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I’m going to contact him tomorrow or the next day. brainstorming some text ideas and I need some thoughts/opinions.
What do you all think of this text?
Hey, I was cleaning and stumbled on my beach towel that says, “The beach is my happy place” it made me think of you and how you always say that.
Background info: My ex LOVES the beach and the ocean. He lives a few blocks from the beach. He would always talk about how the beach was his happy place. When I told him once I had this towel he freaked out. We went to the beach once and used this towel and he jokingly told me he was going to steal it.
I really want to send him a text about football because that’s his leverage point but he’s favorite team has a losing record and one of his fantasy players is injured. I don’t know what to text about football..that’s positive..
I like the “I have a confession to make” text but I think I’ll save that as a last resort. That one could really freak my ex out. Do more harm than good.
thoughts?
I don’t think you are thinking crazy. I have that same wonder about my ex and using his job as an excuse. Also, I think sometimes they don’t want to hurt our feelings so they use excuses in an attempt to “soften” the blow. But maybe it is really job stuff. I know guys get a lot of self worth from a job.
How are you doing?
Oh wow, mosis. You have been through quite the journey with your ex. I commend you for sticking to it. You must really love her. I agree, it has helped to listen to others stories on here and to help others.
I will keep you all posted, it’s not going to be easy with his stubbornness. He also holds grudges and doesn’t get over things easily. So we will see where his head is at in a few days. I think there are also some major things that will need to change if we get a second chance at our relationship. I don’t know, I’ll see what happens in a few days. But I have kind of moved on without really moving on if you know what I mean. I still want him and I still want to see what we could be, but I know I’ll be okay if it doesn’t work. I’m managing my expectations.
Thank you for the support!
Ras217, probably because I have tried everything else and failed. And I know a friend that it worked for. I also follow this relationship expert (I don’t think I’m allowed to link to his site on here) and he talks about tons of success stories. NC is not a cure all. It’s just the first step. But I’m a believer now, it’s crucial. Also, I’m pretty much done with NC, I’m about to be on day 30. And my goal with NC was to not only make my ex miss me but to heal from the heartbreak. I don’t know if he misses me. But I do know how I feel and I feel SO much better.
I wouldn’t focus on his contact with you if I were you, you are going to drive yourself crazy. It’s probably for the best since it takes away the temptation of you answering his call and breaking no contact.
I’m glad your sticking to it now! Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes, that’s how I learned. I’m very stubborn and I thought that I could get him back in my own way and that as long as we were on speaking terms we could somehow work it out. I was so wrong haha.
You can do it! Just have faith in the process. I know it’s hard.
Mosis, you are done with no contact, right?
Yes, you have to start over all the way from day 1. It sucks I know, but it’s the most effective way.
My ex has not reached out to me during my current no contact but he is insanely stubborn and prideful. This Is like my fourth attempt at NC, every previous time I’d break on day 5 or day 7 when he contacted me. Don’t do what I did! Don’t let my experience scare you though, your ex might reach out but if he doesn’t it doesn’t mean no contact is not working. He could still miss you and not contact you. Maybe he is stubborn like mine, maybe he will contact you on day 29, who knows.
Maybe my ex doesn’t want me anymore, guess what? His loss. This 30 days has made me feel so much stronger, so empowered. Don’t you want that too? To feel better?
After tomorrow, I’m contacting him by text. I’m a firm believer in doing the things that scare you the most. Leaps of faith and taking chances.
I am 100% certain. This is the best way to get him back. And it’s not no contact forever. It’s just 30 days. After that you can talk to him again. Trust me you feel so much better about yourself after the 30 days. I’m on day 29 and I feel a million times better about everything than I did. I was a doubter before I started this, I thought I could do things my way and make it work. I couldn’t be more wrong. No contact is not just about making him miss you. It’s also about focusing on YOU. Remember you are the most important thing in your life. Yourself is your priority. NC is about healing and about getting happy without your ex. So many people say a break up is like breaking a drug addiction. You need to break your addiction to your ex. It’s going to be really, really hard. You are going to get upset. It will hurt like hell but in the end you will be stronger. You will have a clearer head, you will feel more contact and hopefully you will get him back. Think big picture.
Yea, I’d say go no contact simple as that. I mean if you want to send a message before you go no contact and say thanks for the help with my dog or something along those lines you can. But I wouldn’t respond to him anymore or initiate anything.
Is there someone else that can help you with the dog situation? I really think you should cease all contact…
To be honest, it’s bad that you have already answered his calls. But the situation definitely can be salvaged. You just really can’t talk to him anymore. If you ignore him he will hopefully start texting you and calling you like crazy. He will tell you he misses you, he will tell you has been thinking and wants you back in his life.
But if he doesn’t do those things it doesn’t mean no contact is not working. It just means he needs more time. I’d suggest going a full 30 days no contact unless he specifically tells you I want you to be my girlfriend again. Sorry I keep repeating myself but it’s really what I formally believe will help you from my own breakup experience and researching how to get an ex back.
Ras217, as you know our situations are very similar. Exes going through job trouble.
The first two weeks of our break up, I didn’t now what no contact was. When we broke up we decided to be friends, bad idea immediately after a breakup. But I also let him string me along. He said he needed time to sort out his feelings. So for a week I didn’t initiate anything but he kept sending me messages “I need more time, I know you must be suffering, I know how hard this is for you” etc etc. we talk that following weekend he tells me “he can’t be in a relationship but can’t lose me in his life” I start pushing for us to hang out and we get in this stupid horrible fight that last two hours. The next day he doesn’t talk to me and I go crazy texting him and finally we talk that night, we decide to be friends again. Long story short, we hang out through the first month, he treats me like his girlfriend but I’m not his girlfriend. I have him all the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship. He shows hot and cold behavior throughout and eventually blows me off after the last time we hung out. You don’t want an on and off situation to happen. You don’t want a FWB situation to happen.
I agree with everything mosis said. 100%. You have to commit to no contact. You can’t break everytime he calls you or texts you or shows up at your door. Everytime you break no contact it loses its effectiveness too. And it is so much harder to start it all over again. The first few days weeks will be extremely difficult. But it will get easier.
Ras217, I know this all sounds absolutely crazy right now, and goes against natural human instincts but it’s really the only way. Please don’t make the mistakes I made. It sounds like you have a really good chance of getting him back. It’s a really good thing that he wants to help you and cares about your dog situation. But he is going to need space to realize that his life is better with you in it. Emotions are high right now, you both need space to think more clearly.
