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Glad to hear you feel better Lin, hopefully waiting, do you think you could help me? My post is titled Scared and Confused. It would be a huge help!
Here’s a summary/repost
Here’s what’s happening.
We are both 18 and started college two months ago. After our breakup I did 21 days of no contact, I broke it… I know tsk..tsk… anyways. It was my birthday and I didn’t get a “happy birthday” that made me mad so I texted her, when she didn’t answer I called, still no answer… her phone is broken so we spoke on Skype for about an hour the next day.
During the Skype call we made jokes, she showed me her computer screen, she wanted me to give her ideas on what pumpkin picture to carve. I know this is stupid but during the Skype call I talked to her about why we broke up, she said I was being needy, I now realize, I was contacting her a lot, however that is because we saw each other once a week. She seemed fine texting her new friends in their “college group chat” filled with people in her class, she wouldn’t text me but would respond to their text, this bothered me. Back to the present (after our breakup and 21days of NCR) in the Skype call she seemed very unremourseful (when we broke up she balled, saying “I’m not IN love with you”. The day after our breakup I called again and we both balled”). Anyways during our Skype call her tablet was going crazy with texts from the “group chat” she is in a drama program with them, they always talk and have fun in the chat (she muted the chat while we were talking for that hour). When she left to carve the pumpkins I was sad… she posted a picture of them on Instagram later that night, I commented saying “told you, you can’t carve the carousel” I said this because we looked at a hard carving and I told her she couldent do it lol! She responded with “I ain’t never said I was going to attempt it”). They were good carvings… so I messaged her later saying “seriously good job, whish I had them whittle skills” she said “many do” that was the end of that conversation.
Today.
I texted her with a positive message not relating to the relationship. She saw it (message said seen*). But she never responded that freaked me out. I spoke with people on the forums they told be to calm down, so I did… I cleaned my room and did laundry to keep my mind off it.The Plan…
What I plan on doing is contacting her next week with a simple yet interesting text, I will leave it open so if she wants to respond she can but if not… she doesn’t need to. If she responds I will bring the conversation to an end saying “need to make dinner” or something else non threatening. After a few weeks we can move into calls, meets and see where it goes.Advice!
Anyone have advice on my situation? Things I really want to know are…
– WHAT IF SHE DOESENT RESPOND TO MY TEXTS NEXT WEEK.
– While doing this how do I avoid the friend zone.
– Why is she being very friendly but sassy/cold when I talk about the relationship? (I kinda have an idea, please more info tho lol)
– Is my plan good? Do I need more NC, after 21days it seems like she doesn’t miss me, “she said a weights been lifted”.Guys, I really do love this girl, we have wonderful times when we were together. I don’t want this to slip away… even if she’s being sassy/cold (when we browe up she said “I just wish you hated me, it would be easier” is this a way to make it easier for her?) Please Help!
– JohnI agree Patricia, it’s just hard to know that she is texting her friends with no issue, then when I send a text she doesn’t answer after reading it. I’m very stressed… I’m going to clean and listen to music lol.
I’ll text her next Saturday and see where it goes… I just wish she knew about the “honeymoon phase” last time we spoke on the phone I was like “I think our honeymoon phase ended” she was likept no we dated for two years… I was thinking “it typically last 2.6 years but varies” didn’t say that tho.
Oh I missed that “since you called her yesterday” part… fuck.okay I’ll wait till next week.
I sent a message saying “Wtf… my cousin evhan invited me to a furry party…” a long time ago we spoke about furry people and it was a fun conversation.
I said that about an hour ago and she looked at it… it says “seen” but she never said anything.
It seems like she’s being “cold” or doing it on purpose.
She saw the message but didn’t respond… my 18yr old brain is panicking! What should I do?
You guys are very supportive, would it be okay to keep you “up to date” in information?
Patricia12
Thanks for the advice! So… start off texting slow, move into more texting, then calls… more calls, meets and so on?
Alright sounds good, if after seeing her for weeks and she seems interested (she’s very stubborn it’s highly unlikely she will take the first step) should I make a move? And how should I go about it?
I’m not invited to these calls lol, it’s a mix of girls and guys from her college acting class, they are a tightly nit group. I believe it is friendly conversation.
I just did what you said sent a quick message saying how my weird cousin invited me to a “furry party” (the one where people dress up like animals) didn’t say if I was going or not.
Thanks
So even tho she is having fun texting other friends I should wait? As said before we already spoke for about an hour yesterday. Should I just do what you said? Not call, just texts, end the conversation quick? How often should I start off doing this? Once a week, twice or more?Initial Information/my thoughts
– I believe that she is possible just trying to pin things on me, I think shes doing this to have some sort of “reason” for our breakup when it very well could have been a loss of attraction.
– Not to sound entitled for lack of a better word but… I am not an ugly 18 year old, I have always had girls like me, my ex-girlfriend couldn’t stop looking at me when she first saw me (her words not mine). She also explained how I was the “settler” and she was the “reacher” (this means I settled for her).
– In our call she did seem unemphatic to all of my remarks about our relationship, I do understand it was bad to bring up the relationship, I will not do that in future conversations.
– I am not like most boys my age, I dont smoke, drink, do drugs or treat women poorly. I am the type of guy to fall in love and not want to experiment/sleep around with others. My morals seem to be that of a 30 – 40 year old… dont get me wrong, I am a good lover and treat women how they deserve to be treated but… I just dont see the point in being in a relationship unless I deeply care for the person or see a future with them. (I deeply care for this girl)
– I do believe 21 days of no contact was enough, however not 100% sure.
What i’m thinking of doing.
Since I established contact and… as much as it pains me to say this, it was a “friendly” conversation I believe I should slowly start talking to her again. Since I was a “needy” boyfriend, I think I should start out slow, a call or a text every week or two, followed by maybe a friendly meet up (I will not discuss the relationship at all I know how that will end…). After we feel comfortable and… if she starts showing the signs I make our meets more personal and try to make her think of me as more than a “friend/ex”.
Does anyone see any problems with my plan/ideas? any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
Continued…
Okay see… I contacted her on Instagram, she answered. She lost her phone at school and is getting a new onemail (that’s why she didn’t pick up the phone). We ended up skyping, we both seemed fun and happy, we talked about a few things related to the relationship and still she seems reluctant to get back together. I asked how she wasaid doing since we have had no contact for 21days, she said she’s happy and feels like a weight has been lifted.I figured out the reason we broke up… a big part of it was that her “initial attraction” faded. While dating I was also at most times needy, I would always want to communicate (I would even call 2+ times in one day); I did this because we only saw each other once a week and it was hard on me, I told her that I got to the “root” of why I’m needy… I said “if I wasn’t needy we would probably still be together” again… she disagreed, I brought up a scenario where I would give her more space and call less also really cherishing the time we had together (because it would be less); she didn’t disagree, I could tell she was thinking about it, she then said something along the lines of “we should stop talking about hypothetical situations”. After more talking the call ended with me saying I’ll contact her later or her to contact me when she gets her new phone. While in the call she was talking to me as a “friend”… I don’t want to be friend zoned, I really love this girl! Could you guys please help me, please!
