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Hi Prod98,
Sorry you had to go through a similar situation. Its really rough :/. I dont think anyone should go through this stuff. Its really difficult. I think my ex really has messed up big time. I’m just not sure shes realized it yet. I hope she will one day. Maybe she already has, I don’t know. I hope your situation plays out well. Are you doing no contact now too? What day are you on? I’m on day 22, I’m trying to stick out a few more days before deciding if I should wait longer than 30 days or if I should reach out to her. She did pretty much tell me not to talk to her. Which sucks, I dont know if I need to wait for her to send me something or if I should make the first move?
This guy really doesn’t seem good for her imo. I can’t really tell her that though, this is something she has to decide on her own. From what I understand he seems nice and all, but he also texted a girl in a 2 year relationship quite frequently which doesn’t seem okay to me. I just kinda wish I got to meet him before all this went down. It would help me get to know this guy so he’s not just some enigma in my mind. I just hope she realizes someday, preferably soon that I’m better for her. Because I really think I am, I think we were good together, I think we can still be good together.
Thank you for the words. They really help honestly. I’ll continue to check this thread regularly so I’ll actually reply quicker next time 🙂
Hi qazwsxedcrfv,
Thats a pretty great name. Gotta be hard to pronounce lol. Maybe you just hammered down on a bunch of the heys on the left hand side of the keyboard in a row ;).
I agree it really seems like she was lying off her ass from the beginning. I don’t really think I believe she would do that to me. I really don’t think she’s the type of person to do that. Honestly I don’t think she would lie to me. Having said that, it definitely seems like its a possibility. And that really sucks. I suppose you are right though when she freaked out about me checking on her texts. I feel like she had a right to be angry, but she was angry at me for a loooong time. Longer than it should have been imo. Lots of people that I talk to agree with me on that. Its weird though, one of our mutual friends called her out on that possibility and she got really upset at him, from what I understand she said something like “do you really think I would break up with a guy of 2 years because of some guy that I’ve known for 2 months?”. I also asked her directly like 3 or 4 times if she broke up with me because of him. I believe her when she said it wasn’t because of him. Problem is, it doesnt really add up. She went over to his house the next day after I left. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why she did that. Thats what really makes me doubt the things she’s said to me. I want to believe she’s telling me the truth, and I do. But there is definitely reasons for me to doubt her as well.
Ughh god this guy probably did look super great and I looked like an ass for checking. I really wish I wouldn’t have done that. I feel like I definitely did something wrong, but I think its really the only big thing wrong that I did in the relationship. I dont think its something she could break up with me over. She should have been mad at me for a few days and then gotten over it. I made a mistake. But instead she pretty much made me miserable for a month and then broke up with me. She said it wasn’t all because of the texting thing but it really feels like there is something more going on or something she just hasn’t told me. Unfortunately I cant talk to her about it since she asked me not to. I really wish I could talk to her about things just to see where she’s at. I think she’s a good person, I still love her and I still want to be with her. I just dont understand why she is doing all this. I really don’t.
I’m glad to hear you say maybe she was having doubts after the whole hospital thing. I still don’t think she knows how she feels right now. My concern is that by me doing no contact she’s just going to keep talking to this other guy and growing feelings for him. I’m trying to work on self improvement a lot during these 30 days. I hope she’s having some doubts or regrets, like you said she might be.
Based on what you said in your last paragraph, you say you think she’ll come back but it has to be on her own time. I think you might be right, I hope you are right my man (or woman, can’t tell your gender based on username 🙂 ). I really do. I’m on day 22 of no contact right now. Do you think I should send something to her after 30 days or continue to wait for her to come back on her own? Any thoughts?
Thanks for the response, honestly I think your words really helped.
Hi Paulina,
Good to see he responded. I don’t know your situation or whatever but the most important thing is to be patient and cool like Carey says. Its really difficult, but you almost have to play hard to get with them from what I understand. This person seemed generally receptive to your conversation. Which means first contact went well. I’d say in a few days send something again. See how that goes. Soon they might send you stuff, who knows. Remember, you are playing the long game here. Be patient.
Hi Carey,
Sorry its been a few days since my last reply. Situation is still pretty much the same though, just trying to make it through each day. Some days its fine, other days its really tough. I really wish she’d send me something, every time I look at my phone I hope that she’s sent me something. Idk why I keep thinking that’s going to happen. That memory you mentioned in your post is pretty nice. I remember there was a time my ex got really sick for like a week. She couldn’t sleep for a few nights in a row. There was one night she was keeping me up, I honestly probably shouldnt have been at her apartment when she was sick but I wanted to be there. She got up at like 3 in the morning and started watching star trek. I got up and started watching with her. It was actually a great time watching that early in the morning even while she was sick and I just wanted to sleep. Its hard to not think about those nice memories. I hope I can make some more memories like that with her someday. I hope you can have some more memories with your ex as well someday Carey.
I’ve been really confused lately why she’d ask me not to talk to her. She said she needed time but didn’t know how much time. I just really wish I could get inside her head and see what she was thinking. I have no clue how she is doing. I feel like I’m trying to put back together a puzzle but 75 percent of the pieces are missing. I’ve been doing no contact for like 22 days now. If she asked me not to talk to her should I try to talk to her after the 30 day threshold or just continue to wait?
I’ve been cooking quite a bit lately, went clothes shopping again a few days ago and have ran the last 5 days since its been great outside. I feel pretty good lately. I’m trying to be patient and work on self improving Its really hard not to think about her. Any updates on your end Carey?
Hi Carey,
I really wanted to meet this guy when we were dating but never really got a chance to, I wish I could have though. probably would have helped all 3 of us. Maybe he wouldn’t have talked to her as much if he knew she was with a good person. At least I think I’m a good person. I dont know if its true or not. Doesn’t really feel like I am these days. I honestly think its best for me to just try to take this guy out of the equation. She can only really text him right now as he is recovering, if she even is. They wont start dating for a while anyways. My plan right now is to continue as normal until 30 days where I can try to contact her again and see how it goes. I feel like I at least have a window of opportunity before she could even start seeing this guy. She did say she needed to figure stuff out on her own for a while though so I don’t know if she’ll be willing to talk to me in 30 days or continue to just be cold and unreceptive to me like she was for the last 2-3 months. I need to take him out of the equation and try not to think about it. Also I need to try not to keep thinking about her. I feel like I do pretty well for most of the day, then I’ll see something and it like triggers a memory of her or something and then I get sad or start thinking about her and how much I miss her. Its just really hard. I hope she’s at least doing okay during this time. I feel she’s all alone in this new state and doesn’t really know what to do. I wouldn’t really know what to do if I were in her shoes if I’m honest. She is strong and independent though, its one of the things I like the most about her, she’ll get through it. I believe in her. But this is what she asked for. I don’t understand why, but its what she wants and I have to respect that. I just wish she’d send me she messed up or wants to talk about things or something. I know that’s probably not going to happen but it would make things easier. Blerg.
Speaking of which, she did actually text me a few hours ago. But it was about paying leftover rent for our apartment. I kind of expected her to send something asking me about it at some point so I wasn’t really surprised. I felt I had to send something back as it was buisiness related and she was pretty much just asking if it was okay to have me pay for some of it. I replied with a simple “yuh”, not wanting to break the no contact thing. This is okay to do right? I didn’t send anything else.
Problem is now I’m just thinking about it, like I’d much rather she just send me she missed me instead. I’m over analyzing it honestly. God why do I always have to do this. I’ve just kinda been freaking out since then, which sucks because I was doing really well today. I need to find more things to do for myself. One of my friends is coming over friday. I’m going clothes shopping with another friend of mine probably Wednesday. I think I’m going to start learning how to cook some more. I’ve always really liked cooking. I think I’ll pick out a recipe tomorrow and buy the stuff for it when I go get groceries. Maybe I should join a gym. I kinda like working out at home though. I want to try to really make a good impression on her when I end no contact. she might not even want to meet in person though.
I like your suggestion about maybe trying to go out on dates with somebody. I don’t know if that’s going to happen because honestly I don’t meet that many girls. But maybe I should try to. I still want to be with her but I think it would be good to get some more experience and confidence before I break no contact. I’m on like day 16 or 17 now. I need to do more though. I still feel kinda messed up at points. Been a bit better lately however.
It’s not like I can tell her that this guy is wrong for her or that he’s already hurt her either. Not that he intended to hurt her by falling off a balcony or whatever but it still happened and she got really messed up because of it. If I tell her its just going to piss her off or something. She has to realize that he’s wrong for her on her own. Idk how long that will take though or if that will ever happen. Maybe she’s already thinking that I have literally no idea.
I just feel like this other guy is totally wrong for her. He frequently texts a girl who’s in a two year relationship and he knows that. That seems really not okay to me. Especially considering what it did two the two of us. Now they both have feelings for each other. I feel like this guy gets exactly wants while doing things that were really not okay. I really don’t know what to make of that. It just makes me want to cry. I try not to think about it but I’ve been thinking about it for like 2 hours now while trying to fall asleep.
I suppose they aren’t dating right now as far as I know, but they could still be talking a lot. God she went over to his place the night after I moved out. That means he knew we were broken up and either my ex told him about it or dropped massive hints that she was lonely or something. I should have asked her how he knew that he could invite her over but I didn’t think about it until a few days ago.
Now he’s recovering from the hospital visit and everyone probably feels sympathy for him. What if this pulled her closer to him now that she like saved his life or saw him nearly die? Ughh, I never wanted any of this to happen. I never wanted to be broken up. Why did she do this to me? What if she’s just waiting a respectful amount of time before they start dating? Its not like they could start dating now really since he’s still recovering from his injuries. God I want to be with her. I really miss her. I hope she sends me something.
Yeah idk how I’d deal with that whole new girl situation if I were in your shoes. Its not really fair to her to get romantically involved while you still want to be with this other girl. But maybe it would help you move on, if that is something you wanted to do but idk where you are at with that. So idk what really to say to you about that. I’d say maybe take things slow with her. Especially considering your ex’s relationship doesn’t seem to be going to well lately. Who knows, it might end soon. At the same time you also shouldn’t really put your life on hold for her. Idk up to you.
As far as the selfie thing goes its pretty easy to pretend to look happy in a picture. I mean maybe she was happy at that moment. But based on what your friend said, their relationship doesn’t seem to be going well and is also more than likely just a rebound relationship. My guess is it will end soon. I mean its only been what a month and they are already having problems? Probably won’t last too much longer than. Honestly I’d say see if she sends you anything back on her birthday but maybe continue no contact for a few more days at least. I think your best course of action is to let this play out. The way I look at it is 30 days of no talking for the potential to be with her the rest of your life. Now it might not work out like that but that helps me a lot lately. Day 14 now ughh. Never thought I’d make it this far. Honestly, kinda scared that I have.
I really wish my ex would send me something like she messed up or she made a mistake. It would make this much easier. I’m just worried she’s going to have moved on and forgotten about me even though we were so close for so long. I hope we can be that close again someday. I just wish I could talk to her and see how she was doing.
Hey Carey,
Glad your date went well. That’s really good news. Glad you had a lot of fun. Glad she’s cool with just having someone to go out and have fun with. I kinda wish I had somebody like that right now. Might make things easier.
Oh your ex is a cross country person? That’s cool, I was actually captain of my high school cross country team, feels like that was forever ago now. Yeah, I would imagine her drinking and smoking a lot would greatly effect her performance. Not that I’d want this to happen to her, but she might not be on the team for much longer if things continue to go south. I mean she is new in college so it will take some time to adjust. Honestly, based on the fact that this person is saying the relationship is not going well, I’d just let it run its course for a little bit longer. My guess is it will self destruct pretty soon. I’d say just be patient for a bit and extend no contact for a while. Maybe she’ll even reach out to you when things go south between the two of them.
I know all about the whole being a bad influence thing, I know my ex started smoking and drinking quite a bit with this new guy…at least until this whole hospital thing happened. Now apparently this guy can’t drink for a while or he’ll seize up which is crazy. I really don’t know what to make of all that. I’d say in your situation Carey, just be patient and let this play out. Let her make her mistakes, its something I need to do too. I hate the fact that I have to let her make her mistakes, as she might get hurt from it. But I think its a way to make her realize that I am a good person for her. I’m not sure she’ll realize it though. I hope your ex realizes this too Carey.
For right now I’d say keep hanging out with your new lady and working out. I’ve been buying a bunch of new clothes lately. My ex always told me I needed new ones and I really just didn’t like shopping and trying on things. But after going a few times lately, I really kind of enjoy it. I wish I could be shopping for things with her, because she always was a good judge of things I looked good with. I’m hoping they’ll help me look and feel a little more appealing if we ever see each other again. I know dressing well is not something I’ve ever really done or cared about but its something my ex always appreciates with guys. Funny thing was, there were two times at the mall today where I talked to girls and got off on really nice conversations with them. I think one of them even thought I was cute. They were both separate check out girls so they could have just been nice but it was a nice confidence boost honestly.
What did this friend of hers post or whatever? Hope all is well.
Hi Carey,
Sorry its been a few days. Been pretty busy lately which I guess is a good thing? Had kind of a boring lonely saturday to myself. Should have tried to do some more stuff with some friends or something. It’s really hard not to think about what she’s doing right now, as it is Saturday night before halloween. Maybe she’s at a costume party or something. I hope she’s doing okay. Trying not to think about that tho. On day 13 now. I’ve been missing her a lot but haven’t been thinking about her as much. Just been trying to make it through each day. Worked out the last 4 days now which has really helped :).
I just feel like she could be talking to this guy all the time while he’s recovering and building a relationship with him while not even thinking about me. Maybe one could argue its a rebound or maybe she actually wants to try to take things slow with him to try to make it “not a rebound”. idk, just something I’ve been thinking about. How can she miss me while she could be talking to him constantly? just using him to fill the hole that I left is what it feels like.
How did it go talking to your exs friend? How did your date go? Have you told this new girl that you recently got out of a relationship?
Hope all is well my friend.
It really does feel like this whole thing is more on her end than mine. But that honestly kinda sucks because I don’t feel like I did too much more than that wrong. I don’t understand why she’s doing all this.
I’m at the point still where I don’t think I could see anyone else right now. I’ve always kinda had confidence issues, probably why we are here right now in the first place. But I’m not rwally good at talking to people, girls especially. I don’t really meet too many of them either. I think it might be a good idea to try to go on a date or two before I try to get back with her but I have no real desire to do so.
I hope your date with her goes well. Try to have some fun. It will be good to get some practice. I’d like to try to get some practice but I’m generally pretty terrible at this whole single thing. I guess I’m also pretty terrible at the whole being in a relationship thing too. At least that’s what it feels like when she leaves me for reasons I don’t understand.
Heh, I can relate to the “stubborn as hell” thing, my ex is the same way. I feel like even if she wanted to get back with me she’d be too stubborn to do so. But idk I’m still hopeful. Thankfully I’m pretty stubborn too :).
Yeah like you said her going to college brought paranoia and jealousy to you. Same thing for me when she kept texting this guy. Problem is I have no clue if I was right or not. I let it get the better of me for a few minutes and now we are broken up. Maybe it’s not the full reason but it definitely feels like it is. Suppose I can’t really dwell on it now. Just have to self improve. It’s hard to do though.
I hope I can improve myself enough for her. I’m not sure I am so far.im only on day 9 but I feel like I haven’t moved too much. Idk why I just feel stuck and sad. But I have to move if I want to be with her. God I hope this works. Thanks for the words. Let me know how it goes. You gotta be on day 25 or so right?
Hi Carey,
I guess it doesn’t feel like she’s a different person to me. It feels like she is confused and lost tho. I think she definitely has a different opinion of me, but she doesn’t seem too different on her end. One weird thing tho is that her last boyfriend, before me, she dated for a year. They used to drink and smoke weed together a lot. The guy was also a prick and abusive to her. So I think she understandably ended it with him. This new guy, also smokes weed and drinks a lot. It feels like maybe she’s trying to go back to that point or something? I’m pretty straight edge, what I mean by that is i don’t really drink or do drugs. I hate the term straight edge, makes me feel douchey or something but anyways. I think she missed a lot of that drinking and smoking when she was with me and is maybe trying to go back to that? It’s not like I prevented her from doing those things when we were dating but I think she definitely did those things less. I think maybe she’s just using it as a way to distract herself from her problems.
Maybe the same thing is happening on your end Carey. I also just think since she’s new in college lots of new things are exciting to her. I would say that in your situation she’s just trying to fill the gap you left in her. I don’t think that relationship will last very long if she is in one. The scary thing is that you don’t want to see her get hurt from all this partying or this other guy. Maybe when 30 days is up jsut ask her to be careful or something I don’t know. I imagine it’s got to worry you a bit.
In my situation now my ex has already maybe been hurt by this guy. I just dont know if she’s realized it. The last thing i said to her before I moved out was something like ” be careful with him, I don’t think this guy is good news, especially when he thinks it’s okay to text somebody who’s in a two year relationship as frequently as he did”. Then guess what he does a week later? He falls 3 stories and nearly dies. Thankfully he’s going to be fine from what I can tell but I feel it just proves my point that shes making a mistake by doing this. I just hope she realizes that and wants to be back with somebody who’s good for her and can make her happy. But it’s not like I can tell her that, it’s something she has to figure out on her own. And I’m not sure she will. I’m just scared for some reason it’s going to pull her closer to him because they could be talking while his in the hospital/recovering. Then they are going to start dating and I am screwed.
This is really what worries me, and probably worries you in your situation. How long before she gets hurt from this whole whatever she is doing? Because I really don’t want that to happen. I’m sure you don’t either. That being said, maybe it’s best to leave her be and let her make her mistakes so she can realize that you are actually good for her and won’t hurt her like that. It’s one of the harder things for me to get through and understand. Like what if she had fallen 3 stories instead of him. I don’t know what I would have done. None of it would have been good though. I know I just need to leave her be but it’s hard when I still really care about her. And I worry she’s going to get hurt even more. I don’t want to see that happen. God I hope she can figure some stuff out or something.
I think I’ll start lifting when I get home from work today. I did p90x for 78 days before we started dating. I think it’s a good idea. Thanks for the suggestions. I really appreciate them.
Hi Carey,
Thanks so much for your words. I’d just like to say first I’m sorry you are in a similar situation. I’m glad to hear you say it gets better. I’m on day 8 right now and this has been the worst one yet for some reason. I’m not sure why but it feels like I’m just going crazy today. It seems to me like maybe she was just looking for an excuse to leave. But then I don’t know why she wouldn’t immediately start dating this other guy. I know its maybe because she didn’t want to hurt me, but she’s already hurt me so much by doing this whole thing. Like, if she was in a relationship, I could at least be happy for her, because then she would be happy somewhere else. But she just seemed to be a mess for a long time. And that was really hard to deal with. I just feel like in my head, she’s not the type of person to do any of this stuff. I don’t believe she would do anything like this. Especially to me, we were very connected for so long, I don’t understand what went wrong. I feel like this is all on her end to figure out. And that’s really frustrating to me. Guess that’s why I’m trying to cope by talking to others :). I feel like she could just be spending all her time talking to the guy while he’s in the hospital or recovering or whatever and slowly gaining more feelings and connections to him, while I just sit here and do nothing. I don’t feel like she’s going to miss me at all while she’s building up for a new relationship or maybe even just trying to be single for a while and figure some stuff out. Idk, I just wish I could get inside her head and see what she was thinking or try to help her through things. I helped her out a lot the last two years. I really really hope I can continue to do that sometime. Hopefully, sooner rather than later 🙂
Just wanted to say that I didn’t break things off with her. She broke things off with me. I probably should have been more explicit in my post. I never wanted any of this to happen, the breakup, this hospital thing, everything. But she asked to be alone for a while and to figure things out. Its honestly just really hard to think that the “best” course of action is to do nothing. I suppose the only thing I can do is work on myself. I’ve been running a lot lately. Never been very good at lifting. Maybe I should get back into it again. Honestly, most of my close friends aren’t even in the same state as me. I talk to them online a lot which is helpful but its hard to find things to do with a few of them. I have to find more things to do outside of work. Any suggestions?
I’m glad you say things get easier. I really hope they do. I hope she misses me sometime and says she wants me back. It’s all I really want. But I don’t think theres anything I can do on my end to fix this. Other than fix myself.
Thank you for your words Carey. I wish you all the best. My advice is enjoy college as much as you can. We both enjoyed our last 2 years of college together. Sure, we both had some rough times getting through some classes and homework and tests. But man, outside of class and work. Those nights we spent together were some of the best I’ve ever had. Sometimes when it was just with her, sometimes when it was with her and some of our friends. I guess what I’m trying to say is, try to meet some people at school. Some closest people I got to in college were 10-15 people I met my freshman year when we were all living in this crappy dorm together, it was a horrible place to live but it brought us together. Try to meet some people and enjoy your time. Because, trust me when you get out of college, most people miss it. I never thought I would given how hard some classes were and how miserable I was at times in college. But man, looking back I really miss it myself. Get out and enjoy it my man. Thanks for the wise words. Let me know how things go okay? I’m here if you ever want to talk. I wish you all the best, I hope she contacts you or things go well between the two of you 🙂
