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Hi there,
A lil bit about my story,
– Dated older girl (she’s in early 30s, I’m mid/ late 20s) for 2 months,
– From the beginning, she already mentioned she wasn’t looking to date, was confused, jaded and still hurt from her past. Wants to find herself.
– She tries to end things literally every week and I’d convince her to stay. Eventually she told me she really likes me and sorry for being confused.
– Got ass dumped on x’mas eve, she said she didn’t want it as much as I did and was open to staying friends.
– Told her sorry but no to friends sent her well wishes. Caved few days later telling her how important she is to me and we started talking.
– We still have each other on Instagram.
– Following 3 months till March was a cycle of me going 5-7 days NC about 3 times (but i’d still watch her insta stories and she knows it), sending memes, asking about her life, her replying occasionally, never sharing anything personal, never reinitiating conversations and ending them early,
*note I didn’t bombard her, if she ignores a text, I’d reach out 1-2 days laters
– Me getting frustrated and emotional and confronting her about lack of response or willingness to share (she really wasn’t obligated to) did this 2-3x
– Late feb, went full 7 days NC without watching her instastories but I told her i’ll give her space before doing it,
– Reached out again only to have her not bother reading my texts anymore,
– Went 7 days NC again (I was determined to go for 1 month but I felt like I wanted to give one final shot before going on a permanent instead as I really needed to fully move on with my life).
– texted her to go for coffee, she didn’t read.
– On my permanent NC now. 7 Days in, longest ever and determined to stick with it.
I’m currently emotionally stable. Progressive by nature in the sense that yes I’m still bummed out etc.. but I continued working on myself gym, work but I can think better now.
Through out our dating phase, I made my mistakes and I acknowledge them. Was overly affectionate, my behaviour pressured her to commit which I believe led to this. Started to lose confidence after something major happened in my life which led to us breaking things off. Got even more insecure and clingy after I got my ass dumped and tried chasing her back.
So here’s the funny thing that happened recently.
Few days ago while I’m on my current permanent NC, my ex jumped back into her social media account and I know this cos she uploaded a story which pops up as a notification (which I didn’t watch though).
I happened to have some interesting stuff going on so I uploaded something as well and her friend who doesn’t normally watch my stuff actually watched it (spy I believe).
Next day, she blocked me from watching her story (there’s a glitch that allows me to know that). Day after, she disappeared from social media again.
So on to my question: I’d really like to know what’s going on in my ex’s mind.
In my opinion,
I think she’s in a way trying to get my attention (as everytime she unblocks me from her stories, I’d reach out) then got angry that I didn’t bite this time.
I also feel she’s trying to punish me in a way for going radio silent back on her?
Or she could be confused, still cares, wanted me to reach out cos she’s too shy or afraid to then got angry that I didn’t…
These were the thoughts that went through my mind these past few days and I’d like help in understanding them as I may be biased as I really can’t see her as a bad person. Never blamed nor resented her for anything. I know, giving me the silent treatment is rude and stuff but I also understand it’s my actions that led to it in a way BUT as realistic as I try to be, I also know that I can be overly optimistic which is why I’d like an honest 3rd party perspective to see it for what it is and I can match it to my own thoughts to readjust my thinking.
So for personal development reasons, please help haha..
Thank you!
P/S: Given a shot, I still really want her back but I accept that it may not be what she wants and I can only wait for her to reach out (if you have other advice please let me know on what to do). Doing NC for myself and preparing to move on. I’m asking this mainly for personal growth.
You keep starting new posts which makes it difficult for others to see the whole story. Nobody can read her mind and only she knows what her private thoughts are, unless she tells you.
You only dated her for 2 months, but you’re totally obsessed! Anyone who has to talk (beg) someone to be a girlfriend or stay in a relationship is pretty pathetic. You continue to chase after her and she’s not interested, but she continues to play games with you. This is all so childish for people of your ages (early 30’s and late 20’s).
You have a choice; either continue to hope someday she will ask you to reconcile or move on with your life and perhaps find a woman who is interested in having a normal relationship!
Wish I had a magic wand to make things better. Wish someone else could give you advice on the perfect words to say or things to do which would resolve your situation.
Hi Patricia,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes I definitely do like her a lot.
I’m more stable now in that I’m in more control of my actions. I can’t control my thoughts of missing her but I know I won’t break NC anymore… I accept that I’ve done everything I can.
Can you share tips on how to let go? I’m doing more stuff now to fill up my time, even start to feel like I’m okay with the idea of dating other girls but there’s this voice in my head that’s holding on.
Thank you
“I can’t control my thoughts of missing her.” You’ve developed a habit of missing her, even though you only dated 2 months and you liked her. But can break the habit by: every time you start to think of her, immediately distract your thoughts! Watch TV, read a book, work on any hobbies you have, talk with family, go on errands, do some household chores etc.. anything to stop the thoughts. After a while, you will break the habit of obsessing over her. Try to accept the fact that she has very low interest in you and that you deserve better!
Good luck:)
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