What is going on here? What do I do, please?

[Clara]

Hi there,
It all started 4 years ago when I told him that I love him . I waited anxiously for his reply in hopes that he will take it from there. He replied that he is not ready for a relationship , but does not want to lose my friendship . I tried to accept to be just friends but I found myself calling, texting and obsessing over him while he withdrew with one word answers, replying the next day or nothing at all. Most times I would try to get his attention by sending long messages to which he would reply after some days. One of those times, he said:”oh Clara not again”. I can’t stand it not being able to maintain a good friendship with him; let alone a relationship. This has been going on for four good years. He would not check up on me as often as I would like him to.. Not even as a friend. I got tired of checking on him so frequently and only do so sometimes. Recently,in September , I tried sending him messages everyday for a week. I was kind of emotional;reminding him that i still wanted to be close to him after all this while . He did not reply the whole week. So., I got fed up and told him that he should forgive me if I have done anything wrong, and that he should forget that we are friends.i had started a no contact period till I see a good change. Still no reply. Two days later he comments on my profile pic on whatsapp and this time around, I did not answer him cos I didn’t want to start that cycle of answering and not answering.i think he thinks I’d always be available for him, since I never moved on. He messaged me on my birthday, and I said thank you, I thanked him again the next day for being a part of my wonderful day( it was indeed wonderful?). Two weeks later he asked me how I am doing, and I haven’t responded since- it’s been three weeks now.
I love him, and I want to be with him. Ever since I revealed my true feelings by telling him that I love him, our friendship has never been the same. He likes me, but only as a friend.. All previous attraction towards me I’m afraid is gone. I still do not know if he loves me too or he,s confused or he doesn’t want me but someone else or what. He always claims to be busy,which may be true, but don’t you think two minutes of his day would not take much of his time? Please tell me what is going on here. I really love him.

[sfantaadriana]

1. Look deep inside in your heart. He has been atracted to you in the past?
Like real attraction not that fullish thing somethimes friends do, even get to bed togheter.
If not, he may never see you as a girlfiend
If yes, than he scared himself really badly that you may throw himself on him.
He had any kinds of serious relationships during the 4th year? Maybe he s not the relationship type and dont want to loose that support in you.
How closed where you? Really really close or just friends .
Did he implicated you in any decision making,or you’re just friendly with each other.

You have to respond to theese questions sincerely, even if it hurts.
He might want you only for friendship, on the other hand he might have friendzoned you in a worst possible time( before anythimg happen between you and him)

Keep Going with nc- it will make him think about you- wantimg to see your face agsin

The obsessing is very unapealing and unhealthy. After nc i suggest you not to tell him you did nc, just gotsome troubles on your own and got to disappear.

Make sure you get attention from men and that he sees that. It will burn a little jealousy inside him.
Make sure you improve your behaviour ( be more like a lady if with him you ve been like a bar mate, or viceversa)
Make sure you look stunning. Clothing, hair make up get lenses if you have glasses- everything must be stunning and pretty much new. I know it s an investment but it is your only shot.

And never disclose if you have a boyfriend- avoid the discussion. So he might get a sense of losing you

[Author]

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