[kalicooldude]

I can’t believe you guys have been spending so much time suggesting me and listening me.

Thanks a lot to Elana @ starlight @ jasminka @ Yes I have done a lot from last 1/6 months.

I agree with both Elana and Starlight.

I can feel that she is not happy and if I leave her for some time she comes right back to check on me.And if she was happy she won’t put depressing quotes on facebook.I can see that at time of break up she had got back pain,which she always told me that it was ( because of me ) and now also she blaims me for her depression & staying single life,not enjoying life or doing anything at all.She also hates her family where one of the reason she wanted to marry me before they come from out of country and settled here.

I have 2 options either to continue trying for some more time or give up and start fresh with new girl.

I will keep you guys posted about what I decide to do, right now I have mixed feelings and just been overwhelmed with all this beautiful responses from all of you.

ELANA has got the point right where starlight is also right that’s it been so long she should forgive me and herself.I do appreciate both of you and your responses.

[kalicooldude]

Ok.

Thanks to all I read all of your responses.I agree with all of you.(Esp Elana)

I don’t think my ex is using me,she is just been very upset that when she was begging me to get married for 2 years,I took her granted and she just wasted 5 years of her life(3 years relationship + 2 years now(breakup) My ex just don’t want to forgot the past and anytime she talks to me,she remembers every bit of it and gives me back whatever I did to her with interest.

New girl is fine,i am slowly getting connected to her.She just loves me like crazy and also appreciate how as single father I manage everything on my own and been working very hard.

I just wanted to work out really bad with my ex g.f more than ever because it is also waste of time for me first with my ex WIFE for approx. 4 years and now with my ex G/F for 5 years and I feel I am not capable of handling relationship.Also, my daughter was very well connected with my ex g/f because she was 1 year old when I met my ex g/f and now my daughter is 6 years old.

But I have to be strong and I am thinking to have serious talk on valentine that’s it.

Also,Anytime I have asked my ex g.f that I should wait and her overall response is like upto you if you want to wait go ahead.

Not sure if I should seriously talk or just stop expecting anything will happen and not hope and keep talking to this new girl.

She is stubborn type and will not make or do anything if I say so.

Thanks all it is just soo hard to decide….:((

[kalicooldude]

Thanks Elanna for kind words,yes I am following your plan and advise,my ex calls me once in while and than talks to me,she is still very pissed and get angry on me for no reason,anything I say to her brings her to anger and she talks to me with no respect.(Like I should mind my own business,or why I am repeating things again and again,oh i should worry about her blah blah )

I don’t mention past but I don’t get much words to talk as my mind shuts down about what should I say to her.

I am slowly giving up as its been close to 2 years in may this year,but not sure how to handle this,she is been very negative,angry and blaims me for everything which I accept it,changed a lot but she wont let it go at all.

I have found a girl who really like and love me,and willing to do anything for me,so I am now re-thinking about my wait times and other things.

Not sure if I should plan something for valentine.

btw my ex called me once in week or twice now,also if I go to her home she is ok to meet but not outside,i just gave her ride yesterday as her car broke down.She is very unhappy from her family as well,so the troll comes out to me on that too.

[kalicooldude]

Oh very thanks to my dear ELANA,you are angel and best advisor in this forum.
Please be in touch always
my email is :- [email protected]

If you come to SF,Cali anytime be my guest please !

[kalicooldude]

Thanks a lot to both Elana an Starlight & Anth
Yes I have done a lot in last 18 months,lot of NC,asking for forgiveness million times,taking care of her family,bringing fod for her family,bday celebration gifts,etc etc.
The only thing I have not done is to show her that I have moved on or have intentions to move in future,she knows that I am waiting and will wait for long time as she can see from my face or talks.
I was very strong man but after my divorce,where my ex wife got re-married in 6 months,i have lost my self confidence and my daughter who is very much attached to my ex g/f is my weakness.

But,soon I will be taking FIRM decision on it.My ex g.f was behind me and begged me for 2 years to get married or work hard on this relationship,i took it very easy and not did anything till break up by her.

Now I think I have to go same route very soon so she takes this very seriously.She still lives in past and also during this break up I have done lot of crying,begging,sorry so there is not much self respect in her eyes.

But this break up has taught me real meaning of love and how women changes or breaks your life.

I will be fine.So guys don’t worry I have seen worst so this phase will go away too.

and startlight @ I have been trying to do all you said but overall my words goes away when I see her or talk on phone,i get very attentive, when she calls to what to say or what not,so that thoughts shuts down my mind.

So only way she wants me to communicate I thru email not on phone or whats app.She also have lot of plus points compared to me so I am not sure if she is looking at open market for guys and keeping me on just back up option.

We had a fight in May 2014 where I blocked her on my cell for 2 weeks and after that she became totally different person with no emotions,bluntness and no respect,all she tells her sister and friend is that ( I have given her very hard time for 2 years and she was in pain everday we were in relationship)

Thanks both.

[kalicooldude]

Hi Starlight : I am not sure what is in her mind,cant figure it out,All she talks about it negativity and ” the time is over now,she was behind me and now it is too late” for example if I tell her I am going gym her response is why you didn’t go when we were in relationship,i tell her I respect you,oh why you didn’t do when we were in relationship,she just doesn’t want to come out of past experience with me which I know was not that great but it was not that bad either that she keeps talking about it.

I send her email she will call me after 3/4 days,or convienent time to her.She talks normal stuff but if you talk about relationship she gets pissed off or if I talk about meeting up she says no she doesn’t want to meet up,now IT IS TOO LATE.

Very weird behavior and full of negativity and past.Yes at my end I have and been trying from last 1/6 year and all I have seen is downside never went upside,but yes she kept in touch if I stopped communicating.

I am thinking to try last on valentine and after that I will GIVE UP on her.Very tired,frustrated & exhausted thinking about her and my future with her.

[kalicooldude]

Just say ( Yes I remember and hope you are well ?)

[kalicooldude]

Just reply very min and be friendly,dont open up so quick on meeting up.May be she started missing you and wanted to see how you are doing.Same time don’t get too excited this is part of game,it might not go anywhere.

So reply to it and don’t delay too much,dont ask to meet up,exchange few texts first calling her to meet.

DONT SEND OR TALK ABOUT ANY LETTER AT THIS POINT,JUST BE NORMAL HUMANBEING.

[kalicooldude]

YES,it is a million dollar Question that I have worked very hard during this 1/5 years on myself and proving that I have changed myself and will work on her terms and tried everything it can be NC,or small gestures,gifts and so forth so on.But it has produced none results I still stand at same position as I was last year,hoping that she will come back and everytime,she comes I get hope that now it will be better and she will come into relationship but NOPE she won’t.

Anyways,Anth just take it easy on yourself and its ok to get hurt in life but it is not a good idea to not try or put efforts because if you put sincere efforts and it doesn’t work that will not regret in future.
So, I will suggest take a deep breath,take it easy and move slowly towards your target,worst case scenario it will not work out and I said earlier it also depends how much you have loved him or he to you during your relationship.

I try it very hard because my ex really loved me during the phase,when I was going thru really hard times with my ex wife and she stood by all times and waiting all this years to get married.

For me she was more like a angel but I am not sure what happen to her now and why she is acting so weird….:((

Thanks Anth & Elana….wish you the most in this coming new year 2016

[kalicooldude]

Hi My both dear Elana & Anth :

Thanks for responses,yes there is some positive signs of her calling and coming to my house and even I went her house also.

But I want to tell you that this kind of acts is been going on from long long time.
Yes I have been very patient but this girl is very stubborn and tough,but I cant get her out of mind,simple.

She comes gives me hope and then go on silence,i mean cmmon I have been like this for so long now and been waiting.

If she is punishing me I don’t deserve soo long of punishment which is 1/6 months now.I didn’t marry her because I also had my situation with my ex wife and I was in court all this years.

I have no clue how to move forward if I tell her I want to marry or want to go out she wont respond and I cant call or text her,just email her and wait for response which she doesn’t do or if does calls it is on her terms and timeline.

Very frustrated and sometimes seriously think that I am wasting time and I need to be out of this mess !

I am just taking as the day it comes !

Thanks again to both,hope you have merry Christmas & new year.

Anth : – If it is your fault than you don’t give up,if it was from his side than you should still try a little bit more if you are really in love and feel you have a future with him.

[kalicooldude]

Do you think she is seeing someone else and I am just back up for her ?

She is very stubborn and very mysterious girl(scorpio).She don’t listens to her sister and mom at all,makes her own decisions and standby at them with full confidence and few times told her sister that you don’t know ME have given her very hard time for soo long and she cried every day and I use to fight for small small things like shoes she is wearing and so forth so on.

But,now I am changed myself very much and put lot of serious efforts.

[kalicooldude]

Thanks Elanna,i hope you are doing well.Appreciate it very much.
Here is the current situation :-

21st Nov
I wished her happy bday on email but she never responded to it. Keeeping in mind i sent small gifts thru her sister, which she took and put it in her closet.

24th Nov
Called me after 3 days and asked what I am doing and said ok she is coming by and brought some food.Spent 30/45 min at my house and spent time with my daughter,looked at all small things like my hair,bedroom,shoes etc etc,keep in mind there are changes and whatever was not done I took care of it next day for example my hair.

Then there is a silence.

13th Dec
Wished me happy bday on 13th at 8pm(email) by just saying happy birthday(that’s it)I responded thanks of course.

18th Dec
She became permanent at her job,called me was very happy and we talked for 10 min and I said I will stop by at your house,which she insisted but later after requests she said OK.
I took one rose,$100 gift card,sweets,lot of food for family.She invited me to her house and I met brother,mother which I know from before and than father came in,i met him the very first time and everything went fine,later after spending 30/45 min I asked her permission to leave and she said ok.

At night she emails me (thanks for everything) and I replied that you deserve the best.

Again silence.
I asked her yest in email that if she wants to come by and I can cook pasta but with no response.

So not sure that there is activity all of sudden with her schedule and than huge silence.
What is her mind and that is been going on back and forth from long long time now.Everytime I think of giving up she comes and give me hope to continue.

Very confused and tired but I just love this girl,my friends say me I need to move on and give up on her as its not worth my time and I am getting old,she doesn’t seems to be serious and not respecting time.

But this was the girl who was desperately wanted to get married and bugged me every sec to get married and now she is just running away and showing no interest to settle or atleast go for coffee date.

Please advise and thanks again ELANA,hope you are holidays are going well.

[kalicooldude]

Hi Elana :

Do you still come here,i think you are 100 % right on your posts,i have questions I am working very hard as guided by you as being friend first and than girlfriend and than wife.

Also I have accepted that I am getting punished but it is been 1/6 months already and things are just pretty much the same where she contacts me once or may be twice in 2 months timeline.She talks normal stuff and same talks about life work health etc.But she is not willing to come back into relationship or give me time to meet up for coffee or atleast 10 min of her time.But she have called me and met me in person twice this month but both of the times she came in and her available times and surely I welcomed her.

Also she became permanent at her job,where I went to her house with gift card for her a flower and gifts which she happily accepted and also I met her father.

Very confused what is in her mind and why she is taking soo much of time,i am very tired but not giving up as everytime she comes in I get HOPE.

Do you think I am doing the right thing ?

Can we talk I want to see if I am on right track ?

[kalicooldude]

Update
So I wished my ex bday thru email(21st nov) as she don’t want me to call or text her,and its been close to year with no texting or call from my side.But, she can do call me anytime she feels like or email me.

Anyways, so I wished her bday and she never responded to my email.But she called me after like 2 weeks and talked about her job,family,schedule (daily routine) and random stuff,and after the call was active she said she wanted to come my home and she came in 10 min and also brought me some home made food.I welcomed her and she spent an hour with me and my daughter and checked the things at my house and talked about her job,my business and other misc stuff,nuthing romantic.
I was nice to her and welcomed her at my home and was happy.

Now,its been 2 weeks again and she wished me bday on 13th at 8pm saying * in email saying only happy birthday that’s it.

She does this all the time,comes or calls at her own schedule which is once in 1 or 2 months,sometimes stops by at house become friendly and than goes away for while.

I am not sure how to handle this situation,i really want her back but she is keeping me as back up and taking so long time,its been 1 year and 7 months already.

I am tired of this but same time understand that I can only wait as the ball is in her court.

Any thoughts ?

[kalicooldude]

Thanks Anthurium ! If she wishes on my bday I am not sure if I am going to reply,i am tired now that’s it,i really loved this girl but I think I should give up and move on !

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