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That is so true. Mornings are the worst. I know that first hand. Something will eventually snap in you. Keep saying this to yourself I am not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I will get him back. I will not contact him. I will let him be, for now. Right now you have to give the rabbit a chase. Good news for you is that men do not hold things for too long and will try to contact you, (my opinion; in my experience anyways)
Many things seem impossible. Sometimes in the face of all terrible events and you will hear this often from your friends, “oh just forget about him or move on. Do not believe that crap saying, about if it was meant to be it was meant to be.” I really think that if the Spartans in the past thought like that we would never hear of their victory against the Persians. Even in times of history there was the impossible odds. Everything is wrong and sometimes you are left alone to defend your ground but keep telling yourself we will be back. Death and surrendering is not an option.
For now plan oh how you will show that you will change, but for yourself as well. Then when it is time remember the plan. Stick to the plan but also keep this in the back of your mind. Do not let your emotions get the best of you, it can work. I was crying for many days 5 days ago and I went halfway around the world to meet her. But that is not going to stop me. You are not just fighting for love, you are fighting for a home and a future. A happy future but until you can accept the moment now and to learn to change. You are going to go right back to where you started. Check out the definition of insanity. We are with you. Do not give up. If you see a pic or have a certain memory and trying to believe everything is destroyed just hold your ground. Do not move do not take action. Just wait. If this is real love you do not just walk away.
In the end he never gets back with you. Least you know that you really loved him and that you did everything to get back including changing yourself which is so difficult to do. Least when you get older you can not have regrets because yes you are human. We have terrible habits and some never change without going through the burning of fire and darkness to come out strong then ever.
