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I must say i am impressed how maturally and balanced u have handled the whole situation. You were thoughtful towards her by saying that she shouldnt go out deinking (considerate) and u made sure u were not her door mat. A big bravo to u.
I think u are doing great. And no u didnt push her too far. U were very clear with ur feelings. She knows u love her and want to be with her but not like this ( her being confused and not knowing what she wants).
I think she will contact u in a month or earlier. If not , dont panic. Coz she knows her deadline is a month and she might wait to see a reaction from u. And if u dont contact her, she might start thinking u moved on… And if she really loves u, she will not let u go from her life … 🙂
I hope she comes back and if she doesnt, hope u meet someone else who is exceptional and will make u happier 🙂I think you should not reply to his emails. If he really wants an answer, he can call or text on ur mobile. Its time for u to be a bit tougher on him. He threatened u on contacting authorities!…please dont soften up easily after he said this to u. Because if one day u manage to get back together, he will always feel that u are the easy target and treat u bad.
I recommend ignore him for at least 1.5 months. What he said was very very harsh and unacceptable.
In my opinion the reason why he is doing this is because after 3 days he has the time to reflect on what he said to u and how much this must have hurt u… If he really loves u, he will come back. But when he does, u should put the ground rules on the table and make sure he doesnt hurt u again.
please do ur best to stick to ur nc plan. When u feel desperate to contact him, remind urself that this time apart might be temporary for the beginning of a more solid and strong relationship. Stay strong.Hi Mat, i think you have handled the situation really well.
i am specifically referring to the part that u didnt continue to persue her after u heard her feelings might have changed. That shows decisiveness and that u know what u want and what u dont want.
My guess is in her mind she thought u will continue to try to win her back and u will always be there as her plan b. And it came to her as a shock when u stood up for urself.About what you should do….If you really really love her and want her back, (in my opinion) you should give her minimum attention when she calls or texts at least for sometime…(so u will stand by of what u said as well). Even though u might have strong feelings right now, u still need sometime to clear ur head and decide for urself if u still want her back.
She might feel regret & realise her feelings for u and come back. I dont think its impossible.
(I am sure she will also be bored in the middle of the desert and have loads of time to reflect on her actions)
Good luckIf he doesnt know what he wants, he will not be happy with anyone else. So pls dont feel about this ofher potential date. And social media does not always reflects what the reality is.
In my opinion its better for u not to check or follow him on social media. Trust me its the best way to stay away from him and avoid being hurt again and again. You are obviously still very sensitive about the break up. No reason to make urself more upset by looking at the internet.
I would advice you not to initiate any contact and wait for him to initiate the contact. And when he does, be cool about it and look busy.Hi Kali,
I think you are thinking too much about the past. What happened, what could have happenned etc and you keep blaming yourself for how your ex gf is now. You are too harsh to yourself.
She might have been affecdted a lot about how things went wrong but its her choice to be stuck at that and warm it & bring it in front of you.
Do you realise yourself that you keep delaying moving on with your life? You have done everything you could to fix things. If it would be ok, it would have been ok by now…2 years is just too long.
I am sorry if i sound a bit harsh but i truly wish you to be happy. I feel like you are just delaying your happiness with someone else …
My opnion is that you should give this girl a real chance … And leave your past in the past. But if you feel you will feel regret for not speaking to your ex for one last time, then do it. But whatever she says to you, take it as it is and move forward. I mean if her answer is positive, make it clear to the new girl and start building a relationship with ur ex. If her response is negative, then dont think about it & move away from her.
I think if you are going to have this conversation its crucial to make her understand that u need to know whay she wants. If she gives you an answer which can be interpreted as good or a bad sign, then u will be in dark again. She has to be clear and honest to you.
What do u think?Hey ! Just came back here to return my appreciation to this site and give my support…how have u been? 🙂
To be honest i am so excited for you that you have met someone else !!! Thats great !
Knowing your story, i can tell you that you should definetly give this girl a chance !!! A really chance ! And yes you should definetly plan something for her (new girl, not your ex). I really think you slowly depart from your ex girlfriend. You have waited for her for two years and didnt work out no matter what the reason is…
Move forward in your life…
If you are really interested with this new girl, i think you should be fair to her and re consider when & where & how often you meet with your ex. I wouldnt do anything that i wouldnt like if the guy i am dating did it. Put yourself in her shoes (the new girl) and question if you would be ok with it if the guy you are dating occasionally sees his ex, visita her in her place…etc.
I think its time for you to move out from the same spot you were in for 2 years…Hi Liz 🙂
I am very happy to read your good news 🙂
The important thing is that you are both happier and left behind the bad days. I guess few arguments now and then is normal in every relationship.
I am also back together with my boyfriend for about 7 months (wow sounds very long when i calculated it!).
i feel he is more committed to me than before. Well time will show 🙂Please keep us updated with your good news ! 😉
Dear Liz, my advice to you would be to try to sort ur accommodation issue first. You are hanging on the idea that he will tell you to move in in 2-3 days and then u wont need to rent a place of your own. In my opinion you shouldnt rely on him in that respect. If you dont want to stay with ur family or friends, is it easy for u to rent a room ?
He says one thing one day and something else in another day. Staying there and being there whenever he needs is not helping at all. I believe its just making things worse. Sometimes u just need time apart to realise what u really want.
I agree with Finntoga that he hasnt been considerate to you and acted selfishly. But if you still want to give this relationship a chance, u should really give it some time and stay away for a bit.
At the end of the day he did cheat on you and broke up with you. Its normal if u stay away from him for a bit to heal….
There are things that u can fix in 1-2 days, but relationships are not… Even if u went back to being together today, u will not feel completely happy. You also need time not only him.And please it more than 2 days.. He will not realise anything in two days!. Please dont contact him at least 3-4 weeks. He needs to figure out things and u need to heal…
I am not just saying this…i have been in somehow similar situation. And the moment i said i have enough of this and wrote him what i mentioned to you, it made him realise he needs to make a decision. And during this time, i didnt initiate any contact. Please trust me on this. You need time alone from him.Dear Liz,
I think you are too nice / beyond nice to a person who does not respect you, who treats you badly. I understand you love him and u remember the person he had been to you in the past but at the moment he is a total a… to you. I am sorry for my language but it makes me so angry to read how he plays around with u & asks ur help because he knows u will do it. This is so not right. Please dont help him anymore for the sake of spending more time with him. Shopping, moving & packing all these things are his responsibility and u shouldnt get involved. Let him do it by himself. Also by helping him all the time and by being there all the time, u are NOT letting him miss you.
Cant u story ur stuff at ur dads house ?You tell him you want the relationship not to continue like this yet u continue to see him as u have been for the last 3 months. He says he wants to restart everything in different terms etc… But how can u start smtg fresh when he continues to see someone else ???
I know this is really hard on you but you must take an action and stand up for urself. You have to do this. Otherwise he will continue to use like doormat. when u said u dont want to continue like this he immediately mentioned terms etc… U need to tell him ur conditions.. Not him… Because you are not the one dumping him, cheating on him with another woman on his face !!!come on…
Please him u will not start anything with him until he clear his mind and he is ready to be with you 100% ! Otherwise it will be the same story over and over again.
Your life CAN continue with or without him. You had a life before he entered ur life ! I am not saying this just to say but u must believe it urself that you are a strong person…
I wish i could help you more … But this is the kind of situation where only u can make the difference in ur life !! Please stand up for urself, dont put up with his shit amymore.Hi Liz,
At the moment you are feeling very low because the idea of him not wanting you to move in or stay as a couple has brought your self confidence quite low. And you see things from a very different angle. I think thins seperation time will be good for you. When you start spending time by urself, there will not be a constant reminder of the situation u are in. When you deal with him everyday, its a torture. Trust me, you will feel better. When my boyfriend was confused. I felt the same… But when i started spending timen alone, it was definetly a boost to my confidence. I realised i am not an undateBle person. I am not someone that should be dumped. All those negative thhoughts i had for myself went away.
I know its hard but try to leave behind all thess thoughts u have like why does he not want to see me when he wakes up etc… The best way to deal with these thoughts is not to think and push them away… To fight with these thoughts, you need to start making plans for ur life. Keep ur mind busy with other things.
We dont know if this is the end for your relationship or not but its best of your interest for now not to think of it and try to do things that will maks u feel a little better.
He is just one ordinary guy… You are giving sooo much credit to him and none to urself.
If i were u, i would move into my dads together with ALL my stuff and not initiate any contact.
He say things but he doesnt believe himself that u will not initiate contact with him. He thinks u will always be there …
You need to tell him with ur ACTIONS that this is it. And u will not be there when he is treating u the way he does now.
Please be strongI agree with rider01…the longer you dont take any actions, the more you will face situations as you are experiencing now.
Before i say this, i want you to know that i dont think there is anything wrong with you. I just think you are very confused and you are going through some difficult times in your life which happens to all of us… But i also agree that if you stay with someone who is cheating on you (in front of you) and you are still acting like you dont want to lose him, afraid of him leaving you, you would do anything to keep him around etc…you are giving the impression that you are disrespecting yourself and you dont love yourself… And this is repulsive to anyone… How can someone respect you when you dont show respect to yourself. We all have our tolerence limits but he has crossed the line of tolerence so many times.
Nevertheless, you did very well by telling him you wont be in his life if she is still there … In my opinion, since you said that, make the next step, leave the house and tell him you will be back only when he has sorted things out in his life and when he is ready to commit to you 100%….
Trust me this will not push him away. It will make him understand he needs to do something! (Make a decision and stick to it).
also isnt better if you leave the house before he kicks you out ?
Please come to think about it. He has been cheating on you and he says he can not trust you ??? Seriously? He should be the one afraid of losing you since he is the one who is still in touch with Amanda.
The more you question him about Amanda, the more frustrated he will be because he is stuck and he knows he has handled the situation badly. Your questions will lead no where ….
Please consider moving to your fathers house to take a breath from all this and if he really wants to be with you, it will give him time to sort himself out.
And please remember he needs to earn your trust and love !!! Pls dont change roles with him.Hi Liz, i think you should not pay attention how other people’s ex behaved. Every person is different and we dont know their real story.
And if i were u i would stop apologising to Amanda and stop talking to her as well. She is just getting insight information from you. She is not looking for the best interest of you… She is not your friend…
You are over thinking about a lot of things. And you are expecting that everything will go back to how it as before quickly. But these things take time. What Finntoga and i have been trying to tell you is that you need sometime apart to figure out what you want. Because at the moment you are frustrated (naturally), he is angry and its a chain reaction that repeats all the time.
I dont know how long you both need… May be 2 weeks, may be a month… Dont know. But i really think at this point, its best for you if you put ur foot down and tell him this is what i want,and be with me only if u want the same…
If you keep giving him the message that you will be ok with however he treats you, he will continue to do it… I am not saying you should play games or anything. I just wish you to realise you need to stand up for urself. Dont let him disrespect you. Dont take this shit anymore. Move away from him for sometime. See how it goes and then decide.
Trust me, if he really loves u, he will not move on with Amanda. He will think and realise what he really wants …
I have been there … I know how bad you feel. how low you might feel time to time. Please remind yourself that you are not desperate. You are a young beautifoul person with a lot of strength…Hi Liz,
It seems to be he is still confused and he is handling the whole situation really badly. I believe at this point you just need to clarify to him what you want from him and tell him the conditions that you agree to be with him.
I would stop telling him how much you love him because he already knows that. You told him so many times. I think you should write to him something along these lines ‘I would like to be with you but this whole situation is confusing and emotionally very tiring. I do not wish things to continue the way it is…
I would like to be with you 100%; however, i need to know that you also want to be with me 100% and not any less. If this is the case, i hope you show me this by actions as well as by words…I will be moving from the house to give you some space and time as well as to myself…Please contact me only when you have cleared your mind and you know what you want’…
Liz, i know you may not write what i wrote to you. this was just to give you an idea. But i strongly believe you need to send him a message summarising how you feel and what you want. And then you really really need to find a way to get out of the house at least for sometime…You need to think and he has to think as well…I am not telling you to cut him off from your life forever. Just give it sometime…
The other option is to continue as it is but i can see that this is not bringing your relationship anywhere….
