilemma.
Yes yes I understand your meanning of ‘disgusted’ . I was feeling the same of that expect , just a few days before the break up we were still so close together. And because we went too close for a few days and ended up he telling me ‘he don’t feel it anymore’ and alll those stupid explanations.. I mean wth the hell? How did he choose to forget everything and throw away all our efforts and memories that we build up together for more than 3 years already???
I’m feeling so much pain and confusion too. But my advice is don’t contact him yet. Say, give it another few more days and calm your thoughts. Maybe he’s still upset with the whole thing and a sudden contact will just ‘feed his ego’ although it’s not necessary like this. To play a safe side maybe you can prolong the NC to say 40-45 and see if he did contact you
Aww! Such a sweet post! Congratulations on making this far with her! 🙂
Your story made me smile 🙂 I hope things will continue falling back into place soon and everything would not just be back to normal but better!How thins will continue heading the right track and always remember to take things slow. If it’s feel like the right time already and if you feel like you should say it ( getting back together) then do it! For now just give it more time and observe more on her behaviours and your interactions. If it’s real genuine emotions from her, I’m sure you would feel it. Remember to take this as ‘dating’ her again as you are going to start of a new relationship with her!
oh my @platinum ! I can already see a new and better you from your speech here! 😉 Great job girl! :* you’re doing great so far!
I did read your story last time, and hear me! it’s good start that you’ve progress this well already at this stage 🙂
‘You love him, but you don’t need him’ That’s exactly what we all must achieve! Because that’s how a healthy relationship work. You don’t make each other more complete because we actually are ‘complete’ by ourselves, as a functioning human being. And our partner would just be a bonus . So literally, we don’t NEED them. We just WANT them. Break up sucks but remember we came to this Earth alone that’s why we need to learn to be truly happy by ourselves. And you’re so close or should I say already reaching that point! 🙂 I admired your postivity.. which I don’t have because I’m still working on being the better me. I depended on my close ones ( including my ex and my family ) a lot :/As for the case that he haven’t contact you. Don’t worry too much! I bet he’s suffering too post-breakup. And he just doesn’t know to face you because you know why? he felt GUILT! He feel bad for himself. Of course it hurt him too but he’s on the down side here because you took this opportunity to grow as a person. While he’s just trying to avoid everything and he wants to show that he’s doing okay. (Urgh some men and their pride game ) I promise you, he won’t just forgot everything, he’s probably just caring for his own ‘face value’. As a men, if he go directly back to you asking you back it’ll make them feel less manly . So at this period although he misses you and thought of getting back together with you, his ‘manly’ side won’t allow him to do that.
But a relationship take two hearts to work out. That means when it come it an end it’s not just completely his fault or your fault. It’s that love doesn’t come with instructions and as a human we make mistakes. Take this time apart too to evaluate what really went wrong. It’ll help you not just learn to love better if you get to start a new relationship with your ex or someone else.
And a little advice here! The ‘letter’ I sent my ex is a text message version. Because personally like you too, I feel like a text message is more assessable as in it’ll make them feel easier and more comfortable to reply. Also , you can start a small conversation first with him. It’s okay if you make the first move! And text him at a time you know he won’t be busy or hangout with friends .. text him when he’s alone with his thoughts like during midnight. That’s the time I find out my ex would respond willingly.
If you don’t feel like contacting him yet then don’t, continue NC and continue striving for yourself. Because a 30 NC may be enough for us but for them it may them a longer time for them to process the whole thing and realised what they’ve lost. So anyway.. seriously! It’s their lose for giving up on someone that won’t give up on them. If they feel like they will feel they will find someone better I’ll say : WELL GOOD FOR YOU! GO ON! haha 🙂 like they will.. xD
The thing is I also feel like me and my ex are soulmates and bestfriends more than just lovers. But same as you I used to miss our intimate times not I feel EWW thinking back haha! I still love him deeply though. Just be patience and let things go with the flow, time will prove everything. 🙂 Stay Strong! xoxo
Yes it’s a super hard process and I’m still working hard on it. My mind is clear on what to do but my heart is guiding me to do the opposite.. Argh! Yes I too, rushed to reconcile .. but my ex didn’t give me a ‘duedate’ he just told me in person ‘ If we’re meant to be, we’ll be together in the end’.. I don’t know if he’s just saying it to make me feel better but to me I feel he meant it.. Because he was looking me right in the eyes as he said that.. so I choose to believe that he truly meant it.. what do you think? :/
Some points I’ve gathered :
– I know that our ( both me and you) old relationship is dead , and we have to start off new.
– We have to accept that we may not get together with them
– But it just mean at the meantime, sometimes people take months to years for true reconciliation
– We can live with this thought but we too have to understand that something has to be changed, because the reason why the relationship ended is because there is something went wrong
– We can’t change them , we only can change us , so we have to learn to be truly happy alone , because life is too short and we deserve to be happy, we’re complete without them, they ( or maybe even someone better in the future) is only a little bonus to our ‘complete’ selfSometimes this is just what will happen to someone’s first serious relationship.. was yours his your your first serious one? For us it is.. That’s are curious of other options.. and also life got in the way. When you’re young you just want to date around, no committed relationships that make them feel it’s ‘holding them back’ , and they just wanna whatever they want. Spending time with friends till late night, make decisions without worrying it may affect us.. This is what I feel is in my ex bf’s mind. Although I really don’t mind at all.. because I know we’re in a diff stage in life now. People grow up, people change. And there’s nothing we can do to change another people. I want to just move on but all those memories are getting in the way.. But at the end of the day we should just have faith, and be clear on what’s the right thing to do for ourselves.. and seriously.. when two people are meant to be, it may take several detours but they will find back each other in the end.. I can’t agree more.
Hey dear don’t fret! I’m feeling the same here and I feel that it’s completely normal. Same like you, I wake up everyday feeling like a part of me is missing. It’s like a part of my heart is ripped off completely. I feel like half of me is missing. And I too cannot picture me and him getting back together.
I saw some statistics online that true reconciliation only happen after 6months to 2 years average. I mean the ones that lasts. Because the fact that a relationship failed is because something went wrong in it. If we’re in a rush to get back it will lead to another breakup. If we just sit here and do NC and nothing really change in us.. even if we get to get back together, the relationship still has the same pattern as the one that failed.
I feel that having in mind we should move on is actually a good step forward. It means we accept that, this very moment, we’re are no longer a couple. But that doesn’t mean we never will be. Some relationships went through downhill before reaching the top. It’s just the way life work. By moving on I mean we should learn to have this mindset that we may not be together again soon. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Snd of course it won’t happpen if we just sit here hoping and overthinking stuffs . Of course we can miss them.. we can cry.. go on, it’s part of this whole process. But promise me, one day both of us should start living for ourself. Go out with friends, focus on your studies or work, focus on your own future, how you wanted it to be, work on yourself. The all relationship is gone. And we should think this is ‘dating our ex’ again. Not rekindle and old flame that died because it’s the same flame that will die. lol if them make sense! Haha 🙂 I saw in alot of places that when they move on and start loving themselves and their life completely, that’s when there exes come back.
