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Hi Anthurium : Thanks for the response,i appreciate it.Yes she treated me badly when I pushed her to limits,or was crying and esp when I did talked with her sister & best friend about our relationship and how she doesn’t want to come back.
Not sure she was overall very negative towards life and me,she had back pain which she claimed is because of my stress and pain I have given her all the time.
She is stubborn girl and just uses her own mind,pure scorpio and doesn’t tell anyone whats in her mind.
I am very confident that I want her to be my life partner.It was like she was behind me for 2 years to get married and did anything possible so I say yes to her for marriage,and it shifted right after she decided to break up after a fight and I did everything possible in this world to get her back.
In my scenario she never talked with me,or met me or showed any interest,so it became just 100 % effort from my side to convince her to get married right after I felt that now I have lost her.
Lets see I will wait till her bday,after that I will give up.In the meantime if I find someone nice and loving I will go with her and start fresh life.
Not sure she looks happy now on facebook and one week she has depressing quotes and one week nice smiling,nice make up picture with her g/f.She does that on cover and profile pictures,her friends and timeline is hidden.
3 days back her sister called me to check how I am doing and texted me,which I didn’t responded as I don’t want her sister also to know whats happening in my life.
let me know if If you have more thoughts ? I am very tired of this but Its just all worth the pain if she comes back but if she doesn’t atleast she would realize in some point that I did loved her from bottom of my heart
I have decided not to do anything till her bday and see if she starts any contacts till than,i very much doubt.
I will not take any expensive gifts and will just email her on her bday and see the response and decide on things for future.
But right now I am just invisible till Nov her bday.
Thanks guys @
I am also very confused as likes replies or posts,of trying some more time or I should give up and move on.
I know soon this pain will either get relieved or will stay for some more time.
I also feel that she is in pain too,as she really loved me from her heart and begged me for very long to get married and settled in life.
Bob Marley said :- If she’s amazing,she wont be easy.If she’s easy,she wont be amazing,If she’s worth it,you wont give up,If you give up,you’re not worthy…Truth is everybody is going to hurt you,You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
Hi Anthurium/Sunshine/Elanna :
Thanks for all the comments you have done and I appreciate it very much,i have read them couple of times aleady.
So, far I agree with Elanna on this & I truly believe what she said is accurate on this 2 comments below :-
Comment # 1 from Elanna :-
She is upset, she feels betrayed, she doesn’t believe in love, she needs to be convinced. As you said she doesn’t trust you, because like in my case, you changed your mind after she broke up with you. She is simply sad about it. If she tells you ‘yes’ then she would always feel like she has forced you.Comment # 2 from Elanna :-
No, she has not lost attraction because you have shown needy. Don’t be afraid to talk to her. She seems now punishing you, but you see, you have deserved it.
Show her that you have not given up on her and don’t let her go, she needs to know exactly how much you are prepared to do for her. She needs to know how deeply you want her so she would be able to overcome the past and the shame that she was the one asking you for commitment.
You need to accept that you are being just punished, believe me, it’s not rejection, it is a revenge._____________________________________________________________________________
My views & thoughts.
What I think more is that she has lost interest in love,she was the one who was committed for 4 years with giving her 100 % and I realized this after she broke up.All the time I have showed myself needy,have grown my beard,cried and begged…she got pissed and didn’t like it and mentioned (oh why are you all this,you never did for all 4 yrs when we were in relationship)
She told me numerous times that her mind is not supporting her heart and she doesn’t want me to keep waiting,so I should move on and be happy.
From last 1/5 years she have treated me like a piece of shit but I took it as I loved her & I appreciate her efforts she did for me and my daughter for 4 years.
One of the reason I want her so back desperately was my for my daughter as she was very well attached with my daughter,because at a time of divorce my daughter was only 1 and now 6,it is also very unfortunate that it happened when my last case was settled with my ex-wife.
Very frankly everyone in my circle have told me to move on as its been very long and she have treated me so bad during this time,but I have always kept a hope that one day she will realise that my love was not on words I had proved it as well.
Same time she knows that I might be not good at personnel level,but I am great person from heart and very successful professionaly & just my income is more than 5 working people in family even tho it doesn’t matter here.But,i do appreciate what she stood by with me when my ex wife made my life hell.
I am keeping my mouth and emotions shut till nov 21st and will not do anything,i feel enough has been done & enough punishment has been given to me which I deserve(no doubt) but also end of the day I am also human being & all I am doing is love so there should be not hate,if there was it should finish.
Sunshine @ she has appreciated my changes but yes she did see changes I made and noticed them even though she hasn’t expressed them.Now she feels that it is too late as in her mind she has already moved on,it is also I agree with you that I should move on and all my friends,family tells me same thing,and I surely will once I find the right one(and I am looking trust me)as it also very painful to wait and with no hope.
Thanks guys again @ anthurium @ sunshine @ elanna,love you all.I welcome your thoughts.
Hi Elanna :
Yes this is true that she have lost the trust in love or loving me again.She don’t want me to interfare in her regular life,only way I communicated with her was thru emails from last dec 2014.She never text or phone me at all.
And what else can I do in emails,i sent her funny jokes and was fun person in email,checkked how she is doing and if she has any problems but no results and when she met me 3/4 times in person (last 6 months) we met more like strangers and she was very distant while meeting me and even didn’t want to hug me.
Yes, she was very serious and desperately wanted to get married and she use to talk about it every day and on every occasion that she wants to settle and have family but I had lot on my table and also I didn’t realise till the time I lost her,i had genuine reasons as my divorce with ex wife was taking way tooooo long…and I was emotionaly,finanicaly,mentaly very tired too.
SHE IS ALSO AWARE THAT I AM WORKING VERY HARD TO IMPROVE MYSELF AND BEEN WAITING PATIENTLY EVEN THOUGH I AM VERY IMPATIENT GUY.
Plan is to meet her bday on Nov 21st now,no communication till than.Last was aug 18th thru email.
Lets see and you are right my divorce,religion,my status,my daughter was not a problem for her at all.
Hi Anthurium & Elanna :
First I really want to thank you from bottom of my heart,that you spent so much time in writing about your thoughts,you both are really genuine people and I cant express my words.– Yes I have hurted her,when she begged me everyday to get married,but at same time with my ex divorce was not finalized and there was lot of issues pending,esp my dear daughter who was just 1 year old.
– I took my g/f granted and also thought that she will not go anywhere,anytime we had fight she came back and did apology.
– My problems/issues took way longer than expected and everytime I had new issue,which was not created by me but my ex wife who is very financially strong and stubborn,and rich husband.
After my g/f broke up I did showed very needy,desperation and lost all my self confidence and I begged,cried,said sorry,gave flowers,talked with her sister,mother and friends.
My life was shaken and I did all this because of my ex-wife who moved on got married in 6 months,also so this time it was just very painful as this was 2nd time and I got dreams of my g/f moving on and getting married.
So everyday I woke up and tried,tried,tried.
Now I am not doing anything till her bday on 21st Nov and will try to email her first and than try to meet her in person and take expensive gift(12bangles she always wanted to get)costs around $ 15K.
And this time YES I told her I am ready to get married and have kids,family with you.But she just still very cold and stubborn of not coming back.
Actualy I had lost the battle last year only but she did replying to my email or meet once in blue moon because I did put very serious efforts to have her back but I guess my needy,desperate approach was not the right one.
Now I don’t talk to anyone related to her till her bday.I am out from facebook & WhatsApp.
Her facebook also had missed signals one week she puts desperate love quotes and other she week she puts a nice picture with her g/f,she knows in her heart that I really love her but now she don’t trust me and same time I guess lost attraction as of my past needy desperate mistakes.
What you think ?
Thanks again,god bless you and hope you get your loved ones back.
Yes I dearly love her and I generally don’t give up so easy,but now I am exhausted after 1/5 years and pretty much giving up,I haven’t wrote her any email from approx. last 40 days or so nor she did any at all.
But everytime i emailed her,she replied back on one word or line email and met me 3/4 times in 5/6 months.Not sure if she replied as she was scared of me or didn’t want to upset me.
I didn’t know that if she has another relationship but now she seems to be in good shape and happy,she don’t miss me anymore.
Even though she has relationship, she is kinda girl who will keep it very confidential,so I have no way to find out on this.
Thanks wondering for your thoughts,life changes as do people.
Hi Wondering :
I have not tried hand written letter but after 4/5 months of break up,i did sent her 6 pages email,where I wrote about all the memories we shared and where I was wrong and did apology etc etc.
Had no affects on her.
She replied to my email even though it was one line email from her,as we only communicated thru email after dec 2014 she strongly told me not to call or text her,if I do than she will block me permanently so I just respected her and only did emails once in may be month or so.
Yes it was lack of commitment from my end where she was fully committed(100%) but I was not done with my ex wife,divorce,custody batter,civil matter and I had lot on my table.It took me 2 + years to handle everything with my ex wife and the time I was reaching my last settlement me and my ex g/f break up as I was stressed out because of all cases and money it was costing me.
I have shown her my 100 % commitment now which means I am waiting for her from last 1/5 yrs and I have joined gym,got new car which was her favorite,took anger classes,worked on every aspect which affected my life.
I have offered her that I would change my religion which if I do my family will boycott me,i am hindu she is muslim.
I did everything possible to get her trust back but no she wont budge and she was very loving all 4 years,i never imagined that she will change like this.
Not sure if she is seeing someone but her facebook posts are very depressing,and after I started my 2nd nc last month I deactivated my facebook and whats app accounts,but I stalk her sometime with my fake ids.
Hi Wondering :
This is what I did.
Break up : June 1st 14
After I blocked her on cell for 3 weeks after a huge fight.Approx after 2.5 weeks I met her and said sorry.
June 17-Jan 13 (2015)
Did begging,crying,became door mat,said sorry,cards,choclates,talking to her sister,friends,sent food to her home,gave things to her sister,sent her 7 pages email,offered changing of my religion etc etc.No Results produced
She was :- just cold,reply in one line email,rude,negative,talked about past,anger,and kept telling me to move on its too late now.
Jan 13 – Started NC.
Feb 20 she got in touch with email,i replied with one line.
March 3rd her friend got in touch and she came to meet me in person.I was changed but not fully moved on,still had very strong feelings for her.
She met 4/6 times from March till last month but was again cold,dont want to come back and showed no interest in coming back or start again,even though I made a lot of changes in myself.
Now I started NC again on August 18th and there is no response or email or phone call or text from her at all and today is sept 27th.
Not sure what is in her mind but she is very stubborn and she begged me for 2 years to get married and have family,i took some of her things for granted and had lot on my table with my ex-wife.
But for 4 years my ex g/f gave her 100 % and mine was very less compared to her,even though it should be opposite as my situation from the 1st day I met her was worse.
I tried very hard as this is my 2nd time because my ex-wife got married after 6 months of our divorce.
So this time I TRIED TRIED TRIED but produce no results.
still in same boat,as it was june of last year.
not sure what to do,will do NC till her bday on Nov 21 and try the last time.
What you think ? I love her dearly and want her back at any cost.
wow jasminka you are still here,hope everything is going good with you*haven’t seen you for while.
How are you Jasminka86 ? I am still not back with my ex,she still don’t want to come back,we have not spoken to each other from almost 1/5 months,i am trying to move on now as its been more than a year of wait.
I also want to add that have HER contact you,never do the mistake of you contacting her or showing that you are needy and your life is not moving forward without her,trust me I did this a lot and all my chances of her coming back was gone,girls like confident and happy guys,no one want to deal with your problems esp when they have a lot of there own.
So NO CALL NO MESSAGE NO EMAIL have her contact you very simple and when she does be happy and confident and talk very limited.
4912 : Its Ok,i know how it feels I have been into this situation from last one year but the difference my ex doesn’t have b/f or guy yet.
I agree with @ rbear he gave you very genuine advice.Things are tough but it is not the end of world.
It is been one year I have not moved on,but I made lot of changes in myself.As kevin said we definitely did something wrong that the other person left us and trust me I can feel your pain.
Time will heal your pain,but the truth is which will hurt is that you the chances are 10 % of her coming back than 90 % of not.
I am living in 10 % from last one year and I know eventually I will come out of it and move on permanently.
The hurt also gets less if you find another partner or girl friend which you like and feel she is the right partner.
Good luck my friend,you will be ok,take deep breath we are with you.
Cheers
