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I think you are wise to maintain NC until your ex shows that he values you. Otherwise even if you did get back together you would be repeating the same cycle. Im going through the same thing with my ex, and honestly I have no desire to go back to that.
Stay strong.I haven’t responded. If he really wants me back he can do better then a booty text. And if all he wants is sex I am not the one.
I went to therapy tonight. It went very well. I don’t know that I want this guy back. I deserve so much better.
Thank you for your reply.
I don’t know if he realizes or even cares how selfish he is being. I think part of it is his background – he is used to people always helping each other out if they can, like it’s just expected. And really that kind of thinking is hard to argue with – we should help each other if we can. However it’s also subtle manipulation, as in if I don’t help him then there is something wrong with me as a person. Yet if I do help him then he says I’m the one manipulating him because I’ll want something in return. So I can’t win.
It’s not all his fault. By helping him I made him somewhat dependent on me. The problem was that I wanted more of a cOmittment then he did and so the assistance made him uncomfortable. I felt he was using me though I never told him that. Of course if he made better choices he wouldn’t need my help in the first place, but that’s another topic.I think he’s not thrilled that you could be moving on, particularly with another co-worker.
Ok I am in a similar situation with my ex as we work together as well. I think if I were in your shoes I might tell him that I need some space and not to call. I’d tell him If there is something work related that we need to discuss then we can discuss it at work. I don’t know your work situation or what kind of emergencies could arise but maybe it’s possible that he could have someone else inform you of those kinds of things rather than doing it himself. I think that’s what I would do with my ex if something comes up after hours that he needs to know about (I’m in a supervisor role).I’m not having a good night. I want him back but not the way things were. So really do I want him back? It doesn’t make sense.
I am doing some things this week to work on myself. Tomorrow I am going to see a therapist. It’s a huge step and something I should have done a long time ago. I don’t want to be in another codependent relationship.
And I’m getting my hair cut. He liked my hair long. I do too, kinda, but it’s also a pain. I’m not getting a super short cut, just short enough to be more manageable. The only thing is that because we work together he will notice immediately and know that I’m getting it cut because we are no longer together. I don’t want it to come off like I’m doing it to spite him. There’s just no reason for me to keep it long at this point. It is what it is.
I’ve been snippy with my children tonight. I can not let my frustration affect my kids.
I don’t know if anyone is reading this but it feels good to write some of this stuff down.Today was hard. It was the first time I saw my ex since the breakup. We kept our distance as much as possible but it was so hard being in such close proximity. But no texts this morning so that’s a good thing. I miss the texts but this is the way it has to be.
My ex has said smimilar things. Basically I think he is saying he knows he has you when he wants you. I agree with the person who said he’s trying to keep you as a backup. I think the best way to show him he’s wrong is to completely ignore him and try to focus on other things. Let him get mad. If it gets bad tell him that if he really wants you to move on that he needs to give you some space and that you are sorry but you can’t answer his texts & snapchats for awhile. And then don’t respond to him anymore.
I know it’s easier said than done. I’m right there with you.Yeah it’s going to be hard. He texted me again today. This time it was just a simple good morning. I ignored it. I’m not surprised he texted me. I think he’s trying to keep me around but on his own terms. I have caved way too many times before and I’m not doing it this time because we will just keep repeating these patterns. I need this NC time.
