Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
@ThePhoenix I really like your analogy of driving at night (even though I don’t drive :P). It reminds me of a Martin Luther King Jr. quote ‘You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step’.
It may sound cheesy but a couple of years ago I saw a psychic. She read my palm & told me that in terms of relationships I would have a major one that I thought was ‘the one’ but wouldn’t be & would end in heartache before the one meant for me came along. This person would bring me little gifts & people back from my past.
I thought this most recent one was ‘the one’, he brought me little gifts, went out of his way for me etc. and there had been someone before him I was thinking was the ‘mistake’ she had mentioned. But in the back of my mind I knew that I’d never really fallen for the previous person, never really thought he was the one.
In times that I’m a little bit stronger, I wonder whether this ex is the mistake, as much as it hurts, and then the person meant for me will come along. Hopefully soon.
I’m trying to see the psychic again and ask if she can tell but so far it seems she only works at farmers markets during the summer.@ThePhoenix All of what you say makes sense. I just need to figure out how to make the move from feeling depressed, hurt and wanting him back so badly to truly believing that I deserve better and can find it. Right now that seems like an insurmountable obstacle. I have a very hard time letting go, not just in relationships and I give anything I really care about my all which is why I’m having such a tough time with this. It can be done, but I feel like by giving up or letting go, I’m giving up any hope that he will come back down the road. Along with feeling that if I do, all of it was a lie and that hurts so much (sorry for repeating myself. I know I must seem like all I do is go on about how miserable and heartbroken I am and have no spine. Deep down I know I wont feel this way forever and that I do deserve better, its so hard to see right now. Everything seems hopeless. What my mind knows, the heart doesn’t want to listen).
I also tend to go out of my way for people I care about and end up getting walked all over. I take things to heart, sometimes too much and some may say I’m too sensitive but that’s who I am.
I can’t even bring myself to sit or use what was ‘his’ side of the bed. its like my life is paused until he comes back….if he ever does. 🙁
@ThePhoenix I truly hope that he hasn’t moved on (aside from physically). Unless I never really meant that much to him…which again, hurts even more. Its only been 5 days since I found out they’re together but time passes by so slowly. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the months, year or whatever it may be that they’re together. Especially in the state that I’m in now. I don’t know how much more I can take and feel so weak because he’s so happy and I’m tearing myself apart over him, someone who doesn’t even care.
I don’t understand how he could just out of the blue leave me (5 days before Christmas and over text too :S) when everything had been fine even the week before and then not even two months later be seeing someone. Someone he became friends with in sept. I don’t know if he left me just to see her. The only thing I know is this hurts too much. 🙁@ChrisLovesChris & JeanValins I’m glad you guys are doing better! I on the other hand keep feeling worse and worse. I do wish I were dead but would never do anything to myself…again, couldn’t leave my cats, as cheesy as that sounds. They’re the only thing that’s somewhat helped me. It has only been 5 days since I found out they were together but time passes by so slowly. I don’t know how I’m going to wait out the months, possibly year or whatever it may be that they’re together 🙁 Even writing this I feel my throat closing up and my hands shaking. I don’t know how much more I can take but as you said Chris (sadly, his new gfs name is Chris too 🙁 ) its a long, long road.
I don’t understand how he could just leave me out of the blue, 5 days before Christmas (& over text too) and not even two months later be seeing someone else and seeming so incredibly happy. I didn’t do anything to deserve this pain, the only thing I’ve done is love him. Sure I’m not perfect but neither is he. He has major issues and is taking a lot of them out on me I think but that doesn’t change how much I love him. And I don’t love or trust easily. It took me 7 years after my first love to find this again and its ripping me apart 🙁
Sorry if I repeat myself from my previous posts.
I wish I could have 7 cats! Where do you live that allows you to have 7? I only have 3.@Merchaunt I sent you an email earlier, not sure if it went through.
@ChrisLovesChris I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t handle this. Everyone tells me to be strong and in the past I have been but this one….I don’t know why this one in particular has ripped me apart. It feels like something inside has died and I don’t know how to cope. I’m not as strong as people seem to think I am. I just made an appointment to talk to someone but I don’t think that will help. I’ve tried it before and just the other night ended up calling the crisis line (not exactly suicidal but incredibly overwhelmed and feeling like I’m having a breakdown). While they listen, its the same old stuff that just sounds trite and right from a textbook. I already know all these things, that time will help, that I need to keep myself busy etc. What I need is coping strategies that I can use to help the way I think and change patterns of behaviour instead of just diverting my attention from it by keeping busy. Otherwise its always going to be there. Plus I’m scared about talking to someone as I tend to make it seem like I am strong and ok with things since I don’t like anyone seeing otherwise.I keep thinking to myself that it should be *me* with him. Being taken on romantic weekends etc. I don’t understand how he could just out of the blue leave me and feed me lie after lie after lie. I did absolutely nothing to deserve this. I can’t do anything about him aside from let it run its course but its killing me. To an extent literally, the way its affecting me physically. We were talking marriage and even trying for kids towards the end and then he was gone. Now on to someone else and so incredibly happy. I would give anything (except my cats ;)) to be with him again.
@ThePhoenix I just don’t know what to believe anymore. I miss him so much. 30 days of NC is nowhere near enough for my case. I need to let the new relationship play out and hopefully end soon. I am terrified that he won’t come back even if it does end. My head knows I deserve better than the way he has treated me but my heart refuses to listen. We were talking marriage and kids. It took me 7 years to find someone that I click with again on such a deep level after my first love and even though we were only together 7 months, I truly believed he was the one.
I don’t know how to deal with the pain in the meantime though. I know time will help but it keeps getting worse. I don’t know how he could just move on so quickly and not even care. Oh I’m sure some little part of him cares but you don’t do this to the person you love, or claimed you did.@ChrisLovesChris
I’m in the same boat as when you started. I feel constantly sick and as if my chest is being permanently squeezed. I can barely go a few hours without breaking down and crying. Less than two months apart and he is already seeing someone. I miss him so much & would forgive so much of what he’s done. I keep hoping she’s just a rebound and he will come back but I fear that he never will and that makes me hurt all over again. I can’t function anymore. It feels like I’m at a breaking point & can’t take much more. I have no interest in anything and have constant anxiety attacks. I’ve always had bad insomnia but I barely sleep or sleep all the time. When I’m awake I think about him, when I try to sleep, I think about him 🙁
I try to distract myself by reading but my mind always drifts back to him being so happy with her. Even during our break up he said he loved me….now I don’t know if it was all a lie. Everything he’s said since the break up (about being alone) has been…what if everything during was? 🙁
I know I need to let go to start moving on but I don’t know how or if I want to because I want him to come back. My mind knows I deserve better but my heart refuses to listen. At least until we’ve had a chance to work things out and try again. 30 days of NC isn’t nearly enough for me. I need to let this (hopefully) rebound relationship play its course but I don’t know how to cope in the meantime. Or whether he will contact me when/if it ends.Sorry for the rambling post.
but if they’re still with their new partner after NC, how do you plan on trying to win them back?
I agree with ghost about NC being for you but when I went through a really rough break up a few years ago and was having a hard time with NC, I printed out a calendar and every day that I managed to go without contacting him I marked of with a big ‘X’. That may not exactly be counting down NC but I remember it gave me a sense of satisfaction each time I could cross off another day. Then you can look back and see how strong you were for not contacting them as the ‘x’s build up 🙂
Unfortunately I carried on that trend of marking off days just in general so its lost the ability to make me feel a little more empowered with this current break up but I suggest you try it and who knows, maybe after you’ve got a steady pattern of days marked off, you won’t even feel the need to reach the end of NC and just work on yourself instead.@ThePhoenix – Thank you for what you said about the infatuation stage. I need to remind myself of that. Less than 2 months after our out of the blue break up (where he had said he does love me and wants to be with me but not to hold him to anything. Though now he has blocked me on facebook and said he is done talking to me 🙁 ), he is already with someone and super happy. Took her on a romantic valentines day trip too. It is breaking my heart, just when I thought I couldn’t hurt anymore. I keep hoping its a rebound but then I think about them so happy together and it seems like its more than a rebound. While it could be something more, I need to remind myself that this is the honeymoon stage & if he really did mean it when he said he did love me, hopefully he will realize it and come back.
On the other hand I’m scared that I’m giving myself false hope. I have a feeling we will be together in the future be it a year, two years, whatever, but I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself of that or if it really is intuition.*sorry for my ignorance but without reading all 107 pages of this thread – what is GiGs?
Ours was 7 months. From reading articles on other parts of this site, as incredibly difficult as it is, the only thing we can do is wait it out and see if it is a rebound or not. I don’t know what a defining line between rebound vs. they’ve moved on is though.
I know I (you too!) won’t feel this way forever but trying to make it through the now, the most painful part is what I’m having trouble with. I don’t know how they can just move on so quickly. Its as if we meant nothing to them. Or at least it seems that way to me. I’m hoping that unless something was going on behind our backs before the relationships ended (which from the sounds of it may be the case for both of us), their rushing into a new relationship means its a rebound but unfortunately we can only wait and see.I know just what you mean! I don’t want to hijack your thread but my situation is very similar. Not even two months after we broke up he is already super happy with someone & I don’t know how long they have been seeing each other (He took her for a romantic weekend away for Valentines day. Yet when I questioned him (I broke NC a few times to text him but its always turned into arguments) how long they had been together he said only a few days. You don’t take someone on a romantic trip that you’ve just started seeing). Anyways, even the week before he had been telling me how nothing was good right now & how he would probably have to leave town or go underground to avoid some heavy duty stuff from his past that was catching up to him but while being alone sucked, this way he wouldn’t drag anyone down with him. Plus the reason he broke up with me was that he apparently had no time for anyone because he was working on his career. Now this? Was everything a lie? Even considering that thought makes me physically sick.
When we met up to exchange keys in the new year, he said he did love me & wanted to be with me but not to hold him to anything, we would see (I was proposing space for a few months and then see how his work load was). He says this new relationship wasn’t expected or planned but in my opinion, if you already love someone and do want to be with them, you just don’t do that. You don’t start something new when you still love someone…..or claim you do.No matter how much I try to distract myself, I keep thinking about them together, so happy & his acting like I never existed. He’s blocked me on facebook and said he is done talking to me. I pray that this is just a rebound and he will realize its a mistake but the way they look so happy together breaks my heart. I miss him so much and don’t understand how he could do this to me. I didn’t do anything to deserve the pain I’m going through now, nor the break up itself which was out of the blue. I keep thinking ‘what about me? I thought you loved me?’ & that it should be me with him, not her.
All of his actions make everything he said, a lie. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t even trust my own judgement. I truly thought he was the one. So did all my family and friends. We were even talking marriage and kids. So for him to turn on me…..I wonder if it was all a lie. And that hurts even more.
It feels like I’m at a breaking point and cant take much more. I hate him for his lies and manipulations but at the same time I still love him and want to be with him.Sorry for that vent but I don’t know if you are feeling some of the same things? I agree with the trying to stay away from things like social media that allow you to snoop on them….I know from experience (& yet I will probably do it again from time to time and then berate myself for it afterwards while I’m crying nonstop) that it will only make you feel worse.
How long were you together?All the feelings you described are what I’m going through as well. I know that in time it will get better/easier but just making it through the now is the part I’m finding hard. When it hurts so much and you miss them so badly but they seem to be going on like normal, it wrenches your heart and makes you wonder whether you really did mean anything to them & if they’re thinking about/missing you at all. If they are….why haven’t they come back?
