[drewzilla]

Ok, first off, I will say this, the magic letter isn’t to tell the ex that they’re not who you thought they were and to say good-bye. The magic letter is meant as a soft contact to spark their interest in you again. And you need to give it more than 11 days. Trust me when I tell you that when I started my NC I was worried that doing it would give my ex the idea that I didn’t wanna talk to him ever again and give him the idea that I wanted nothing to do with him. Let me tell you, that I couldn’t have been more wrong. He tried contacting within 14 days. He claimed he wanted to get my old house key back from me and it like 3 times in a row that he tried to contact me, but because I was doing no contact I kept telling him that my schedule didn’t work. Now almost a month and a half later, we hung out for the first time last night, and it went well as far as I can tell and we’ve been talking through texts and Facebook messages all day today. And trust me, part of the reason I was scared of the no contact was because while things weren’t horrible between he and I when I moved out, things weren’t all that great either. We had days where we couldn’t even stand to look at each other let alone even have to talk to each other about anything. We had days where we snapped at each other just because we were both upset and hurt. But last night, it was like meeting him for the first time all over again. No contact DOES WORK, but you HAVE to be willing to put in the effort. You have to be willing to take time to work on yourself and give your ex time heal as well as time for yourself to heal and not dwell on everything that went wrong. Even after 30 days, if you’re still focusing on all the things that went wrong that caused the break up, don’t contact your ex yet. I’m not really sure what else to say to you, but that’s the best advice I can give you.

[drewzilla]

@Dubbyb, I feel like I didn’t make myself too available. I made sure to tell him that while I’ve missed him as well, that mostly I’ve missed knowing he was around. I know it sounds crazy, but even after the break up (at least while I was still living there anyways) he was my one constant in my life for almost 3 years, and I’d be lying if I said that not having him always around feels like a huge void is left in my heart that nobody else can fill, even just as friends. Basically, beyond letting him know my free days from work this week, I’m leaving the ball in his court as far as him wanting to hang out (which he expressed wanting to again later this coming week).

@makeupjunkie, yes he did break up with me. At the time, he claimed that he wasn’t sure that he loved me any more and that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship at all and that’s been the only answer he’s stuck by since then. There have been a few times before I moved out where he said he might want to fix things, but when I would make the attempt to sit down and talk to him, he’d avoid the conversation or tell me he didn’t know or just give very vague answers.

Personally, I will say this, if I said that I didn’t enjoy any of what happened last night, I’d be lying like a motherfucker; but the truth is, I did enjoy the feeling of having him wrap his arms around me and holding me close, compliment me, and tell me that he’d missed me. While I’m not getting my hopes up for anything right now, the honest truth is this: even if he said he wanted to fix things right now, I’d probably say right now isn’t the right time. For there to be a chance for us to fix things, I want he and I to rebuild the friendship that we had when I first met him online and in person. On top of that, he needs to prove to me that even just as a friend I can trust him again. One of the things that ever attracted me to him in the first place, was the fact that I always felt like I could tell him anything, and to be honest, he knows things about me that I’ve never felt comfortable telling anybody and probably will never tell anybody ever again.

Any other helpful advice from anybody?

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