What are your thoughts

[patricia12]

@kathleen Yes, it’s best to leave it up to him whether he confirms the meetup or not. He was at a pub on that Saturday and mentioned taking you for food and drinks. Be careful as he might have a drinking problem, but I hope not.

Please keep us posted as to what happens next.. Take care of yourself:)

[kathleen]

Ok I’ll see if he reaches out meeting up. Like said I can’t remember if it was this Friday or next that his meeting is in my home town I deleted the text message.

But I’ll leave that up to him. I haven’t text him or chased him. I’m not that type of person anyways. So hopefully I don’t come across clingy or anything I would hate to think I came across like that.

If I hear from him I’ll let you know what he says.

And yes you’re right he could well still have a drinking problem as 3 months isn’t a long time to get your act together. Also I think he might have commitment issues right now aswell his not said but kind of sense it.

Thank you for writing back to me I appreciate it. Sometimes you feel alone and don’t want to bug friends.

X

[patricia12]

@kathleen You’re welcome:) Wishing you the best no matter what happens..

[patricia12]

@kathleen How far apart are you from him?

[kathleen]

Thank you. Much appreciated.
I’m still in no contact mode I have other stuff to focus on but have to admit I sometimes look to see if I have a text and nothing. But guess will have to wait and see.

We’re 45 mins apart so not the other end of the world. But I guess not exactly local as if bad traffic I guess could take 50/60 min drive & with his new job that takes up sooo much of his time up and must be stressful.

[kathleen]

Thought give you a little update.
Iv been no contact with him as you know since Saturday.
However last night he was texting me & he called me too. First time we’ve spoken on the phone in a while which was surprising actually as thought hed never phone me.
Anyways I kept my distance on the phone and over text.

He was saying sorry babe I haven’t text things at work have been really stressful I haven’t spoken to many people this week I swore I text you but clearly I was wrong. I said to him what’s happening with your job then what’s going on as seem always stressed lately. He said we’ll have to be honest the meeting near yours is actually another job offer. I don’t really enjoy what I’m doing as it’s taking too much time and stress out of me. I said to him you need to do what’s right for you. He said I don’t sleep much and I keep getting ill I said you need to sleep and take vitamins. I said have a think what you want in life and do what’s right for you and healthy for you.
He said you seem very quiet are you ok I said I’m just abit I’ll today sorry ( which I am got a flu but I kind of wanted to hear what he wanted to say you know so kept quiet )
He said I’d really like to see you how was your party on Saturday I said it was really good but rubbish venue he said yeah it’s not great round there glad you had fun tho sorry couldn’t make it.
He then said right well I’m at home now so I’ll text you. And he text me and it got abit sexual :-/ he was saying how much he missed having sex with me and how much he wanted to show me his ***** and stuff like that. I was being cheeky and said I bet you do and I miss it too. And I said look tho I’m not going to start sending you snaps and don’t want you to send me snaps right now as I feel rough and think too soon he said no that’s ok I understand.

I noticed today his been trying to add me on IG now I’m really concerned and wary I don’t really want to add him I must admit. I’m worried he just wants to stalk me on there rather then actually talk to me and be decent to me you know. Am I right in not accepting him? Do you think I should mention this to him?
He said the meeting for this new job is next week if it goes to plan and that he wants to see me after so not sure if that happens wait till then and then tell him I’m abit wary? Obviously I’m wary too his going to flake on me.

So yeah I kind of thought I’d update you on that.

P.s sorry you probably thought you got rid of me and I’m probably really annoying you guys. I kind of enjoy writing down my feelings it’s therapeutic.

[patricia12]

@kathleen You’re not annoying and write here all you want. Don’t add him on IG if you think he just wants to check up on you, but don’t tell him you’re wary. Maybe don’t go back to IG until after you meet up next week..

What sort of work does he do? And why does he think it’s stressful?

Just wait to see if he follows through and makes definite plans to meet.

Wishing you the best:)

[kathleen]

Sorry Iv been really poorly can’t seem to get rid of this flu 🙁 so mostly been sleeping.

His still pending on my IG I haven’t accepted him. I don’t think it’s a very good idea to accept him right now and I agree he needs to follow through with meeting up. I also am still in no contact mode as well I’m not the one reaching out to him and he did text me yesterday saying he was sorry he didn’t text me today he broke his charger and had to buy another one. I wrote back saying no worries hope you’re well and having nice weekend I’m sick with the flu so mostly sleeping. Not sure why he reached out and said that randomly perhaps he wanted to see if I would reply as Iv not accepted him on IG who knows.

He works in the city recruitment I believe. Before that he was working on construction sites and it seemed more laid back and he seemed pretty happy but wanted to earn more money.
My dad works in the city and believe me he went through drugs and drink. My dads better now but I believe his job ruined him mentally and I think same is happening with this guy. Some people just can’t hack it. And plus traveling every day on a train is an hour a day. It’s exhausting. I couldn’t do it. Luckily I’m in a laid back job.

Hope you are well.

[patricia12]

@kathleen What does city recruitment mean? You don’t seem sure that’s what he’s doing..

I hope you feel better soon!

[kathleen]

City work is working in London busy city, long train travel too ect. And no I don’t know the ins and out of recruitment office work I’m not in that industry I am also dyslexic his explained it to me but I don’t have a clue.
Isn’t really my cup of tea that life style. Hopefully he figures it out what he wants to do in life. Also working in the city has high risks of suicide I think it happens daily now. My dads been there too and it was horrible seeing my dad go through that.
Perhaps a new job would do him some good.

[tamsin]

Yes, take things very slowly is the best advice all round. He may have contacted you when he felt low and needed the comfort of knowing you were still there for him to feel better. It’s very difficult to know what’s really going on with him because of the drinking, maybe if he does reach out it would be good for you to have a short phone conversation so you know for sure it’s not the drink talking.

[kathleen]

Thank you tasin for the comment. Much appreciated.
I’m taking it as slow as possible.
I have spoken to him on the phone just the once we haven’t had any further phone conversations. He seemed fine on the phone didn’t seem drunk or anything.

I’m not going to lie I am very concerned about him still.

Since I haven’t commented on here in a while. Basically things were going well over text seemed chatty all fine.
Then he said let’s meet so we planned on meeting. Then the day of he cancelled he said
‘ stuck at work dunno how long I’ll be I’m having really shit day and I’m super stressed out ‘

Of course I was angry but thought now let it lie it was first time he planned since been speaking again so gave him benefit doubt and ‘ said look if it’s a problem don’t worry we can plan to meet another time I hope you sort things out sorry to hear you’ve had rubbish day ‘

I left it a few days and asked how he was feeling and he said I’m having a really stressful time right now I just don’t really know what to do I never have time for myself lately. He seemed pretty annoyed and stressed out. So said look after horse of don’t get I’ll over stress it’s super bad for you! I said I’m here if you need anything ok need a ear to chew on or want to do something fun you know where I am he said thank you.
The next day he said I looked amazing in one my pictures on snap and he said have a lovely day I said thank you.
He said you’re such a lovely girl and have everything going for you. I said thank you for saying that.
That was last Iv heard from him in 5 days.
I decided to give him some space.

Sounds to me he needs to leave that job.
Even my friend jade said to me today money isn’t everything your health is sounds like he needs to do what’s right for himself.

Obviously I don’t want to have my time wasted. And I don’t wanna wait for this guy months and months. If he plans to meet me again and then cancels I know something more is up. Perhaps I’m the re bound girl or something? I really don’t know. But that’s something I don’t want to be and I hate my time being wasted.

I still haven’t accepted him on Instagram as like said above it doesn’t feel right he hasn’t said anything about that. But to me if we’re not meeting then what’s point.

Hope you guys agree with me and hope you think I’m doing the right thing? And also any tips please feel free to share.

Xx

[kathleen]

Hey guys
Just a bit of an update on my situation
I had a chat with my ex as you know he said he was feeling stressed with work I gave him some space and reached out he said he was feeling much better now.
I said to him I’d like to have a chat with you if that’s ok I want to be honest he said ok just say what’s on your mind I said I don’t want to be in a back up plan situation and I don’t want to be the only one putting in effort. He said to me not a back up plan at all I am not even dating and they he also felt confused about things I said if you feel confused you need to talk to me. He said he was confused about my Instagram.
He kept trying to add me on Instagram and he seemed a bit upset why I wouldn’t accept him so I accepted him perhaps he thought I was hiding something I don’t know.
And he said oh my god you look amazing I could look at you all day. I said thank you.
That was 9 days ago when this happened I haven’t heard a word from him since. He keeps watching my stories on Instagram and it’s making me actually feel uncomfortable. Because I’m thinking why am I allowing a ex on my Instagram when he doesn’t reach out to me.

Now I need to mention this. I have had a look on his Instagram stories and my god I have to say he looks really awful. I mean so scruffy, not attractive and looks very skinny and tired. Of course he never looked like that before and I’m wondering what on earth is going on here?

I’m not sure really what to do? Should I reach out see how his doing? Or should I go no contact.

I’m in a confused and worrying mind set right now. X

[patricia12]

@kathleen You could contact him to say he looks tired and ask how he’s feeling.. But do not stalk his Instagram stories.

[kathleen]

I don’t stalk his Instagram stories haha
When people post you view them they come up the top and they then disappear

I’m not really sure what to say in regards to his looks without insulting him?
He does look really rough and I have a major gut feeling something is wrong?
I did reach out to him today though just asked how his doing with everything that’s going on. As it’s been 10 days of radio silence from him which I thought was strange.
He said it’s rubbish and work is really rubbish and his not sure how he will cope.
I responded saying
I’m sorry to hear this and how come you haven’t reached out it would of been nice to have heard from you?
He didn’t respond to me for hours and then he wrote back saying I’m just about to start a quiz on this phone app with my friends it’s going to be really funny.
I didn’t have a clue what kind of reply that was?
So I waited then text him saying enjoy your
Quiz perhaps we can FaceTime or call due to everyone being quarantined at the moment.

Just so weird what’s happening :-/ I want to say something but I don’t want to insult him? There clearly is something wrong?

[Author]

Posts