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I met up with my ex today to create false friendship. It went amazingly well after being at deaths door. I do feel that there is a curtain amount of indifference but I caught glimmers of drift. I followed RR and dropped a few bliss bombs and as it’s been 3 months since we last saw each other I have had enough time to change into the man I’m meant to be, massive physical change as well as mentally and spiritually. She commented on all these things and is happy to vs tart a friendship. She actually just sent me a request to follow on Instagram. I really do want to do the right thing and as I broke her trust in a major way I have a lot of ground to make up. I’m really not sure what to do now ? Do I send a txt saying how great it was to catch up and start a friendship ? Do I wait till she contacts me ? I’m really not sure ??? I have gone back to RR steps book but I’m probably just not seeing the right bit.. So any help would be great I really need it. Phil
Glad you could pull it off. Have patience, and if its worked so far, follow step 3. It might be a series of “perfect dates” to solidify the friendship…she’ll be testing you.
Thanks lostinnea, Im sure she will be testing me and watching like a hawk to see if my words match my actions. I will refere to step 3 and solidify the friendship. it doesn’t mention how long I should wait to txt or contact though ?
I think it says about every couple of days, until she starts to pursue you more. The way i read step 3, there is no magic number for anything, except that you have to be careful of the friend zone. To me, the key it talks about is re-sparking that attraction, where it leads to intimacy/sex. It also talks about a certain timing where you have to put your foot down on the “friend zone”, but be careful.
(since you’ve been in a similar situation, can you read mine?)
I am kinda in the same situation as you and i reached out to my ex through texts and calls every 2-4 days and after 2 weeks and me contacting him 5 times in that timeframe or so he finally began to contact me also – not a lot but a little bit which is better than nothing. If you are trying to win her back then I would contact her if i were you and not wait for her to make contact 🙂
I would also like to add since you are the one who broke the trust in the relationship that it is important to try to gain that trust back with her. Don’t push anything on her, as you know once you have lost someone’s trust, their walls are completely up. Day by day make it a known factor that trust is what you are focusing on giving her. Once the trust comes back, the door will be open. Good luck! I really hope you get her back!
Thank you all for your advice and replys, I have taken it slow and waited till the next day just to say thank you and that It was great to catch up also that we can be friends. I have also used Facebook and Instagram to subtly show that my life has changed and I’m living the life I aspired to while in the relationship. I waited three days to txt her and used a link to a goal life plan her gsi and sparked up a small txt conversation leading from that. I stayed true to not responding right away and keeping it light and funny. Although I can still feel her walls are up I’m sure that if I keep this up there will be a break through. Fact in point this morning as I’m in Australia I posted something relating to both our love of astronomy and she liked it. I know this sounds meaningless but it is positive. I’m waiting till tomorrow to txt again and I already have planned my approach plus I want to get her more ingaged then switch to phone call. I have planned our next met up for Friday week and it relates to both her and mine goals in life, I hope she wants to go.. This is so hard to stay cool and not blurt out I love you ! I miss you !! But it seems to be working. I also sent a apology letter to her best friends owing up to the lies I told and trust I broke. It came from the heart and if nothing else I can walk with my head held high that I’ve done the right things to clear up the damage my lies created.Funny thing is I really have changed and have such a different
outlook on life now. There is only one thing missing and that is my ex. I will take a look at your threads 🙂 thank you all for your support !! It means a lot !Well, I don’t know what the lies you told were, but some things can’t be undone. She may forgive you, but that will always be in the back of her mind, even if you do reconcile. Been there, done that, on both ends. You might have the HARDEST time proving yourself, and you might find yourself having to prove ourself repeatedly. Owning up to her friend, IMHO, was needed for YOU so you can hold your head up (forgiving yourself)… but also shows some maturity.
I’d say keep going, you’re doing good (better than me) because at least she’s talking TO you. You’re in a place of confidence where you can hold back the “I miss you and I love you”. Is there another boyfriend involved (or for you, another girlfriend)? In my situation, she immediately jumped in with another guy, but I’ve “heard” different things, and she no longer posts (public, where I can see them) about him, and her FB status still says in a relationship. If there is in your case, you still hafta play it cool (like RR says), and a little jealousy/competition for her makes you more valuable.
No she has not gotten together with anyone yet. IM sure that trust can be won back over time, the lies were about not telling her what was going on in my life as I lost my job and felt totally ashamed. She felt the love and is still in love with me. This is something that I’m certain we can both work through. I just have to keep being honest and open. I have a women friend who is commenting on my FB posts and Instagram but done in a way that is not damaging to my ex but could very well show her that I’m moving on and in contact with others. Tricky one the jelousy game. A fine line… I’m totally prepared for her to be with someone else if she is hiding it, but she is very honest and I’m sure she would have said so. Plus it’s none of my business. I care about being her friend for now, rebuilding trust, giving subtle bliss moments and creating a sense of loss. I know that she thinks of me, stalks me and is still in love with me. I will not give this up on her and really if it comes down to it I have gotten back a friend who I care and love very much. But really I want us to be together forever. This is not a joke for me and I take this very seriously. Yes she may never trust me again but if I don’t try it will way heavy on my soul for the rest of my days. So I stay positive and don’t allow doubt to enter into it 🙂
I totally understand..and if you’re TRULY sincere about being the friend, it’ll come across, which is why I’m just now ALMOST getting comfortable in my situation (still hurt over a few things, but I’m past being furious/explosive mad..which women can see through)
The “lies” as you explain them, I wouldn’t think are killers, but she’ll always double question you, at least for a while. You teach people how you treat them, and vice versa… I feel you about being serious though. As much as I wanna shake her and tell her she screwed up, I can’t. No matter how unhappy she might be with the new Boyfriend, I can’t say anything. I’m in it for the long haul like you…and hoping I can get to the place where if all we could be were just friends, I’d be ok with that.
I’d say if you have her talking, and meeting face to face, you’re on your way.
is there anyone here that is mediating or gone through RR personally and gotten there partner back ? How about Kevin Thompson who sent emails for three days and stopped, is he on here ?. Is it the blind leading the blind ?
He’s started the emails again, if that makes any difference. But i have a few friends that are VERY successful w dating people (some would call them players) that have given almost the same advice….and they do it naturally
it really depends on the situation, as this is kind of a ‘one size fits all’ plan. its down to you to know what your ex needs.
please could i get some advice on my situation?
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