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Thank you, Mia. These are some comforting words.
I’m just sick and tired from all the pain of being abandoned once more. I told my ex 10000 times before we start dating that I’m already damaged good, overly sensitive and that I’d rather be alone than had my heart broken once more. That he doesn’t take me lightly, that I have history of depressions and basicly if we get together and he leaves me, I would be in that dark dark place once more and that I don’t know if I would have strength to pull my self away. I warned him, I really did.
Good job, idiotic me. Now look for the pieces of your broken heart all over again…
Day 43.
One step forward, three steps backwards…
I still miss him. All day long. I’m focused on thinking is he thinking of me as well.
I’m living in memories. Repeating them over and over and over and over in my head. I remember everything- every single little thing I used to take for granted when I was with him.
My head is a limbo. I can’t escape the memories, they’re tormenting me. If only I could quiet my mind. He is always there, in the back of my mind. I’m praying to God every day that He either takes him out of my head or leads him in my life again, because this agony I can’t stand any longer. Either be with him or without him, but then, let my mind be free of him. This is so horrible. I can’t escape even in my dreams, because he’s in them as well.I can’t believe that the same person who gave me so much love, patience and care, would ever put me in this hell. I am so so hurt.
My heart has been wounded far too many times. If I were smart, I would promise to myself never to love again. Love is a loosing game for me indeed. I put so much in love, and got back nothing in return. Love is simply not for me. I would rather be alone and deal with loneliness than give my heart once again, only to let it be broken once more. Every heartbreak destroys me even more. My heart and mind are so scratched and deformed from all the hurting, I hardly believe there is hope for me any more. I am so disappointed in love, life and everything that this world promised me. Life didn’t hold it’s promise. Nothing matters. I am so fucking alone.
Letty, I am keeping myself busy, I’m studying for two major exams (law) and am taking care of my two dogs and granny while parents are on holiday, but today I broke under the pressure. I’m more relaxed at the moment, but it was really really bad.
I have to start practicing yoga or meditation or something. This will eat me alive.
Day 40/ almost 41
I had nervous breakdown today. I’m all blue and purple and my throat hurts from screaming and head from crying and hurting all the time.
I can’t go on like this.
I’m thinking into checking myself in a mental hospital.
WTF is wrong with me?!
I thought I was over him, when all of the sudden I have I dream where we kiss and make up… which ruined my day. I was sad all day long… thinking about that dream, about him, about the memories…
My brain is always working against me. My brain is an f***ing asshole.
I wish tomorrow will be different.
I was so proud of myself for doing so well, and now this…
Argh!
Day 33.
It’s as if we’ve never been together. Time really did its magic.
I’m still mourning from time to time, but not after him, but memories. It’s the memories that I miss the most. We really had a good time and lots of fun.Truth to be told, I hope he still thinks about me. Secretly, I wish he called. But I wouldn’t answer even if he did. I’m on my new path and nothing shall compromise it. I finally feel at peace and even- happy.
I really needed this time off, this detoxication, cold turkey… my mind was going wild. I was realy so, so miserable last few months that I spent with him. I cried almost daily, and he made me sob nearly everytime when we were together. He really knew how to push all the wrong buttons. Nothing was good enough- nothing. He criticized everything. My whole lifestyle, my whole persona, my parents, my way of doing things… everything!!!
Person that I loved the most turned to be my worst enemy. Someone who was supposed to be my shelter from the outside world become my tormentor who undermined my self-esteem daily and criticized my every move. And I almost believed him.
Not when it’s over I can breath freely.
There’s no way in hell I’m going back to him. I won’t call him or contact him ever again. If he calls, I won’t answer my phone.
Like we never existed.
It was not all him, what I wrote, but all of my past relationships. I entered all my relationships with 100% of trust, love, patience and will that it works out. I gave my time, energy, love, trust, hopes, money, my body- all of me, everything that I had and I was. And for what? Only to be treated so horribly.
I can say that men treated me very very poorly. And that love didn’t hold its promises. I feel broken, but the lesson is learned. I can only trust and love myself. Others will eventually hurt and leave me no matter how hard I try.I feel like I’ve just avoke from a nightmare. My head is clear.
I wouldn’t call it a rebound but today I’ve been intimate with another person and feel a million times better.
#thebitchisback 😀
Day 31? 32?
Well, NC worked for me. I’m out of love. I don’t need or want or love or crave him any longer.
He’s picture in my mind will fade until it disappears. I won(‘t torment myself any longer, it’s been enough.
I’m done. I won’t contact him ever again.
My heart has been broken so many fucking times. I’ve been taken advantage of, forced to have an abortion, yelled at and abused, sexually assaulted, lied to, cheated on emotionally… I’m freakin done. Can’t do it any longer.
Over and out.
Day 29.
I’m fine. Still thinking of him, but the thought of him isn’t causing me pain any more. I’d say I’m nearly on a halfway of my recovery from this break up. Everything is going even better than I expected.
This forum helps a lot. Keeping myself occupied with studying/ socializing/ cleaning/ watching series helps. Shifting focus is the key really, as I wrote earlier.
I’m lucky that it’s summer. If he left me during the winted I would be even more fu**ed up. Sunny weather doesn’t allow me being sad for too long.
Reading all your stories helped me put my story in a perspective. Some of you have ended relationships that lasted for decades; some have kids; some had cheating boyfriends; some have exes who have new girlfriends or even wives. Comparing to them, my problem, my “big love story” doesn’t seem that big anymore. And my problems seem minor comparing to some.
World hasn’t ended since we broke up. Life hasn’t stop. Earth is still spinning, people go around doing their bussiness. It’s not the end of anything. -Just of one small, tiny part of my life (only year and a half).
Life goes on. All is well.
Day 28…
Oh my gosh… whole lifetime happened through this 28 days. A whole spectre of emotions, ups and downs, panicking and new-found confidence, highs and lows, emotional rollercoaster at it’s finest.
I can say that I’m feeling fine but atm, but I can as soon as tomorrow feel like s**t. My moods are swingy as hell.
I’m not so sure that I want him back anymore. I definitely CAN leave without him. I don’t know. I feel in a way my journey took too long and too far only to come back to the starting point, to him. I think he isn’t enough tempting prize for all of this work I did and am still doing on myself.
He left me when I was at the lowest. He saw my pain, my tears and desperation and decided to do nothing. I could have died and he wouldn’t care.
That kind of man has no space in my life.
I think about that often.
Only because of that (that he knew how devastated I was, and didn’t care), makes me think less of him. He isn’t worthy of my love. And I really can love a lot and give plenty.
This is not final, I still have to think about it. But I’m defininitely doing better.
