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hey travel. in a way this whole thing goes to show how emotionally immature she still is. I didn’t give an ultimatum. I said backing off would be best for her because she is feeling pressured and we want different things right now. She then resorted to saying I was causing flashbacks of our breakup and she was getting anxiety (her favorite line). She then said she thought I was calling to take a different approach and work on us (nice way to guilt me right?), and that it’s too late it’s over.
Ghost wish I had read your last post before talking with her. We just spoke and I let her explain her last comments and then told her I would give her space and not bother her because she wasn’t ready and I wanted more.
She took this the wrong way and that I was forcing an ultimatum on her. Got upset said its over for good. She’s done playing games and I’m not respecting what she is asking for. F-me.
Nevergiveup- I think you nailed it. This morning I was reacting to everything she was telling me. I felt like I was going back in time to around the break up. The thing is I have to pick her up from the train to drive to my house to get her car. She was planning on staying a little because of traffic, but who knows now.
Yes she has been acting like a couple and saying “just friends!” whenever she can. I’ve called her out on it, but she just smirks. I think she is torn and confused, but ultimately stringing me along.
I am going to call her in a few minutes, we agreed to talk rather than text. I want to tell her- just tell me what you want. If it’s not me then okay give call me when you change your mind. Just something short and to the point. Whenever I try to pull away she doesn’t let me. I asked her this morning if I wasn’t in her future, because she outright said she can’t see herself with “the old” me, and her response was “I’m just concerned about my friends and my relationship would affect them”.
Also here is a more detailed account of the weekend…the prior one I did via voice typing and it wasn’t very detailed:
So we hung out pretty much all day Sunday and it was very good- we had lunch, went for a hike, made dinner and had wine. she also decided to spend the night, but we only fell asleep together.
Throughout the day yesterday, and last night she kept saying don’t touch her… like if I tried to touch her arm or hand. I thought she was playing around because she would touch me or slap my back or rub my arm, but I couldn’t do the same back. However when in bed she said don’t touch her (I draped my arm over her nothing crazy) I started to feel like I was being used so I got out of bed and told her I would sleep on the couch. She said “no no no please stay don’t be mad”.
I said “I’m not mad, but I feel like you’re using me to get over Jon”
She said “if I was using you I would have hooked up with you by now”
I said “no for emotional support” , but after she begged I relented and went back to bed with her.Later in the night and early this morning she was hugging me, but I think it was out of pity or she thought I was mad at her.
Then this morning she told me she thought I was trying to pressure her into being in a relationship and at 6 a.m. this morning we had a very serious conversation about the future. She basically brought up all the bad things about our past relationship and how it was hard for her to jump into something with me. She says she feels bad because she was with Jon last week and jumping to someone else so fast makes her feel like a wh*re. She started to cry right before I dropped her off for work. So right now I really don’t know what to do I basically told her I was sorry for the past, what else could I say, and that I learned from my mistakes.
Now she’s telling me she’s going to do her own thing if I don’t like it then too bad, she needs to respect herself right now, and that she is emotionally exhausted.
What do I do or say? She’s coming back after work to get her car. Do I just say okay and tell her to call me when she changes her mind?
so we hung out pretty much all day sunday and it was very good we had lunch went for a hike made dinner had wine. she decided to spend the night, but we only fell asleep together.
throughout the day and the night she kept saying don’t touch her like if I try to touch your arm or hand and I thought she was playing around because she would touch me or no slap my back or rub my arm. so I thought she was just playing hard to get but then this morning she told me she thought I was trying to pressure her into being in a relationship. so at 6 a.m. This morning we had a very serious conversation about the future so right now I really don’t know what to do I basically told her I was sorry for the past.
now she’s telling me she’s going to do her own thing if I don’t like it then too bad
What to do? she’s coming back after work to get her car
So went on a date last night, dinner, ice skating, a movie, and then an impromptu bowling game. Overall the physical signs were great. We held hands, she was touching my arm during the movie and during bowling. However after bowling, and it was very late at this point, we started talking about how her friends don’t like me because they didnt like how I treated her. This is because of our fights they knew about and a bad facebook post i made the day of the breakup. She said she waa also partly to blame because of her behavior, but that’s it hard to give herself to me.
So we were walking and talking and the moment seemed right so I reached over to pull her close for a kiss and she pulled away, and said “we are just friends”. I was like… okay after all the signs tonight. But okay I’m fine its too soon I get it and I drove her home.
She called me on the drive home and said she wanted to hangout Sunday and Wednesday (my birthday) and that we should go to a football game next weekend.
Then earlier this morning she sent me a good morning text with a smile face blowing a heart kiss, and she apologized for pulling away last night.
She was then going to come over tonight before going out with her friends but she called a little while ago to cancel because “her friends are all over at her friends apartment early”. I am little concerned because she confessed last night that her friends place is close to her rebound and she might be tempted to hookup with him if she’s drunk. I was like really? Thanks for telling me. Maybe its a test?
But i guess we have plans to hangout tomorrow. So that’s good?
So Friday night was good but today I’m getting mixed signals and having doubts. Trying to remember I went through NC and need to be strong.
Yeah my original plan was to play it cool. However she told me that the guy she just left wasn’t attentive to her, and when her and I were dating we reached a point after a few months where I would get mad at her constantly texting all day (transferring anger from her constantly talking about my ex) so we stopped texting during the days pretty much. So now I’ve been really aware of communicating with her and she says she’s seen a big change and is happy about it.
However yesterday she called me and broke down. Saying she wasn’t happy with her life, didn’t want to lead me on, and that her friends are saying don’t get back with me. I told her all I could do is prove to them I’m not the same person, and that if we (her and I) want to work it out, then it’s between us not them. I also told her that if there was no chance of us getting back together, then I would walk away now. I eventually got her to stop crying and feel somewhat better, but it was a tense moment.
Then last night she invited me out for drinks with her and some friends after work. I accepted and it was a fun time. We sat next to each other, made small talk between just the two of us, complimented each other. Then afterwards she had to take a train home and I was driving so we parted ways. Via texts on the way home, I thanked her for inviting me and she said “yeah I want you to see my friends ”. I said “oh really?”. Then she says “yeah I believe in us, slowly”. So that made me feel good. I have a feeling she will be testing me, and having me meet all her friends again to show them- I’m different? Good for her? Something I guess.
So we’ve continued to text, saying our good nights and good mornings to each other all week. However, a little while ago she told me that she has been talking to Jon (her recent ex-bf) here and there, and that they are going to remain friends. It sounded like she wanted to test my reaction. So I asked if they are trying to work things out and she said no they know they can only be friends and she wants to be alone right now. I thanked her for telling me. She said “you’re my friend duh”.
How should I feel about this? I’ve already told her I am not going to just be her friend. And yet we are talking a lot, A LOT more than just friends would I think. As much as we did when were together. We also have a date tomorrow, ice skating, dinner, and a movie. Those are not “just friends” activities. Am I looking too much into her “friends” comments?
so we texted pretty much all day it was light and fun and flirty, but then at some point I mentioned cooking because she loved it when I cooked.so she said yay cooking I want to do that again and I said should take a class might be fun not referring to us specifically but maybe just her.
she then said when we need take things slow and that we’re just friends
I responded by telling her you know where I stand I can’t just be friends with you I want to be your lover partner and best friend. she said right now that’s not what she’s looking for that things have to go slow and we’ll see where they go. I told her I’m fine with that but I’m not just going to be friends as long as we’re honest with each other will be fine
so then we were texting for like another 4 to 5 hours and everything’s been fine so we’re still on for Friday but now she’s taking the train to me after work which is great because now we’re driving down together for our date, err “hangout” lol
I don’t mean to sound mean or rude, but I think everyone who is following and posting on aamls’s thread, needs to tell her to stop posting about and watching her ex-husband for her OWN good.
This is at least the second thread on her relationship and there are postings daily all with a constant theme of obsession and despair. Nothing has changed on her end and she is not getting any better which is the goal of these support sites- either reconciliation or acceptance, but ultimately healing.
For her own good she needs to stop obsessing and focus on herself. She needs to stop looking at each action and word someone says to her and dissecting it. Otherwise there will never be progress. There has to be faith.
Aamls- you know my story. I cut my ex off completely and now I have a chance to get her back. It was not easy, but it was the right thing to do for me and the 2nd chance I wanted. I had to believe it would work. You need to believe too.
on and off texts this morning. Made plans to see each other on Friday. so far so good.
Feels good but honestly just as nervous as starting NC. I mean we said our goodnights via text, and it’s another waiting game. I don’t want to reach out first, but she is the kind of girl who likes attention. She specifically complained the last guy never talked to her during the week and more or less used her for the weekend. I was never one to do that, but I can wait a day or two to contact her right?
So it went well. We had a few drinks and some food. She talked a lot about this guy she just broke up with. How it was rushed, she couldn’t commit to him, he wasn’t the nicest to her, etc. I was getting a little tired of her complaining about the guy she jumped to after me.
I asked her what she wanted, did she want to just friends? She said yeah. I said I can’t be just friends with you. I want you and desire you, and that I am okay with hanging out and having fun, but not just friends. She said that’s fine.
She mentioned a lot how she wants to be alone right now. That she’s jumped from guy to guy way too much. I said that is probably for the best.
She also talked about coming over this weekend. Watching a movie together. Getting pedicure together again (yes I did that was pretty good actually). Just positive things to do together. She also dropped hints of going to a football or hockey game.
Towards the end of the night she was leaning close to me, laughing, talking. Good body language. However, no good night kiss, but we did hug twice.
