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Thanks paul but the problem is she works full time 8am to 4pm and I’ll be at university starting monday so this could be a problem let alone if she even replies or even wants anything to do with me.
I’ve accepted I may not ever get her back. And I can understand why. But I just don’t feel like i can let her go just yet.
Thank you I have been trying to improve my self but i can’t stop thinking… what if she really is done?
Her birthday is on the 12th of October and last year she was looking after me during my time of need with severe anxiety attacks on her birthday and still managed to say she had the best birthday. She’s so kind hearted but at the moment she’s so cold. I wanted to take her to Amsterdam for her birthday this year. But now this has happened.
This sucks. I really want her back. I do generally belive she is the one. No one has ever been so close to me ans vice versa. We were best friends and lovers. She means so much to me it’s crazy lol. I do understand I need to get my act together and to not just suddenly stop putting effort in just cause i have her. She deserves more and so do i. That’s why I want to change for the better… to hopefully be back to the person she fell in love with.
Thank you paul. It has been a week and a half since we broke up but a week tomorrow since we last spoke. I have made changes to my self , for example I’ve been talking to random strangers at the university accommodation which i normally wouldn’t do. I took my self out my comfort zone. I’ve got a new look including clothes shoes ( which i havnt changed since last year) and jeans. I’ve tried to become more positive and happy although deep down this break is killing me cause i can’t make my self move on. I do still belive there is something here. Whether it’s right or wrong at the moment i don’t know. All i know is i do want this girl back in my life.
P.s she’s kept me on her instagram and snapchat but has not been watching my snaps. She blocked me on twitter but kept me on whatsapp. I deleted her on facebook.
Not sure if this makes a difference but I’m not active on instagram but very active on snapchat. Why would she keep me?
So I’ve just come back from the capital city from visiting my friend again for real. I’ve had fun had pictures with my friend and his friends in some land marks and very cool archetexure and its been fun. Ive just got in. And i seriously can’t cope. I’ve kept strong and havnt contacted her and kept my self busy while looking confident and fun in my social media. Am i doing the right thing? I broke down as soon as i got home.
I miss her severely and everyday seems to be getting worse. What do you recommend I do to initiate contact and when? Do i follow the 21 day no contact while showing that i am a confident person? Or what? I’m so scared that i will drive her further away. I want a last chance to make it right.
Heads up. I will paste this at 2 different posts.
So I’ve just come back from the capital city from visiting my friend again for real. I’ve had fun had pictures with my friend and his friends in some land marks and very cool archetexure and its been fun. Ive just got in. And i seriously can’t cope. I’ve kept strong and havnt contacted her and kept my self busy while looking confident and fun in my social media. Am i doing the right thing? I broke down as soon as i got home.
I miss her severely and everyday seems to be getting worse. What do you recommend I do to initiate contact and when? Do i follow the 21 day no contact while showing that i am a confident person? Or what? I’m so scared that i will drive her further away. I want a last chance to make it right.
From what you are saying if that is the main reasons it ended it seems you have an opportunity to have another shot at this considering you’ve been together 6 years. You need to go no contact for a while until you have changed your self for the better, improve. If you do belive you still want her back simply show you’ve gotten your act together. No contact will help alot during this situation. When you see your ex again she should see and feel a new and improved you. I’ve learned that if you do eventually talk keep it interesting short and casual. Act like friends at first. Listen to her when she speaks and how she responds. Show her what she is missing out on. And don’t take her for granted ever.. like I did.
I would like some advice I’m considering to go visit my friend in another city where he is at university again but i don’t want my ex to react like she did before and push her away. How do i go out without pushing her away? Will she think I’m with other girls? I’m hesitating to go due to what happened a couple days ago. Plus it’s freshers week so she probably will assume the worst. You might be wondering how she would know… she has my friend and I on snapchat and my friend will most likely document what’s going on even if i way not to as he’ll most likely get drunk.
Sorry paul i didn’t see this. Just like to say thank you for your advice and glimpses of hope. The people on this site have gotten me through this everytime.
I really do understand I wasn’t giving her space and texting her and going round was a bad idea. I will have to do no contact for the 3rd time and stick at it. I need to evaluate the situation and build a better me. It’s currently day 3 and it’s hard but not as hard as before. I’ve accepted the fact I might not ever get another chance but I am still willing to fight. P.s I’m not sure if this makes a difference but she blocked me on one of my social media accounts but kept me on the most active one?
Could you maybe explain your situation here? I can’t see your post. I’m sure there is hope within your bad situation also. Not sure if this will help but considering I’ve been here 3 times this year… keep a positive mind. When you accept you might not ever get her back you will feel better, read over the nc blog and don’t stop fighting till you know it’s over for good.
Thank you paul@33 you are very right! I start university this time next week. So i hopefully have made some new friends by then and can have something to talk about. I know that we both don’t have much friends (2-3) so we almost don’t have an outlet for new communication also. Like we even talked about how we needed that. At the moment I’m focusing on driving lessons aswell going to the gym to occupy my mind. I’m trying not to think about this cause it will break me and drag me down. I’m going to go NC for one last time. Thanks you all.
Now that I’m thinking clearly. I was incredibly childish! My intentions were to make her jelous cause I wanted to know if she cared, almost to see if she reacted. Which she clearly did and I upset her further. Then I got my self in a big mess. I didn’t mean for it to be controlling I just wanted her to say it to me in a sentence if she really meant it so i could just stop and walk away. I know she won’t think it’s exactly controlling cause I don’t think I ever was. Sure sometimes in the beggining in the relationship I might have got jelous insecure but I sorted that out and improved my self.
I don’t know if there is too much damage. I am going no contact again and I’m going to think long and hard whether it is the right thing to do to contact her in a couple of months. I’m not sure anymore. She sent mixed signals but was blunt and straight forward at the end. I fucked up. Again…
I made a huge mistake :(. So in the end i called her after missing her calls for basically a night and half the day. She asked me so what is it you have to be honest about thinking i slept with another girl. I said well it doesn’t matter cause she was shouting at me . She went mad and was asking. I ended up making a story up that back fired. I tried to make her jelous. I told her
“when i went to london i was talking to a girl no flirting or anything and i just felt guilty cause she was a female. There was no intention and i missed you so much, the break up was killing me and i just wanted to talk to you so i felt guilty. I said i want to be honest with you causw i wanted to tell you that i understand why we broke up and that i miss and still care about you deeply. ”
We ended up arguing and bringing the past up and she said she didn’t believe me and she thinks there was more to it than that and i explained if there was i wouldn’t phone you and tell you. Anyway we basically went around in circles. She mentioned that i made her feel like shit for this long to tell me that. She was mad. She even said along the lines of well we can’t ever get back together if you’ve done this. So it seemed like she was thinking of it? She thought i did something and yeah it did make her jelous but in the end she said. “Well do what you want we’re not together so you’re free” but i knew she didn’t mean it so i was like don’t be like that. I know you care and she replied like i fucking obviously do. And around in cirncles again. She said she didn’t want to talk. So we hung up.
I didn’t want to just let her go like that, thinking i did something when quite clearly i didnt. So i went round to her house. She let me in. She almost smiled/smerked in a you’re so silly for coming here way and my instinct was to hug and kiss her forehead so i did.
We talked she was like why djd you come here i explained i cant have let you go away upset thinkjng i did something when really i was tryinf to tell you that i still care and stikl have feelings for you. I told her i wasnt here to win her back. But i do believe there is soemthing and normal i would walk away but i cant stop fightinf for you. She made if clear that at this very moment she was done. She told me that she is upset and that I’m always in the back of her mind but she said i shoudlnt have come here and she feels almkst like im forcing her to get back with her by showing up or texting her. She said she feels i havnr ler her breathe. She told me that she knows that it wont work and that she doesn’t have the same feelings for me anymore. But through out the night she either said ” i know ” or ” i think” i don’t want to do this again either “at the moment” or just that on it’s own.
Then she said she doesn’t know if we will get back together or not but at that moment she feels like we can’t ever. She basically told me to stop fighting for her. We basically went round in circles. She wanted me to go but i couldn’t. I kept hugging and kising her and she felt uncomfortable.
We ended up talking about happy memories but it was mostly me although she did bring a couple up her self. And then she said this is how i want to end things. Onca good note. On a happy one. I broke down infronr of her more than once. And yeah it did look like iwas needy and almost begging. Then i again said i understand why it broke i mentioned i also felt in the back of my mind when ir was next goijg to break and that was on me heavy. I said i felt like there was so much to do yet so many experiences to experience together. I said i knew it was gettinf abit shit but i didn’t expect it as i said i thought it was goinf to pick up as we had so many plans together.i said you’ve started your new job im gojnf to university and i told her i thought it was going to be better now that wehave money to do things. I told her i was planning to go to book Amsterdam and that i was planning to go to London again with her. She said she didn’t plan this and that she thought the same but now she feels this way. I try to explain what went wrong and she said that want it and that ” you’re not listening to what im saying. I’m done. I dont want to keep doing this. This is upsetting me and i dont want to keep talking about this. I wasn’t happy”
I asked her if there was some one else she said no. And i asked again you can tell me. In the end i said if there is some one else or you’re thinkjng of them then if that makes you happy I’m happy for you. Of course i didnt mean it. In my head i was thinking who this ryan person was. She said the same back to me instead of saying there wasnt.
In the end i made her make it clear that she was done and made her say it to me so i could walk away. She said right now i think i dont want to ever try again. I said think? You need to know then she said i know i don’t want to try again. Then I made her tell me to stop fighting for her so I could let her go and made her say it in a sentence together. She said i know i don’t want to try again and you need to stop fighting it.
I walked away. She watched me walk down the road. I tried to call a taxi but my connection was out so i phoned her to ask for a taxi number. I asked her if she was ok she said yeah. She gave me the number without wanting to say in person. She texted me it. I then said you know what i dont get why im not angry with you. You dumped me on my Birthday after christmas. You dumped be when college was ending and now just before university. I said i cant belive it and i kept fightinf for you. She replied she didnt mean to do so and why i was being like this. I said i dont know im sorry im just deeply hurt. She said well i cant keep doing this so she said i need to go. She said see you later as a good bye i replied and laughed well you wont see me later will you. Then she said ok Bye.
She made me feel like there was a chance. She got jelous and mad showing all signs that she cared. I even told her that she said she was thinkinf about us getting baxk together but now there wasnr a chance cause she said she didn’t think that was the full story with the girl and i told her thats why i came round to show you nothing went on that i care about you. She denied sayinf that on the phone..
I don’t get it. She showed different feelings. Have i honestly lost her for good? She seemed so cold. Yeah she cried a couple times but didn’t seem upset as me. She made me feel like I was worth nothing. She makes me feel small like she’s above me. I think i really have lost her this time. What are your thoughts? What should i do? I still love her very much wnd do honestly think it COULD work. But she doesn’t feel the same. But she did show she cared. I don’t get it. She even changed her facebook picture today. It’s like shes moving on. I feel the worst I’ve ever felt. I understand that our relationship took alot out of us and it was a very big part of our lives..
I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know who to ask. What to do. I’m breaking down worst than ever. I almsot hate my self. I miss her so much.
So i replied. I told her my phone died and that i wasn’t ignoring her. i thought she wouldn’t reply for a while but she pretty much replied instantly asking what i was suppose to be honest about. What do i do? lol
Thank you FishingTheSky, I did originally want to tell her that i understand where it went wrong how we acted like an old couple who didn’t do anything. I was going to tell her our romance died and i understood that. I was going to say how we were both at fault and that i was sorry for my part. I should have learned from my mistakes. But It was almost in the moment type of thinking. this is why i havn’t replied cause I feel like it’s a bad idea to tell her this. I do want to sort this out and move forward and be happy. But i don’t know how she is feeling. She’s showing 2 different signs. one is she wants nothing to do with me the other jealousy and saying she will be done with me if i do anything with anyone else.
Don’t mean to spam for who ever is reading especially you Patricia. I almost use this board to vent and ask advice which i do take on! It means alot. just saying. I see you helping alot of people. You are a really good person!
i’ve still ignored and she messaged me saying “if you’ve cheated or slept with someone else just know I’m fucking done and that I will hate you “…. I had to turn my phone off. i couldn’t cope. I could always say my phone died and i didn’t take a charge with me to London. Just don’t know how to go around this. i see she clearly cares. It’s like mixed signals almost. I need to clear my mind before i even think about replying incase i say something stupid.
