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@Finntoga, Everything that I wrote about you was true!! I’m sorry to hear that you had a bad day missing the ex. I love your guideline on dealing with issues that come up in the relationship. “I ask myself what can I live with and accept and then talk to other person and explain my feelings.” That is also the best way to try to come up with some sort of compromise with a partner.
You are also very true in saying that many people won’t know what true love is in this lifetime. Millions of people try online dating looking for someone to love but find it impossible. So if you got to experience that in your life, you were blessed. It sounds like you have a full life so keep embracing all the great things about it. And yes, it’s very normal to have the I-miss-ex-so-much-I-can’t-bear-it feelings from time to time. The emotions in a breakup never follow one singular pattern. They ebb and flow and are very unpredictable. Regardless of what life throws at you, both you and Brokenhearted are fabulous women-don’t ever forget that.Hi Brokenhearted-I hope you have been able to calm your anxieties a bit. I’ve just catching up on your latest posts with Finntoga. Addressing your comment “we can be friends but not til distant future does that mean he never wants to be w me at all?”
You have to understand that your ex wrote his last e-mail when he was highly highlyyy emotional. He may try to sound clinical and like the decision was cut and dry for him but I guarantee it was also emotional for him too. You guys were together a long time. You WILL NOT be easy to forget. Little things will remind him of you even when he may trying to avoid thinking of the relationship so he will also be hurting. Please don’t put so much focus on his last words. It may feel like he doesn’t miss you but you could be completely wrong about that. One of the best things about being apart is that it is giving him plenty of time to forget all the insignificant things that bothered him. So think of time as being an eraser of bad moments in your relationship. The more time that passes, the more he is likely to remember the best things about you and your relationship.Another thing I want to add-don’t be so harsh on yourself when you check his social media or even call his phone. Slipups while trying to break obsessive behavior are bound to happen. As long as you are aware that you messed up, it’s okay. Like Finntoga said, you are definitely developing a lot of self-awareness in different areas of your life. This is all part of your breakup transformation-so you should be really proud of all the things you have been able to achieve so far. I also agree with everything Finntoga said. Especially when she talks about the 30 days of NC. This timeline is not set in stone. You may find that you need more time to get your head straight even more before you contact him. Or you may think you are ready to contact him by then. We just don’t know at this time. So just enjoy discovering different things about yourself and the world as the days go by.
Yeah breakups are excruciatingly painful and it’s a very raw wound in your heart because its only been a few days. If you don’t feel like eating, at least drink a lot of fluids.
Life always feels very alien after a breakup because you are so used to him being there. But yes you can live your life without him-keep telling yourself that. Your existance and joy is not based on him being in it even though it may feel like it now. At this point, your mind is going to be at war. Your heart is going to struggle with all the memories and all the positive things about the relationship while your brain can’t fathom why he wouldnt want to be with you.
How did your relationship get to this point? I read that you said that he felt you were controlling. Controlling in what way? I’m sure he isn’t perfect so try not to place all the blame on yourself.
And I think his mother figured that you at some point would want to talk about the relationship so cut the conversation short.Hi Lizgrim, it sounds like your ex is exploring a life without you and is in dire need of space from the relationship. If that’s what he wants, then you should do the same and explore your life without him. Comparing yourself to women that he could possibly be dating isn’t helping your situation.
You have to take mini-steps to make your life’s focus about you and not your ex. Even though it’s difficult, you need to make sure you take care of yourself. And make sure you aren’t hurting your body physically just because your ex doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you right now. If his mom is short with you, then don’t contact her anymore. It sounds like she doesn’t want to be in the middle of your problems with your ex and so I wouldn’t even bother with her anymore.
Hi Kaila, I’m sry to hear of the turn of events. Your ex sounds like he is hot and cold-that would drive me crazy. Have you heard from him at all today?
lol yeah Finntoga I have seen plenty of girls/guys that are very desperate to get their exes back. I’m with Finntoga and totally agree that your problems Brokenhearted are fixable and you can overcome them to be an even more incredible woman. We are cheering for you because the universe needs someone with a really big heart like you!
Finntoga-Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us-that was special !! Your breakup aftermath sounded like it was really a journey of your heart and soul. And you even seem at peace after all these months! Even though you are not a native speaker, you have a way with words that is honestly captivating. A breakup is such a unique and personal experience but one fact always remains. I’ve seen this in thousands of couples over time. As soon as a person really lets go of an ex and has fully moved on, it won’t be long before that ex will want to be back in their life again. It has happened to me plenty of times exactly like you mentioned. I have always wondered why it always happens in this way. Is it karma giving them a taste of their own medicine? Fate? I have yet to figure that out.
Another thing I want to add-I see with each day that passes that Brokenhearted gets guidance and so much more from your words. @ Brokenhearted-there is a quiet strength in your posts that will continue to build as you take control of irrational thoughts and begin to put focus on the little joys in your life. I hope you are having one of the most memorable times in your life!!
@Finntoga and Brokenhearted-Thank you for the endearing comments! @ Finntoga, I didn’t know you weren’t a native English speaker! You definitely fooled me because you have given such excellent advice with brilliant insights time and time again. You seem so strong during your breakup. Did you date after your ex? And although you didn’t know it at the time, your dating experiences would be a treasure trove of valuable information that would help Brokenhearted miles away. I love your timeline for an ex missing you. I think more people need to learn it and believe in that because it’s very true.
@Brokenhearted, I’m glad I could help a bit! I agree-Latin guys are serious hotties in a variety of ways!! It takes longer for them to calm down because it’s in their culture. Growing up, many are not taught how to express their emotions especially to women. So this is a reason why you are struggling with your ex. He’s not sure wtf to do with negative emotions-and will shut down until his mind figures out a way to deal with them. How did he deal with previous breakups? He will most likely use the same coping mechanisms as before because he knows that it worked last time as well.
In general, how active was he on Instagram? And don’t feel intimidated that another girl has a better chance at him because she’s mexican..The large majority of guys don’t choose a girl purely on the basis of her skin. There were a lot of different factors that made your ex want a relationship with you. The fact that you were his first interracial relationship means that he seen something very special in you. How did you meet? And when he made this comment “you realize we are too different right” (it’s very obvious at that point, his mind was seriously considering a future with you (marriage, kids, etc..) because mentally he was trying to figure how the two cultures would work together. And like most guys in this type of relationship, totally freaked out haha. It’s very difficult to merge two cultures but many have done it. It’s a really beautiful process to have two completely different cultures intertwine their religion, celebrations, beliefs, traditions, etc and merge into one. I agree with you-the bi-racial kids are stunning with mixed features. It’s the best physical features of both races blended into one little soul.
lol go try scoping out other guys even at Disney World. There’s hot guys all around. You only need to check them out and notice things you admire! And I want you to ask yourself, would you date him? Yes or no? Purely judging them on their physical features. Your mission right now is to enjoy your surroundings..take in every little detail that brings joy into your life. I know how much a breakup can feel like a disastrous event in your life but you will see it’s just a small blip in your life radar once you are in the arms of your true love.
And yes, I love my job!! No, I have seen much crazier girls/situations than you Brokenhearted. I have seen girls try to cut their exs’ hair in their sleep so they can put a spell on them. One tried to cut an ex in some way so she could wear a vial of his blood like in movies she seen. I have seen girls send gifts and flowers to their exs’ work trying to get their attention. (So many flowers, that coworkers assumed someone had died!) I have seen girls use fake cell phones to take pics of exs’ with their new women then put the girl on a homewrecking site. I have seen girls put up with all kinds of shit from their men like buying the ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend a massive TV and giving her an apartment because it would make the ex-bf happy, believing that if she could make him happy that he would come back. Guys too!! I have seen a guy freak out and buy an expensive diamond ring and propose to an ex at her front door as soon as she opened it. Only to find that their ex was already hooking up with another guy-totally awkward moment lol. Trust me, your story is heartbreaking but not as crazy as you may think. There are girls that are a million times more extreme lol!!!
Cantsum-sounds like you are looking for reasons to justify responding to your ex. I agree with Kaila and Jasminka. Each situation is so unique-you have to consider your communication patterns prior to the breakup as well.
Kaila how did he used to invite you to do things? Was this the way he did it before?
“But I know him, he will never contact first. I want him so I have to do something. I can’t wait for him doing that.”
The truth is that the most stubborn guy in the world will make contact because his heart would make him do it if he’s still in love. Saying that you think he’s too stubborn or that you can’t wait for him to do that is your fear talking. You think that if you want him, you need to do something? No a guy is naturally the chaser and goes after what he wants-regardless of how stubborn he is after a breakup. If he really really wanted you, he’d contact you again. You should definitely do NC and ignore the fear running through your mind which probably is telling you that if you don’t do something, you will lose him forever. But going NC doesn’t decrease your chances in getting him back. It actually increases your chances. If you are the one always initiating contact, then of course he has to be kind and reply if the two of you didn’t end the relationship on horrible terms. You need to give him a chance to initiate contact rather than you doing it all the time. You have nothing to lose seeing as you already lost him and everything to gain.
Oh gosh I think I caught up with your posts! Okay so this is a mexican guy right that we are dealing with? I’ve dated plenty of those in the past because they are hot lol. It’s going to take longer than most guys for them to calm down so expect to wait for some time before your ex reaches out to you. It’s just the way they are. I’ve dated them, best friend has dated them, cousins have dated them so I know this type of guy very well. The fact that one of his relatives made a fucked up comment about you being white-don’t even bother wasting time thinking about that. It has no bearing on what your ex will do and decide about your relationship. Since you have been with him for a long time, the color of your skin doesn’t matter to him. Your behavior and his behavior doomed this relationship not your races. I think it’s cool that you were an interracial couple!! Does he normally date outside of his race or does he just date mexican girls? What about you?
I hope you are having a super awesome time on your vacation. Your goal is to find the hottest guy every place you go..doesn’t matter if it’s in a restaurant, store, beach, airport, etc..and report back to me and Finntoga who once again has given plenty of excellent advice! You are trying to retrain your mind to understand that even if you and your ex don’t have a future, there are plenty of other guys out there for the taking!! It’s just a practice exercise for you that has helped other friends and I know it can help you. So get to it!! I’ve been busy working on projects because I’m a writer for women magazines and websites in real life. I write articles about every aspect of relationships and health so I’m always busy but I wanted to make sure you were doing okay.
