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wow more great news! π We are all happy that it goes well for you. if things continue to go on the way it is – to the right direction. Maybe you should plan on asking her to be your girlfriend again? π You’ll know it when it’s the right time to do so
Yeah most of the times of our relationship we were really happy together too, the bad times are only less than a quarter of it… I really hoped that he will remembered how much he used to love me though :’) But I’d always showed him that I appreciated everything he’d done for me, maybe I even expressed too much towards the end. Because that’s one of my darkest period of our life, I was stressed out and depressed. But because I cling on to him too much… he just want to get away instead :/
I don’t know but sometimes I still feel that it’s not completely hopeless.. we were each other’s soul mates. We knew each other so well. I agree that I was not acting like myself instead I feel like an over-possessive gf a few months back. But argh.. I was struggling and he was my closest person on Earth .. how can I not depend on him ? So I guess from now on I still need to work on myself, as I still can’t stand being alone. The silence is killing me. It was not always like that.. I used to be a very cheerful and outgoing person, stress turned me into someone else..
Awww I hope they’ll keep the letters we wrote them :/ Let’s not worry too much about what they feel shall we? Because it’s not like we can control anything anyway. We only can control what we want to do for ourselves. Because we deserve to be happy. Life is too short to dwell in the past, but memories act like a drug pulling us back every time π We have to treat it like our old relationship is dead and think it as dating them again, it may take some time but hopefully, we’ll move on far enough to adapt this mindset.
Oh no.. sucks that your sister is leaving at the time! π But don’t worry I’ll still be here to hear your story , always! π I hope that by New Years I’ll make great progress too. I actually hope that I can spend Christmas and New Years with him. Last year I went on vacation with his family during New Years.. How can he not miss all our moments?! :'( I’m terrified of whether should I talk to be him about my feelings? Like for instance, at least it seems like there’s still hope now. But the key is since they are the ones to initiate the break up, if we get rejected again won’t it seem like we’re getting treated like a doormat? D: I read online they teach that the key is to get in touch with their emotional side and not the logical side, that means no direct talking about getting back together unless both parties are putting equal effort to save the relationship. But I really want to ask him, if he really choose to move on, would he be very happy if he suddenly saw me in a another’s man arms and giving all my attention as I used to give him? :/ Sometimes you only regret the chances you didn’t take..
Yeah I agree on that! But for now I just feel that I still have some growing to go. I want to learn to be more independent and do things that show to myself that I am worth it. I have an exam going on so for now I just want to focus on my studies π Although sometimes I still have that thought that ‘How nice would it be if he’s here and going through everything with me?’ I guess sometimes we just have to see it as.. an opportunity to grow up. Because we aree born into this world alone anyway. And if it’s true love , the bonds don’t break easily.. maybe they’ll connect again further down the line.
Ohh wow! It’s really abit creepy that our situations are similar in so many ways here! π Mind if I ask what sign are you? I’m a gemini haha! Anyway I read something somewhere today and I feel it’s very applicable to our situations. They said that reconciliation will likely be possible for our case. Because the relationship was going well all along , both party were really getting along well until some life changes come along in one or both of our lives. Because of work (for your case) and studies (for my case) we grew dependent and clingy towards the end. It was due to certain life circumstances. The problem is – attraction.
I guess by keep wanting to spend time with them and subconsciously depended on them for our happiness, our relationship dynamics with them is altered. It take two people working together to build a healthy relationship. But when we started to reach out more, we’re in a way chasing them and turn out, they stopped trying instead. And something that has been on the universe since the early times are truer than ever. My grandma always told me – guys need to make the chase, girls need to play hard to get, but it take time to learn the right way. I don’t get it when I was young, now I finally realise. It doesn’t mean we have to act like a spoiled brat or have princess attitude. But our boyfriends need to appreciate our value, like how they used to see us when they’re chasing us. I hope that all these did help you abit on having a clearer view! π
Aww that’s sad that he don’t have any pics of you both together.. But I bet you’re still on his mind babe! Some memories don’t just fade away. The beautiful ones will always remain no matter how much he want to distract himself from everything now. I was the one having more of our pics too. I remembered editing and printing out photos of us and he’ll always put them in his wallet, which was also his bday gift from me . I wonder if he removed all of it π But one thing I’m sure is he’s still keeping them somewhere.. in his drawer maybe. My ex just changed a new phone not along ago and I was there accompanying him when he got it, that night he transferred all our photos in his phone.. maybe he deleted it now but.. I hope he still keep it somewhere like I’ve planned to put it in a pendrive!
I honestly feel like your ex is struggling too.. from the way he deleted his fb? He seems like he’s just trying to avoid. It’s just that guys hate to be vulnerable , it’s just their instinct. That’s why even thought their suffering they still keep things to themselves instead of rumbling or seeking advice from someone else.
I chatted with my ex abit last night. I wished him take care as he’s heading to another city to send off his brother to UK. I sent him a link to a funny video which was off a boy band we both liked very much. He was online but he didn’t reply me. It was late at night – 4 am. So I thought I guess I was talking too much and he felt annoyed. But I didn’t bother much because I was just genuinely thought that he would find it funny too. The next (early) morning he replied with ‘ ohh okay!’ And I felt relieved as .. at least he make an effort to reply me. After half a day, I sent him a smiley, which he immediately send back a wink. LOL. Now I’m a bit confused. But I guess it just mean that he felt okay talking to me, and he wasn’t trying to avoid me in any way. I’ll just go NC for now and see how it goes! Not planning to talk about US yet though..
Hope you’re doing better today @scatteredtracks! :* And yeah same here! I don’t have anyone to hangout with either :/ When is your sis leaving? π Don’t worry I’ll still be always here to be there for you!
The thing is.. I’m not okay with that thought of he’s not there anymore. Maybe it’s just me assuming the worst so that I don’t get hurt anymore. I just had a dream of gimme telling me he misses me so much but he said silent because he is afraid I’ve moved on. Lol it feels so real! Sometimes I wondered if he ever thought like that :'( Like maybe he really misses me too but he thought he’s doing this for our best. Because seriously we have been through TOO MUCH to just forget everything. I accidentally looked at the notes he wrote me years ago and it just bring tears to my eyes. He was so afraid of losing me back then.. I was just leaving for a vacation but he started to say he’ll miss me so much and cried in front of me :'( Argh.. where did that old him go? Where have all the times gone? How can he choose to forget everything that happened in 3.3 years? Because I can’t..
But sometimes I feel leaving all this at here is the best for us if we ever get to get back together. At least our memories remains, for both of us. The thing is, I don’t know if you read horoscope or not but for me, they are accurate in a lot of ways. Me and my ex are of the same horoscope, so I notice while we’re still together, there are lot of times we think the same way and basically we have a lot in common in every expect . I’m an extroverted introvet and so is him. He looked like he have a lot of friends but he doesn’t really have a one true friend. Except that he can deal better with loneliness than I do because he’s a guy. He told me before he thought that I won’t just agree to the break up. To show him he was wrong, I just walked away. During the first month he still send me snapchats and chat with me on random things. I did replied but I ignore him and thought I should stick to NC. Now I think back and thought if I have done the wrong thing .. Did I make him think that I moved on?
Yes I do believe that you and your ex will get to work things out on New Year’s either way. Like you said at least you know for sure that you will be in a better frame of mind. Don’t worry too much if your ex is gonna ne dating someone else or not..because we can’t control anything either we’ll only end up in more pain . Just have confidence that he won’t forget you. He’ll miss you too like you miss him. He’ll compare his current relationship with yours and miss the way you loved him. Because I believe you both had an awesome 2 years together. Don’t stick to too nuch rules.. Or else you’re only gonna regret the chances you didn’t take.
I was thinking if I should just confront him and talk about everything. Because I really miss him as my best friend. I don’t have anyone at all now. Except my family but it’s not the same. I just feel so alone in this world. Somehow I feel he’s feeling the same too but he thought I’ve moved on so don’t want to have false hope. He knew me the most and I do too . This distance, it hurts. At the same time I also thought that he maybe moved on himself and he only reply me out of respect ? I’m just so confused.
He did throw me signs that he miss me though.. there was this song that I asked him to hear when we first met up after the break up. Then he posted a photo and the caption are lyrics from that song. The chorus of that song is ‘ If you’re struggling like I am, can’t we get back together to make things easier? ‘ Was he indirectly telling me this? :/ But that was a month ago anyway .. If you like to hear that song I’ll be glad tp share with you but it’s a Korean song which I don’t understand too but I looked at the english translation.
Anyway for your case I feel sticking on NC is the best bet. π Who knows he may start to miss you and text you too. And yeah we should continue to love ourselves more for now. Because no one else will love us as much as we can ourselves. I haven’t save all our pictures up I guess I should already ! Good luck in your work and hope to hear your reply soon! π
About the photos I feel it’s completely okay that you save them! But maybe you should save all your photos with him in a pendrive and delete it from your phone. That’s what I’m planning to do so I’ll heal faster. Because the old relationship is dead anyway but the beautiful memories remain.. π
Yeah I know we should just learn to see everything in a positive light. And it’s definitely easier to be said then done. Hey it’s actually a good sign that you have the feeling he will send you a message. Because in a way, you’re no longer seeing everything negatively and learned to think the positive way. π
I sincerely hope that things will get better for you. I really don’t have any close friends that’s willing to hear me out in every detail in real life π Sometimes I just feel so so so alone in this world..but I remembered this forum, that we are all struggling but we have each other here. So I’m really glad that we can share our stories with each other, sharing insights and give each other motivation π I really do appreciate our virtual friendship here @scatteredtracks! Although its gonna be great if we are friends in real life because we know how it feels to be going through this.
It’s no use if we live on fake hopes.. so the thing is we may not get back with them after all. And today, I don’t know why I suddenly have that feeling that..he’s heart is not with me anymore. Maybe it’s just me and my thoughts but.. I just feel that we need to go NC for now and let time lead us to the right path. And maybe not now but one day we’ll be back together, stronger than ever. Maybe even raising a family together. I hope that you’ll get to talk to him soon! Have faith that either way everything will be alright. There’s no such thing that you two are not compatible enough to be together ..I just feel like at some point of our relationship with them, the relationship dynamic changed. It’s no longer as healthy as it used to be. We tried too hard and that made them pull away.. So basically there’s nothing we can do now to change their mind. π We can only learn to have hope that this storm will go away soon. We should start loving ourselves. And let them too, experience their life. Although I can’t accept the face that he’ll hold another girl’s hand..not yet :'( True love have a habit of coming back. If we’re meant to be then we’re meant to be but it may take several detours that may even last for months or even years. We may not see it but God has it all planned! π
You’re welcome Platinum π It’s really a freaking roller coaster ride.. but it made me grew up alot mentally and think things more clearly too. I promise you that you too, will be able to see things in a better light soon.
My ex did the same.. he deleted all his profile pictures of us together and our pics in instagram but still left the comments and some pics there. It hurts at first. But then I realised.. it’s okay because our old relationship is dead after all. I will miss those times but if we ever get back together everything will be much more different and better. And so I did the same.. while crying my eyes out though :/ I saw some statistics online that the dumper will only start to process the break up after 4-8 weeks. And an healthy reconciliation will take 6 months – 2 years to occur. So don’t lost hope here just yet dear! As your thinking became more mature things will surely get easier. As you will learn to be emotionally happy with yourself. Hold on tight for yourself <3
Aww we’re really in the same situation here! I got stressed out with college and expects to spend my free time with me while he wanted to spend more time with his friends. Well yes I was blinded by the truth too back then :/ And now I see things more clearly now, and it’s really not our faults for hoping that they want to see us too. You see the thing here is, remember all best moments we have with them? THEY WERE UNPLANNED. And like our case, when we make time to be with them, we are EXPECTING that they are that eager to be with us too. Things would be so much more different is it’s actually both of us wanting to see each other, at some point it may be true that they want to see us too but still.. it’s because it’s something planned and we go with expectations. :/ When you force something .. it just won’t go with the flow. So that’s why as time go out, minor problems start stacking up and further leading to this break up.. Don’t you think it’s so true? π I mean.. our relationship wasn’t always like this. It only happened due to some circumstances .
And that’s also a problem here, people change all the time as we expose to different environment. And we’re not the only one to blame. A relationship take a lot of effort to work. It’s not gonna work when someone tried too hard or when someone stopped trying .. and also when we tried but we’re doing it the wrong way.. And sometimes a brekaup really made a person realised all the mistakes that they won’t when they are still in the relationship. And they start to realise what are the things they should have done. The sad thing is, there’s no turning back.. time machine don’t exist. Sometime a breakup is just a part of growing up I guess. But that doesn’t necessary meant this is an official end to the relationship. Sometimes two people need to fall apart , to realised how much they need to fall back together. ( What I really believed it’s true ) But our ex bf won’t just suddenly appeared on our doorstep with flowers telling us they’re sorry and they can’t lose us.. bla bla ( Although I did wished it happened haha!) We need to take this time apart to really grow up ourselves. For now we need to not just show them, but show ourselves that we can live this life happily by ourselves. Like you said.. you wished you could just know if you should hold on or give up but the truth is there really isn’t an answer.
As a woman we need a man who knows how to respect us. And we don’t need their attention to prove our value. When we’re ‘too available’ for them they won’t freaking appreciate it in fact they just treat us like a doormat. (It hurts so bad for me as I was loving him too much and I didn’t realised I was loving him the wrong was) I really believed that your ex will text you back when you did and he may even text you soon. Just let time do the work dear. I’m sorry I know it must hurt that he blocked you.. but I’m 100% he’s doing this just to distract himself from negative thoughts. I believe that you both had an amazing relationship together. But for now, you both just need some growing up to do. π Things will get better soon dear <3 Oh and my ex did reply me you can check up on post!
Hey @achappy ! π Wow such a surprise to receive such a message from her.
It’s obvious that she still have strong feelings for you . But most of her actions ( asking you about coming to pick up her clothes , sending you snapchats etc ) may be mostly because she still rely on you. And it’s hard for someone to just stop connecting with someone they spent so much time together and literally grow as a whole together. And so far I feel you’re doing on your part very well . How’s with the plan of her to come to pick up her clothes from your placeοΌ
Anyway I feel it’s definitely a good sign from her saying that, for a reconciliation that will last for the long run. It means that she really do consider a future with you and she was thinking about you both as one when she said that. She really does appreciate you and everything you’ve been through. But at the meantime she’s at that point on her life that is important for her individual growth. Seems to me that she still cared very much but as an responsible adult, she want to be responsible for her words. If she suddenly just told you ‘hey let’s get back together’ you would be happy of course but also you’ll kinda lose respect for her . Maybe you’ll end up letting her do the chase because she broke your heart once. If this happens, your relationship would become not genuine . As in the love is not pure. I hope you get my point here.
So from now on, focus on yourself too, to grow as a person . Work more on the internal changes. And always have a positive mindset. I’ve seen in a lot of places that they said, every relationship will go through a crisis phase, where both partner went on their own way to find themselves , their dreams their goals living in this world, but then they realised they’re never complete without each other, and went they got back together, their love became stronger than ever. Maybe you both really needed some time apart to think things right and finally head to the right direction together. I believe for your case there’s definitely a very chance! π
As for the message maybe you can text her that you agree with her, and that you need this time apart too to find yourself/focus on your work/ or things that will show her you’re striving for yourself too and not at all miserable over losing her. And wish her that you hope she’ll be doing fine. And you would be there to lend a shoulder if she needs. I mean I don’t think that playing mind games with your ex is a good idea at all, after all it’s the connection that is really important. Show her you really cared for her well being but you also know where you both should stand now. When she’sin need , hear her out, she’ll remember how nice is it to have someone to be always there for her.
Yes we are in very similar situation here! :/ My ex too have a lot of friends but I’m actually glad for him. Because I know how it sucked to have no friends in college.. like what happened to me and even now I don’t have any close friends. We used to share the same circle of friends and attend school activities together but not anymore. Somehow, We just moved to a new stage of life I guess.. and these time apart really made me realised a lot of things that I should have realised earlier.. and it just made me have the hope that if we tried again everything would be better this time. But timing really is a problem here. I have a feeling that young guys like them don’t want to be in committed relationship even if they still have us in their heart. :/ I actually don’t mind if my ex go mix around, as long as he knows at the end of the day , his heart belongs to me. I used to be very afraid of losing him but now I realised I’m doing it in the wrong way. If only I could turn back time π
Yeah I really just miss the times I hangout together with him and his brother too. The last time we were all together we even went for a swim ! Argh it’s just too much to forget. Have they realised .. how hard it is to build everything? To make all the memories together, and have each other every part of our lives and getting along with their family.. Have they realised all this pain and consequences that came after a breakup? :/
Aww.. that mini spot of yours in his room π That’s such a sweet thing to do. A place he specially set up for you.. It must have suck to know that he blocked you .. I’m so afraid my ex would suddenly do that too. I hope they are just really living their live and enjoying their freedom . I really hope there isn’t someone else! D: It may just be a rebound if there really is but I hope not.
Anyway dear my advice is.. don’t live with the hope that by new year’s , you both will get back together but have faith that things will definitely be better. And I promise it definitely will. This is gonna be a tough journey but we can do it! We must show them that we’re living our lives to the fullest too for ourselves. And we should move forward for ourselves. Remember, we don’t want to live in the past. And the living of living in the past is a different thing than just plainly missing them, and our memories together. But life goes on anyway. People change.. feelings fades but true love has an habit of coming back. And it’s gonna be their biggest regret giving up on someone that won’t give up on them. Would they be REALLY happy when they end up seeing us in someone else’s arms??
Good luck with your work for the weekends π Yeah avoid checking social media so much.. I was disappearing a lot these days as FB and insta distract me and made me thought of us so much. Did he deleted all your photos together? Mine did D: But I accidentally saw that he saved them up when I met up with him the last time π I hope your ex will approach you soon. Maybe after a few weeks of NC. Then ask him out but make that trip a short one! Work on yourself so you’ll show him a whole new you by then π I’m gonna message him later π‘ Hope everything go well! I’m not expecting any reply anyway I just genuinely gonna wish you π
Everybody processes a breakup differently. And I bet everyone here is in a different or similar stage in this process. Sometimes the relationship before the breakup plays an important role on which step to take after you done NC. Are you the ‘giver’ the one who gives more attention, more caring and more effort. Or is it your boyfriend? If you’re the ‘giver’ and he breaks things off, you’ll have to take a little different part as when compared to when he broke up with you but you’re more of an ‘accepter’ .
You see.. getting an ex back is more complicated than a super tough calculus question. It’s an active process that requires lots of strategies . Not those that require you to just play mind games with him because I don’t think that will work at all in long term. But a little more understanding on male psychology may help on understanding your ex better. And what I’ve learnt so far is really.. we need to adapt a new mindset. I used to be feeling like you, I’m just so afraid of rejection again. I wanted to talk to him so bad. But I’m not sure what to say so I just remain silent and just ASSUME everything. Like I really did know him, the fact is, the person we once knew before the breakup and after, have a lot of differences.
Then I really work on being more mature mentally. I learn to let go. I just stopped trying so hard. The weird thing is I feel our emotions with a closed one is somehow connected in the universe. When I was still anxious, afraid of denial, and just completely have no idea of what to do.. I could feel that he actually didn’t miss me and was just enjoying his life with his friends. Then when I learned to calm down my thought and pray hard everyday I eventually feel better in within . I start connecting with him again. I mean I actually feel that I could feel his emotions, and that he misses me too but he is just as clueless and afraid as I am. And you must know when you just started talking you just want him to feel comfortable talking with you now. And that you genuinely cared. It’s not gonna be easy at all. In fact he may even ignore your first text or some other. Just like what I’ve experienced. MY ex used to be more resistant when we first started talking, because he’s afraid of going back to those negative emotions. Guys suck more than us when dealing with emotions. But I didnt give up there. I stayed positive. I posted pictures of me just being happy with my friends on the same time I miss him deeply of course. I think positively and my actions are just a bonus to it. Then when I approached him again, things started to be better , then became worse again, then better, then worse, again. Sucks I know. But that’s just how it is. Sometimes, it’s really okay to make the first move.
I know feelings are hard to describe.. it’s okay we’re all in this pain together π I’m not sure how to give the best advice so I’ll just share what I’ve been through. Hope you’ll get some insight from my story. (Ps: I don’t just suddenly went into ‘talking terms’ stage with my ex right after NC, it fact it takes more tears, more disappointments and realisation before reaching the next step)
Aww π So were me and him.. everything you said is on point! Very close, intimate and had our own ‘language’ . I understand your struggling here.. it doesn’t make sense right? When everything just feel so right not just between us but with their family too. When you both just fit so perfectly then suddenly *poof*.. everything vanished out of thin air.
I mean I feel it’s really doesn’t make sense to suddenly broke things off with you like that. He may be just missing his ‘freedom’. One thing I notice my ex start to develop as he started mixing a bunch of single friends. Not to say freedom to date around or things like that but, freedom in general. I think we girls think differently compared to boys on this. To me, my ex really appreciate me and our relationship, because his actions proved it. But at the same time, they don’t want to settle down once and for all. They want to experience life on its own. They are questioning if we are really ‘the one’. And if this is really the case, there’s nothing we can do now except to accept that at this moment, we aren’t getting back together and move on. They’re struggling hard with this dilemma. Maybe time would tell.
I agree. I’ll never ever love this much again. This empty void is killing me. I will not ever love someone so deeply anymore. And I will actually compare everyone I meet to him. How their hairstyle look alike and the way that new person talk.. I know I just can’t help it. But don’t give up here just yet Platinum! If you really think it’s worth another shot then fight for it! Give it at least one last shot. This process is not gonna be easy at all there maybe one sunny day continued by days of hurricanes and tornados. For me I’m willing to fight for us, I don’t know how but I have faith. Do you plan to text him soon?
Oh and I’ll say continue with NC and see how it goes. you need to at least be able to chat with him comfortably for the both of you then ask him out for coffee. Also he may contact you tpp but for now just stick with NC and be patience! I’m virtually here for you!
Best friends.. I miss our friendship too like seriously, I don’t have any real best friends beside him. But I’ve read a post that put tears to my eyes: http://elitedaily.com/dating/dont-want-to-be-friends/1203631/
It just won’t be the same anymore unless you two mutually want tp be just friends or else you’re just gonna hurt more.And aww you both are so sweet π It’s a shame he choose to forgot those all..and your ex remind me so much of my ex. He used to treat me as his ‘shelter’ for all his problems and always told me my hugs made him feel safe from everything . It just always felt like ‘Us Against the World ‘. But now we’re just ‘Strangers with memories ‘ ?
He obviously still love you very much when he broke things of with you. All those things are yes, just a tool for him to feel less pain when he end things. Actually my ex didnt even told me we shouls break up, he just told me we should ‘let go for now’ but I bet it’s the same . They created this emotional barrier protection to make it easier for them. :/ My ex did the same, he was posting tonnes of stuffs in FB. To me it feel he was just ‘acting’ to be happy and he too like your ex did. I expect he’ll be posting a lot of stuffs on how awesome his life is jow but he didn’t. And the ‘excessive postings’ stopped. If you really still love him deeply, don’t hesitate to make the first contact . Because it takes time for reconciliation. For now you just to build positive interaction with him and eventually make him feel ‘safe’ to talk to you. Or you can continue NC and observe and grow more. Stay strong girl. We can get through this π
