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Hi Arryan!
What a lovely name! I am no expert with NC or any relationship since I am also in great pain.
Let me share my story with you. My ex and I have dated for more than 3 years and she dumped me because of unexplained reason. I tried to move on by dating other girls. And let me tell youbthat despite the adventure and bonding, I still feel empty. I see her face in every dates and I always look for her features/attitude with other women. The more I date women tp get away, to deeper the emptiness I feel inside.
You will test the depth of his love for you by doing NC rule. If you guys have a deep relationship, chances are this is just a rebound relationship. If you two share a lot of things, it is difficult to fill that gap and having a new relationship is just a pseudo-fix and will not last.
Give NC a chance and fight the urge to communicate. Allow me to read your progress until such time you won your ex back.
Hi Sara,
Im not sure if you and my girl share the same situation since I was dumped.
Let me share what I am feeling ao you may have an idea on what your ex feels. When I was dumped after dating for more than 3 years, I feel devastated. I have the urge to communicate with her but I cant because I will be the needy one.
In your case, that is the situation or emotion I am hoping my ex would feel. I am no expert and what I suggest is you try to feel when the time is right. However, insticts are usually blinded by the urge to communicate.
In case you wish to communicate with him, test the water first. Start the conversation with a friendly tone. Not spinding too needy and not being obvious that we are testing his response.
Any negative response or a rejection is normal since he is the one hurt. Allow the mood of the conversation progress slowly.
I am thinking that he might be using the NC on you and might be pretty effective. If so, dpnt lose hope! He is expecting you to feel the same since he is telling you how hurt he is and he is giving you his side indirectly / non-verbally.
Again, I am no expert and I just shared what I feel based on my experience.
Please share any updates on your path in recovering your relationship.
By the way, I am not communicating with my ex if she doea not initiate the conversation and I am have limited my response to 3 words. As mentioned, you may have been on the same situation with my ex.
Hi sara!
I am pleased to read another progress. Just to let you know, my ex have not contacted me in any way or form. And she is constantly in my mind. Very difficult situation, right?
No worries, having the urge to communicate with then is normal. I too am fighting the urge and it is really painful. But you know what? You are not alone.
They may not remove our pictures / stuff from our relationship because they are also experiencing the pain. They may have different reason(s) but I assure you he is thinking of you from time to time.
As for the possibility they might play the NC game, we just have to play better. Remember, we want to keep them and not have them back for a few months. So fight the urge and we need to battle our way to win them bacl to our lives.
Hi Sara!
It is good that they communicate indirectly. Same with me, my ex “liked” one of my photo comment in Facebook.
Just as I have mentioned, we need to fight the urge to communicate with them no matter how empty or lonely we are.
I have mentioned on another thread that we can think of this as waiting for a fruit to ripe. Harvest it too early and it will be sour for us. We need to have that perfect moment where that fruit will taste sweet.
Yes, they are thinking of us and they are also hurting. But we want to make sure that this relationship will last. And we need to sacrifice 30 days or until theu will make that effort.
Continue to provide updates and I love reading your progress.
Give NC one more time as SM suggested earlier.
My idea here is you are repairing your heart and mind in the process. We are in the stage where we want to have this sorted right away which will only up their defenses. Being needy will only worsen the situation.
If we fight the urge to communicate, we give them the time to miss us and allow time to remove all the negativities in their minds/hearts.
Allow them to do their thing and force their way back to our lives.
Hi Sara! You are not alone. I am also in great pain and there is no shortcut in healing our hearts.
As I always state, late us have this illusion that we are okay. Let us fake our smiles and continue to absorb all the pain.
Our partners have left us / our relationship but they too are experiencing hardship. We just need to turn on the “miss” switch or button in their heads. So by faking hapiness, we will have our time devoted in repairing ourselves.
I tried going on a date but it was a disaster! Women are reminding me how I missed my ex and I learned that rebound is not really an option.
I am here Sara. We can talk until we can have that peace we deserve.
Sorry about that. What I mean is, you will feel the correct time to have the relationship back. I have associated with a fruit. If we end the NC prematurely, it is like harvesting an unripe fruit… A very sour tasting fruit. But if we sacrifice until we have that perfect moment… It is like harvesting a ripe fruit giving us a sweet taste and in this case, having the relationship back.
I too give in to the temptation of communicating back and break the NC rule. In my case, I can consider it as an unripe fruit which very sour to the taste.
I am restarting NC until such time I can show her that I am okay and doing great (or just the illusion). I think it is ripe or correct time of they initiate the communication with effort to win us back.
Hi confused girl!
I know exactly how you feel. I also agree with Maria that your partner is still in love with you.
I want you to learn from my mistakes regarding NCR. I am determined to finish the 30 day to give time for my ex to miss me and tp allow myself tp undergo the normal process. To feel the pain and to accept the situation. Once I can take care of myself, I can evaluate my NCR progress.
Instead of strictly following the 30 NCR, I misjudged the “heart” emoticon she, my ex, sent me as a sign of readiness to get back together. I end up giving her the assurance that I am still waiting for her (being needy again) instead of the illusion that I am moving on.
Hi Sarah!
I know how it feels. I am currently restarting my no contact since I messed up my first few days.
I am learning from you guys and by reading your experiences, I am gaining the strength I need to continue this program.
The main goal for me of the 30 day no contact is not to get our ex back but to heal ourselves. We are still in denial… I am still in denial and all the what ifs is causing me to get nauseated. Then we will feel the anger towards our ex or this situation. Then we will seek answers as we enter the bargaining stage. Feeling helpless will make us enter our depression state. Which will lead us to accept the situation or ourselves. The time of healing and duting this period, we should be able to evaluate the 30 day no contact period.
