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On October 21st we had a huge fight and my boyfriend says he can’t do it anymore. After lots of begging and pleading (I know bad bad) I said give me another Chance. He said ok. Well then two weeks went by I tired to keep the normal routine and he was cold. Finally he said he felt bad I was buying him dinner. I said why? He said his mind hasn’t changed. So as of November 6th I stopped reaching out. Almost daily he would try and text me something. He finally got all his stuff out of my garage last week. And the cell phone in his name. Yesterday he brought the rest of my stuff over and was so angry. He wouldn’t even look at me? Why is he angry when he dumped me? So confused. Today he had to meet up with me to get his key. He tried to not look at me but glanced at my eyes. He looks super sad and depressed. Technicall ever been broken up for a month now? Will no contact still work or is it to late? I feel he still cares about me and wants this. I have not been needy or said much this past month. When do I stop no contact? Or do I basically start the 30 days now? I don’t wanna lose him. But his hot and cold and angriness is confusing.
I’m sure his hot and cold reaction to you is a sign that he may be conflicted with how he feels about you. So if you go into NC and give him the chance to miss you (this is a long period of course) then I’m sure the probability of him messaging you out of nowhere will go up. Until then just work on yourself in NC and live your life.
It’s been 6 days since we last talked. I still love this man so much. It’s killing me. I’m staying strong with the no contact. He handy deleted me from fb yet. That’s confusing. He’s also kept my comments on his profile pic and it still says he’s in a relationship (I know I’m working on not checking his fb. I’m getting better). If he was done why wouldn’t he change those things? Just don’t understand how 4 years can be thrown out like garbage. I worry he’s gonna move on. If he was in a relationship with soemoen else I could never go back with him. This no contact is definitely helping me get over him. It’s still hard but I deserve so much more. I just pray he wakes up and sees what a good thing we had was.
He didn’t break up with you over one fight. Did you have lots of arguments over the 4 years? And were there other things that would have caused a disconnect between you two?
I have heard hot and cold means he is about to take you back. This was true for me, as my ex and I broke up two years ago and got back together and she was hot and cold just before we got back together.
Yes I do think you should do NC. I was pleased with what it did for me. It was really hard for me waiting those 30 days and during that time I had little faith that anything would change, but there has been some progress. I don’t know that I will get her back this time, but as long as I know I tried and stuck with a plan I will know I did what I could.
Probably the best thing about the 30 days is it’s given me perspective on the relationship and I know I can move on if I need to now, and it won’t be that hard.
We had lots of arguments. He cannot communicate well at all. His ex wife is a huge issue in our relationship. Never had boundaries with her. their kids are 22 and 19 years old. they are audults now. it’s like when do you stop letting her control your life? I truly feel this no contact is good. It’s making me become stronger and I’m working on me. I know i can be just fine without him. I’ve done it this long and I feel it’s gonna help him become the kind of man he needs to be. He has never had to do life on his own. Never had his own identity. He’s now finding that I believe. I truly feel like he’s my soul mate. I just pray this time apart helps us grow together agian.
am I being naive to be hopeful? I don’t feel like it’s over. Wouldn’t I feel like it’s over?
Men hate arguments and will break up due to the unhappiness it causes. Think about the role you played in starting or prolonging them and change your behaviors. If you get the chance, you two need to talk about what you are both willing to do to make a possible relationship better than it was before..
What do you mean by his ex wife has no boundaries?? Even though their kids are adults, you have to accept the fact that they are still co-parenting. Example maybe getting together for the kids birthdays or making suggestions as to their life choices etc.. Another thing is that if she hasn’t remarried and doesn’t have a man around to help with home repairs, she might ask him to help and he would naturally want to do that as they have a long history together and he probably feels some loyalty to her because of the kids. They don’t want to think their father is being rude or disrespectful to their mother. I don’t know in what way she is intrusive, try to be more understanding and try not to act jealous.
PS: You say he doesn’t communicate well. What does that mean? Also if you both want to try to reunite, please consider couples counseling. You will both learn how to interact more appropriately..
Was the reply “You guys broke up and got back together againn then broke up again?” intended for my thread on here? If so go ahead and reply that to my thread and I will reply to it there.
To answer your question about hope though I don’t think it is wrong to have some hope, just don’t let it eat at you. By the time my ex replied to me I had zero and I had no emotion when I saw her text. Only after she agreed to meet and I saw how she was, did some hope start to come back.
There is always the chance especially if you improve and show how much better of a person you have become. I think what has begun to shake my ex a lot is that I was clearly unhappy with her and now I am happy without her. She did comment during our meeting about how great my life was going now. Hers is not going great.
His ex lives in another state. She’s a narcissist that controls my ex. She has no boundaries. Calls him about our relationship. I’m sorry that’s none of her business. She lives with her boyfriend. She doesn’t include him in anything (her boyfriend). I’m sorry but when your children are adults doing things for her constantly is not healthy and she says jump he does it. There’s a fine line of respect for your children’s mother and their mother manipulating them all. I am not jealous of her I actually feel sad for her she continues to tell people they are still married. It makes no sense. it’s really a twisted sick situation and he has never had boundaries with her. If he says anything she threatens to cut off all the funds for their children And Take their vehicles away. That’s not healthy and therefor I believe that boundaries are healthy and necessary. As he had to Continue to appease her in fear of retaliation. There’s respect then there’s a controlling narcissist. I know men hate fighting as do I. Lack of communication was our biggest downfall. He sadly would never do couples counseling. He’s to prideful. He wasn’t ever “allowed” to have other women or relationships around his kids in fear of what their mother would feel. That’s sad. I was the first woman to be around his kids. And I’m sorry but when they are grown boundaries are healthy. Nothing wrong with celebrating birthdays. But there has to be a point where he sets boundaries in his life. Those are all healthy things. But that’s something he needs to Come to realize himself.
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