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I continued No Contact as I grieved to a close friend. She told me she just so happened to scroll through his Instagram where he became more active after he had dumped me. He knows I had deleted my Instagram long before we problems. She told me the posts after our break up were of him in school wearing shirts I had complimented in the recent past and using a messenger bag I had bought him instead of his other 3 messenger bags. I don’t know if this means No Contact is working and he’s trying to stay close to me having things of mine to him company during his transition.
Today I got a haircut and received my class schedule. Should I in return post these changes in my life? I got the exact same haircut both he and I thoroughly marveled when we were together but the schedule shows that I did not receive the same classes he took his senior year which he intended to help me with?I wanted to simply say I’ve had an okay DAY not that I am myself. My well being should be none of your concern as you need to take care of yourself. I need some time away from you and I am aware that your number is still active and so is your Facebook so I will contact you again when I’m ready.
What I forgot to tell you was that during our week long break I regretfully went through some type of withdrawal and neglected my needs. I became sleep deprived and also lived off of one meal a day and so I lost a bit of weight. Of course I told him the truth about this when he came back to see me and he felt responsible and guilty.
Him calling back to see if I was okay made me think that alright he just wants to make sure I’m taking care of myself this time around. I thought just mentioning the silly Chinese food (unhealthy I know, but yes I’m still eating regularly) would give him the slight reassurance that I was okay enough at least for today. Him then cutting the pointless small talk out and bringing up his friend offer again AND reminding me of his availability before I could say anything, I meant, took up my wanting to say I need space/time away from what was and I’ll get back to you when I feel ready to talk and chill platonically. Once he pretty much did that for me there was nothing left to think of or say and he felt that too. So he just said the friend thing again and remembered I didn’t ask for it so he apologized…and it got depressing and awkward that was that…yaaaay
SuzyL,
Thank you. I tried to apply your advice as he just called me half an hour ago during our usual daily phone call time. I had trouble really saying what I needed to because he pretty much said it for me and sounded like he already knew. Then I suddenly felt my day was going well until he called and couldn’t speak.Him: What’s up?
Me: Uhh..I just ordered Chinese…
Him: That’s nice…I just wanted to see if you were doing alright.
Me: Don’t worry about me. (I don’t want to have a conversation.)
Him: I’m still here to be your friend if you need anything. My number and my Facebook are still active. You can text, call, chill with me again whenever you’re ready.
Me: …okay…
Him: I just wanted to know how you’re doing.
Me:…okay…I’m okay…
Him: I’ll still be your friend…that’s probably the last thing you want to hear from me…
Me:…
Him: …I’m sorry…bye.
Me: Okay…bye.
(Whole minute for him to hang up.)I’m happy for you, SuzyL. It sounds like NC has really begun to work for you. Yes you right about her not showing remorse and it being unfair to your initial devout love. Because of this I also have to ask your opinion on what and how to let him know I do not wish to see or contact him at all for a while granted the circumstances.
First 10 months of the relationship he was the one to ask me out, crushing on me for two years prior as we were just friends and was madly in love with me. I was completely insecure and immature during the relationship always getting angry, picking fights, at times also showing no remorse by threatening to leave him. After those 10 months, he said that our fights have gotten old, I’m not the same fun, funny, cool girl he fell in love with; that girl only exists with her friends (why he prefers to be friends), and made us take a week long break pretending to be friends. I showed my vulnerability by still contacting him constantly. This angered him to the point that I would fear him leaving me. I left him alone all day for the first time and he admitted that night he was tempted to visit me at home. This made me feel safe enough to contact him again. I ended up waking him early on his first day off in ages from school and got an earful about my inconsideration. My fear got the best of me and I told him I would cut myself off from him for the rest of the break and it worked. After four days he came to my house without notice but told me that he had decided to leave me feeling he needed to really be single and fix himself figuring that we always will have a chance of getting back together. He contradicted himself clearly wanting the positives from our relationship when he first tried to friendzone me, being friends that still made out with each other, could make out with others, but could not date other people or have sex with anyone even each other. I called him out on this and insisted that we stay together if he wants those things anyway.
That was what this last painful month was about: him still wanting my positives, loathing my negatives, both he and I trying to suppress all my negatives, him trying to rebuild his lifestyle. I thought of the circumstances we put on our relationship. We only saw each other once a week so he could have all the time to fix himself. He got his best friend back but lost connection with most of his friends to the point that most of them no longer knew how to bond with him. He did not lose any weight and we only had 1 lovely day together, 2 nice/okay days, and 2 horrific failures in the 5 days we saw each other. Now we’re here with his 50% love for me and 50% resentment towards me. He broke up with me finally in the middle of a fight about me not being able to keep my promises that he demanded I kept. I did my best in the last month to make things work by buying him healthy food, trying to be supportive and apologizing to his best friend.
I do believe that this break up can have us start over on a new leaf in the future as things change for us. I am 17 and about to begin my senior year at our high school and he has begun his freshman year of college at 18 whose campus is in my neighborhood. Ultimately he wants me in his life forever no matter how much wrong he and I have done each other because he will always love me and hopes that we can make more memories together as we enter adulthood.
Dear SuzyL,
No I personally do not believe you messed up at all. You did indeed do the right thing in the most honest and logical way possible. She simply asked for what she felt entitled to and you did not prevent her in any way from getting what she wanted while also letting your current feelings be known. Had you not responded, it would have seemed to her that you had ignored her out of spite to keep those objects. Also, had you responded only about the objects, she clearly would’ve began to see you from a negative light thus lessening your chances of getting back together. She clearly has to learn to let go of her negative feelings for you as well. Good job on keeping your cool and staying smart!Aside from your admirable behavior and to all other users, I have been apprehensively going about NC. Today is Day 2 and I just remembered that on the day my boyfriend dumped me, he asked that we continue on together as friends and wished to still see me on our routined Saturdays. Had I not found this website straight away, I would not have agreed to say “Sure. Maybe this weekend or Friday”, to which he also agreed. I clearly am not ready to see him again and do not wish to break the NC rule. How do I get out of this without breaking NC? (Romantically, I thought that by choosing to begin NC immediately on August 31st the last day would perfectly coincide with me contacting him again on what would have been our one year anniversary.)
