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Hey Patrick, any news on your end today?
I spoke to her on the phone this morning, we ended up speaking for about 3 hours. We had lots of nice conversation, but it did get emotional for a lot of it.
Kind of disappointed with myself, we spoke last weekend and I managed to hold it together so I don’t know why I couldn’t do it this time. That being said, I don’t think I said anything I shouldn’t have, and I think we made headway overall. I find myself in a difficult situation as she says we have to have these conversations if we’re going to work things out. The way we talk with each other makes it feel like it isn’t over at all, but she is definite in her decision to not say yes or no to me. She told me that she can’t just get back together with me on the phone, when I said that I need an answer. Yes, and we work on things, build something new. No, and we call it a day.
She also said that she thinks I’m just waiting for us to get back together, like we never broke up. I told her she has no idea what it’s been like for me. After getting off the phone, it actually kind of made me a little angry. I made sure to tell her that I don’t want to get back together, I want to start something new.
I’m taking the honest route I guess. It’s who I am. I’ve never been good at pretending or playing games.
She said she misses me so much, but needs that to go away before she knows what her true feelings are. She said just a week after the breakup too. I said that surely if she misses me so much after all this time then it might be worth taking note of that rather than dismissing it.
She did say she wants to see me and have a nice day. Said she still loves me.
All very confusing. Bit shit, as I don’t feel I’m in the position of ‘being cool’ anymore.
Thanks Patrick. That was actually just what I needed right about now. She hasn’t been around at all today online. Tried to call her to see if she’s feeling better, phone is off/dead. Exam is finished now, makes me think she called off this weekend because she’s out tonight. I know the truth is that I actually have no idea.
I realised that none of that really matters. As you said, none of my business. So why I’m set back to this state I have no idea. Need to separate the two emotions, talking to her and my weakness.
In the Power of Now he mentions that women are naturally closer to that ideal mental state than men. Maybe that’s why they always seem one step ahead of us. I always feel like I’m playing catch up.
I think you’re in a good state of mind, so stick to it. You’re making the right moves. It’s still early says for you, but from where I am everything looks very positive. I’ve been sending good vibes!
Well, that sounds promising. I’d take your time about it, maybe you can say to her via text that she needs to be sure this time, as you’re not ready to be messed around anymore. Your call. You sound like you have your head on straight.
You said she had her issues, don’t forget to take those into account.
I don’t think she’s messing you around as a booty call, you guys were together for a while. You know her better than anyone here though.
She’s taking it slow then. Understandable really. Take it slow too, it will all unfold.
Do you want to be more than friends with her? When she touched you on the arm, did you touch her back? Hold her hand when you go you go out somewhere. It sounds like she’s talking like you two are together again which is good, but you’re back at the start now. Presumably you would have hung out a lot before you were a couple so just enjoy that.
Careful with the word slut, it holds a lot of gravitas. Learnt that the hard way. I don’t think women think that way, nor do men with their head on straight. Her friends wouldn’t judge her at all if they’re good friends.
No more word on my end. Sent her a parcel, some sweets she likes and some bubblebath. It won’t have arrived yet. Ease the uni stress.
I do wonder about it all still. When we spoke last weekend she said she’d been writing me a lot of texts but hadn’t been able to send them as it didn’t feel right saying it by text. I don’t know what that means but I wouldn’t have thought anything good. The reluctancy to contact me is what’s confusing. On the other hand, there’s more signs that say otherwise. I need to be patient. Keep looking at the bigger picture.
Funny thing is day to day I don’t know how I feel now. Every time I get burned trying to arrange a meet it hurts a little. The lack of contact I do understand, but I do feel like she’s not trying if it is what she wants. Then again I also know she’s just as busy as anyone could possibly be, I know in her situation it’s just another thing to deal with right now.
The above sounds selfish. I guess it’s just that I still don’t have a definitive answer. That’s all I need. Just a yes or a no. If it’s yes I’ll happily wait for two weeks. If it’s no I can stop being messed around. I do believe she is my soul mate, but I have to respect myself otherwise I’ll go crazy!
I’ll move to London if it’s on. I don’t have anyone up that way apart from her, and my cousins.
I don’t follow the horseracing unfortunately! Not much of a sports guy, though I’m pretty partial to tennis!
Obviously you know your situation better than anyone else. There should come a time when you can say what you need to to her. I remember you were talking about a holiday together, do something special maybe. Woo her again. Take her somewhere, maybe even somewhere you used to go together. Meeting up is great, so do it in person. Surprise her with the tickets!
I want to think what you said, but we’ll have to see.
Well, looks like weekend is a no go. She said she’s busy with deadlines. Called her and spoke to her, she was upset as she said she’s really struggling with uni. Said that she can’t do next weekend either because of deadlines. Said that she does want to see me though.
She then also said that she shouldn’t be speaking to me when she’s upset, and text me the same this morning, which is odd.
Told her it’s fine and that I’m around if she needs to chat. Can’t really do anything else I suppose.
There’s no such thing as the friend zone. Plus it’s only been a very short amount of time since you’ve reconnected. Plus she said she was breaking up with the other guy. From the outside that doesn’t sound like the fabled ‘friend zone’.
It’s been all quiet on my end again. Text her last night wishing her good luck for her exam. She replied this morning, thanks, hope you’re well. Muted as per usual.
I just don’t get it. Every time we actually talk, i.e. When we can’t avoid each other, it’s always nice. Then she hides again.
Again, awesome news. That text she sent about thin ice, yes perhaps a little harsh. But what it still says is that she’s leaving him.
Do not mention him again. You’re right in how it might have come across, it wasn’t a stupid text you sent though, just received badly. Meh.
All good signs, you don’t need to second guess yourself anymore, you’ve learnt to trust yourself.
So in nicer words, I called her out on her silence. She phoned me on Saturday morning, and we chatted for half an hour. I kept my cool, no getting upset. Said my part. Soul mate. She told me that after we met she felt so anxious for a week, she didn’t know why. I told her I want to build bridges and fix this. Tired of this limbo now. She mentioned meeting up this weekend instead, see what happens. She has a 2 1/2 day exam this week so will be pre-occupied.
It’s weird as some of the things she said seemed like it’s not over at all. Said it’s too easy to fall back in to doing couple-y things without talking about all this. Said she worries about the distance being an issue if one of us ‘changes our minds’.
Told her I had a train to catch. She liked one of my pictures last night that she’d already seen in our group a week ago. Weird.
All of that isn’t much to go by though so I’m not going to analyse it too much. If at all.
How is Ireland? Good to see the family?
I found this site recently and it seems to take a different approach.
http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-to-stop-your-exs-no-contact-rule/
I don’t whether asking her the question posed in the article is a wise idea, but I also don’t think it’s unfair to know where I stand right?
I also note that she has avoided me emotionally completely now. I apologised for how it all ended, and it wasn’t even acknowledged. Read about the distancing thing, some sites suggested someone else on the scene. Not actually worried about it if it is the case, funnily enough.
We’ll have to see I suppose. Every time she texts I get so mixed up, you’re right. She’s giving up, so I have to as well. I don’t think she forgot about us maybe meeting up. She obviously made plans to do otherwise. Fair enough. The ‘I don’t know’ was probably just to try and ease off. I won’t contact her, but I would imagine the next message I’ll get is to end it all. Relationship status on Facebook and all that. That’s fine.
Or maybe not. Maybe she has work to do. Why she didn’t bother saying so says a lot though. I think so at least. Again I could be wrong. It won’t bother me now. I don’t have the energy to put my mind to it like this anymore.
It would be nice if she lived closer, like your ex. But she has a whole other life to experience now, that’s got to be a lot of closure for her in some way. Easier to leave behind. New friends, new town, plenty of work to pre-occupy her. Africa. London is a busy place.
She talked about still coming to see the cats. I don’t know if I could do that. I don’t know why she says she wants to pay for them, they’re not really her responsibility at all anymore. I know there’s only so long she’ll drive three hours across the country to see them. They live with me, and I take care of them. That’s obviously still part of her holding on. I know I won’t be able to be ‘friends’. I said that to her when we were still together.
You seem calmer, much calmer in your current position. I’ve wished the best for you, and will continue to do so. Sending good vibes. What a great opportunity to take care of her when she is sick. You are a kind man. I’d love those opportunities.
Thanks as per usual Patrick. Those are kind words. A friend and I are going on holiday end of March, some cheap sun. Wi be nice. I’m going to visit him this weekend now instead.
It’s so odd that she doesn’t open up to me at all though.
How do I go about tackling that one? That’s the clincher it seems. As you say perhaps there’s nothing to be done about it.
