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I think what you are doing is right Laura. I hope everything sorts out in your life. All the best!
Take careThanks Nightdeleon. I appreciate your honest replies.
I have my doubts about NC but I will think about it.Is “no contact” of 30 days really imperative? I was thinking of contacting him after 1 week. Honestly, I am feeling much better compared to last week. And somehow I have been able to detach myself from the outcome. I feel positive and I have been able to think objectively. I am thinking of going ahead with “false friendship” after NC.
First of all, calm down. You are not alone, even if people here don’t know you personally, I think in a sense, we all are there for each other. Don’t consider yourself lonely.
Now, I think you need to follow NC strictly for 1 month and not give in if he tries to message you or talk to you.
You should definitely do your best to get him back but don’t be desperate. You need to get in touch with the reality, accept whatever has happened, there’s a reason behind it. You might not like it but when a relationship breaks, you cannot put the entire blame on the other person. Even if infinitesimal, you need to take responsibility.
This is very important, acceptance liberates you and helps you to move on from the situation. Unless you move on from the current situation, you won’t be able to think with a clear mind.
Work on yourself and though it’s difficult, try to be happy. Do what makes you happy. Do things that made you happy before he came in your life.
I am saying move on because when you get back with your boyfriend, it will be a new relationship for both of you wherein both of you will understand each other better, love each other more, and won’t repeat the mistakes.
I hope this helps
Take careI can think of thousands of witty response I can give to that message. But I am not sure if I should break “no contact”. Will it be ok to ignore him now? I don’t want him to drop all contact with me. I don’t want him to think that I have moved on and he doesn’t have any importance in my life.
Should I reply with some witty comment?
Hi,
My ex sent me the following pic on WhatsApp. Should I reply?
The pic shows the following conversation:
CFO: What happens if we invest in developing people and they leave us?CEO: What if we don’t invest in developing people and they stay?
Help please
Thanks Nightdeleon!
I really don’t know who else to ask because since my bf broke up with me, my family and friends are quite negative about our situation.
More help would be appreciated!So are you saying that I should continue NC for at least a few more days and not 30 days?
One more thing, I realise that I am in the drift stage with my bf (broken up but he wants to remain friends and it’s been just a week into our official break up, though he had made it quite clear a few weeks ago).
If I continue into false friendship and meet him a couple of times and then the perfect date thing, will it really work?
I mean we both don’t have a lot of friends to start with, so hanging out in social group of friends is difficult. He had called me to spend some time alone with him at his place but I had declined then saying if he doesn’t want to be anything more than friends and is sure about it, what’s the point in meeting. To which he replied that he wants to end it properly face to face (we live in different cities) and said that it’s quite emotional for both of us.
I am scared that if we are alone, we might end up having sex which would mess up things. I don’t want to be friends with benefits.
He’s coming back to town for a few days. Shall I ask him to meet then?
What should I do if he asks me to spend some time alone with him?Thanks for your advice Nightdeleon!
I haven’t broken the NC yet.
However, I do have a question.
I was reading “relationship rewind” and it says that NC doesn’t really work unless you did something really bad and you have been completely blocked by your ex.
However, if the ex suggests being friends, you should take up the offer and sincerely be the friend (something that Ryan calls as false friendship).
Any suggestions whether I should ditch the NC and go ahead with false friendship?I am feeling quite helpless right now. I don’t know if nc is right. I am at work but not able to concentrate. I can think about so many things that went wrong and how I could have rectified them. I decided to go for nc and even told him that I need time and space from him. He wanted to stay in contact but I declined thinking that if we keep on chatting over IMs, he will never realise that I have changed and will not be able to see me in a new light. What if I am stuck as his friend forever? What if he thinks I have moved on and sees me happy after nc period and never thinks about getting back together? I know that I am being paranoid. I just feel so lost.
I replied to his best friend’s message. Just kept it short. I said “I am ok.” And said “thanks” because she complimented my profile pic on WhatsApp. That’s it.
However, she’s asking more details now. She’s asking how am I coping up and how has my family taken this sudden turn of events (me and my boyfriend were going to get married this year and our parents knew everything about us).
I am not sure whether she’s asking this on her own out of concern or is he asking her to ask this to me.
Should I reply to her at all or tell her I don’t want to talk about it right now? I don’t know what should I do. Please help.There’s been a new development and I don’t know how to handle it. My ex boyfriend’s close friend has contacted me on WhatsApp. Normally, we did not chat much with each other. I don’t know if she’s contacted just out of concern or has he told her to do that since I had told him that I need space and time from him. It’s just been 2 days into my NC period. I might be reading too much into this and hence, I don’t want to do anything wrong. She has just written “How are you?” and has complimented my profile pic on WhatsApp. Should I reply or just ignore it? And if I should reply, what should I say? I am really lost. I don’t want to mess up any chance of getting him back.
Thanks for your reply Nightdeleon. Really appreciate!
You are right, I am having hard time ignoring him. But I am diligently following the NC rule. I have uninstalled fb from my phone and even deleted my account so that I am not tempted to look him up. And I did what you told me with his phone number. But if someone asks me, his number is etched on my mind and I can recite it even in my sleep.
To get him off my mind, I have started focusing completely on my work and keep myself busy with it.
About why I love him? I don’t know how exactly to answer that. I was a very shy girl in college and so was he (not as shy as me though). However, with him, I could be myself. I never had to pretend anything. Things with him were quite natural and spontaneous. With others, I would always be very conscious. We complement each other. We were always there for each other. He would sit with me through the boring chick-flicks and I would accompany him to all the tennis matches though I never really liked them. We both knew this and really appreciated each other for that.
I am quite impulsive but he brought stability in my life. He would go out of his comfort zone to do stuff for me (I never complimented this fact about him then but now I realize). He is sensitive and straightforward. He would always keep me from doing stupid mistakes in my life. He taught me lot of things about life. He made me strong. When he left, he said he’s doing this for both of us because he knew I could do anything for him even if it harmed me and he was scared of that.
I want him to see me in a new light and forget the image of a desperate and needy girlfriend that I had been for last one year. He had stopped being emotionally and intellectually intimate with me and I want him to know that now he can. After he left, I had a lot of time to reflect back on our relationship and I feel like a different person right now. Someone who thinks before reacting, an empathetic person. There’s just one thing that’s unchanged and that’s my love for him.One more thing, he cares about me and messages things like “please take care”, “let me know if you wanna chat”
This could be just because he cares about me as a friend.
After the break up, we spoke about what went wrong. We tried giving it a last chance and I really changed (became less reactive, became empathetic). I know it’s difficult for someone to believe that someone can change so much.
He himself told me that he can see that I am trying really hard but it’s difficult for him to get my old image out of his mind.
He said it’s not about believing that I have changed. It’s about changing himself to look at me in that way.
From today I begun my no-contact period. I asked if we can chat. I told him that I need some time and space from him. He says he understands.
I really love this guy and really wish he sees me in a different light and ask me to get back together.
Please help!
