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Ok wait, I need to say something before you do anymore damage. First off I commend you for not giving up and surrendering. But here is the flat out truth. You are acting needy. You have not changed and you still remind her of the same man (dont know if your a girl) that she broke up with to begin with. Pain is something you never ever forget. Its how we learn. You hurt her like she hurt you but she did that because she doesn’t want to be hurt anymore. First you have to accept this and this is going to sound bad. The relationship is dead, shot and buried. Sorry that is the truth. The good news is that you have a chance to start a new relationship with new romance but not with just anyone but her. So since you did the NC now you can start doing something.
Be a warrior. Sometimes they are defeated but they are not dead, if you go back fighting with your spear the same way. You will fail. You have to change YOU. You have to be STRONGER. I know you want to sound romantic but right now it sounds really sad not encouraging you have to encourage her. Support her. Tell her that listen I know its over. Its done but that doesn’t change the fact of our love for each other. (Not in the letter but in face to face) I know the relationship is dead. Its over. Do not be friends because that will give her a way for you to do stupid things without hurting her and caring about you and move on to someone else.
Right now do not listen to negativity. Do something different just do what you want. Get a job. Work out. Play games alot (works for me very well to encourage me to pretend to be a great warrior) But have you noticed all the great stories in the past? The best adventure games and books. Everything seems impossible even their loved ones left them, wanted nothing to do with them. But they never gave up but they had to change their crazy, stupid and dangerous path to be successful.
Same thing, but you must accept what is going on. You have to go through the flames and darkness to forge stronger. You seem like you are still an emotional state. How many warriors and great business owners win thinking more with only their heart and are very successful? Yes heart is extremely important, it helps you never to give up but your mind helps you to succeed. You need both but you are only just using one.
SO you really made a mistake, so what do you do? Dust yourself off, let her know sorry, I am just acting crazy. I just want you to be happy and maybe if your not too upset lets just talk for a moment of have coffee just as acquaintances. Do not mention friends. Going to a friend zone is the killer. Avoid the killer. Now you need to practice, work with your mind and with your heart TOGETHER. Not separately.
Right now the best letter you can say is short sweet and simple:
I was being crazy and not thinking rationally. I know the relationship we had is dead and in a way I am glad because there was a lot of pain and I wanted you to be happy and you were not. That doesn’t change the fact of the love we had. You are a great person and very attractive that is why you have my heart but for now I accept this. I see the future now and it’s great. I feel that it will be good. For now when you have a few minutes I just want to meet and talk like familiar strangers. Nothing about the past, nothing bad or what bad has happened. Either coffee or just kickin it like home boys by the police station (Joke) So it would be nice just to talk about work. Life and how bad the politics are going.
If it works. Or you begin talking hint things of the good. For example if you both loved skating together say something like man I was walking and I saw this kid on skates, Man he was really damn good. He did flips and I had to stop and just watch. (Just an example she will not care about the story too much she will think on what happened in the past) So use that.
Let me know how it goes. If you have to just put it in her mail box (yes I know there are legal issues on that) So have someone hand it to her but when you do, do not look pathetic. Look brave, look sharp, look handsome do not smile too much cause that looks too fake. Look like you are on duty. So tell me how it goes ok? We are all here for you.
I am sorry guys sometimes I need about a few minutes to think. Its hard being strong for myself but to be strong for others takes alot of strength and thinking so I do not mean to ignore you for a bit I am just thinking on what to say and how to encourage you. But you guys are doing great I know it and feel it.
Keep coming to this forum to break the curse of depression. This is a healthy topic. No more surrendering, no more despair. Just keep going. Fight until the battle is truly lost. Do not give in to your emotions, do not lean too much on your logic. Just your heart and stick to the plan.
Listen carefully, it might not be about you. It might be about the other person. But it is true.
Like they say all is fair in love and war. But the tactics are similar. If you keep fighting the same way over and over the enemy will catch on and defeat you. Your story is long but the solution is simple. Get them to appreciate what they had. If they say things like that or retaliate do not answer. Stay quite and be still. Soon. They will fight their own minds and come back. This is a game of chess. Now its his move.
@lilymoon You need to show him how foolish he is being. Sometimes you really want things to go well but his heart is hardened. You think he experienced real pain but you need to let him know right away. Say something like listened. I gave you my heart. It is not there anymore for you. You have expectations that you have never explained what you want. SO now you have to explain to him that if he wants you to at least try. Do not speak to him after and let him think about it. Turns out he might be too immature what real love really is. For now just wait it out. He will find out what it really means to lose someone who he had the opportunity of having a good home.
Like I said before sometimes it takes darkness and the burning of fire to come out stronger than you ever will but no one ever changes when they know things are ok. For now just let it go not as in moving on. As in let him appreciate what he wants. Sometimes they truely have to know what they lost in order to come back and appreciate it.
Just hold the bridge ok. Your thoughts betray you. Alot. So do mine. For now just let the 30 days go. Really its for you. To be stronger. Understand what is going on and to really want to know what you want in this life.
Everyone is a nutcase to a certain degree. It all depends on the situation where they are at, either they are spoiled and stopped getting what they want, Same goes for people who quit smoking and alcohol, or stranded in a new country with no help and little or no money. Happens to the best of us. Real bad people physically hurt others without believing they have no consequences of their own. Right now at this moment there is no real guilt. Everyone is at fault and no one follows their heart they just replace it like nothing happens and it takes great strength to show them that love is more powerful than to just move on.
Sometimes people are so stubborn. They forget the good things and that is why the 30 day period is necessary for everything. For you, for them to miss you. For you to get rid of the hate, sadness and loss of hope. It will not be long before you get to a point when they come back and this is the most difficult part. They will comeback if the love really was true. Only problem is you will be at a point to where. Do you want them back. Those who start the breaking up have more guilt than those who where abandoned. Soon it will sink in, they might even feel relieved but time will soon form in their mind. They will start to remember that it is not money, a new girl with a new face. They will remember you.
The good times, the times you joked and smiled, times you made love. Times you just enjoyed walking together, times you waited for each other. The roses given and the gifts taken. Things are not as grim its this stupid media that makes things go like there is no life. But most the time things are so empty, they have money, not a great car or job. Still they run around thinking they will find the right person and soon they realized. I did find the right person. I let them go, soon they at first will start talking thinking well lets be friends and let it go. Do not go to that path.
It either is or it isn’t. Just remember, this life is very short. Its not about partying, good meals, or just family time its about home. Going home, making one and going from there. Some men just choose not to have it and sleep with girls without commitment because they are afraid. They are scared on being burned but most people really want it. some people in the military refuse to leave because they made their home their with their brothers. To fight for one another not because of the war but because of each other.
The good news is that you are still alive. You feel like you are not but you are. Meaning sometimes you will lose battles. You just have to get up and learn how not to lose again and just fight until you got it right. What ever you do, do not blame yourself, do not blame him. Just accept what is going on and go forward. If you feel like not dating now do not be pressured into doing it. Just do not do anything that will push him further away from you.
I believe in love and that is why the world is getting colder because everything is about well just find someone else, get a new car, a new job if you do not like it no. There is no passion in anything anymore and everyone gives up to easy. If you can inspire him on how much you love him. Encourage him that you are there for you. It will not be long.
I know I write long but ill leave you with this. One of my favorite movies but not for the faint of heart is called saving private ryan. They found the man they needed to find. Only problem is he want to go home. Everyone else is pissed because they lost two men and in the end screw him. Lets leave and let him stay in this impossible mission when 3x more German infantry and Armor is coming. Just leave and fight the war (move on) But then he has a speech with the Sergeant on what to do now. This clip is PG-13 nothing too bad other than cussing. So its up to you. Wanna pack up your bags and go fight war. Or stay, defend the bridge, earn the right to go home. Think about it. What do you really want?
Does not work for phones, sorry. Only PC.
http://klipd.com/watch/saving-private-ryan/finding-private-ryan-scene\These threads are the healthiest thing you can do. Just keep reading all of them over and over until you remember everyone so when there is no one around and you are walking you learned them like a new language. Right now I am back in the states I am not looking for a car or waste money on gas or anything just getting the money and going back and get the prize. Nothing is impossible. That how dreams come into reality. Trust me even if he is with someone in the next 2 months there is nothing stronger than his love for you and yours for him. Sometimes all it takes is for you to pull both enough for him to realize he made a mistake that he needs to come back home than running in circles. Hate can be converted to passion and love. Just keep going. I will think of more better things to say to you. For now I gotta run. I think the cops figured out it was me at the bank. PEACE! (JK)
LOL reminds me of star wars, when Vader was facing off with luke Skywalker. You have much to learn my young apprentice. Your thoughts betray you. LOL In reality everything in life is so damn tough. Learning to speak well to others, cooking, even cleaning can be a skill and can take one person 1 hour and you 10 mins. But your goal is quite different. Your goal is a home, its a man you want to be with but the catch is what are you going to do for him to want to be with you. Do not I REPEAT DO NOT! talk to him on Valentines day even if he wishes you one just ignore it. Post beautiful new pictures of you happy on facebook. Let his friends talk crap. Do not over do it and just leave the new picture up there.
You are fighting for a home. An apartment is just an apartment a home is also someone you are with and love and trust. So now you are doing great. Everyday is your spirit growing stronger, that pain you feel between your heart and your stomach. Its just the heart repair. Things are great, but nothing good is going to fall on your lap, no magical hampster is going to say HEY I AM GOING TO GET YOUR RELATIONSHIP BACK MAKE YOU IN THE BEST SHAPE IN THE WORLD WITH GREAT NEW SKILLS AND YOUR RICH! No, hell no. You have to make it happen yes I know this is a two way street. So you are going to have to be smart and put a big ass rock on his so he has to turn around and go your way.
To be honest I have absolutely no experience in this. I just read all the emails and stuck with the plan because that is exactly what I want. A home, but I know every time I thought I did something and I was right I was wrong so I am taking the advise and I feel great. Because I see my vision. I see myself going back to Bulgaria before the the holidays start. I might now have enough money but I will have plenty to get the papers get a job and my girl with me. My home. The trees, the mountains the people. The adventures and travelers I met at the hostel. I see that. I do not care if I walk to work all the time.
Before like a baby oh boo hoo I dont have a car. Now im like, shoot I do not care. I have a vision. My sarcastic Canadian friend said well whatever floats your boat. I said I am not building a boat. I am building a huge battle ship and I am fighting my way back not matter what and live poor and happy. Money and spending are no longer an issue because I do not care about spending things just saving to go home. I know I am explaining on what I am doing but now think about that. Think, Tell your story, what are you gonna do. Give up? Give in? Listen to your friends to just move on? More fish in the sea. Or are you going to listen to your spirit. Your Heart. Your soul and say screw them all. Screw the world I have a vision. Right now I feel like I am ready but still follow the plan after day 30. You are ready, master Jedi. 😀
Stand your ground. Get that vision. Do not listen to most people they are just negative nannies. Everyone will tell you 90% bad and giving up. Just face it, face to face and do not stand down. (Except for the police… Never stand your ground for that…) So remember. Take care of your body. The pain will pass soon it will soon be repaired and your heart will be strong. Then finally listen to what they told you.
I wondered how many people laughed when they said they can speak on a phone without a cord anywhere around the world?
I wondered how many people laughed and said impossible when the brothers said they can fly.
Impossible, right? Did they listen? Will you listen? Will you do it?
Remember mornings all always the worst, I woke up today and thought of her, Marieta, I lost her. Took me a minute just now because it has been a few days I change that mood quickly. No I lost her at the moment I will get her back now go take care of yourself and go to work save the money and go back to Bulgaria. Be patient and follow the plan. Stop checking the facebook.
Its all lies your brain is doing everything it can to think of the worst things. Just watch movies do not watch love movies. Because if you do the first thing you are going to do is try to break the NC rule and make things worse. Right now the only thing you can do is push him away not getting him closer and curious about you. Keep in mind he is full of rage as it looks but he still misses you alot and is getting closer later he will realize when he has nothing going on he will think what have I done. I let her go. Because soon all the good memories will come ESPECIALLY since Valentines day is right around the corner it will be him hurting more than you. Remember what one of the emails said. Its like a heroin addict.
He used to the love you guys had, every morning good morning text and your replies and the I love yous. Now that he is not getting them and no one will and I promise no one will tell him like you do. Will feel that empty void. Right now he has just hardened his heart but to really realize it you must be strong. These moments are for you to practice like martial arts. So when you get the moment of truth you will kick ass. The PRIMARY objective is for you to change all the negative crap you have done and never do it again. Its all about training. After this your second objective is not just to get him back. But be with him forever and show him if he leaves you again that is his fault because not many people want to change not only for themselves but for them. Do not look at facebook it is all deception it will show their smiles and happiness but really they are not. Maybe for just one hour. But that is it.
Keep saying. I will get him back, I will change this about myself and I am determined to get him back. I will be more attractive to him. The next relationship will last forever. I will speak only positive things and encourage him and his life. I will not break down and cry. Patients is the key and my will, will lead me to my goal. Nothing is impossible. Even if he is dating someone else look great. Look stunning and act stunning. Use your new skills.
Remember after the 30 days no contact there is still that magic letter you can give him. Re-read the section. Never lose hope. In the end you will come out stronger and he will be the one with regret because you really loved and cared but all that anger is temporary. Do not worry where you are blocked at now. Just stay with the program, read all the emails it sends you and be determined to have you back. Just be a stronger more attractive woman for you and things will be great. I do not wish you luck because luck has nothing to do with it. I am telling you do what the plan tells you and go do it.
I know exactly how you feel and since my situation is different because I went halfway around the world for her. As for you, you were with him a year. Things were much better than good I can assure you unless you were extremely abusive which I highly doubt. The bad things are easily remembered all the time. Right now you know what you must change about yourself because of all the pain. It gives him time to wash away all the anger and bad memories to start remembering the good. He is still thinking about you in both good and bad but more good.
If he still has you as a friend on facebook then things are not as bad as it seems and if his friends say hello from time to time that is a better sign. Or if his friends still contact you asking how you are doing. I know lets say he did go with someone else. He will still have alot of guilt thinking of you. He loves you. He thinks that will fill the void but really no one can replace you. Right now just stay quite and follow the steps. Never ask him about his dates when you are past the no communication. I know there are so much paranoia storming in your mind. I have more of the right for it but I am confident the bad feelings will pass. Things will be get better. The things about the 30 days its for you to improve and know what to do when you talk to him. Its also for him to learn to miss you and wash away all the pain and anger.
He will be missing you but now you have to learn to change. All is fair in love and war. I am not saying you have to use violent tactics but your tactics on what you have to do differently to be more attractive for him and what you think have to change for you to succeed. Learn to cook, learn to workout and good topics to talk about. Think about those things because after the NC, you will eventually have to meet and talk. Maybe use some of your new skills. Follow the plan.
Then when you do meet, you can use your new tools (weapons) and show you that you changed. That you do not need him to be happy you are happy yourself and wish to stop all the fights. But do not say it. Show it when you get the chance and you will. Hold your ground. Yes I know she told me the same to me but I am thinking on the different things to do when I go back and start over. When I speak to her I am determined I do not care what people tell me I am going right back to Bulgaria and earn my home. The old relationship face it, it is dead the good news is that the new one will be in your favor, the new relationship is the one that is going to last forever if you want it to. Be determined. Have a goal.
Watch these two things on youtube or something. Its cheesy but really its very inspiring on what you have to do for yourself in this adventure we call life.
First look up (Sam’s speech) to Frodo from Lord of the rings even if you are not a fan just listen on what they are talking about. Hopelessness, disaster and why they kept going on.
Second look up Yoda’s speech from Starwars to show on change and to be determined. Reflect on those clips. You can make it, it was true love that is why it hurts so much but this is the beginning of something new, not with someone else but someone you want a home with. You can do it.
@ChrisLovesChris I think I am missing something about what you are going through. Can you explain in full detail exactly what happened and how long you have been together? Do you understand why he broke up with you?
Give it a minute. That means you really love the person but stick to the program. Read the e-mails they send you. If their love for you is true they still love you they still miss you. It is very unattractive to seem needy just do not talk in anyway shape or form unless you have kids or work together keep it very formal with no emotion. The 30 days are more for you, you are in no condition to speak to them now and how to fix it. I know about the starving thing. You cannot force the food down even if you are hungry because you feel like you want to vomit and I lost weight too. But it is only a passing thing I promise I promise. It is very important to grieve and write a journal for yourself. It really works. As for eating soups are the best thing for you as well as bread of any kind. You can make it. It is ok to be nervous. Watch alot of comedy, of any kind. It will be hard to concentrate but usually there will be a few moments you can get a laugh in and feel better. For now I almost had a panic attack also but how to get over it is doing this. Close your eyes, what is the worst that could happen? You die and that’s it. I know it sounds cold but the truth is your heart will relax and you will be like hmm. No big deal guess it was a passing thing. You can be successful but it is up to you. Stay on these blogs and watch comedy or play a video game where it requires alot of concentration.
