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Wanted to share an update as many of us come to the boards and then fall off as we either get our ex back or recover.
I’m just over 70 days of no contact. He hasn’t reached out and neither have I. Most days are still difficult, but I continue to try to focus on healthy healing tactics. To be honest, I cry nearly every day still.
I did get into school at my top choice and am looking forward to starting.
The best thing I can say for those trying to heal from an experience like this, is to set goals for yourself and work on them daily. Also, get off social media. I felt much better giving up control and not watching his every move across social networks.
I think the holidays will be a difficult time to continue through this breakup process. I plan to take one day at a time and remind myself of the people I am grateful for that have been there for me during this trying time.
Stay positive!
@STFNY_13 i think you need to keep up with no contact to focus on yourself for a bit. clear your mind, improve yourself. we all hope that our ex will contact us during the “no contact” period, but sometimes these things just take more time, especially when your ex has heard from you regularly after the breakup.
take this time to do things for yourself – workout, read books, get a massage, etc. have you set goals for yourself in the past 6 weeks?
i know it’s very difficult to not talk to him or hear from him, but you can do this.
keep us posted.
it is really hard for me to say “i’m letting go of him”. we had much of our future planned out together. but when i reflect, he has called things off twice in 3 months. it’s a long distance relationship and i was willing to move across the country (twice) for him. both times he backed out. there may be someone else in the picture, but it would kill me to officially know that answer. i don’t know if i can realistically put myself back out there when he hasn’t even cared to reach out once in over 45 days. i’m just hoping time heals and when i’m ready to date again, that someone won’t play with my feelings like he has. i think we all deserve that 🙂
you are right about being able to forgive. i’m not there yet.. still in the denial and angry stage. i can’t wait to be able to forgive.
i also hope that you are finding peace during your breakup.
i’ll find you on KiK once I download. having the extra support and being able to help others during difficult times makes my days a little brighter!
i think a breakup can trigger obsessive thoughts. it’s easy to start overthinking and overanalyzing, so you are not alone in your thoughts. i went through that phase where i was stuck in my head and some days i’m still like that. it just means you are able to care about someone – which is a good thing!
but at some point, for your own health, taking a step back and not constantly worrying about what she is doing, who she is talking to, etc will really help you. you can only control how you act and respond, not what she does. remember that. and learn to take one day, or one hour at a time.
you’re going to be okay 🙂
i literally overanalyzed everything that was posted on social.. every like, every comment. it made me sick to my stomach. and one day i woke up and told myself that i can control this situation. i can control not seeing my ex’s fb page. and i blocked him. i honestly feel much healthier and you will, too. i promise. just try – give social media a rest for 5 days and see how you feel.
hi @mags240,
sorry to hear about your situation. how frequently have you been in communication with him since the breakup? who has initiated the communication?
it sounds like you are doing well for yourself 3 months post-breakup, especially since it put you in a better place emotionally. it sounds like he may not be at that point yet. he may still be hurting and hopefully his trip will give him some perspective.
and you are right – what’s meant to be will be 🙂
i do think it’s good to stay off of social media, especially if you frequent your ex’s account.
stay busy and keep hanging out with your friends. you’ve got this!
if you aren’t close to a gym, i suggest walking to be outside. during my initial days of no contact my legs literally felt like cement, like every step was so hard to take. but each step got easier over time.
anything you can do to help cope and take your mind off of it. not sure which country you live in or how old you are, but i’ve read someone’s breakup story once and they started to go to meetup.com to meet new people that shared her hobbies.
today i looked into taking a photography class, so i’m sure i will sign up.
it’s hard, but not impossible! we did have lives before our exes, right?
let’s see.. i survive and continue to survive no contact by working out, reading, walking outside, volunteering somewhere (i picked a local animal shelter), being with friends and family. is there a new hobby you’ve been wanting to pick up? it’s important to keep moving. sitting around just made me think about him even more.
for the first couple weeks it’s really hard because you can’t stop thinking about an ex. you are now working on filling a void that once belonged to them. the best advice i received was to go through you emotions, don’t push them aside. if you are angry go for a run. if you are sad, write about it. work through your emotions in healthy ways.
stay strong and positive!
@patricia12 – thank you for the response, made me tear up. i agree with all of that. i most certainly want to be with someone who wants to be with me, in good and bad. and if someone initiates moving in together (twice), they sure as heck better mean it.
his behavior is exactly why i am moving on this time. as hard as it’s been (didn’t know a human had so many tears), i’m doing it day by day. it hurts the most that he hasn’t cared to reach out, but probably for the better. i know i have a lot to offer someone, the right person will appreciate all that i do. i have finished the GRE and my grad school applications have been submitted, i’m just waiting to hear back!
i cannot wait to get to that point where he doesn’t consume my mind anymore 😐
hey badboybronstein,
it’s been a few days since you posted. just reading through your thread. any updates on your no contact? i’m going through a second round of break-up with my ex and am just curious.
ceecee,
i never really asked him for more details on it ending. i was so shocked by the break-up after our visit, i never got around to asking for clarification. the conversation feels like a blur now.
after the first break-up, i initiated contact and did it in a very sweet way as he was up for an interview at his dream job. i’m a very nurturing/kind person, so i take the loss of him in my life very hard. he seems to be loving life.. he started posting daily on facebook right after the breakup. i had to unfollow him, it got in the way of my healing process. haven’t heard a peep from him since the break-up. in my opinion, if he wanted to be with me, he would make the effort. and in the meantime, i’ve just focused on healing and moving on.
lin91,
do you still frequent these boards? i’ve been off of here for awhile, but wondered if you ended up ever hearing from your ex and how you are feeling months later?
Stay busy! Just keep moving, make plans. everyday I write my feelings down, take a walk, go the gym, be with friends or family. Do nice things for other people.
No contact is really hard but I’ve realized it’s not a waiting game, it’s a chance to focus on yourself. How often do we get the chance to do that? I think it comes down to perspective on the situation.
The best advice I was given is to not only feel the emotions but learn to work through them.
Keep positive! You can do this!
