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Got a text back. “I hope everything is ok. Do you not want to see me now? Xxx”
Text back or not text back?
Well, I did it. I just said “I’m ok thanks, hope you’re ok too. I’m really sorry, but I can’t do this weekend. Something has come up. I hope you understand xxx”
I’m just so worried now that this was a missed opportunity. Like I know she said it wasn’t to get back together, but was it not to break up too? We’re still together on Facebook…..
Did I just give away another missed opportunity?
He said in reply to keep an open mind when we meet, and said that she shouldn’t keep me waiting. I think that was around the time I got the text that said we aren’t getting back together. He told her at the weekend that I miss her and that I’m trying to fix things. Part of me thinks none of that helped in reality.
She visited our friends this weekend, and sent a text to my friend after saying she only realised how sad she was once she was driving home alone, and she had had a really good time with them and it had taken her mind off of things. I worry that her mind will be taken off things too much and I’ll lose her.
I don’t know what I should do honestly, I’m getting nervous as I have to work today, but the time is nearly upon us. I feel like if she says no to coming it’s worse than if I say no. Maybe I can see what she says, and if she says no just say I felt the same. I also feel like it’s already been enough time even though she said it’s not to get back together if we meet. I feel like meeting her could go either way, seeing the cats and me being cool could help bring her back round, or it could just confirm her choice to not be with me even if we don’t talk about things. I also wonder how steady she’d be able to keep things if you know what I mean.
My female friends have been right, but they’ve been less than positive honestly.
I do so desperately want us to be together, and I’d like to believe that in time she will come back to me. There’s a big part too that just worries that she’ll move on whether she wants to or not as she is so caught up in her work. It’s like crazy full time for her.
My thoughts are just all over the place.
Thanks Patrick, do you think I should reply now? Or say I’m at work and send it later. I’m struggling a lot if I’m honest. I want to send you a full reply so will do this evening.
I’m trying to work out whether cancelling is a bad idea, or whether I should just be brave and take the ball back in to my court?
I was speaking to a mutual friend of ours last night, told him about how everything has gone down. He threw in his two cents and said I should call it off this weekend. He’s been speaking to her occasionally via text.
I’ve proposed an easy time, but I don’t know if it’s all too soon. Initially I need to specify that she was ‘agreeing’ to meet, not that she ‘wanted’ to. Now that I’ve offered an easy day it’s obviously thrown her, but I still don’t know if it’s a good idea. My gut is saying she’ll bail as she still hasn’t replied.
I cleaned my room like a madman yesterday, and even put the photo book she made me for my birthday last year out in a subtle place for her to find when I’m not in the room. Bad idea? Good idea?
I’m freaking out here, I want to see her obviously, but do you think I should just say “I’m really sorry, but I can’t do this weekend. I hope you understand. Xxx” and just go no contact?
I’m sad I did it wrong too, but I can only work from where I am I guess.
Your bravery astounds me man, good on you. I don’t want to give you false hope, but from an outside POV I would have thought it can only mean what your female friends say. My female acquaintances have been oddly spot on with their opinions of what’s happening, even the ones I don’t like haha. Take the time you need though.
This talk has helped me out a lot so thanks.
I text her just suggesting it be an easy meet instead, she can see the cats. Will see what happens, she’s spent days deciding so we’ll go from there. If she doesn’t come back to me or says no to visiting but asks if I want to meet, shall I just say no thanks and do no contact? Maybe for my sake too.
Jealousy wasn’t our only issue, but I think yes it was a big factor in our overall happiness.
The worst part of all this, is that if I’d found out that this was the right way to go about things sooner we’d probably already be back together! I look back at our texts, and even though there aren’t many, I can see her getting further away with each one. She fully admitted that if we’d met for that coffee she’d probably have missed me enough to try again, I hadn’t actually made any contact at that point. Stupidly the night after that I sent her a long casual message, but said at the end that I have vivid dreams where I’m holding her. Sometimes I wonder if actually missing that chance to meet bolstered her decision to break up. If only I could kick my own face.
That sounds pretty difficult, how long were you together for? I almost did the old photos thing with my girlfriend several times recently so I think it’s fair to say she’s definitely missing you. Maybe wait and see a little longer. The great thing is I guess, is that whatever happens between you two, it sounds like you’ve made some amazing changes in your life so congratulations. How long have you been apart for?
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to write back. I’m pretty nervous about it all to be honest. We’ve actually done this once before, around the same time last year she ended it, but we went on a two week break when we were living together (probably made a big difference), when I came back she said she made a mistake so we were OK. We also messed up our Christmas that year, and had a kinda stressful one this year because of the difficulties we were already having. Do you think this being a repeat will affect my chances?
I hope you and your partner have found each other again?
I should probably also add that if she does come to mine, it’s near enough a three hour drive for her as we’re long distance again. The long distance hasn’t helped the whole jealousy deal one bit either haha!
I asked her to meet ‘to talk’, as in try to find out the above. I have a feeling if I try to avoid that she might get really mad about it. I’m sure in her head driving for ages, only to come and meet me and be met with “Ah don’t worry about it” might not land too well.
Maybe “I can appreciate that it was probably really difficult for you to make this visit, and if things weren’t changing in the first place then it’s probably just easier to see the boys (cats) and have an easy day”?
Wow, thank you so much for the advice Patrick. I wanted to ask her the reasons as to why we broke up, but I’m guessing that’s probably not a good idea? I’ve been trying to figure out how I could ask her those things, at the same time as not being a representation of the end of our relationship. Guess you can’t have your cake and eat it right?
My trust issues started when she kissed another guy two days after we first said “I love you” to each other, while she was on a night out. She was very forthcoming about it though, told me right away, it meant nothing (I almost now wish she hadn’t told me if it meant nothing) and she said she wasn’t that person. Gave me space etc. We were long-distance at the time. This led to me acting quite overbearing, invasive and jealous at times throughout our relationship but she always stood by me. I know that I put her through torture so many times when I wasn’t looking at what was right in front of me. I called her a lot of names and accused her of many things, so I guess it wasn’t what you’d call ‘regular’ jealousy.
With the whole committed to meeting her thing, maybe stupidly I offered for her to come to mine, so that she can see the cats. She said she hasn’t made up her mind yet, but will let me know soon.
Do you think it would be bad to try and find a reason to not meet, or is that too much of a cold shoulder now?
