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Maybe my ex is better, I dunno. And if your ex does that to people, maybe that’s not someone you want to be with. I know your down now but you’ll get better soon! It happens to me too, it’s alright. Also, IMO drinking doesn’t help out the cause but I don’t drink so idk.
You’re not meant to be alone, nobody is. You’re not having luck with girls right now but you’ll find a worthwhile one. You’re a good guy and that’s what’s important, you can only control you. I guess my advice would be maybe to try to go meet girls at different places rather than online. Anyone can pretend to be anywhere me online so they can fool you easily. I’m not sure what you’d be comfortable with or not because I’m not much of the going out to meet people type but maybe you could join like a yoga class or something? It seems like you like to work and hey, plenty of ladies! Idk just an idea I’m not sure of your other hobbies but it’s good to join a club or team so you know they have common interests as you right away!
I meant like let’s be friends for good and nothing more. I mean right now I would say we are a little more than friends lol.
Keep your head up Phil! I’m not gonna say your situation is good with your ex but hey life moves on. You’re already seeing other people anyway, you’re moving in the right direction! And maybe my situation is better, maybe it isn’t. Maybe she is just leading me on, which would do more damage to me in the long run. Things will get better for the both of us but I think it’s important to remember things are never as bad as they seem. At least we have each other to talk to, right? It’s ok to feel down but you have to remember things are looking up!
Yeah that’s probably why I feel empty. Hopefully it does give her that little nudge to push her in the right direction.
That’s too bad, but there’s penny of good kissers out there lol. Fewer are good people and I guess that’s what you should shoot for. Perhaps God is saying it’s not time yet but sometimes you appreciate things more when you have to work for them. You’ll find the lucky lady in God’s time.
Indeed what do ya do is question lol. I’m hoping we talk tonight but I’m guessing the chances aren’t very good of that happening. Also I think she might come back with the ‘let’s be friends angle’ which I fear. It’s not that she’s a bad person but I would have a very hard time separating my feelings for her. Maybe I should just quit thinking so much lol.
Yeah at least she knows where I stand and I’ll soon know where she stands. Not sure if I’ll like it or not but that’s life lol. I think the fact that she’s thinking more is good too, she used to act more impulsively and not look back.
I’m sorry to hear about that other girl, I guess she just doesn’t know what she’s missing out on! Women are so strange lol but at least you’re getting out and meeting people. Heck of a lot better than sitting at home watching The Office to distract you from your ex (aka me lol). You’ll find someone soon, someone like you can get along with a lot of people which helps in relationships soon.
I’m not sad about my decision but I feel strangely empty right now. I actually haven’t been thinking about her as much, which is good but I love her the same nonetheless.
Thank you for your support and I hope I made the right decision lol. I don’t think she realized she was making excuses and I hope I opened her eyes to it without offending her. She is quite naive, but she has a good heart.
I’m the same way, I’m a helper. If someone came crying to me as well I wouldn’t be judge mental either. She’s quite independent and very stubborn so that’s working away at me here but I hope me saying what I did was a little bit of a wake up call for her. Just have to hope for the best at this point I guess.
I am pretty proud and in one hand it makes me feel good and confident. On the other hand it’s hard to not feel like this is a crossroads for this situation and either this is the start of something new or the beginning of the end… Again. Which makes me nervous lol
So we talked two nights ago, and it got serious again… I told her I didn’t like her indecision. We talked for awhile more and she asked me more questions and I told her what I didn’t like about the situation. I didn’t give her an ultimatum or anything but I did tell her that crossing the road analogy and that I felt she was using God as an excuse to justify her actions. I didn’t make accusations and I wasn’t rude but I was firm. I was just trying to tell her the way it was (from my perspective anyway.) It was a little strange because she wasn’t angry but she wasn’t happy (obviously). Normally I’m very good at reading her emotions but I couldn’t quite get a handle on her this time.
She told me she needs time to think and I told her to take as much time as she needs. I hope it’s not too and I don’t think it will be. My birthday is Saturday so I’m expecting she’ll at least say something then. Do you think I did the right thing? I’m at peace with my decision but I’m a little worried it wasn’t in my favor. Anyway your thoughts? Lol
Well I’m glad you met this other girl, you deserve someone who makes you happy! I think it’s cool that you and her brother still hang out, he’s a good friend.
I think she’s probably scared too, she’s never been much of a risk taker. Yeah at some point she’s just going to have to have to take a chance on me. Or at least I hope she does anyway.
I’m sorry to hear you confused but I’m really glad you like this new girl! Did you ever return your ex’s things or is he not back yet?
That’s true she did say that but I guess I did the same so I’m putting the same thing on her. I just don’t get why she has to be so complicated. Like I can even understand if she doesn’t want a relationship right now but if she does love me, why can’t she just say we can be together just my now. I agree I need to take her out and kind of feel the situation out. I think I will tell her I don’t like the indecisiveness soon. We haven’t talked since Thursday night, I figured she would have texted me last night but she didn’t. She’s probably thinking stuff over and I think that actually benefits me in this situation.
Keep me posted on the new lady!
@philthedrill
I agree I shouldn’t put any more pressure on her. Sometimes I lose sight that this was a tough thing for her too and a lot of things are changing in her life right now. It has to be tough for her because she lived a pretty sheltered life. I do need to give her space and it isn’t fair for me to wait around for her but she never asked me to so if I do it’s 100% my decision.
This is all speculation on my part but I think the whole placing me before God thing was her saying I have problems I need to fix. Towards the end of our relationship (if say 3-4 months) she had been treating me pretty badly. Not in the sense that she would like call me names or be rude or anything but she didn’t put any effort into our relationship. She would fill up her schedule and not talk to me let alone see me. This occurred at a time when I really messed we most and I think he recognized the way she was treating me. Now this is not to say I’m not culpable as well because I made plenty of mistakes. And I do think she saw it as her only choice and she has always been a little bit extreme when she puts pressure on herself.
The indecisiveness is hard for me to handle but I think it would be unwise to bring it up now. Or should I let it be known that it is hard for me? I guess maybe I should take her out a couple of times, wait for college to start for her and see what she does. If she starts to drift away, give the ultimatum. If she seems to be pulling closer, leave things be.
She never missed church for me or anything and we were both comfortable with each other being different denominations. Perhaps I caused her to slack on her reading or praying but I kind of doubt it. I think it was more she would think in terms of what would make me happy instead of what would make God happy. And no she isn’t considering being a nun lol. I agree talking to a priest is a good idea and I would guess she will be willing.
I won’t give her the ultimatum, at least not yet and you’re right I should just be glad we are still talking and seem to have a good relationship. I guess I am getting a little greedy when I should just appreciate what I already have, thanks Patricia!
Yes, we live near each other. We both live in small towns 7 miles apart, when she goes to college she will be about 10 miles away. My college is about 50 miles away but I won’t be going back until January and I come home on the weekends so distance isn’t really a problem.
You’re right, I shouldn’t say nor do I really need space. It would mess up whatever chemistry we have built back up with each other. The ‘putting my foot down’ thing was more me speaking while I was upset more than anything. I guess I just weak and didn’t really mean it.
We are both quite religious, but her probably more so that me for a good part of our relationship. That was part of our downfall, I didn’t have a great relationship with God. I’ve fixed that now though and got my priorities straight. She is Catholic an I am Lutheran, so we never went to church together but we did pray together. We would talk about the bible and God in our relationship but it wasn’t enough of an emphasis. We could talk to a minister but we have pretty much figure out what went wrong. She says she felt she placed me above God and that’s why she broke up with me. Which in my opinion is a good reason to break up with me but she wasn’t honest about it in the beginning so it confused me a lot.
The ultimatum probably isn’t a good idea but I’m not sure what else to do. I guess I’m not even asking for a small amount of commitment but am I really asking for much? If she truly loves me, why would she even be scared to commit? How should I approach it?
That’s a natural fear but I highly doubt after 4 years he would move onto something so quick, especially when he’s in q different country and a new environment.
Again I wouldn’t think to much about the relationship status, it’ll only drive you crazy. The fact of the matter is you don’t know what he’s thinking and trying to figure that out can be very harmful to yourself! You don’t deserve to feel bad so just let it be for the time being!
I believe it can happen. He has to mature and figure things out which is very possible. Reconciliation is always possible, the tricky part is that it takes two, not just one. You will make it through this! Just give it time!
I’m more calm now, I wrote my feelings down and it made me feel a lot better. I wrote some things down I might say to her, let me know what you think:
Let me start off by asking you a question. When you cross a road do you cross straight away and say “if God wants me to make it to the other side, I’ll make it to the other side.” Or do you look both ways? We both know the answer to that, in fact the question seems a little silly. If that’s true then why do you say “If God wants us to get back together, we’ll get back together.”? You are testing God and using that statement to justify your actions and your indecision. That is wrong.
I’m not sure why you fight your feelings for me and maybe you don’t know yourself but I don’t like being caught in an inbetween stage. I’m not asking for much, just a small amount of commitment. I understand you have a lot going on in your life, especially things that are changing and you don’t want a relationship right now. Honestly I’m probably not ready for a relationship again either, I still have a lot of work to do. If you tell me all you need is time and/or space right now but we will get back together eventually, I’ll trust you with all my heart and I will wait. That would be a big risk for me emotionally but it is one I’m willing to take with your commitment. If your feelings for me aren’t strong enough to take that kind f a chance on me, then tell me. Just be honest.If/when I say it o her I would probably add more but anyway, your thoughts?
Thank you Patricia! And if you wouldn’t mind looking at my thread I could always use more advice and perspectives! Especially from someone who seems as experienced and as well thought as you.
What if she contacts me? She’s been initiating the contact with me almost everyday for the last week. Do I just ignore it or do I tell her I need some space? I want to help her but I don’t want to step all over me either. I’m afraid I’m giving her the emotional support and perks of a relationship without the commitment. I don’t know how to put my foot down without being a jerk.
Perhaps I just need to calm down and start thinking about things more carefully, the problem is in having a hard time calming down. I can feel the anger and resentment coming back. I thought I was over it. I hate this feeling
