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Ratedrkidd,
I feel your pain. it is very common. As everyone is telling you here, your best move is stay cool and treat her like anyone else if you are together. The hardest part is not thinking about her, I KNOW, but the better you can keep her out of your head, the better off you will be. Especially if you see her.
I am glad to read this post. All of the comments are good and just what I need to hear. My situation is a lady that still cares for me. We dated 6 months and she was divorced only 18 months before we met. We fell hard and fast for each other but then she got scared. It was moving too fast.
We’ve been apart over 2 months and it has been hard for me becuase my life is not real busy but hers is very busy. Her Mom is sick and that demands her time plus the divorce has legal issues. I understand that she is stressed plus she is stubborn and doesn’t let anyone in too close. Likes to take it all on her shoulders. Her marriage left her empty and I don’t think she knows quite what she wants. Or i safaraid to try to get it. She simply says she doesn’t want a committed relationship right now, even though she misses me and I can tell she still cares for me. She is dating other people and that doesn’t bother me too much. But she doesn’t want for us to see each other as the feeling are too strong. I finally see that is the best because I need to heal too. We do talk occasioanlly about life stuff, not about the relationship. I tried to do that initally so as to fix things but she would just get mad and emotional.
As hard as it is to do, I know I must let go…but this other part of me keeps saying we will get back together. I just want to have peace of mind again.
Adam23m, I know it is hard. I just messed up after 5 days NC and made things worse. You will regret it if you slip up. Follow the plan, stay busy, occupy your mind otherswise. There is great advice on this site from a.z and many other people. \
Good Luck!Thats a tough spot for you but sounds like she is really into you. Your best course may be doing he 5 step plan here and looking into relationship rewind. It takes patience but I think it is worth the effort.
a.z,
Sorry to hijack this but I had a development and posted in my “50 yr old ex” thread/ Please give a read and share your advice. ThxLast week I spoke to my ex and told her I was going to see a concert with friends. This was true and I went and had a great time. I even had a date two days after that. But the main point is that I stayed on NC. During that conversation she was uneasy and in a hurry to end the call, she wanted “some time” to pass before we tried to hang as friends.
My ex has been seeing an old BF since we split 2 months ago. Since that time she has not initiated contact with me, I have been the one to do that. And its been mainly civil and unfrequent. Then I found this site.
Anyway, the important part is that last night, after 4 days of no contact (and the weekend passing) she texts me at 10:30 pm to ask how the concert was. Seems like an odd time to ask such a question. I am probably reading too much into this but it is a first since we split, her reaching out to me. Maybe she is just being friendly?
Thoughts team LOL
Quinn,
You story is very interesting. Its like you AR.E the lady that dumped me LOL. Her actions mirror what you have done. I am 5 days into NC and it is getting slightly easier each day but my nighst are hard. My ex is 52, I am 46, are you significantly younger than us? Does anyone think age matters much with afffairs of the heart? I think not. We love and get hurt at all ages.
She told me she is afaraid of hanging out as friends because we might “cross the line” and that she still has feelings for me. And I know I displayed anger and impatience and I am working on that in NC.
I understand now that giving her space for many weeks is a good way to respect her feelings, but why do I fear I am losing her forever by doing so? LOLI’ve read your story and see you and I have been around about the same amount of time. It is silly that a 40-something man such as myself can’t get based a 6 month relationship. But she is a dynamite lady. I miss her every single day.
I wish you the best in your struggle also.
Having a woman’s perspective always helps. Should I be concerned that she started dating a week after we broke up? She said she is “dating pretty seriously” an old boyfriend, but only admiited to that when she had a few drinks in her, not sure if that is good or bad.
Ideas?
Yes Quinn, after I posted that, it hit me, just as you said. Duh! LOL
I feel I should stop checking this site, even though the advice is helpful.
It keeps feeding my feelings of loss when what I need to do is let go.
These are such hard things to deal with. My ex acted on anger and cut me loose, I hope she comes around but I can’t do it for her.Hey Sucker,
Nice work…caffeine gets me every time too. Hey, at least you didn’t cave in. Good thing you weren’t having cocktails. Don’t feel bad, I’ve never cared for rules either. Rules suck!
It was a beautiful evening in this city’s park for me. Great weather a band in the distance, great sunset and early full moon. Out of sight. But no so much for my date. Those online pics can be so deceptive, zero chemistry. Decent conversation. I also need to get out to te right places and met some fresh faces.
Am I allowed to ask for your email? I’m bold.
HRT
a.z,
We dated 6 months (last dec to early this june) and were exclusive immediately. N that time I blew my cool, not at her but in her presence, twice. She didn’t care for that but it was her own situation that caused her decision. We’ve been split since, she’s now seeing a previous guy which was nothing serious. The first month if split I texted once a week and had one phone argument, her being impatient at my wanting to fix it. Second month was less texting. Some pleasant calls and another negative one which was just last week. I’ve been NC just 3 days after apologizing for the bad call which again was me asking to fix and her being defensive emotional and hanging up.Sucker you are brilliant. Adrenaline – agreed!
Your honesty about the cash flow is well taken.
Maybe these goofballs we know are unwittingly introducing you and I LOL.a.z,
I just got on here a few days ago and am now doing NC. I posted my story in “Recon” under “50 year old ex GF”. I see that you are active on here and have good advice so maybe you could consider my situation. During the the first two months and we had two bad phone calls; one over a month ago and another last week. I sent a long mailed apology which had “I have never met a woman like you” and “I’d do anything” type stuff but mainly apologizing for my mistakes. We did speak the other day and it was calm, the letter did not change her mind. She says she is not ready for a relationship. She is polite but I wonder if I have totally ruined my chances.
Thanks.
