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@Nora, I honestly feel you give really bad advice to a lot of people on this board. There have been more than a few times where you are advising the person to do something totally against what the situation calls for. Agreeing with Finntoga on her post. With that being said, when a guy states his sexual preference that is permanent. There is no let’s wait around and see if he goes from gay to straight like Nora stated. No amount of NC will change this situation and its good to see that Bethyseeu realized that. I hope you find a great partner, a guy that will give you the kind of relationship you deserve Bethyseeu.
Hi Sandre, Sleeping with an ex is one of the biggest mistakes because guys are able to sleep with a girl and seperate their emotions from their physical needs. Girls are not like that so that is why you even feel worse than before. If he does not want to get back together, you have to give yourself time to move on. I honestly feel that NC would not do any good in this situation as its pretty obvious he was capable of emotionally detaching from the relationship. As hard as it is, you are going to have to let this one go as I do not see any chance of a future. I hate to say that but if you look at your situation objectively, its true. Distract yourself when the I-miss-him feelings take over. There is a guy better suited for you if you and your ex were always fighting. Those constantly fighting relationships indicate that two people are not right for each other.
The other thing that worries me is that once reality hits and she can’t handle it mentally what will she do? I have seen girls obsessed like this and unfortunately some decide to commit suicide because they lose the will to live when the guy does not give them what they want. I strongly feel that no relationship is worth sacrificing the gift that is life. But Brokenhearted seems like she is spiraling deeper and deeper into a hole and I just hope she is strong enough to face the outcome.
Thank you for the kind comments! I am also a fan of yours because you intertwine brilliant insights with great honest advice. Unlike others, I do not like giving false hope. I notice a lot of people here say things like “fight for your ex, “positive thinking is all you need to get your ex back” and “don’t give up” instead of encouraging the person to shift the focus to themselves.
Brokenhearted is not the only person obsessed with an ex on these boards. She was lucky that she had us and we are the equivalent of 2 life/relationship gurus. I know if she had listened to us that she would have continued building confidence and would have cut the idiot out of her life. But sadly obsession is an addiction so like you said we can only do so much. She could have grown by leaps and bounds and gone in a positive direction but instead chose to stay stuck in the past on a path that leads to nowhere.Yes you nailed it yet again. I notice she uses his anger issues as a way of excusing his behavior. She hasn’t stopped to realize that he’s not talking to her not because of his anger issues but because he doesn’t have much interest in getting back together. This guy sounds like he’s emotionally detaching because that’s how guys act when they are in that stage. He’s a young mexican guy-of course he’s going to talk to other girls to get him through this breakup. If he’s into communicating online, then you know he has other accounts on other websites so he can chat with other girls. She thinks that he tells her everything when I am sure he has done a lot of things that she doesn’t know about. She has him up on a pedestal and he maintains God status in her eyes. And instead of focusing on herself and ways she can improve herself, she is just staring at the screen creepily stalking facebook or snapchat. What do you want to bet that she already added Snapchat again just because she has an obsessive need to check up on him? She is definitely not capable of keeping NC without our influence guiding her. It’s interesting how she reads our posts and chooses only things that reflect her point of view of this mess. Totally skipping over the important parts! Ugh so frustrating. I hope she figures it out before she is completely emotionally broken.
@Finntoga, yes I completely agree with you. And those are my thoughts exactly about the new guy. She was very defensive in her last posts and was trying to prove that he loved her but was using examples from her past because she is so desperate. Its her desperation that is driving her obsession. I wish she had listened to us. It seems she has very little impulse control and will continue her obsessive behavior. I also believe if she had distanced herself from this pathetic excuse of a man she could have created an awesome life. Right now it seems like she is heading into a brick wall at 500 miles per hour and the devastating crash is inevitable. I honestly cant believe she sent him crying vids..Ive never seen desperation at that level. This guy is clearly just playing with her emotions and not giving a shit about her. I think she tells herself that he loves her and is so obsessed her life revolves around him. I dont know any guy that would treat a gf like that. So in her mind they are back together when the actual truth is this guy sends one word messages and could care less about her. Its so frustrating to me that we couldnt get her to see her self worth.
@Finntoga-what do you want to bet that Brokenhearted will bombard the guy with messages and he will continue to ignore or send her hmmm, ok, cool messages? I kind of get the impression that her ex is seeing her more as a stalker than a woman he is looking forward to dating. Things just do not add up in this story.
In ten years as a writer, this is one of the saddest situations I’ve ever seen. You are being mistreated and instead of putting a stop to it, you justify his behavior with any excuse that reflects the fact that he loves you. I can even sense the uncertainty in your voice as you post your words. As angry as he is there is no way that a guy that wants to repair a relationship would be playing these really stupid games. Unless you open your eyes, you will never get the relationship you want. You refuse to face reality and what is in front of your face because it is too painful to accept the breakup so you blindly continue in your psuedo-relationship. And clinging to any sign that he is serious about a relationship. Like I said, we all know how this will end…its very tragic but its true
All three of us with experience with guys and relationships know how this is going to turn out..So whether you return or not Brokenhearted, we know where you and your ex are heading. You can do a lot better than trying to turn a guy into an awesome boyfriend-in other words, life is too short to put up with all the shit and misery this mess is putting you through.
Brokenhearted-I hate to say this but the girls are right. Your ex is treating you like a toy girl on the shelf. He plays with you when he wants to and then puts you back on the shelf. His words don’t mean anything and he can say that you are his and that he loves you but only to keep stringing you along. He knows exactly what he has to say to get you to believe him. It’s wrong on every level that you are allowing him to treat you like this. What are you hoping to gain by sending him random e-mails? What are you saying in these e-mails that will turn this situation around? The guy you are in love with is not the same guy that continues to play with your heart. You have to make a decision whether you want to listen to our advice or whether you want to slowly crash and burn this pseudo-relationship. That’s exactly what you are in-A pretend relationship where the guy isn’t interested at all in acting like a boyfriend. He’s more of an online chat buddy that you are desperately trying to turn into a real life boyfriend. Both of you bring out the worst in each other. He has you in a sort of limbo where you feel uncertain about his love. NC would be the best chance to get you out of this hell that all these snapchat messages have created. But you won’t listen to us. My honest opinion, your ex has you as Plan B. He knows what being in a relationship with you is like and he knows that a lot of parts totally suck about being your boyfriend. That isn’t to say that you aren’t a wonderful person, but just that it’s way too hard to being with you. And so he’s going to string you along to keep you as Plan B until he finds a girl that is a better match for him. I’ve seen this hundreds of times before Brokenhearted so I speak from experience that my readers have shared. He isn’t serious about getting back together. He’s just saying all the right words to keep you hooked on him.
Hey Kaila,
When you actually meet your twin soul, you will know without a doubt and with complete certainty that they exist. But until then, I think you will have doubts that they exist. I in fact didn’t even know that they existed until I began having symptoms/signs and then did many years of research to understand wtf was happening. It’s a very overwhelming experience. The pains that you have sound like they are correlated with your high stress levels.Yes it’s contradicting and it’s because your heart and mind are not in the same place. With time, they will eventually realign with each other. I’m not trying to get you to change your options lol. Does he even text you? And yes, I know all about feelings and the games exes play with one another. But lying doesn’t seem like a likely probability in your situation. And I say this because I have talked to other people in your situation that had exes that said the same thing. I do hope you find resolution when you do talk to him for your peace of mind.
Addressing this part of your last post-“Also in 1 week you can’t be SURE of your feelings”. Yes Kaila, when a guy is truly in love, he knows it. He does not need a week to be sure of any feelings. He just knows that he needs to be with that girl and will do anything to make it happen. Just take a look at the guys’ posts on this board. They are hell-bent on getting their exes back because they have such strong feelings for them.
Addressing my situation-I’m a relationship writer for the last ten years that was here for research. On a personal note, I am not single and haven’t been for several years. I’ve learned what it takes to have a great relationship as well as how to get an ex back through my readers as well as through personal experience.
Hey Between, Since I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t had a chance to read this entire thread. I just wanted to let you know that I still have intentions of finishing reading all of it by tomorrow. I will share my thoughts with you then. Thanks for your support on other threads!!
It seems like you are desperate for this guy to love you. And it seems like you don’t even trust your feelings-its like you were trying to convince yourself that he really loves you because deep down you arent sure. I dont think the main problem is whether he will talk to you again. Most concerning is that you dont seem to want to accept that your ex has majorly changed from the guy he used to be. I think you are in love with the fantasy of what your past relationship was like and want that back. Its very obvious that you dont like the new guy your ex is. There is a serious disconnect in the way your ex used to be and the way he is now.
Even if you get back together, this heartbreaking cycle will continue until both of you can talk like adults and not use social media to communicate.
