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@LABound heeeey dude it’s been a while damn exes can be a real rough patch especially when they treat you as their partner and you’re just wondering why they still have that feeling and I guess she loves the emotional bond you two once shared but loves the physical bond with her bf. I truly commend you for being able to live with your ex and I’m proud you’ve gone through all this since it I’d an amazing learning curve and I’m sure you’ve learnt so Mich more about what you want and what you are looking for and also you’ve found out more about yourself. Hopefully you’re future wife is a perfect match with you and I’m sure she will be an amazing girl perfectly matched. Just try to keep yourself busy maybe volunteer somewhere or just work out more or further out from the house so you’re away from the house and its not running away from your house or avoiding your ex but more like spending time on yourself and not spending your time on individuals that don’t deserve your time and love
and lool at that girls reply I would’ve thought she would cherish you more for not being so engrossed in a sex filled relationship but I guess she was after a fling or a casual hook up soo her loss I guess lol
Heeeey @atea1234 just read your posts and woow its so beautiful when a member finds someone that has no drama tagging along with them. It must feel so free and stress free to not have to worth about being analysed or have your actions magnified and judged. I hope it all works out and I’m truly happy the big meet up went well please do keep us updated and sorry I didn’t recognize your name until I was on my post and noticed you had commented I’m not sure why you’re name seemed different to me lol.
@CreeD firstly you aren’t exactly finished with your self development since you’re so revolved around what she is thinking and tbh you need to have a better perspective by understanding why exactly the break up happened rather than having theories and work on bettering those first
And have a read of my reply above and let me know what you think and @SolidTurd let me know if you agree too
@CreeD when you told me you were busy and couldn’t reply to me even I was wondering what you had going on in your life looool so congratulations man keep doing you 🙂
@CreeD after my ex’s rebound was beginning to fail I did notice a lot of more attention from her side onto me and it did make me think if I was invited back in the picture because her attempt to replace me had failed so I waited a while let her pop up again and in my opinion I can relate to you because my ex went through GIGS and she rebounded claiming we had become too repetitive so maybe wait a while and it does take a bit time of time with my experience it was 3/4 weeks between each interval that she reached out to me so just hold on there a bit and begin limiting the conversations so you are always ending the conversations and make it related to a new change. What I did was say was how I need to be leaving because I’ll be going out so I’ll talk to you whenever and it plays on her as to what you’re up to. If she really wants you she will pop up again even though you said you’ll talk to her another time. Then and only after 2/3 reach outs from her side do you accept her invite 🙂 let her invite you again and accept that 🙂
@LAbouund 🙁 I read the post again and noticed the additional comments that I hadn’t even read 🙁 I just read the situation and replied but damn how crazy it is to see how things you plan out in your life just flat out fail and gives you a perspective and what you actually deserve and want. 9 years is a long time and maybe this attempted reconciliation failed to help you grow tired of your attempts so that you could move on easier and more swiftly. Sounds like you have an amazing summer lined up. You sound like a completely changed man and emphasis on the man lol definitely can see how you’ve grown to find happiness within yourself and by yourself. I hope everything works out actually I know everything will and you definitely deserve someone better. She is just completely emotionally immature whilst you are the complete opposite. Good luck with everything dude 😀
@LAbound heeeeeey it’s been a while since I caught up with your scenario and tbh I got told that my ex kept me in a safety net and maybe that’s what you were at first when she would talk lovingly with you and then as soon as someone else came in the picture she ditched the loving moments you had together. If you haven’t heard of something called GIGS then I suggest checking it up.
Its basically when a person has second doubts because they think the Grass Is Greener on the other side so they begin to wonder if you are who they want to spend the rest of their life with, normally happens before a major commitment is about to happen. So she did that by sleeping with that guy, then she realized she has fucked up and tries reinventing herself pursuing different lifestyles so maybe sleeping around maybe clubbing every other day or week hanging around with different people or just doing drugs. They realize they don’t like anything else than you and they come back and try get you back and normally your natural instinct is to accept them because you miss them and have been doing so for ages. This is where you took her back. What you’re actually meant to do is say no and not give in to her wishes. She then may do the same round again of trying to find someone else but when she realized again that she fucked up, she will look at herself realize what she’s done wrong and this is where she grows and becomes a person she should have been like when she was with you, then she will try do anything she can to get you back.
You’re being too nice because you’re trying to make it work and I remember this exact situation happened with me. My ex had just slept with some guy after ending us which is fine because we weren’t together but she realized what she did and came back tried getting me back with a conversation and I took her back and tried to make it seem as easy as possible to go back to being the way we were but she just sometimes gave her all and other times had this giving up attitude and eventually we ended it a few days later. I made the mistake of taking her back rather than letting her realize what she’s done wrong. Try evaluate your situation with what I’ve said and you’ll notice it.
You’ve come along way tbh and 9 years is a long relationship to let go and of course she is the one because 9 years being together obviously isn’t like marriage but you basically were a married couple and that doesn’t come by with ease so clearly you had something deep. Maybe just try identify her problem and see what you need to do to help her realize it on her own because telling her what’s wrong with her won’t do anything but make her hostile towards you.
You’re improvement is amazing and I hope it all works out. Keep me updated.
@damanator yeah I was advised by a friend that after exams which is like 3 weeks to just ask to meet up and discuss us and try one more time to see if it works out.
I might try to carry on changing things about myself such as maturing and changing dress sense and stuff and then when meeting up with her just try to have a nice day and let the joys of the day linger in her mind until she pops up.
What do you think?
@confused_girl yeah it is bait weird when they have convey mixed emotions, do you act distant with him?
@confused_girl how long has it been since you’ve done NC ?
@Confused_Girl so are you guys meeting up then ?
@Ryan6611 I felt like that lol well the guy she rebounded with had a car but he was immature he wasn’t even as caring as I was he was using way too much slang he always would just use immature comments and my girlfriend said that at first it didn’t mind but then it started getting annoying. Just remember the first time a couple go out the people are on their best behaviour and then slowly the cracks in the fake image can be seen and thats when she will realise he’s just not you. My gf keeps saying that to me that even though he didn’t treat her shit, he just wasn’t me. Try to change you body in a positive way so have a good loss of weight not a bad loss.
@Confused_Girl no I am just saying that with me I had those dreams so I was simply applying your logic to it and claiming that I stopped believing in my positive dreams as messages because then I would have to believe in the nightmares and I didn’t want to do that. Wait what made you tell him that you were happy. Has he moved on?@confused_girl but then in that case how do you ignore the messages of the nightmares you have where you see your ex marrying someone else? LOOL thats a coincidence.
He will think you’re just acting reserved and he will try to show a more obvious flirty move and then it will bring a reply in you that he hopes. Aren’t you two meeting up this week?@confused_girl I had a dream numerous times about us getting back together and whilst I believe that dreams are a secret message to us, however its just our mind taking the time to explore fantasies hence why we have nightmares because again it is just dark experience you’re scared of.
I do think talking about is the best thing to do but do it in a way where you’re not scaring but you’re actually genuinely talking to your partner. Just ignore his flirtyness let him try because remember you’re the girl.Who was the one to blame for the relationship ending?
@Patrick d sorry didn’t see your reply 🙁 woow its so crazy when you feel its not going how you expected or how you wanted it to
my advice would be just imagine you just broke up and try to just restart the entire 3 steps, the letter was a good stage for me. I sent the letter and it prompted a lot of feeling filled replies which I was expecting since I knew how my now-gf 😉 would reply. I would be cool for a while you don’t wanna fuck up her exams or anything because if you get her back. sorry i mean WHEN you get her back, you will regret that you’re desire for her ruined her exams. I have conversed with my gf and she told me how she was behind on her coursework and had skipped 2 weeks of college and it was stressing her out and that at the time she really didn’t know what to do. So I regret it but I know at the time it was what I needed to do, i didn’t know what i now know.
The whole exam period is a tricky situation since you need to do what you need to but you don’t want to mess up her preparation and be whats on her mind during her exams.
Keep your distance, be cold yet loving at the same time. Show you’re busy without looking like you’re too good to give her any attention. Find the balance. Only you know how to convey that balance since you know how your soon-to-be girlfriend would react based on the messages you send her.
@confused_girl awrhh so did he agree to talk or was he just trying to change the subject 🙁 how have you been coping btw 🙁
@ryan6611 the best thing is when you two meet, you actually can see if they are truly happy or not and they have no way to even lie about their reality without their lie being so clearly transparent, ask how they’ve been and make sure you tell the truth.don’t say you’ve been a mess but more along of the lines of what you’ve been up to. whats your situation Ryan how long were you in NC for.
