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My ex and I had a bad break up…he did it via text message saying we weren’t good for eachother, I was selfish in a relationship, this isn’t working, we are done, don’t respond, delete his number if I have to… etc. PS the break up was after I blew up his phone and we were both angry So then after…This is how it went down. We had threatened break ups immaturely via text before so I didn’t know he was for real. I texted monday no response. Tues he responded to a text I sent that morn saying we are broken up whether I accept it or not. I went off and blew him up saying he must not care if he would do that to me, I trusted him, etc. I was a mess. He first said “ok bye” I kept going and pushing him saying he never cared why should I talk to someone who cares nothing about me etc..
He said “ok. I don’t care and I didn’t care. Stop texting me. It’s stupid. I understand. You’re hurt. So stop texting me”
I kept going bc now he made me more upset and he said “stop texting me it’s annoying”
I kept going and he said “going to ignore your messages now so anything you send won’t reach me adios”Well…I responded saying he was a jerk then etc and I kept going on. I calmed for a bit, called one time, texted more and eventually calmed down just sending a text saying I wanted to talk in person
So the next morn early I sent a few more and that was really gonna be my last…well then 4 hrs later he said “if you continue to text me I will go to the police and open a case against you for stalking. Bye”
I was calmer by this point and did respond but didn’t say anything to make it worse
He responded saying “like I said If I get any more messages or calls I will go to the police. I’m not playing or joking. Don’t ruin your career over obsessing. I will go to the police”I knew deep down he was just furious and actually wouldn’t…but I said “stop texting me and threatening me out of anger I undertand you’re hurt and angry I cannot reason with you I won’t say anything else until you’re cooled off”
He didn’t respond.
The next night like 36 hrs later i apologized for blowing up and saying hurtful things and said I didn’t want legal issues but wanted to apologize and I also was wrong for trying to force an in person convo
Then I went NC.
Will NC work given how this went down w the stalking threat? That’s how it happened ^ he didn’t do it, I’m 99% sure he said that out of anger and never meant it and wouldn’t have had a case but still
@otherone …I hope so. I also have since worked on me and realize my own problems throughout the relationship but as much as I want to run and tell him, I’m staying strong. I know he was just furious and how he acted shows his anger…I’m sure it was because he was hurt and upset and angry too…I’m on day 13 of NC though and haven’t heard a thing. :/ I’m not sure if he will expect me to say nothing due to his stupid threat? ..but also he had said he was gonna ignore my messages..he obviously didn’t -_-
13 days really isnt much in the grand scheme of things. time will make it better.. and yeah thats a good sign, dont think hed really do what he said but dont push that either
Yeah that’s true…and now I see that we needed this if we have any CHANCE of working out..we got in a bad cycle of me blowing up his phone out of anxiety and him ignoring bc it upset him…I know he felt I didn’t trust him and it hurt him..I just had anxiety bc my ex before him cheated :/ Now I see my mistakes. I don’t think he will do it either…I plan to reach out at least after 30 days but I’m upset he has said nothing. I’m hoping NC is actually effective due to his threat? Like, what if he just says “oh she isn’t texting bc of me telling her I’d go to the police.” ..I mean I knew he wouldn’t and also he woudn’t have a case, smh. But I kinda feel like he probably expects me to say *something* but maybe I’m wrong? O.o we shall see.. I just hate this though!!!!
unfortunately, if you love someone you have to get over these things. i had the same problems, i didnt trust when i should have. it ruined us, and thats what it does. have to value your partner as a partner. i was sus and it caused us problems when there werent any and she did the same. have to let go of those things and just love your partner. it is hard, and i think we all grow complacent.
It sounds like you both have a lot of unresolved issues or pent up anger. Even if you two did get back together the outcome would likely be the same irregardless of NC.
All the best though!
@otherone Yeah I realize that now. I’m working through my issues so that *if* we give it another shot (starting like from the beginning, not where we left off!) then we can actually give it a *real* shot. You said it ruined you guys..do you think you guys will end up back together? We also let our anxieties/baggage ruin us. I did start the unhealthy cycle but then he fell into it. But NOW I have stopped. I will no longer blow up his phone…I was overly clingy due to fear :/ It hurt him bc he never gave me a reason to not trust him..I just wasn’t ready. Now I’m confronting my fears and I see now this break up has actually been GOOD for me and maybe us..if I can get him back..that’s another reason why I haven’t broken NC..I know I still need some more growing although I feel like I’ve mad great progress. I control my insecurities much more now.
@atticaboy I agree to some extent..I think we both had a lot of personal work to do. The thing though that gives me hope is that we were SUCH GOOD FRIENDS for 1.5 years before dating…That’s how he fell in love with me…I wouldn’t date him for all that time and didn’t even admit my feelings…I was scared due to having been cheated on in the past :/ And we also never fought in person…only conflict was via txt -_-Any more advice?
I’m scared he will think we just will never work but due to our long friendship and having worked stuff out well then, I know we can…I just want him to know I’m making the changes I needed to in myself to allow us to be :/ :/
And like I said @atticaboy , I’m using this NC to also work on me. I’m hoping that could help us work if I work through my stuff…I just want him to still have hope. Day 13 of NC and still nothing :/
you asked if i think my ex and i will get back together. shortest answer is; i dont know.
long answer is, i hope so. she is the one id be happy to spend the rest of my life with, with the problems that may come with it. if what we had is as rare as i think it is, then i believe we will get back together. i dont THINK she could have what we had with someone else, and i know thats not the idea of love. you love different things about different people. but because of the kind of person she is, what she wants, how smart she is, the kind of people she attracts, i dont think she’ll find someone that treated her with the respect that all women obviously deserve. and its not just that, im aware of the games she plays and i do a decent job of not letting her manipulate me, which again, i know is something she respects. i am my own person and i am strong. i dont need anyone, and i know she likes that too. i know this isnt exactly about your situation but i hope in some way it helps.
guess it all comes down to what you guys had together. my ex told me the reason we were still together despite the fighting was because she knows she wont find someone as well rounded as me. sweet and kind yet firm and assertive. dont let people take advantage of me and i accept im no better than anyone else. i admit my mistakes and dont care about being right. my ego does not blind me. i used to be a cocky bastard but ive grown up a lot because i came to certain realisations because of past experiences.
@otherone awe that’s so sweet! I hope you can get back together 🙂 I am seeing now though that sometimes space can be beneficial…I just hope my ex doesn’t give up on me and move on. He waited for me so long because he fell in love with me for ME… He was my good friend and saw all sides of me..the good and the bad. I feel like I was just so scared in a relationship then I would make assumptions, accuse, make him anxious, empty threats about breaking up..etc. I was pretty horrible at first. Then the ignoring/ blowing up texts started. We were FINALLY moving past that and making progress though..we both were. Then one more fight and he ended it. I truly think we can work if I work on me..he helped me realize that he is worth letting go of my insecurities for and really looking deep within myself. I want him to know that..but right now he has said NOTHING and I’m on NC day 13. I’m not sure why he stayed with me so long. When we first started dating he said he knew it would be hard but wanted to fight through frustration to have a functional relationship with me because well, I was the girl he wanted to marry :/ I feel like I ruined all of that with my insecurities…he then wouldn’t really communicate when upset, he would just shut down. He likes to let things go more…but apparently that didn’t work.
My plan right now is to keep working on me. His 25th bday is day 22 of NC but I probably won’t contact. I’m gonna try to go the whole 30 days…then I will reach out and see if he responds at all..he may still be hurt, not sure. I want him desperately to see that I’m growing up..just scared I’ve lost my chance.
He said before I upset him more than anyone else…hence how angry he was in the break up… I have some type of emotional power..I don’t manipulate it..but he would even get upset if I couldn’t see him during his work break (but then I barely saw him evenings bc so busy but that annoyed me >.<) I think we could make it work after some space and growth though..I’m just so worried he is too mad and he will just move on thinking we aren’t good for each other and never can work (despite our long friendship) :/
Any advice from anyone else? Super anxious today…it’s day 14 of NC for me and still nothing :/ X.X I’m scared he won’t think we can correct the behaviors..but we can..I’m at least correcting my anxiety blowing up/text gnat part :/
I feel you @zuzu1000 I’m in the same boat with you today day 11 NC ,I would kill to have a missed call from my ex at least just to know he is thinking of me,how can I tell he is missing me ,may be I won’t get him back.
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