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Hi Kali,
Good to hear from you again. Firstly congratulations on your long NC!
I think the best option is the short email, and then if there is an opportunity give her a card and flowers. So from your options, number 3 is the best. My concern with the bangles is that it will look too much given where you are both at and it will be a turn off. I think if you feel there is a chance, stick to card and flowers. Be light hearted about it – friendly rather than romantic.
Only when there is no chance left, then I can imagine a last ditch letter with the bangles (she may as well have them right) – along lines of “I can see that you have moved on and there is no chance for us now. I bought this gift for you a while ago and have been trying to find the right moment to give it to you. As our lives go separate ways now, then I hope you will accept this gift as a memento of my love for you”. In your own words obviously. This could change a 0% chance to a 1% chance as it could stimulate emotions.
For now though, stick to email, then flowers and card and lets hope this opens the door. Try not to come on too heavy too soon, keep it light if you do manage to have some meet ups with her. I think you need to appear to have moved on. Relationship Rewind recommends a fake friendship – I don’t know if it works (and I think it must be really hard to carry out when you have feelings for someone) but I think it probably does help recreate a bond when it seems all else has failed.
Good luck kali, hope everything else is well with youSorry to hear about your health scare but its lovely to read about you and your girlfriend 🙂 I’m very happy for you and it gives us all here hope for good things in the future.
Thank you. I really hope for you. But whatever happens with our exes, I am sure we will find a new happiness soon 🙂
Ah, sorry, lol 🙂 I think its fine to try to keep it light hearted for a while to rebuild the connection – but you do read on here people being strung along for a year or more on a friends with benefits set up. If you want an exclusive relationship, then at some point – even a month or two’s time – a chat would be good. Otherwise he is getting everything he wants without putting back what he should. On your mum’s girlfriend – hard to say because I don’t know the people involved – the risk is that it may come across creepy (and heavy) and if you are asking the question here, then your sense is that it would – probably better not to if you want to keep things light for a while.
Thank you for the invite 🙂 You are being so strong, I’m really pleased for you. It is intriguing whats behind these comments she puts on Facebook but your view on it is right, although no-one wishes her to feel sad – it probably means she isn’t in a happy relationship right now. It is good for you. Your timing in November could be good. It looks like she needs to heal from whatever is causing her to put up these comments and hopefully you will both be in a good place in late November and both able to consider a new relationship. It is good also you are open to a new relationship with someone else, if that opportunity arises – I think you have a chance with your ex but we don’t know how she feels inside and whether she would want to reconcile. Stay strong kalicooldude!
This is very confusing for you. I would be careful not to fall into a trap of being friends with benefits. The flirting with another man is strange – unless he is openly bisexual. I wonder if he is confused himself, about you, about his sexual preference. I would see how things progress a bit more but don’t let it drag on too long before having a proper chat to see if you two are on the same page. Its very unclear at this stage and the worry is that he is seeing this as a friends with benefits situation.
Sorry, I wrote the above comment in response to your 24 Sept message. On your 8 October message I see you are starting to talk about relationship things (so ignore my suggestion to do that as you already are!). It looks like she just needs to go slowly – which you are doing. Its really lovely to see this unfold, well done on your patience and kindness
This is really lovely 🙂 This is a lesson to all of us – even over a year after a break up and 7 months of not contact (is that right?) – it looks like the love is still there. It looks like you have handled this situation really well – given her space and been kind and patient in the reconciliation as well. It may be worth a chat at some point, to see if you are on the same page about starting a new relationship with each other. You do read stories on here about people being strung along. I hope it does become a full new relationship soon – its looking very good!
Wondering, I thought you were going to do NC – you aren’t giving her a chance to miss you – you are at her whim, she’s probably thinking – I cant be bothered to have that coffee with him this weekend, he’ll probably ask me again in a week and i’ll see how I feel then. Sorry to be so blunt, but you don’t seem to be getting it and you are risking your situation. Asking for a coffee every week comes across as needy in itself. If my ex asked me for a coffee every week, I’d be turned off massively (and I want him back!). If you want a closure meeting, which you have mentioned before, then be aware it will be a closure meeting (you will never see her again). If you want a reconciliation, I really don’t think asking her for a coffee every week is the way to go about it. Even if she actually meets you, you don’t seem in a place to handle the situation well – you are checking up on her behind her back. Even if you don’t come across as needy and somehow there is a reconciliation, its not the right place to start a relationship from. I’m being blunt to try to help you. You need space for your own good. The more you contact her, the longer the to and fro will go on and the less likely you will be to get back together in the long run. You need to heal more first before you do anything. I hope I don’t offend, I wish you well
Its really hard to say – we don’t know what she has been up to this past year and whether she has been hurt by someone else. It is possible that she is referring to the hurt she felt in and after your relationship but neither we nor you can know this. I would suggest to delete your fake facebook profiles – its not good to keep checking up on her on facebook as it doesn’t give you the space and calm that you need. And try as much as you can not to over-analyse things she says or does on social media – I know, its easier said than done. But try to heal yourself over the next few weeks, focus on your own life. It will show if / when you do meet up.
It sounds like you are thinking rationally and calmly – believe in your plan, have hope. I hope you find happiness whether with her or with someone else. Good luck
Good luck kalicooldude, pleased you have a plan – that’s half the battle. I see that you mention she treated you badly. While you are in NC, it is worth thinking about whether a reconciliation is the right choice for *you*. But I don’t want to be one of the ones that just say move on – everyone says that and its not easy to do when its not really what you want to do. I think a good stint of NC and then one more aim at reconnecting is a good plan for you. But maybe say to yourself, this is the last stint, one last go. Hopefully it will work 🙂 But if not, you don’t want to end up going on for years and years – life is too valuable and there are other opportunities for love. Be strong, thoughts are with you
I bet nearly everyone on this site reads way too much into things! I don’t know if it can be prevented. I try to think of other reasons for him having said or done what I’m reading in to – and overall not put too much weight on anything unless its explicit. Those of us still in no contact are spared all this I guess, temporarily at least!
