Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I don’t really know what to say… I think you made a mistake with the intimacy but if you don’t regret it and your happy with that choice..well it’s your choice.
Obviously you are going to do what you want, but if I were you I wouldn’t do that again. It will honestly hinder your chances of getting him back.
I’m glad you got some closure on some of the break up stuff, I just really hope your ex is being genuine.
I’m glad you feel better about things but I would urge you to proceed with caution. Don’t make yourself to available to him.
I’m going to be honest your situation makes me very nervous. This whole sequence of events you just described sounds so eerily familiar, like my ex and I literally had these same convos. I just hope you ex is nothing like mine and doesn’t go hot and cold on you. My ex said the same thing to me “I just want to see where this goes” but “I can’t be in relationship right now.” And I’m not any closer to getting him back, than I was two months ago when we broke up. I’m trying to be supportive but I don’t want to give you false hope.
The best advice I can give you is to manage your expectations. And try not to pressure him so much with the dating stuff, the tighter you hold on, the more pressure he will feel to push away.
I hope you get him back.
well haha, that was on purpose. I’ve been following this relationship pro and he said end it after sending two texts and try and leave him wanting more. I don’t know it was a shot in the dark convo anyway. He didn’t contact me at all during NC. I’m going to text him again in a few days and try a different approach.
Mosis, I need some advice on my situation from a male perspective.
My ex hasn’t initiated contacting me since I texted him Thursday night. I’m not upset about this, this is what I expected I’m just not sure what to do.
My friend thinks I should wait for him to contact me. I shouldn’t text him first again. She thinks it will weird him out.
I do a lot of research outside of this board on getting your ex back and this one expert I trust, (Because everything he says has been spot on so far) says to keep reachingg out. He says sometimes you have to earn back your ex initiating contact with you. He says try a few more times to initiate contact and leave him wanting more each time and he will start to initiate contact with you. Ideally you want a 50/50 split.
I think if I say I’m not going to talk to him unless he contacts me first, it’s very likely I won’t talk to him ever again or for like a month. He’s incredibly stubborn, and there could be multiple reasons why he is not initiating but my gut is saying he’s hesitant and guarded right now.
So I think I am going to have to initiate contact again. The earliest I will, will be Monday. But do you think I should wait a Week and see if he says anything? Wait until Thursday?
I don’t want to scare him off and I don’t want him to freak out and think I’m being needy. In an ideal situation, yea I’d wait until he initiated. Let him chase me and all. But this relationship expert I mentioned, says sometimes you have to ignite the flame.
What do you think?
All I know is I have to come up with a new kind of text. Nothing emotional but something better that will fill him with poster feelings. So maybe then he will start contacting me. I feel like I’m balancing a long tightrope. So hard to gauge.
I will still help you, 100%.
But I’m going to be frank right now, sleeping with him tonight or anytime you are not in a relationship is the biggest mistake. You are going to drastically decrease your chances of getting back together. You are in a really good position right now and you are going to make it worse.
I know why listen to me? I’m just a girl who still doesn’t have her ex back. I’m not a success story. But the difference is I can tell you the other side of the story. I can tell you what happens when you make the biggest mistake of sleeping with your ex. I know you think you guys are different, trust me I thought that too. But I’m sorry you guys aren’t. Your ex is not different. He’s a guy, a guy who is thinking with a body part other than his brain. You are right, you are not thinking clearly right now. My ex told me the same thing, I didnt want to be friends with benefit. But if you sleep with him that’s what it is.
I know you really want your ex back. I STRONGLY urge you not to sleep with him. What if I told you had a 100% chance of getting your ex back if you didn’t sleep with him? You wouldn’t do it right? I can’t guarantee it.
But I am seriously telling you right now, you are in a GREAT position and if you sleep with him it’s going to be a long, uphill battle. Don’t be suprised if he blows you off for a week or more after tonight.
I’m going to be honest, I’m really afraid for your situation if you do this. 🙁 you don’t want the position I’m in.
What did he say when he said he wanted to see you? Did he say he wanted to talk about your relationship? Did he just ask you to come over?
Honestly, I wouldn’t go to his place or hang out at yours. Keep it somewhere public to keep away the temptation, maybe don’t drink. Whatever, you do, do not sleep with him. Seriously. It’s not going to work. You can only sleep with him once he is committed to you again.
I really didn’t want to talk about this, but back in September I slept with my ex more than once. It was without a doubt the biggest mistake I have made in trying to get him back. And it wasn’t like a booty call thing. He would ask me to hang out and we would hang out all normal, like we use to when we were together, beach, watching football, whatever. And one thing would always lead to another and I ended up spending the night on multiple occasions. Trust me it will not help the situation, neither of you are in good places emotionally with his job situation and your dog situation.
Meet him for coffee or dinner or something. And leave him wanting more. That’s what I would do if I had a do over with my ex. If I could go back in time and change what I did.
You know what the worst part is, before the times we hung out I’d tell myself I will not sleep with him and my emotions and feelings always got in the way, he made me feel like we were together when we hung out and so I gave in every time.
I still think you should do NC. I still think that’s your best option.
I guess you should call him back? I mean you called in the first place. Or you could wait until he calls today. It’s up to you. Are you just going to talk about the dog?
Why do you have to euthanize the dog? 🙁 you can’t just find the dog a new home?
Wow, a lot to catch up on!
Ras217, he will get back in touch. probably tomorrow. Don’t jump to he’s on a date conclusions! I have done that so many times and it’s not a good headspace to be in.
mosis, enjoy your vacation!
Today has been a whirlwind of emotion for me. I was on such a high earlier today now that NC is over. Now, I just feel so antsy to get him back. I’m missing him so much right now. But I have to manage my expectations, I still know nothing about his current situation. This whole journey, ugh, it’s a tough one.
That makes sense! Yea, he probably wanted an explanation.
Any updates on either of your ends?
Slept on it. You are right. Hard to tell what he is thinking.
The convo was about 20 mins long, I want to take longer replying than him. Keep him waiting. So I waited 10 mins after my first text to text back to his “What place was it?” text.
He literally responded to everything I said in under 30 secs. It was kind of insane, he hasn’t been that prompt in a LONG time. The last few weeks of our relationship it would take him normally hours to respond unless it was something like meeting up to hang out.
Yea, definitely waiting, I think Monday would be best. He normally is very busy on the weekends, I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle.
IT FELT SO GOOD TO TALK TO HIM THOUGH. I feel a weight lifted off of me. 🙂
Update:
I contacted him tonight for the first time since NC. It went ok.
Our convo:
Me: Hey, I just discovered a new Mexican place tonight. It made me think of you. I know how much you love Mexican food!
Him: What is the place?
Me: [name of restaurant] Ever been?
Him: I have not
Me: You should check it out! Gotta run, talk to you later.
Him: Ook
Him: Random
So, I’m really glad he responded to me, but his answers were very neutral. His last texts make me think he is somewhat confused why I was texting him out of the blue. I think I need to give him some more time and try again in a week or so. With a completely different kind of text. It’s just hard to tell how he is feeling, very different texting vibe than what I’m use to from him. It’s like he has a poker face on or something.
thoughts?
Ok so I did it…I texted him after 34 days NC.
So, I sent the Mexican one and I’m glad I did based on his responses. I don’t think my mad men text would have received a reply.
Me: Mexican food text
Him: (almost instant response) what is the place?
Me: [name of restaurant]. Ever been?
Him: I have not
Me: You should check it out! Gotta run, talk to you later.
(I sent this because I follow this relationship expert who said keep the convo short, end it positively and always control the convo by ending it first)
Him: Ook
Him: Random
So yea, hmm…. I’m really glad he replied, I was honestly expecting silence. But not a great convo. His first two response were kind of neutral and the last two are borderline confusion/bad/I don’t know. He clearly doesn’t understand why I’m texting him out of the blue. I’m not sure what to do going forward. Definitely not texting him for a few days.
The positives I takeaway:
-he’s instant responses really shocked me, I was like wow! Maybe he does miss me?
-at least he didn’t say anything bad or mean
-I’m thinking my number is still saved in his phone…I’m taking this a positiveI just don’t know what to gauge of his mood… He didn’t ask how I am doing or any indicator of how he is feeling… I’m thinking him might need more time and space before I text again. I think I have to stay away from emotion for a while.
I also think he may have been drinking/in a mood. The Ook, random, reminds me of this sarcastic attitude he gets sometime. I’m just so confused you guys. Haha.Thoughts?
