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well, here’s what I would say to her.
“There’s an easy way, and then there’s a hard way. The easy way is the safest route to be happy, meanwhile the hard way is being true to yourself.
The easy way is to be with your new boyfriend. I will be happy for you, I will stay out of your way, but we can’t be friends anymore. That being said, if you chose him, then we can’t talk anymore, it would be unfair for him and me.
The hard way is to leave him, we both work on ourselves and our problems, become positive and active being single people first, deal with our own problems, then consider getting back together. I don’t just want to be with you, I want to be with you for a long time. So unless we fix our own problems, we cannot be happy individuals. If we are not happy as individuals, then we cannot be happy and healthy as a couple.
I would choose the latter, but the choice is yours. I am busy making me a better person, with or without you. But bare in mind. I cannot talk to you while you are with your new boyfriend. I love you and I always will.”
I think that your ex wasn’t sure of herself while she was with you. You met her while she was at school, while she was figuring things out for herself. She wasn’t ready to commit to a serious relationship even though she thought she was serious with you. If she was, she wouldn’t be breaking up with you AND seeing another guy while she was in another city in the first time you guys broke up. True love knows no bounds. If she really wanted to be with you, she would do whatever it takes to be with you.
After you guys got back together, things were rocky at times, which was okay, but isn’t it already a problem that she was seeing other people when she hasn’t gotten herself figured out? And if she got herself figured out, then why she keeps going on and off with you throughout the 5 years?
Okay, so now you and her are broken up. but I think this is a long overdue situation. She’s saying that you are now catching up to her, a clear indication that she finally figured herself out and she thinks she doesn’t want you to be a part of it, indicating from her lack of response from your birthday during no contact, and also the fact that she finished her education and but she’s not dating you but someone else. Clearly, she’s moving on to a different chapter in her life and you were only a distant past.
To be fair, I think on your part, though it’s totally natural for someone to feel like contacting their ex and questioning them and trying to gain closure and have a clear message from their ex about breaking up, it scares them away from confronting you because they did care for you at one point, they did have feelings and connections with you, it’s hard to ask someone to face their ex and tell them the truth, especially when their ex was so eager to know the truth. Which is why NC is good for you.
Whether the new guy is someone you should care…..the answer is no. What you should consider is the fact that your ex is human, she makes mistakes, and it’s her mistake and her responsibility, at the same time, why she went out with another person probably has something to do with the fact that he makes her happy, no matter if it’s temporarily or in the long run. And I think you should think about that. If you truly love her, think about what would truly make her happy. If setting her free and setting you free would make the both of you happy in the long run, then I think it’s better than constant bickering and bitterness and not moving on.
