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I have some very good news! She texted me this morning and we’ve pretty much been text/talking all day! I wasn’t expecting her to contact me until next week after she got back in town. She has a knack for knowing when something is wrong with me and can pinpoint it even when I’m hiding it pretty well. We talked and things got pretty serious and she told me she can’t see herself with anybody else but me but again she has to work on herself. She even figured out the college thing and said she is not planning whatsoever to pursue a relationship. She only wants to focus on school and figure out if pharmacy (her major) is really what she wants to do.
We talked about our current relationship and how it was kind of awkward so we both got our feelings out in the open. We both said we would be extremely hurt if the other got into a relationship but again she told me not to wait for her (but this time she didn’t say because she is afraid to hurt me or that she might see someone else). I truly felt her love and caring again and I know for sure we are on the right path now. All it’s going to take is time.
It’s been a good day Phil.
When they ask for money that’s a HUGE red flag lol. Smart move on your part.
I’ve been alright. With the mild depression comes the ups and downs throughout the day which is tough but I think overall I’m on the upswing so that’s good. I do however keep getting a bad feeling that she’s going to find somebody else when she goes off to college. We haven’t been talking as much and she doesn’t initiate the talkin as much so I’m not 100% sure what that means. She says she’s glad we still talk, but then we hardly ever talk lol. I’m a little afraid I’m being friend zoned but it’s really hard to tell. As I said earlier she’s not much of a flirt and as far as I know of I’m the only one she has ever flirted with but she only really did that right before we dated and during our ‘honeymoon’ phase so it’s really hard to tell how interested she is in me. Before she would give hints that she would want to see me in person but she hasn’t done that in a couple of weeks.
So lol I guess I’m not sure how I’m doing even. I kind of want to confront/ask her about some of those things but I know it wouldn’t e a smart idea. Ever since she told me she still loves me but she doesn’t want a relationship and she’s sees us together later but she can’t make any promises, things have felt a bit strange to me anyway. I know both (at least pretty sure both) of us would be upset if the other started seeing someone else. I’m not looking and as far as I know she’s not either. If she would just say she wants to be with me but she just needs time to figure stuff out I would patiently wait and not question her. But again she didn’t promise me anything which makes me nervous and I already waited for her once (I waited to date her for two years in the beginning because her parents wouldn’t let her date until she was 16, so our relationship was actually about 5 years) so it’s pretty unfair to think I’ll wait again without any sort of commitment.
I’m also taking a semester off from my college which means I’ll actually live closer to we when she’s at college so that eases a little insecurity of her moving on anyway though. And that’s not the reason I’m taking a semester off, I’m taking it off so I can save up some money so I don’t have to be so poor while I’m in college lol. It does make me a little insecure that he is proceeding with her life and it feels like I’m at a bit of a standstill. I’ve told her about this and she’s been very supportive of me. Nonetheless, it’s a lot of things on my mind.
Well, that went on way longer than I expected it would lol. Didn’t think I was going to have a vent session but I must admit it felt pretty good.
As far as the other girl it was a good decision you made. It was good you didn’t lead her on for any longer and you saved both of you a lot of pain and frustration.
With your ex I would try to not pay attention if she’s online or not, it’ll only drive you crazy. Can you block her on the site or something? But either way she probably feels the same way when she sees you online so you can take solace in that.
Hope you have (had?) a good supper!
Yeah, I just need to be more positive about things. It can be tough sometimes but that’s life, I need to just keep pushing forward. And it is pretty emotionally draining when it seems like things aren’t going your way.
But anyway, how’s your situation going? Anything new going on?
Thanks for sticking with me Phil, it means a lot to me. Just typing everything out makes me feel better. Sometimes when I go back and read what I say it sounds so silly. When I get down my mind messes with me. The mind is a very powerful thing. I just have to keep my chin up and keep working on myself. I’m not sure what I would do without this site..
I guess a little good news and a little bad news. The good news is we talked on the phone and she said she’s noticed how much I’ve changed (in a good way) the last 4 months (how long we’ve been apart). So that’s a good thing I think and she was very friendly and borderline flirty (she’s not much of a flirter to begin with.)
The bad news is I can feel some mild depression coming back and with it comes all my insecurities. Also because of it I didn’t have the courage to ask her out yet. She told me she was heading out of town next weekend with a couple friends. For some reason this really bothered me an made me feel insecure. It is taken me a whole lot of effort for me not to call her and beg for her back again. It’s frustrating how tough this is.
Good idea what do you think would be an appropriate activity to go out for. I mean like shopping? Going to the zoo? Going out to eat?
And yeah I know all of her friends and get along with them but I never really talk to them outside of when they would hang out with us. I don’t have their number or anything and I don’t have/use social media so I don’t really have any way to contact them outside of showing up at their door if that’s what you’re getting at.
That’s good advice Phil, thank you. I probably should hang out with my friends more and take it easy a little more instead of worrying about work all the time.
I guess I just overthink too many things lol, I don’t know why I feel so conflicted. But we’ve been talking well over a month now and it’s been over a month since I last saw her and when I did we didn’t even talk. Do you think I should maybe ask her to meet up sometime? She has hinted that she would but I’m not sure if now is the right time, any advice?
Good to hear the fireworks stand picked up and I hear you.
I’ve been pretty lonely, I don’t know if I should start focusing my energy on moving on or not. I still love her so much but everything feels so strange. We’ve texted a couple more times and sometimes it feels like she genuinely still has feelings for me and other times it feels like she’s distant. I hate feeling so conflicted lol
I’m doing alright. The 4th was good to get my mind off stuff. Glad to hear you had a good 4th too!
Thanks prince! That’s very encouraging. Kind words are very nice to hear when you are down!
I’m sorry to hear that on your end. And yeah we just have to keep fighting I guess. It’s just frustrating right now, but we’ll get through it.
Yeah, I feel ya on the lonely part. I’ve had a rough couple of days. Been having a short temper and feeling pretty sad. The mind is a powerful thing. I keep fearing she is just messing with my head but I know that’s not true. I keep seeing her with someone else, even though I know she’s not.
Man I thought I was over that stuff but the last couple of days it’s come back. She’s been texting me a bit and initiating the contact but then she will leave suddenly without saying anything and then text back a couple days later acting like nothing happened. She’s never been like that before or after our break up. It’s really screwing with my head man
Yeah I agree with what you said for my situation.
Sorry to hear the fireworks stand is slow but I’m sure it’ll pick up sometime. I guess I’ve found a weird way to get my ex off my mind when my mind wanders. I’m a big sports fan so for example I might try to name as many NBA MVPs in my head as I can. It’s kind of fun and I guess I do it with sports but it wouldn’t have to be. I suppose you could do things similar with musicians, geography, anything if you wanted to.
