Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
She’s the same age as me 19. I know it seems we’re really young but i actually really do love this girl and if you asked me could you see yourself with this girl to marriage. I’d say yes … it may seem delusional especially at this age but i generally think that. We were so close. I think it almost was like we became friends almost.. i think? I lost my male role. Our ronance died cause we litteraly just sat in bed every week end for like a good 8-12 weeks. So it’s fairy logical for her to get bored and feel that way.
She’s never been with anyone for as long as she’s been with me vice versa. Her most serious relationship was the one before ours. I’m pretty sure she’s had atleast 6-8 different boy friends. I think her longest before me was around a couple months. Maybe half a year I’m not sure.
By the way she said if i havnt mentioned already “I don’t dislike you at all Im finding it hard I just don’t want to be upset which is why I’m choosing not to speak”
I’m so stupid. I keep getting weak. I just messaged her saying i missed her. Then sending 3 photos of us together and saying i know its not the right time to talk but was all this was fake?
She replied saying its not and she doesnt know how she could fake it.
I said why do you dislike me so much.
She replied this isn’t fair and doesn’t dislike me at all but is finding this hard that’s why she doesn’t want to talk.
I don’t know what to do. I just want to almost snap her out of this. Say fuck it we made a mistake of getting in a routine. I would love to just take her to Amsterdam like we were talking about. I was thinking for her birthday in a couple weeks. She was even talking about it like 2 weeks ago. I just don’t understand. I don’t want to lose her cause i know its not as complicated as she makes it out to be. It’s almost feels blown out of proportion. This hurts so much. I have no idea if i even have an inch of chance this time and it’s killing me cause we made mistakes again.
If we did get back. I couldn’t let us get in a routine. I’d be spontaneous now that we have money. It just sucks cause it seemd abit shitter than usual but i was looking forward to the weeks to come considering we could do stuff now.
Just had a weak point. i knew she finished work around now so i phoned. i asked if she was ok. she replied in a blunt way. almost with no emotion. i ended up asking why she wasn’t happy and she didn’t really explain just went on to say “ive already told you i dont want to keep bringing it up cause its upsetting me “i asked again and she said” it just never felt the same as when we first got together”. i then went on to say i understood it got boring and we didn’t do much and i said was she happy when we got back together and she said “yeah but i don’t know. it didn’t feel the same” yet we were really happy and in love. she even said i love you first to me when we got back together. sex was great again. but then i explained its almost like we are amazing when we get back together then we slowly get into a routine and take each other for granted. i told her i didnt want to be that ex that she disliked and she said of course she doesnt and no one could compare to me. i tried to explain why we kept making the same mistakes and she said ” we have tried a couple times and you know… it’s too much for me to keep going over”. i said i understand and told her this was the last time i wanted to try too but i still care. I stil want to try again. i feel like its more than do able if we both put in effort. and actually date. like we started doing.
I don’t want to lose her forever. I know we sound a dysfunctional pair but i really feel deep down it can work and it has just we have our weak moments that take the better of us. for example, at the moment she doesn’t even want to be near me. i’m sorry for alot of paragraphs. I just don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to give up. the good times out weigh the bad. she said there were more problems than just bordem. she said she enjoyed when she came round but i know obviously too much of the same thing… anyone will get bored. i can tell she’s drained and it seems like she has really had enough. if you read my past posts from when we broke up before maybe that would give you an insight.
will no contact even make a difference at this point? it’s worked every time before but just… this time feels different.
It’s almost like I work hard to win her back everything goes perfect when we are back together. Then now that i have her i get comfortable and take her for granted. I can’t belive this has happend again. I’m ashamed of my self. I truly don’t think she has it in her to change her mind. I love her so much. Last week she was talking to me about kids and how her new job at a school really made her want a child and she was like we should have one in a jokey way but she mentioned this before along time ago. Before we left when it was over yesterday she was crying and said ” dont you think i want us to be happy and get married and have kids but i just dont feel like its ever been a 100% the same. It’s gotten better and good but not the butter fly feels when we were first together” etc. I said in my defense that it was the honey moon phase and that never lasts forever. She said she knew and that she didnt feel happy.
I felt like we were happy when we got back together though. When we got back we travelled and she spent the weekends at mine and for the first 4-6 weeks everytime she stayed over we would litteraly be laughing all the time together just messing around and loving each other. I don’t understand. She can’t have faked that. Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants or how she feels. Maybe she doesnt want to keep working hard to keep the relationship going. Maybe its not worth it for her.
I don’t know. I can’t believe im.here again. At this low. I thought i truly got out this time. Things seemed like they would pick up especially now that she has a new job and i have money to do things with my university coming up. My university is only 3 days a week. So it couldn’t have been due to that. I still have her smell in my room and its driving me insane. I cant sleep. I can’t concentrate on anything even working out without stopping automatically to pace around my room thinking about what went wrong and about her. I’m miserable. I don’t even know if i should get my self up and fight or just stay here. It’s easy giving up right? Doesn’t feel that way
Now that i think about it. Before i left her house yesterday she said she even felt uncomfortable getting changed infront of me. That hurt cause the weekend we were sexual. She says she doesn’t feel it that way cause our “sex” isn’t amazing.
I also fellinto the habbit of gettinf comfortable again!!!! My male role toned down and it was almost like we were on equal levels or switched roles. I get it i should have stuck with being a man. Due to us getting into routine and things getting boring and me not taking my male responsibility of taking action such as when we went out last week I asked her what she wanted to do. I should of had a day planned so i could take control.
I don’t want to be this “ex” to her that is needy or pushy for sex. I wasn’t .. we just weren’t intimate at the right times. We were “horny” at different times. We stooped being romantic. I can’t belive i let this happen again. It almsot happend in the background. I didn’t even realise. I was warned about getting into the habbit. Shes bored and bored of me. Im a tape on loop. I’m beating my self up again and again. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea if this is going to be like times before or for certain. This feels like it’s it. Like she doesn’t want to go back. I fucked up. But I’m not the only one to blame. But i do twke responsibility for my lack of “male” role during the end. The past 4-5 weeks we did the same thing. I just wish i could go back and change things. I’m deeply hurt. I’m angry at my self. I feel i should give up but a part of me wants to fight for her.
Yet again thank you for being here Patricia12 i do understand what not to repeat anymore it’s just she seems like she’s had enough. We did have fun when we went out for example a friend played a gig and i took her with me and introduced her to my old friends and we had fun we danced she came to mine and it was amazing.
I do understand we act like an old married couple and i dont wwnt that. I want us back to how we were when we were happy and doing things. Thanks for the advice again patricia. I do appreciate again thank you. Learning to improve and distract my self.
Long and lonely nights await me. I’ll be honest i don’t have much friends. My best friend is moving city. I’m pretty much on my own at the moment. I just wish we could work this out.
Hey patricia12,
Not sure if you remember me but I’d just like to thank you personally for all your help and advice you gave me. Not meaning to bring back past pains but I hope the outcome you had/have is good and you are doing well. My relationship is going great ( hope to not jinx it lol ). I’m starting university in 3 weeks. I have money, my girl and life seems to be looking up! I hope you success and happiness for the future.
p.s Not to look lazy or inconsiderate I’ll be sending this message to the 3 main people who helped and stuck with me through my time of need. You guys are awesome! … and I won’t forget your contribution to my recovery! Not sure if you’ll receive this as it’s been a while … not even sure you guys are still on this site but hey! I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU ! 🙂
wish you all a happy AND successful life! 🙂
… This was a copy and paste. I’ve noticed you’ve still been fairly active on this site. Just want to let you know you are one of the kindest people I have ever had the chance to communicate with. If you are still hanging on and need help/advice.. although I’m not the best of people to give it, i would certainly try my best! Hope you’re ok.
