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Hello, I haven’t posted on here for a while.
I’m a bit confused.
Backstory: At the end of December after a coffee meet-up, my ex led me on and was overly flirtatious and affectionate, but then the next day said he didn’t want to get back together. I met him in person to return some of his stuff and he said he was going to think about things, then 4 days later said he had decided he still didn’t want to get back together but had been reflecting on it. An hour after sending that text he showed up at my house (after 2 pints of beer) and wanted to talk. My ex said he wanted to start seeing me again and take things slow. He said he didn’t want to commit yet. We were taking things slow for about 3 weeks, then we had 3 weeks apart because I had exams at university in a different city. During these 3 weeks apart, we spoke twice and Skyped 3 times. He said he wanted to pick me up and drive me back to uni at the end of the week off.
I came back home for a week and saw him on the day I got back. He became weirdly a lot more affectionate upon my return. He said ‘now I’ve got you for a whole week’ (in an affectionate, not controlling way) and we had sex for the first time in 3 months. After the sex he said ‘so much for taking it slow’ but I reassured him that we still could take it slow. I saw him 4 times over that week when I was back at home (he lives 5 mins away by foot). On the Tuesday of that week I asked him if I meant anything to him or if I was just replaceable. He said ‘if you were replaceable I wouldn’t be here’ and ‘there aren’t many girls like you’ and started telling me I was unique, original, ambitious and driven etc. I told him ‘that’s nice to hear but it doesn’t mean anything when I know you don’t have eyes for only me’. After this conversation he changed his plans and said he had to study on Thursday (when he originally agreed to see me on that Thursday), so he saw me on Friday instead. He drove me back on Friday and stayed the weekend as he ‘wanted to spend time together’. I told him my Dad could take me instead if that was easier and he got very angered by this and said ‘but I’m taking you back’.
We had a good weekend and somehow got onto the topic of weddings, during the conversation he referred to it as ‘we’ and ‘us’, ‘we can have this at our wedding’ etc. At one point over the weekend I asked him if I was his and if he was mine, he replied ‘yes’ to both of these questions. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet since we’ve been seeing each other again. I have made sure not to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ to him yet. At the end of the weekend he said he was sad because we wouldn’t be seeing each other for 2 weeks. That was on Sunday and I haven’t heard from him since. Our lack of communication concerns me; I told him I wanted more communication when we first started seeing each other again. When we are apart in different cities it tends to be one or two texts a week. I want to prove that I won’t tolerate being treated like this, where nothing is said for a whole week, then he messages me and we carry on like nothing ever happened.
I also feel as though he has assumed we are back together without actually asking me to be his girlfriend, which offends me that he assumes he can have me that easily. I am still continuing to date other people. I suppose I want to feel appreciated, respected and chased again. I get compliments from other guys and other guys texting me wanting to be my boyfriend, so it hurts when the one guy I want to text me never does. I feel very underappreciated by my guy. At the moment it feels like he doesn’t care and isn’t aware that he’ll lose me if he doesn’t step up. How come he doesn’t contact me often? How do I go about regaining some power over this situation?
Thanks for reading and for any insights!
So, last night he said he wanted to take me on a drive. We were kissing passionately and he pulled me onto his lap. He also experiences the urge to do sexual things to me, but won’t let me do them to him. I also told him a few days ago that I don’t want to have sex yet, I want to wait. He said he is indecisive about whether he wants to or whether to wait, but we both agreed to wait.
Anyway, last night I said ‘I love you’. He said ‘I can’t say it back’ (which is strange because he said it a week ago). I told him that was ok, and that I wasn’t pressurising him into saying it. He seemed a bit sad.
He said ‘see you soon’ at the end of the meet up. I told him communication was very important in our case, and he said ‘yes it is’. He told me to message him whenever. I told him I only had eyes for him and that he means a hell of a lot to me. He just smiled and kissed me.
We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, he said he didn’t want to commit yet. What are his reasons for not being able to say it?
I’m kind of freaking out right now about things, I’m worried he’ll leave in the future if he’s finding rebuilding our relationship too hard
If she’s not ready to be friends yet, give her time and she may contact you. That explains why she didn’t respond to your message; she simply isn’t ready. That is a good sign, because it shows she still harbours feelings towards you and isn’t sure how to process them. If she was indifferent and didn’t care, she’d have no problems being your friend.
She won’t just forget about you. She’s not over you yet. You could tell her you want to give her some of her things back, see how she responds and if she’ll see you face-to-face. Maybe seeing you will bring some of the old feelings and memories back.
Please try to focus on yourself and do what’s best for you. You’ve got to look out for yourself and yourself only, and heal the wounds from the old relationship. If you are ever to start a relationship with her again in the future, you must be in the right place mentally too! You sound sweet and caring, it’s her loss! It’s like you always told me, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.
All I can suggest is to give it more time and try again in a few weeks to a month. She might be a bit more responsive by then when she hasn’t heard from you in a while. You never know, she might be considering replying but is forming a response and working out what to say. Even if she gets with this other guy (I’m not saying she will), things might not work out and you could end up hearing from her at some point in the future. I know you want her right now, but be patient, and time will tell whether you two were meant to be.
@amcee, I will try not to be dictated by his terms. We have discussed how to handle things, but I think further discussions need to be had once he feels more comfortable
@AGuyWhoMissesHer, thank you, I am excited but I don’t want to screw it up this time
If there’s hope for me, there’s hope for you too! I thought my situation was doomed
So here’s what happened…
I didn’t reply to the text and 45 minutes later I got a text saying he was outside my house and some missed calls. I opened my door, let him in and we went upstairs to my bedroom and sat on my bed and talked. He said he had just been at the pub alone and had had 2 pints. He said he wants to see me, go places with me, see how it goes and not commit yet. I told him ‘if we can get through this, we can get through anything’. He told me he loved me and missed me. He told me he feels angry yet drawn to me. We agreed we should communicate more often and directly via phone calls. He said he didn’t want my passwords to social media and my phone etc because he didn’t think it would help.
He was cuddling me and said he couldn’t stop kissing me. We spent the next two hours just kissing each other basically. When he left he said ‘see you soon’.
How do I take this slowly and rebuild the trust? We will be long-distance once I go back to uni in a few weeks.
He sent a text just now saying ‘I’m not up for meeting again. It felt strange the other day, good and bad. There is a part that still cares about you, and as I’ve said I’m glad you’re doing well in your self and your studies. I hear you when you say you’ve changed and that’s great but I feel I’m still the same person who got hurt and I’m still angry and scared that you can do it again. I’m sorry’
I’m trying to revise and focus on my studies at the moment but been finding it hard to concentrate over the past few days. Today has been a bit easier but the reason I’m getting increasingly annoyed is because I know he’s home from work now and still not saying anything even though he lives 5 minutes away.
You don’t know that he’s not going to say it’s over for good
It is frustrating because during our relationship, whenever he did something wrong he would start calling me up the next day telling me how he felt terrible and wanted to make it up to me, and I would always hear him out and take him back in a heartbeat. Yet when the tables are turned he can’t do the same for me it seems :/
At this rate I feel like he’s going to tell me it’s over for good on Christmas Day!
He isn’t likely to say anything on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day as he’s seeing family, he usually goes out with his friend to the pub on Friday evenings so that only leaves the rest of today for him to contact me.
He didn’t say to give him until Christmas, he said it would be before Christmas
I’m not going to contact him, I’m just annoyed :/
