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I guess I just feel like I shouldn’t be playing the mind games quite so much. You and I are at very different stages, and I think it’s working for you, but I need to be very considerate of how much I distance myself. I know that I can still only work with what’s been said to me though, and that’s that we aren’t getting back together. I really don’t know what’s happening either, but honestly right now I don’t have a good feeling. She hasn’t text me back since I replied, so I need to try and accept it might not be how I would like it to be. I can only wait and see though.
It’s her nephew’s first birthday today, she posted on Facebook this morning. I have a great photo of the little one and his dad I’d like to post, but all of this withholding has made me fear doing anything. Two days to reply to her text? Whatever we’re doing that would only look cowardly.
Excellent news on your stalker, must be a nice confidence boost for you! You should consider it, to make you feel better. If things didn’t go your way in the next weeks, it’d be nice to have someone to distract you.
Aha, I must be old then!
I will reply and keep it easy. How am I supposed to tell her what’s changed for me though? I wrote something that I finally know outlines my situation honestly, and part of me is screaming to tell her. Even when we meet, the advice here is to not say those things, but why not?
Yes, they can be a handful! It’s a shame you couldn’t keep them, must’ve been difficult to give them away. Our cats have never even spent a day apart, brothers from the same litter. It’s really hard having them around at the moment, every time I see them they remind me of her. I’m between minds as to what’s going on as we have commitments like the cats, and a very close mutual friendship group.
I feel like the longer I leave it, the more difficult it is for me to brush off my absence in my reply.
Have you heard anything today?
I guess I’d like to confirm our meet, then it’s done and I can leave it alone. You’re right about keeping it simple mind. At work today now so wouldn’t send it until I’m home anyway, thinking about it here stresses me out too much.
Yeah, those photos are exactly what you think they are. Whether she sent you the others or not, she would’ve been looking at all of them. Most people keep more than one photo in a folder. Speaking German, that’s awesome. You really have got a lot going for you.
What happened to the kittens?
Don’t get me wrong, I never directly texted her saying anything accusatory. I asked too many questions though. I did say things when we were living together, which I will always regret. Last time it got too much for her, we’d been texting and she said she was going to watch a movie with her parents. Later, I saw she was on Facebook, so I called her as we hadn’t spoken that day and I was thinking about her. She got really angry with me about it, I can see how it might have come across now. I admit that part of me was worrying a bit, she probably picked up on it. Like you said, I think lovers can sense each others emotions.
Really tempted to just go somewhere this weekend alone. France or something cheap, but somewhere far from all this.
I will text her in the morning.
That would be most sweet indeed. I need to keep my head looking forward, you’re right. What’s done is done. I was trying to think like that earlier this evening, when I first got back from work. My anxiety still taunts me I guess, it takes over. I can feel it when it strikes. I’m working on it at counselling. I feel like I can shake it in time. It’s better than it was. I used to torture myself over what she was ‘up to’ when we were together, but just for hours. Days even. That’s gone now at least, to some degree. It’s stopped at home and with friends for sure.
Berlin must be very cool. Do you speak the language?
The new guy isn’t there. I don’t think so. I don’t think he ever really was if you see what I’m getting at. She wouldn’t have time for all of that. It might just be friends, but she wouldn’t go sending you old photos (are they of both of you, or of things?) if it were. She wouldn’t be dragging up old memories if it were just friends. Put yourself in her shoes I guess.
I got contact from her again, of sorts. A Facebook message:
“Hey, I was just wondering if you got my text? I don’t mean to pressure you to reply, it just sent as a text and not an iMessage so not sure if you received it.”
No kisses, but I forgot to send any on my last Facebook message (before this weekend etc), so she wouldn’t send any back.
Oh and I should say that I really took on board those things you said yesterday, the longer messages. Or at least I’m trying to!
Maybe you’re right. I can only leave it up to her I guess. I do think she said what she said out of fear, not because she meant it. I think she was worried I was going to beg for her, but then I offered an easy time.
I don’t think she’ll text again honestly, it’ll be my reply that comes next. She’s not like that. She’s quite the tomboy in fact. Stronger than doing that, at least after the weekend.
Oh yes of course you mentioned before. That sounds like a pretty cool job. Where do you actually live at the moment?
Funny that, I have The Power Of Now on my shelf. Need to give it a go.
I’m a project manager at a web design company. I work with a really fantastic group of people, but the job is quite difficult as it’s mainly complaints. The workload is always pretty high too. Normally it would be water off a duck’s back, but it’s been getting me down a lot recently. I’m thinking about some unpaid leave next week just to try and get my head together.
This morning was bad, I dreamt she was ‘going to space’ (instead of going abroad I guess) and wouldn’t be able to ever see me again, but she was resolute in her decision to do so.
This evening hasn’t been amazing so far. I keep thinking that actually the heated emotion could’ve allowed me to say the things I wanted to and be heard. I feel like I actually made the decision to make things more casual by not seeing her. Like the situation wasn’t as dire as I thought, and yes I’ll be calmer now, but is that actually better? It’s better for me, but what about our relationship?
I haven’t text back, but thought about saying:
“Thank you. Sure thing, weekend after will be nice. That sounds like an excellent weekend, I hope you have fun. You know I miss you, right? Xxx”
Where do you work? Any more news from your end?
She never celebrated it before us, at least that’s what she said before we had our first one. I always made sure we did something, even if it was just a special dinner I made at home.
You’re right. I need to get a grip if I’m honest. It’s part of my problem. Always ignoring what’s in front of me and listening to my thoughts instead. I can’t do anything either way, and I wouldn’t want to be a part of it if it were the case anyway. It’s another two weeks that freaks me, but I should use them constructively, as opposed to how I’ve spent the last three or so. Maybe this is the test.
I can’t believe the results you’re getting Patrick. An instant reply says so much, let alone it’s content. Maybe you’re finally getting back to where you were at the start of your relationship, she wants to know about you. Who you are. Play it cool man. I think this is your opportunity to move things on from friends, so don’t give too much right away. You know that anyway I’m sure. Don’t reply to the meeting text tonight.
I have to thank you, it sounds crazy but you’ve really helped me a lot, more than anyone I have around me has honestly. Looks like you’ve helped others too. Everyone has been giving me ‘instant’ advice, emotionally charged advice. I get that I can’t see it that way if it’s to work at all.
Funny that isn’t it. I went to visit my friend before I found this site and was able to help him repair his relationship troubles simply from what I had learned from my mistakes.
What an odd coincidence that we’ll with any luck be meeting them around the same time. Please keep me updated with the contact you two have. I imagine my contact will be sparse but I’d love to hear about yours.
I got a text back:
“Hello, thank you replying. That’s ok, I understand. I’m afraid I really can’t next weekend as I have plans with family and the girls from uni. What about the weekend afterwards? Xxx”
What do you think this means?
The first thing I worry is that it’s Valentine’s day next weekend. Worry doesn’t even describe it. Is she seeing someone else?
Now the part of the conversation she had with my friend “I thought we were already over” seems more pertinent than the head or heart part.
Feel like I should have seen her this weekend. What about flowers for Valentine’s? Probably too needy.
Should’ve just said my parents were going to be around or something instead of being all vague, then admitting I couldn’t face it I think.
I think that’s good, gives her support but doesn’t give too much away. I wouldn’t worry about answering that part honestly, not really her business as it stands.
Fuck sake, I’m stressing so much. I don’t know if I should have done any of this. One of my specialties has always been self-sabotage. Somehow I always pick the wrong choice.
Eurgh, now I’m worrying that doesn’t this completely negate the whole “Things have changed” part of me I’m supposed to be showing her? I’m so fucking unravelled at the moment.
