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And now the truth has come out… He came out about the drug issue and we took “a break” because I confronted him about cheating. So instead of saying yes to the cheating he gave me the “I’ve been doing drugs our whole relationship” instead so I wouldn’t push more on the cheating. We ended up getting back together after all of that then one day I came home early from work not feeling well and found the girl I confronted him about in my bedroom. Come to find out he had been cheating on me for a little over a year with this girl. I was heartbroken. I pressured him into trying again and he agreed. He stopped all contact with this girl for 4 months. Everything seemed to be better for a little bit but then he started drinking heavier again. Then a week ago he went out drinking all night and didn’t come home. I confronted him about it the next day and he said he talked to and saw people he shouldn’t have (meaning the girl he cheated on me with). He said he called her up, told her he missed and cuddled and talked with her all night. He said it felt like the right thing to do at the moment but felt guilty about it now. I was devastated. He said this is it for us and he even seemed happier about it. I asked him if he felt happier and he said he didn’t know about that but he felt like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He said he had been thinks about this for 4 years (WHAT?!?!??) and was finally man enough to say something and end it now. We are still living together until we figure everything out and he said he wouldn’t see her until I’ve left. Im devastated and completely heartbroken. It’s so hard being here but not being “together”. I ask him where he’s been when he’s out (recently he went on a 3 day drinking binge) and I can’t seem to help myself. I know we are not together but we are still living together. I can’t help but ask where he’s been. I know he doesn’t like it. I’m going to eventually leave but it’s just so hard. I want him to want me and want him to miss me when I’m gone. I plan to do no contact when I leave but just want some hope that maybe we can rekindle our relationship sometime. I just feel absolutely horrible at this moment. I don’t know what to do… Any advice?
Thanks roarimabear. I do believe his is depressed and asked if he would like to go talk to someone about it and he said no that he doesn’t need to. We ended up hanging out on his birthday and I ended up staying at home for the rest of the weekend. There were times when I thought everything was fine but once he got a few beers into him he just kept referencing bringing me to my car so I could leave. It was hurtful. He said that he’s not sure why but I don’t even have to do anything and my presence just annoys him more often than not. How can this be? If I’m not even doing anything at all how am I even supposed to begin to fix this? How do I not annoy him? I talked to him a lot about hanging out more and doing stuff we used to do and that maybe it would help bring us back together. He said he’s content being by himself and kind of already has his mind made up but eventually he agreed to get back together “for my sake”. I asked him to keep an open mind and to communicate with me by calling and texting so we can try and make this work. He said he guesses he could do that. I’m still staying at my sisters to give him space but since I left on Monday he has not contacted me at all. I’m trying to be strong and not text him or anything but it’s hard. I just want us back. We talked about taking a day trip on Saturday but he wouldn’t completely agree to it. He can never seem to make plans for anything hurt in case something else comes up. If I don’t hear from him should I contact him Friday night or Saturday morning to see if we are going to do anything? Ugh this is just so hard and I don’t know how to make it better.
Thank you Finntoga. I do understand what you are saying it is just so hard after so long. I know that I can’t help him. I am powerless over him and his addictions. He needs to want to change in order for things to change. He has been doing an assortment of drugs from multiple kinds of pills similar to adderall, then doing speed and cocaine. When he told me he said it was a couple weeks since he did anything so I don’t know how frequent it is. I do know that the first weekend we were on a break he did do them. Yesterday was a really bad day and I couldn’t stop crying. Today is his birthday and I’ve already been up for a few hours and can’t sleep. I just want him to tell me everything is going to be okay and that we can work things out but the reality is that he’s not going to. I just don’t understand how he can have no feeling after this long. I mean he isn’t really one to talk about his feeling but he has to feel something. When we talked on Wednesday he mentioned that we have a couch and two beds at the house that I could sleep on instead of being at my sisters. I asked him then we’re does that leave us and he kind of just shrugged. He says he still cares about me a lot but the whole not loving me thing is really getting to me. When I saw him Wednesday he said he hadn’t been drinking that much because he’d been working. He said he had a good two years bender of drinking and maybe it was time to slow down a bit. Then he was actually talking about going camping and fishing and stuff that he hasn’t done in awhile. It hurt to hear him say all of these things because when I was there he didn’t want to do anything. I can’t help but think that I was the reason. Why is it that in a matter of a little over a week he starts realizing all of this and seems to be doing better and coming back to his old self? Am I really the reason for his drinking and drug use and not wanting to be home? I just don’t understand.
Thanks for the advice! It gets a little bit not complicated because he has also been doing drugs. He came clean to me a week before we took a “break”. He said he didn’t want to lie about it anymore and has been doing drugs the whole time we had been together. I was so hurt and felt completely betrayed. I did have suspicions about him doing drugs and would ask him about it but believed him every time he said no. I think deep down I knew the truth I just didn’t want to see it. The terms with our break are not seeing each other but not seeing other people either. I do t think he would break this agreement and do anything with anyone else. We have never has that issue and he isn’t the type of person that would do that. Do you think it’s possible for him to fall back in love with me again? All he says now is that he really cares about me and he isnt sure what he wants. I’ll try to stick it out longer and hopefully he will contact me.
