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It’s like a two year old that doesn’t want to eat his vegetables. Yelling, screaming, crying, pleading etc doesn’t make him want to eat it. He will cry and stomp his feet and try to run away and spit it out or spit it at his mom or throw it on the floor. Force feeding it won’t get him to eat the vegetables.
Just leave him alone with the mess he’s made and see if he decides to clean it up. If not you haven’t wasted any more energy. And when you think about talking to him picture a two year old with a bowl of puréed carrots dumped over his head. At least you will start to see the humor.
I wasn’t saying to be mean. I was saying to send a text that truly thanked him for bailing. However it would seem sincere coming from you.
I didn’t say to send “you’re an ass for bailing on me. I’m done!” OR “you jerk give me my stuff”
I said thank him for showing you that it being over is the right decision. It tells him that you are walking away.
The only other option is to do nothing at all. Don’t call him and tell him you aren’t going to meet. Just don’t meet. Don’t tell him to get your stuff. Same thing.
If you do my first suggestion he will know you are done. If you do the second he will bug you but not in a good way. You will be tempted to shut him up.
If you do anything but the thank you text you’re sucked back in.
I think I already gave you advice on what to do but you either you don’t understand what I am saying or you don’t want to do it.
Go back and read my earlier post about what you should do. Send him a text (not calling) and tell him you decided it was best for it to be over. Then do nothing!!!!!!!!!!
you don’t really mean that you want it to be over but you have to make him believe it. That means no follow up. No answering texts. No nothing. He thinks he has you wrapped around his finger. If you can’t do this or something close then you shouldn’t be surprised when you stay in this state of crazy. I’m not being mean. Just honest.
Sorry. That sucks but I don’t think you’ve screwed it up.
He thinks he can bail and then you will accommodate him. You said ok but you haven’t shown up yet. Don’t text him any more.
Tomorrow during th day when you know you will be occupied AFTER you do this so you won’t be tempted to get into it with him. Text him and say something like “thank you for bailing on me last night. I mean it. I have been questioning if I really wanted to talk to you and wondering if you I wasn’t ready to move on anyway and you helped me to clearly see what the right decision is. So thank you. ”
Same effect (if not better than getting up and walking out. ? Turn your phone off or give it to someone who won’t let you answer after that. Do not be sucked in. Do not let him convince you to meet him. And that is the start of your new NC period!
And you only have no chance when you approach this from a desperate position. As long as you’re confident and know your worth then who cares if he comes back. ❤️
First, I promise you that nothing you could tell me would be worse than what I’ve done myself or been through myself. Telling the bad story just keeps you in that rut. You need to write a new story and realize that you are both responsible for what happened. Stop blaming yourself or trying to be understood. It won’t make you feel better. Here’s what will tho
When you meet him looking amazing and smelling amazing and being that person he first met and being happy and spunky and relaxed and not needing to talk about your relationship. You’ll feel better when you realize as you’re walking away from him at that meeting that he is watching you walk away. And he will be watching to see what you will do. Be proud that you have controlled every aspect of this interaction and you don’t give a SH!$ if he comes back because every other guy in the place is also watching you and waiting for him to lose you too so that they can have a chance to show you how much they appreciate you! He will notice them too. Hehe. You’ve got this!!
You’re welcome and I hope it helps to get you in the right frame of mind.
Here’s the truth. The whole idea of no contact and the five step process is to make him forget the crappy times and remember the good and see you doing better. You are different and you are positive and don’t NEED him to be happy.
If he loves you and wants to be with you he will figure out pretty quickly that he needs to figure out how to be with you, to come to you, to show you he wants to be with you. If he doesn’t then he won’t do anything.
It’s all in how much you wait him out. If you tell him and show him you’re good without him but then go begging to see him or contact him or whatever them your actions tell him you’re needy. If you tell him and show him with your actions that you can live without him then he won’t be able to live without you!
Wait him out! Don’t lay hints to others. Don’t talk to his friends about him. If they bring him up change the subject. Fake it if you have to. Just wait for him to figure out you’re not playing.
Sit down and write her a letter. Tell her everything you need to say. Apologize and then apologize some more. Tell her you understand if she will not forgive you but one day you hope she will see how truly sorry you are.
Then do nothing…..
One more thing….if he tries to bring up your relationship just tell him you don’t want to talk about your relationship that you think he made the right decision and you’re happy he did it.
YIKES? Right?
But it will make him crazy cause he thinks you’re gonna let him off easy and get back together. Let him know you’re not gonna make it easy. Laugh have fun show him what he’s gonna lose!
Be aloof! Don’t touch him. Don’t kiss him. Don’t show any emotion. Act like you are just meeting a friend. Laugh and laugh a lot! Be flirty but then know when it’s time to go. Show him how great you are and then walk away! And I mean walk away. Don’t reach out to him. Don’t call him. Don’t text him. WAIT for him to reach out to you.
Just a piece of advice to both of you ? Since you’re both in similar situations…..
I think you’re letting them know you care what they think. Here’s what I see. They message you about some guy who you became friends with and if you tell him there nothing there then you’re also telling him you still value his opinion and he has any day in what you are doing. NC won’t work now and meeting up now will be too difficult because talking about good times in your relationship while he still feels like he has control will only confuse you more and destroy your chances of getting back together.
If he reacts to what you are doing then tell him thank you for his concern and leave it at that. Don’t tell him how you are handling things. Don’t tell him what you are/are not doing. Don’t tell him anything. Let him wonder. He will get upset but don’t react. Just keep it polite. But also don’t do anything that you know will get a reaction from him. Making him jealous only backfires.
if yiu do this right and stay cool he will be the one asking you to meet up.
Yes you should do NC and during that time you need to work on making friends and doing something to occupy your time. The real question that you need to answer in the NC period is (and this might sound harsh but it’s not meant that way….I’ve been dealing with this myself) do you think you want him back because he was someone that you could hang out with and pass time with or do you really care about him and know it will work with him?
When you start to build other friendships and do other things to occupy your time you will see the answer very clearly. And he will start to miss you too and he will start to figure out what HE has to change to make it work with you. It shouldn’t be just you making sacrifices to make it work.
