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You don’t need to thank me, I just want to help you, I know how it is when all you hear is “let her go” or “move on”, it doesn’t help, I know what it’s like to stay alone and get lost in your mind. By the way, you’re not a loser because you didn’t go to an Halloween party of little wanker ; in fact, let her go to those kind of places and forget her a little, I’m sorry to say but she doesn’t have a good attitude toward you and she needs to realize it by herself.
If you want or have some suggestions about my story, I would be glad to hear it, an external view is always good 😀
Hey,
What you wrote is really deep and meaningful and I can feel what you mean behind each words but what I try to tell is that you should try to let go a little, you’re a good person and you deserve to be happy. Please don’t get upset, I don’t tell you to give up but you need to be good with yourself before getting her back, hell, you deserve to be happy, you’re a good person, otherwise you would have moved on and be with another girl already.
Remember that words don’t really matter to women, it’s more the acts, they aren’t logical like men and it hurts a lot (my ex broke up with me because she felt we took different roads but wanted to stay friends because we go well together, I still don’t understand if you want to know xD), women don’t perceive morals and honor like men and it’s hard to understand them…
Sometimes it takes also a little miracle, but they happen, believe me.Take a step back, take things slow and it’ll be alright.
Hes Ironblood,
It’s not easy, right ?
Well, writing will help you a lot, and if it’s help you to get out all that anger, do it, it’ll only help you to be more relieved and not being aggressive or having a bad attitude with her ; but trust me I totally understand you because I live more or less the same situation.
I can only give you an advice, it’s to sort of “move on”, without moving on and don’t obsess about her ; she went out with a friend, so ? Good for her, believe me, she doesn’t forget you. You both spoke again, it didn’t work the first time, but it doesn’t mean it won’t work, learn from the mistakes that happened for the next time.
Try to be happy and it’ll be fine ; it’s hard to say but maybe you need to be away from her because it’s not good for you to stay angry like that.
One day, it’ll be all over and good, wether you’re back together or not, trust me.
Hey ironblood, I read a lot about your story and I just want to let you know that you’re not alone with it.
Like Patricia said, dont rush things, it will only make you fall back into what she doesn’t like and she’ll see you desperate.
Remember, you’re cool with the situation, be cool like Fonzie, just let her know it’s okay and you understand and I would suggest a new NC period, you need it, you deserve to be fine and it will get better.Don’t worry, I’m here to talk if you need it.
I will be happy to read you soon 😉
I think it would be wise to unblock it only when you feel ready.
If blocking her help you go through your NC, do it, but if you always wonder what she posted or not, I don’t think it’s helping, you have to think about yourself during that period, whether you blocked her or not.Don’t worry, it’ll be alright.
Breath, stay calm, everything is going fine, don’t overthink ;).
Your ex is sending you only positive message ; at this point I think the letter would be awkward.
Personally, I would ask her out for a drink or something, have some fun time with her, do not bring up this guy or anything about the break up, just stay cool and don’t rush anything. Now you need to take things slowly and if it’s meant to work it just will.If you want to get back with her, you have to forgive her, otherwise it will fail, you two just had a bad phase, it happens, what’s important is to go on.
Hello ironblood, I don’t know why but I have a good feeling for your situation with your ex, it’s actually great that she sends you that she misses you.
Now it’s all about timing and good moves,continue to ignore her and send her a great letter (don’t hesitate to post it here ;)) and everything will be fine.Don’t give up !
Her mom called me today because she wanted to know if I was doing good, she told me she couldn’t call before because her daughter is always home and now she’s finally find a moment to call.
She explained me that she hasn’t changed anything in her lifestyle, she stays at home all the time, she doesn’t see another man and she is really sad/depressed. She hasn’t talk about the break up, except that it hurts her that I didn’t want to keep contact.
These facts help me to think about what to write in the letter, it seems to me that the break up hurts her a lot and she isn’t sure about it, but it’s like she keeps to her decision not to seems like a fool.
I’ll try to improve my letter with the suggestions you told me and I will post it here to have a last opinion, then I’ll see what happens.
I also told her mom not to worry about me, that I’m doing good, I’m busy with work and everything will be fine but I’m really sad to know her daughter isn’t going well.
Hello ironblood, I am really sorry for you and I know exactly how you feel I guess.
It’s like being trapped, you know you have to move on but you just can’t, because everything reminds you of her and you hope that she’ll come back ; you know that you have to improve yourself and be a better person, but you just miss her.
And it’s alright, just don’t give up, you’re worth it. Everythings gonna be fine, I’m here if you need to talk.
The situation hasn’t changed too much, I haven’t heard from her nor her parents.
I feel stuck and really sad, I feel it’s over but deep inside me something tell me that it is not and all I want to do is to write her, call her and tell her how much I love her, that it’s not over and we can do so much together. I perfectly know that’s not what I have to do and it’s hard.
I don’t want to be a cry baby and I feel like I am right now, but it would be really helpful to get some advices…
Hello and thank you very much, don’t worry about all your questions, it’s actually a great way to think about everything.
I will try to answer them by order :
We were together for 6 years now, we lived from end 2014 to end 2015 together ; when we met, we were already in two different countries and were both studying, so we saw each other every 3 months ; I finished my studies in 2012 and immediately started to work ( I moved out mid 2014 and she came here end 2014).
When she was here, she really looked for a job but unfortunately she didn’t find one and her parents didn’t want her to study here, because it was too much expensive, I proposed her to pay for it and she refused because she told me it wasn’t right.
Due to immigration policies in my country, she had to leave because of her situation and we agreed that she would made specifics studies in her country that would help her find a job here. She was really sad to leave and told me she was just right and didn’t want to change anything. She let all of her stuff here.
(Also, we agreed not to marry just so that she could stay here, because it would have been a bad memory.)
So when she went back in her country, at first she didn’t know what to study and lately, she decided to make an art school (that will start this month), but it’s not like we talked about it, she decided all by herself ; she told me she felt I didn’t support her in that decision, and that she wanted to consecrate herself about her art and traveling the world.
The arguments she refers to are common I think ; at first when she came here, we argued because she didn’t help a lot with the house chores and I refused to go out the week-end until the house was clean (not leaving used cups everywhere, not leaving used tissues in bed, doing the bed in the morning, vacuuming, etc.) ; I even told her that she didn’t have to do all by herself and I helped her (one would clean the kitchen while the other cleaned the leaving room, for example…) and I saw a lot of improvement in her, we grow up together, we didn’t argue anymore ; then she had to leave and all her bad habits came again at her parents.
Also, she told me about an argument we had this summer : I overcooked by accident some vegetables and she was really upset and rude with me because of it, so, I was out of patience because it was one month she ignored me texting her friends and rude in general, I told her that she had an infantile behavior and I refused to be treated this way by a nobody who never proved anything in her life. (I apologized after it, but I know it was too late.)
All those little things seems to remind her about her parents and their daily arguments and she’s really afraid about that.I think she’s depressed ; leaving me and going back to her parents is like if she made a step back in time and I can understand that ; she also told me that she doesn’t see the point in doing effort for each others, because in the end we would hate it (and argue like her parents, she’s really fixed with that idea) ; so now it’s like she found refuge in her dream of becoming a great artist and travel the world.
I feel sorry for her and I would like to support her in her projects, but at first I think she should get a job in which she would earn money and be independent instead of depending on her parents and being rude with them or with people who try to help her, so maybe she felt I didn’t support her because of that. I wanted to help her to grow up. It’s just my point of view and she would have a lot to tell about me.
Thank you for your advices about the letter, I think I need more time to think about it, sometime I just feel it’s over but then I really feel I miss her and all the good things about her.
People ask me often what I find so attractive in her and it’s just that we have a lot in common, we made each others discover new things, I like to travel with her, I like all the private jokes we had each others, knowing what she thought just by looking at her, all of that just felt right and I think we have still a lot to do together.
I also know that I have a lot to improve myself but I think she’s stuck with that biased idea that improvement = changes = bad ; it’s quite confusing.
So I’ve come up with this letter, but I would like an external opinion, I don’t want to mess things up.
Dear (her name),
I’m writing you to let you know I’ve accepted your decision, we’ve crossed each other’s path and now it’s time to move on. I regret to not have broken up with you earlier, when I saw things weren’t right.
My attitude after the break up has been rude and I wanted to apologize for it.
I’ve received some good news in my life and things will get well, it’s strange how time seems to play with us.
Hope you’ll figure out your problems.
Goodbye.
Also, I’ve received a text message from her parents because they wanted to know if I was alright, they couldn’t call because she’s always home. So I know that she isn’t doing well,she goes to bed really late and wake up at 12am ; it hurts because I wish I could help her. I just told them not to worry about me but to take care of themselves and that we’ll find time to call. (I stayed in good terms with them)
I feel better but also sad.
Thank you.
I was planning to send her a text message remembering her that a show we used to watch was starting again, but due to the circumstances that I’ve explained, I think it would sounds strange.I’m thinking about writing a letter, we used to do it a lot when we started dating and I’m more at ease with it.
